If you are looking for it, wisdom can come from the most unlikely places. Even really goofy, border-line stupid places.

Sure, to satisfy your craving for wisdom you could consult ancient texts, visit a Tibetan monastery, or even consume large amounts of Chinese food simply to get to the coveted fortune inside those little brown cookies.

You could do those things… but why go to all that trouble when wisdom is literally everywhere?

 A Day of Scripted Lethargy Gone Awry

Recently, I was taking what I call a brain day. That is a day when I literally and intentionally do nothing and let my brain rest.

Between my hectic traveling job, my family, and growing my blog, things can get a bit crazy at times. I’m sure your life is no different.

I chose to spend two hours of my last brain day watching an old favorite – Tommy Boy.

If you haven’t heard of Tommy Boy… well, I am honored to have the opportunity to familiarize you with this American comedy classic.

Highly regarded (even by me, up to that point) as a mindless, goofy “buddy film”, Tommy Boy had some surprises in store for me that day.

Wisdom From The Most Unlikely Places

As I settled back on my couch to enjoy the mindlessness of one of my old favorites, I noticed something odd. The shallow lines I’d heard so many times before were suddenly evoking deeper thoughts.

I’m not sure what caused my new perspective that day, but even the silliest of scenes had me reflecting on deeper life lessons. I was involuntarily learning. From Tommy Boy, no less.

I’m not here to tell you that Tommy Boy should rank among the teachings of Christ, Mohammed or the Dalai Lama. Heck, I’m not even telling you it should rank up there with the teachings of your high school guidance counselor or your weird uncle.

What I am saying (seriously) is that wisdom is all around us every minute of every day. And if we just pay attention, valuable lessons are available to us whenever we need them.

Consulting The Not-So Ancient Books of Slapstickery

To illustrate my point, here are 7 quotes from the comedy Tommy Boy, each one offering a pearl of wisdom, if you make a little effort to peer below the surface.

[Quote #1]
Richard (as he hands Tommy a technical manual):
“It’s called reading. Top to bottom, left to right. A group of words together is a sentence. Take Tylenol for any headaches. Midol for any cramps.”

[Pearl of Wisdom #1]
You’re not helpless, so it’s time to stand tall and do something for yourself. You’re not as weak or fragile as you think. If you believe (or pretend) that you are, you’re doing yourself and the world a disservice. No one is going to babysit you all the way from here to significance. You have the capacity to stand on your own.

[Quote #2]
Tommy:
“You know, a lot of people go to college for 7 years.”

Richard:
“I know. They’re called doctors.”

[Pearl of Wisdom #2]
If you performed unspectacularly at something in the past, don’t try to make it sound better than it was. Some of the best lessons we will ever learn come from our past mistakes. But in order to learn from our mistakes, we have to first admit to them.

Besides the educational benefit of mistakes, there is something therapeutic about looking your most incredible blunders straight in the eye – and then shaking them off. It’s a feeling of power and accomplishment. It’s also a quality that others notice and respect a great deal.

[Quote #3]
Big Tom Callahan:
“I can get a hell of a good look at a T-Bone steak by sticking my head up a bull’s a**, but I’d rather take the butcher’s word for it.”

[Pearl of Wisdom #3]
Sometimes it’s just much, much smarter to ask for help and call in an expert. Some jobs are too complex, others are too time consuming, and yet others are simply too unpleasant to take on yourself. Asking for help doesn’t mean you’re weak. Sometimes it just means you’re smart enough to know when you’re in over your head. No pun intended. Ick!

[Quote #4]
Zalinsky:
“What the American public doesn’t know is what makes them the American public.”

[Pearl of Wisdom #4]
Keep yourself educated and informed. Whole countries and civilizations have been overthrown because individual people allowed themselves to become comfortable and ignorant. That may sound dramatic, but it’s true. Be aware, be a perpetual student, and refuse to be anyone’s sucker.

[Quote #5]
Richard:
“Of course I understand what ‘no’ means, but if I took ‘no’ for an answer, I’d wind up on a street corner selling spicy hot dogs and wearing a funny hat right?”

[Pearl of Wisdom #5]
Fortitude, fortitude, fortitude. The ability to stay on your path when things get rough is one of the best qualities you can develop in yourself. So many people quit way too soon. The sad thing is that they often wind up quitting just when they were about to have a breakthrough.

When you encounter massive resistance, consider that it might very well mean that you’re very close to achieving something great. The hardest part of any race is the push at the end. The most grueling part of childbirth is also at the end. But consider the value of the reward after the pain is over. Press on.

[Quote #6]
Big Tom Callahan:
“Any business that tries to ‘wait it out’ will be just that… out! In auto parts, you’re either growing or you’re dying. There ain’t no third direction.”

[Pearl of Wisdom #6]
The truth is that once you’ve lost the drive to grow and evolve, you’re looking at the beginning of the end.

When you reach a goal you’ve set for yourself, take a moment to enjoy your victory – but whatever you do, don’t stop and get comfortable. Set a new goal that will keep you motivated and moving forward. Keep growing and evolving.

[Quote #7]
Tommy:
“Brothers don’t shake hands. Brothers gotta hug!”

[Pearl of Wisdom #7]
Never miss an opportunity to express appreciation or gratitude. When life gets busy, we tend to deal with problems and obstacles first. We often don’t take the time to acknowledge what is going right. It’s all too easy to think that you’ll say “thank you” or “I appreciate you” tomorrow, when there’s more time. You don’t have an infinite amount of tomorrows coming to you, so do it now. Wear your gratitude on your sleeve.

But Seriously, Folks…

While this post is clearly a light-hearted look at personal development, I’m also making a serious point here. If you really want to improve yourself and your life, you don’t necessarily need a gigantic personal epiphany to get the job done. Wisdom is everywhere.

Open your eyes. Look for learning opportunities in everything that crosses your path. If you’re open to learning, you’ll find teachers literally everywhere you look. Even in the most unlikely places.

What about you? Tell us about the important lessons you’ve learned from unlikely places in the comments section.

Gary Korisko writes at Reboot Authentic about human-based success, market creation, and content marketing. Download Gary’s free eBook, How To Alienate All The Right People — a real-world guide to breaking away from the herd and doing something special.

Image courtesy of Bigstockphoto:Wise Man

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A friend is one that knows you as you are, understands where you have been, accepts what you have become, and still, gently allows you to grow. ― William Shakespeare

If it wasn’t for friends, I would have never survived some of the most difficult moments in my life.

When I was going through one of the most challenging and painful events in my life after a divorce, it was friends old and new that came to the rescue and saved not only the day but my sanity!

Friends were there to give me advice and a perspective on my life. Friends were there for strength and courage. They were also there for laughter and encouragement. I now realize that friendship is tested during life’s tough moments and become strengthened when facing and overcoming adversity.

While I am not seeking more problems in my life merely for the sake of nurturing friendships, I’ve found that we can always deepen and strengthen our relationships with others.

Here are ten ways to encourage stronger relationship with your friends:

1. Be more conscious of your friendships

Sometimes we are so busy with life and family that we forget that we have friends. We need to be aware that the friends in our lives won’t be there forever. Although they may be “just” a neighbor or classmate today, it doesn’t mean they will be tomorrow. Be aware that the people you spend time with as friends is the first step in building stronger relationships.

2. Don’t take friendships for granted

Don’t forget that friendship is a choice, not an obligation. If you don’t value your friendships, they’ll eventually disappear.

In today’s hectic world, we are constantly on the go. If we ignore our friendships, they drift away until one day we wonder what happened to the people who were so important in our lives.

3. See how you can help a friend in trouble.

There’s no better time to be a great friend than in times of hardship and trouble.

You don’t have to solve the problem but you can be a shoulder to lean on, someone to share a meal with or help with an errand.

Often, friends who are experiencing hardship don’t reach out for fear of imposing on others. I was fortunate that many of my friends made the effort to reach out to me and ask how they could help.

4. Find ways to make their lives better

You don’t have to reach out to friends only during times of hardship. Find ways to add value to their lives. If they’re busy with a project and could use some babysitting time, offer to help. If they work long hours, drop off or pick up their children, run errands or surprise them with a home-cooked meal.

Find ways to help your friends and they will be truly grateful but even more appreciative of your thoughtfulness.

5. Spend time with friends

This may seem like a no-brainer but when was the last time you spent some quality time with your friends?

Again, this goes backs to taking friendships for granted in our lives.

Understandably, the demands of work or family consume most our time. Our daily lives may be an endless to-do list but it is always possible to set time aside for friends. Block off time or day of the week for friend time!

6. Communicate with them regularly

In addition to not allocating enough time to spend with friends, lack of communication also affects your friendships.

In a world where technology makes it so easy to communicate, reaching out to a friend nowadays requires only a quick text message, brief email, phone call or visit.

Be proactive in keeping in touch even it’s just to say hello and see how they’re doing.

7. Encourage their dreams.

When friends are lost, confused or seek your advice, listen and help guide them. Many people in life are quick to shoot down someone’s dream or passion, but without goals or dreams our lives become a meaningless existence.

Share your passion to inspire others and see what a difference it makes to your life and theirs. If you’re seeking to strengthen a friendship, try to provide valuable and constructive advice.

Even if you think your friend’s ideas are a little out there, help them navigate the pros and cons of their dream without shooting it down.

8. Make friendship a priority

We spend time on the relationships that matter to us. Never having enough time is not an excuse. When you say you don’t have enough time, what it really means is that you don’t have enough time for friendship.

We are burdened with often too much in our lives but if friendship is important to you, make it a priority. When you make friendship a priority, you empower yourself to say no to other less important things in your life and elevate the value of friends in your life. Always remember that jobs, issues and problems come and go. It’s always friendships that transcend the routine of daily life.

9. Overlook their shortcomings

Friends might upset you or anger you because of their characteristics, mannerisms or behavior. If they are a good long-term friend and you value the relationship, overlook their shortcomings.

Regardless of race, color or creed, people are people. We all have our positive and negative qualities.

As difficult as it may be sometimes to overlook an annoying or unpleasant shortcoming, learn to accept it for the sake of your long-term friendship with the person you value.

10. Limit expectations

Many times when friends anger or upset us, it is usually because of unrealistic expectations.

We expect friends to thank us for kind gestures, to call us on our birthdays or remember our important events. In the real world, however, friends make mistakes and don’t always do what you think they should.

The easiest way to ruin a friendship is to allow this kind of attitude to get out of hand. Stop expecting people to behave the way you expect. In fact, reducing expectations or demands of friends will reduce potential disappointment in them.

Good friends are hard to come by so value the friendships you do have and they will last you a lifetime.

What have you done to maintain your friendships? Please share your thoughts in the comments below.

About the author
Vishnu writes about career, life and spirituality tips for his community of world-changers. For inspiration, sign up to receive weekly posts at vishnusvirtues.com

Click here to Download the FREE first chapter of Start Over: Create the Life YOU Want

Life is full of surprises. Not all of them pleasant.

When you hit an obstacle in life, how do you respond?

Yes, you who are reading these words: How to you respond?

Do you give up? Or do you fight to overcome the obstacle?

Or are you able to draw inspiration from the obstacle life has put in your way? Sounds impossible, doesn’t it.

Imagine this …

Amy Purdy was just 19 years old, gorgeous, a passionate snowboarder, ready to travel the world.

Then, one day, everything changed.

Amy contracted bacterial meningitis, fell into a coma and finally lost both her legs. After she left the hospital, Amy fell into a deep depression. But then something amazing happened that changed her life completely: she found a way to draw inspiration from the catastrophic event.

Her story is one of the most inspiring accounts I’ve ever encountered. If you want an instant lift of spirits and want to know how you too could draw inspiration from life’s obstacles, please watch the video below.

[If you are reading this by email, click on the headline above to watch the video on Goodlife ZEN]

What’s your response to the video? Please share in the comments.

About the author:

Mary Jaksch is the blogger behind Goodlife ZEN. If you haven’t already got it, download the free chapter of her inspiring book, Start Over: Create the Life You Want. Just fill out the form below or in the sidebar to get it right away.

Click here to Download the FREE first chapter of Start Over: Create the Life YOU Want

Do you find yourself frustrated that you’re not further along than you are at the end of the day – or the week – or the month – or even so far in your life?

Have you set amazing goals for yourself that just never came to fruition?

When you fall short of a goal that is important to you, it weighs heavy on you like a big, wet blanket, doesn’t it? You feel like you let yourself down.

It’s important to realize that we’ve all been there at one time or another. You’re not the only one who feels this way and it certainly doesn’t make you a failure.

What if I told you that the problem isn’t necessarily you, your ability, or your performance?

It’s a Matter of Perspective

The real problem could very well be your perspective.

You see, most of us set ourselves up for this feeling of failure by the way we set and pursue goals.

Something about the modern psyche has us all believing that we need to conquer the world and surpass even our most ambitious goals in one fell swoop. And that, frankly, is crazy talk.

As the achievement-driven species that we are, we are notoriously bad at goal perspective. Let me explain.

Let’s say my goal is to lose 70 pounds. While that is a completely attainable and admirable goal – thinking that I could pull it off easily, or without sacrifice, or in a month is…

Anyone?

Right! More crazy talk.

For whatever reason, we tend to focus on our goals with long-term vision but short-term expectations.

So we wind up subconsciously anticipating long-term level results right now. Sounds like a recipe for disaster, doesn’t it? If nothing else, it’s a great way to set yourself up for failure and all the negative emotions that accompany it.

Make It Micro

One way of keeping yourself from falling into that trap is to begin picturing your big, ultimate goal as a backdrop while you operate from a what I call a micro perspective. It makes progress feel more achievable and the ultimate goal look less overwhelming.

A micro perspective (small or close up perspective) means that while you are ultimately striving for something bigger way out there on the horizon, you keep most of your focus on the smaller details that are presently in front of you.

Here are five tips that I have found useful in developing a micro perspective.

1: Banish Impatience
I’m not going to snow you. This is a tough one. Realize that your goals are something significant. And just like anything else in the natural world, significant doesn’t move quickly – even if you’re standing next to it yelling, “NOW, NOW, NOW!” You can’t make a tree or a mountain or even a person come to maturity by being impatient. Your goals are no different. Realize that they need time to become significant.

2: “Chunk” It
One of my heroes, Zig Zigalr, lost 37 pounds in the 1970’s and kept it off for the rest of his life by chunking it. (My words, not his) Zig figured out that by making very modest changes in his lifestyle he could lose all his extra weight by losing 1.5 ounces (or some such tiny number) each day over the course of two years. The point is – if you pay attention to the little things, you can achieve huge feats in little tiny chunks. Look at your goals in terms of tiny little chunks and they become much easier to conquer.  Zig made his weight loss goal sustainable by focusing on that one tiny detail of 1.5 ounces each day.

3: Separate Long And Short Term Goals
Once you set your ambitious, lofty goal – take some time to set smaller, related goals. What if your goal was to run a marathon and you’ve never run before? That’s going to take some time to achieve. So set various smaller goals so you can see the progress along the way. Maybe you could say, “Tomorrow, I’m going to run an extra half mile.” Or maybe, “Within two weeks I will run 2 miles without walking.” Set and re-set new smaller goals as you progress – and appreciate the fact that they are slowly but surely carrying you toward the attainment of your ultimate goal.

4: Celebrate Your Wins.
You need to appreciate the ride between here and there. So when you achieve those smaller goals, make sure you give yourself a pat on the back and celebrate the win. Remember that small wins are still wins. Give yourself some credit and then keep moving forward.

Feel The Momentum
This one is a bonus – meaning it’s a natural byproduct of the other tips. I list it because as it begins to happen, you should be aware of it and appreciate the process. When you take little chunks out of your goal and set smaller attainable goals along the way – something really cool starts to happen. You create momentum. When you see all those little things going right, you can literally feel yourself being pulled in a positive direction. (For more on creating momentum and forming a new perspective on achievement, here is a Free Gift I would like to offer to Goodlife Zen readers with my compliments.)

5: Slow Down And Appreciate Your Progress
Even when you’re not as far along the path as you hoped, the important thing is that you are moving down the path. Take the time to pause and look back from your current perspective and appreciate where you started from. It’s like looking back down a big hill halfway through a long, strenuous hike. While you know you aren’t yet finished, looking back gives you a sense of pride in how far you have come.

Enjoy The Ride

Achieving great things doesn’t have to be stressful. Don’t let the fact that you have big, significant goals hold you back from pursuing your ambitions. Savor the trip and remember…

It’s not all about crossing things off a list. It’s also about enjoying the ride and growing as a person.

So What About You?
Do you sometimes get overwhelmed by long-term goals?
How do you tackle big projects or goals?

Share your views in the comments!

Gary Korisko (@RebootAuthentic) writes about business strategy, content marketing, and integrity selling on his blog Reboot Authentic. He is also giving away FREE Airfare within the Continental USA for one lucky reader to get something amazing done for their business. 

Click here to Download the FREE first chapter of Start Over: Create the Life YOU Want

In the beginner’s mind there are many possibilities, but in the expert’s there are few. – Zen Master Shunryo Suzuki

What would you rather be, a beginner or an expert?

The answer seems clear, doesn’t it? Most people would choose to be an expert, and not a beginner.

In fact, many people hate being a noobie, rookie, greenhorn novice, or tenderfoot – or whatever derogatory words we use for beginners.

However, there’s an advantage to being a beginner. As a beginner we have no expectations, no fixed view of ourselves. We are open and receptive.

This is Beginner’s Mind. It’s a Zen state of mind.

What if we approached everything we did with this mind?

What would life be like?

Let’s take a look at eleven aspects of Beginner’s Mind and see how they can transform your life:

1. Take one step at a time.

We tend to think in sequences. For example, when we go grocery shopping, our mind is on what we need to buy and where to shop. We’re likely to skip over all the little experiences on the way: locking the front door, seeing the neighbour standing at the window, rain splattering on the windscreen, the noise of traffic, and so on.

The same thing happens when we learn something new. We’re always looking towards what we’ll know or be able to do in the future, instead of focusing on the next step right now.

Take one step at a time without worrying about the journey.

2. Fall down seven times, get up eight times.

Yesterday a friend of mine brought her toddler to visit. The little girl, Stephanie, is just learning to walk. She would pull herself up, wobble along a few steps and then plop down on her bottom. She had a determined look on her face and got up again, over and over. When did you last learn something with such determination and such little obvious success?

Celebrate falling down as well as getting up: it’s all part of learning.

3. Use Don’t Know mind.

In martial arts, a don’t know mind is the wisdom of the warrior. Because we can easily get it wrong by prejudging a situation. When faced with a big opponent or a big challenge, we might assume that we will lose out. And when faced with an opponent who seems smaller or weaker, or a challenge that seems surmountable, we might assume that we will be on top. In both scenarios our judgment might be wrong.

Don’t know means keeping an open mind and responding according to circumstances, not according to how we assume things will be. It leaves room for intuition.

Let go of knowing – that’s real wisdom.

4. Live without shoulds.

I could write a whole book about how I should be, what I should have done and what I should be doing, couldn’t you? The world seems to be full of experts on my life who like to tell me what I should be doing. Living with Beginner’s Mind means letting go of shoulds. I’m not advocating living without our own moral standards. I think that most of our shoulds reflect other peoples’ ideas on what our life should look like. We can let go of them.

Shake off shoulds and own your life.

5. Make use of experience.

Beginner’s Mind is great, but it’s not so useful when crossing the road. You don’t want to be squashed flat by a car in the process of learning anew that you need to get out of the way! It’s always good to use our experience and native wisdom. That’s how we learn. Beginner’s Mind doesn’t mean negating experience; it means keeping an open mind on how to apply our experience to each new circumstance.

Use your native wisdom and experience.

6. Let go of being an expert.

We are all experts. Experts in our job, in raising children, in crossing the road, in signing our name. It’s difficult to let go of being an expert. Because it means confessing that we really know nothing. What we know belongs to the past. Whereas this moment now is new and offers its unique challenges. If I let go of being an expert, I can listen to others with an open mind. Then I can find that even a beginner has something to teach me.

Letting go of being an expert enables you to keep learning.

7. Experience the moment fully.

Have you ever taken a small kid to the movies for the first time? Everything is amazing for them. They stare at the bright lights in the foyer. They investigate each popcorn with great concentration. They stare at everyone sitting around them. They flinch when the music starts. They scramble on to your lap when the monster appears on screen. They laugh out loud when it’s funny. They live each moment.

Just imagine living like that! Most of the time we live in a daydream in which we think of the past, and dream of the future. Meanwhile life runs on without us. Without us being present, that is. We miss so much when we live in a daze. Beginner’s Mind allows us to take it all in. Then even ordinary things begin to shine.

Live life to the full – one moment at a time.

8. Disregard common sense.

‘Common sense’ is what the culture we live in regards as ‘normal’. If inventors like Da Vinci or Edison had stayed with a ‘common sense’ mindset, our life would be very different because their inventions changed the world. In an interview Thomas Edison said about energy:

“Some day some fellow will invent a way of concentrating and storing up sunshine as energy. I’ll do the trick myself if some one else doesn’t get at it.”

I bet you that Edison’s fellow citizen’s thought he was crazy. “Turn sunlight into energy – how absurd!” they would have said because his idea didn’t fit with the common sense of the time.

Release yourself from common sense and become creative.

10. Discard fear of failure.

When did you last start something new? Was it maybe a while back? As children we are always starting something new. Then, as we go through our twenties, thirties, and further, we become more hesitant about being a beginner again. Why? Maybe because we don’t want to look silly when we fail.

There are always plenty of people ready to snigger when we take the first wobbly steps. But it’s our choice whether to take notice or not.

Immerse yourself in your actions and forget the watchers.

11. Use the spirit of enquiry.

Beginner’s Mind is about using the spirit of enquiry – without getting stuck in preconceived ideas. There’s a Zen story about this:

A professor once visited a Japanese master to inquire about Zen. The master served tea. When the visitor’s cup was full, the master kept pouring. Tea spilled out of the cup and over the table.

“The cup is full!” said the professor. “No more will go in!”

“Like this cup,” said the master, “You are full of your own opinions and speculations. How can I show you Zen unless you first empty your cup?”

You can see how this story applies not only to learning about Zen, but to learning about anything at all. The spirit of enquiry is the mind that is open to the unknown, and empty of pre-conceived ideas.

Focus on questions, not on answers.

If you’ve read this far, you’ll have a sense of how precious Beginner’s Mind is. It can transform the way we experience life. It makes life exciting and fresh, and keeps us young and eager to learn.

However, there are some questions that are still unresolved in my mind. The main one is: what about goal setting? Doesn’t that clash with Beginner’s Mind? Goal setting is about imagining the future, and building one’s life around one’s hopes and expectations. Personally, I aspire to Beginner’s Mind, and I set goals. But it sometimes feels like a culture clash. What’s your sense of this?

Let’s have a conversation. What’s your experience of Beginner’s Mind? Please share your thoughts in the comments.

About the author:

Mary Jaksch is the blogger behind Goodlife ZEN and Writetodone.com. She  is an authorized Zen Master. This post is an update of her guest post originally published on Zenhabits.net.

Click here to Download the FREE first chapter of Start Over: Create the Life YOU Want

A few weeks ago I saw an advert by Nike with the slogan, Make the most of your time on earth!

That made me wonder – how we can actually do that?

What’s the secret of a fulfilled life?

Instead of just starting to writing a post, I’d love to see what others think and to include their comments in a future article about this.

What do YOU think: how can we make the most of our time on earth?

Please share your ideas in the comment section.

Click here to Download the FREE first chapter of Start Over: Create the Life YOU Want

A guest post by Michelle Fabio of Bleeding Espresso.

As the car wound its way up the two-mile serpentine hill, I smiled to myself, daydreaming about how I would feel when, within minutes, I would be the first in my family in nearly 100 years to breathe the air, walk the narrow streets, and step inside the churches of my great-great-grandfather’s village in Calabria, the toe of Italy’s boot.

Although the logic of avoiding motion sickness told me to focus straight ahead, I couldn’t. I was mesmerized by the groves upon groves of olive trees lining the hillside in perfect rows, their leaves glistening so brightly I could’ve mistaken them for being covered in snow if it weren’t June.

Some of those trees simply had to have been there when Papù made his way down the hill that last time toward his ship of destiny in Naples; many of the thick, gnarled trunks easily showed a century or more. Now I could feel the trees watching me, and I imagined that their shimmering dance in the breeze was the olive tree version of smiling. And I smiled right back.

Whenever everything and everyone seem to be smiling upon me, I know I’m on the right path.

My stomach flipped and flopped around each bend, but it was worth every bit of queasiness to arrive at that random “S” curve halfway up the hill when suddenly, literally out of thin air, it appeared: Badolato and its ancient stone houses clustered together one on top of the next, in support or conspiracy or both, precariously perched on a hill, anchored by a church in the center – just as it had been for a millennium.

Is it possible for your heart to leap with joy and simultaneously sink with heaviness for everything you didn’t even know you were missing just moments ago?

Mine did. And then it did again when I stepped out of the car in the piazza and felt a century’s worth of lost time collapse into a single heartbeat.

Quite simply, I was home.

I know that sounds trite and probably unbelievable, but just as people describe love with the phrase “You just know,” I just knew.

*

That was 2002, less than a year after the death of my grandmother. She was the first to be born in America, although she was as (southern) Italian in spirit and temperament as they come. Despite having other heritage mixed into our family, Italian always ruled, especially on the dinner table. Never underestimate the power and influence of a nonna.

So there I was, standing in the village of my great-great-grandfather, the one he had left in the early 1900s for a “better life” although truth be told he traded the back-breaking work of a peasant farmer for that of a coal miner; either way he was digging himself an early grave largely for the benefit of someone else.

I’ve often wondered whether he regretted changing his scenery from the brilliant Calabrian sun to the deepest, darkest depths of the earth, but as far as I know, he didn’t – or at least no one ever asked.

And yet just a few generations later, I was back in his town, feeling nothing but calm and goodness and warmth wrap around me – as if my ancestors had huddled around me, just like those houses on the hillside, and welcomed me home.

*

I have been fascinated by family history from the time I would stay up way past my bedtime, eyes at half-mast and head resting on my crossed arms on the kitchen table, absorbing my grandmother and great-aunt’s re-telling of stories of the generations that had been born in Italy. The desire to connect only grew over the years as I compiled family trees and meticulously recorded birth, marriage, and death dates.

But documents are cold, and I needed the warm touch of my roots – in person.

Indeed, just a few days into that first visit to Calabria, I knew I had to move there and live as my family once had (albeit with Internet and some modern conveniences). My plan was solidified when I discovered I was eligible for Italian citizenship as our blood line had never been broken according to Italian law. After more document collection and many phone calls to the Italian Consulate in Philadelphia, I proudly reclaimed something my family didn’t even know it was entitled to and now hold all the privileges and responsibilities of an Italian citizen.

In August 2003, I set off, making the return journey Papù never did. The original plan was a year, maybe two, but now eight years on, I can’t imagine leaving this place behind for anywhere else.

My soul has found its home.

A year and a half into my Calabrian experiment, I met and fell in love with my husband Paolo, a true paesano as his family and mine are from the same small quartiere in our village (and it’s where we now live). He’s introduced me to so much I didn’t even know I was looking for when I set off to learn more about my heritage.

We keep a garden, raise goats and chickens, and this past February we made our own sausage, pancetta, capocollo, supressata, and guanciale from a pig we had raised. Wine-making will come in due time (pian piano, slowly, as the Italians say), but for now, our proudest accomplishment is our little piece of land with olive trees – and our own olive oil.

Whenever I walk through our grove, returning the smiles of the leaves flickering in the sunshine, I wonder what Papù would think. Were these the same olive trees he took care of for the Baron but couldn’t dream of ever owning? Could he have imagined that one day his granddaughter’s granddaughter would even have the choice to return and reclaim his family’s heritage?

*

For the better part of a decade, I’ve gradually entrenched myself in an old-fashioned way of life that has been re-branded as “homesteading” and is all the rage in the United States. But here, eating organically, locally, and in-season aren’t trendy fads but a lifestyle that’s been around for centuries – most of what we consume that we don’t grow or raise ourselves comes from local farmers and butchers, who are the familiar, smiling faces at the weekly outdoor market.

Indeed, one of my favorite aspects of living here is that Calabrian life revolves entirely around being in tune with nature. Even if I didn’t have a calendar handy, I’d know the time of year by village’s activities, whether it’s vendemmia (grape harvest) in September, olive-picking in November, sausage-making in January and February, or brush clearing and burning off in May and early June.

Through this intimate relationship with the world around me, I’ve come to savor the simplicity of it all and realized just how little we truly *need* to survive. With the help of Thich Nhat Hanh’s The Miracle of Mindfulness, I have come to identify and name this desire to appreciate and be present in each moment: mindfulness. It’s a wonderful thing.

This move has been the greatest gift I’ve ever given myself.

My journey to discover my roots has helped me better understand where I come from, but it also continues to shape me into the person I was meant to be. It has re-rooted me in this terra that I couldn’t love any more had I been born here.

*

Though I’ve come up our winding hill hundreds of times, I’m still to this day struck by the vision of the village around the random bend in the road – I can never remember exactly which “S” it is, and I hope I never do; I like to think that such small mysteries, along with thousands of still-hidden secret pleasures, keeps my relationship with this ancient place alive.

I’ll also never know whether Papù regretted his decision to go to America, but I love that just in case he did, I’ve replanted a small part of him back here. I like to think this would make him proud, and in fact, I often feel him, his wife, his daughter (my great-grandmother), and other ancestors envelop me in warmth, just as I did that first day in the piazza – but never more strongly than when I’m among the olive trees in our campagna, drinking in their dancing, shimmering smiles.

Yes, I am home, and I’m smiling right back at them.

Michelle Fabio is an attorney-turned-freelance writer who has lived in her ancestral village in Calabria, Italy since 2003. She writes about savoring simplicity one sip at a time at Bleeding Espresso and about raising goats at Goat Berries. You can also find her @michellefabio on Twitter.

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A guest post by Christopher Foster of The Happy Seeker

My dad, who was 95 when he died, liked to say you could put his medical history on the back of a postage stamp. After my Mom died, Dad sold their house in Pevensey Bay, on the Sussex coast in England, and moved to a small ground-floor flat right across the road from his favorite pub, the Castle.

It was a very smart move, of course. Dad had been a reporter all his life and loved the bracing effects of British beer – its medicinal value, as he liked to put it — plus interacting with people. He was famous for his one-liners, and liked to say he had “a joke for every occasion.”

As the years went by, however, and Dad began walking more slowly, crossing the road to go to the Castle or the library or other places was an increasing challenge because he tended to hold up traffic.

However, he came up with a strategy to deal with the situation. He realized that cars stopped every time a train crossed the road a mile or so away — and learned to cross the road at these times when the traffic was lighter.

I’m 78, just a youngster. But if I can meet the challenges of aging with the same grace and courage my father revealed, I’ll be doing very well.

The paradox of aging

Of course, there is more to aging — much, much more — than merely meeting the challenges that life inevitably brings as we get older.

Watching our own body — or the body of a loved one — deteriorate with age can be excruciating, of course. But there is a paradox here. Because as our physical body slows down, there is an opportunity to connect more deeply with the truth at the core of our being that is the very source of lasting happiness and peace.

10 timeless joys of aging

1. Deepen your connection with your own Being

You may have been working on this connection all your life. Or perhaps it is a fairly new idea for you. In any case, the primary blessing of old age, as far as I’m concerned, is the opportunity to be still, and in that stillness, become more and more conscious of the timeless happiness and freedom of my own being.

2. Realize your oneness with all creation

With luck, there is time and space in our latter years to develop a deeper awareness of and appreciation for our oneness with all creation. My own “instructor” in this process, by the way, is a large blue spruce tree that grows outside the front door of our town home in Denver (and a bunny that lives underneath this tree).

3.  See the light in all people

When our lives are packed full with activity, goals, with the constant demands of work, raising children, and so on, it’s all too easy to overlook one of life’s most simple truths. Regardless of a person’s place in the scheme of things, regardless of their color, status, religion, and so on, there is one light in us all — and its name is Love.

Looking for that light in others — wherever it may be, in the supermarket or coffee shop or anywhere else — is one of the joys of getting older.

4.  Bless and encourage others

Holding an attitude of blessing, love, and support for others — and expressing it in tangible form when possible — has a profound effect, and also nourishes our own well-being.

5.  Peel away all pretense

One of the greatest blessings of old age may be the opportunity to experience our own genuineness more fully and deeply than ever before. What do we have to lose?

Any artificial constructs or self-images we may have developed over the years are going to disappear anyway before too long. We have a golden opportunity to let any remaining pretense be peeled away right now, so that the unique, divine masterpiece we truly can shine through with increasing clarity.

6. Love your body more fully

One of the trials of aging is seeing and experiencing the inevitable decline of our own physical body. It has been so faithful over the years, doing its very best at all times to make it possible for us to give our gift and play our part in this world.

But there’s another paradox here. Even as we see our body aging and weakening, our love and appreciation for this beautiful physical body that has been our friend for so long can increase exponentially.

Loving your pet is one thing, and it is good. But loving your own body as it ages or weakens — that opens up a potential of communion and joy we may never have known before.

7. Savor the moment

“A poor life this, if full of care, we have no time to stand and stare,” said the British poet, William Henry Davies. With the gift of age, we have the opportunity to become more and more aware of the wonder and magic present in any moment — even the most humble moment.

Accepting a cup of coffee from the server in a coffee shop is an act of grace. Taking time to admire a tree or flower is an act of grace.

We also have the extraordinary privilege and opportunity of savoring what is always here with us in any moment — the stillness and peace of our own eternal being.

8. Dare to think of immortality

We are used to thinking about mortality, particularly as the years pass by. “Death and taxes are the two sure things,” we like to say. But there is a remarkable opportunity, as we age, to open our minds and hearts to the unthinkable possibility that although our bodies are mortal, who we truly are is immortal.

Who you are at the core of your being is not born and does not die. With the gift of age, we have the opportunity, if we so desire, to become more aware of the immortality of our own being.

I find that when I let go of thought for a few moments, and become truly still, it is very easy and natural to think the “unthinkable” – that is to say, to feel what cannot be thought, or understood, but can definitely be felt in our heart.

9. Dare to be fit

It’s wonderful to see older people exercising and staying active. My dad used to swim in the cold water at Pevensey Bay, in Sussex, until it got too difficult for him to climb up and down the stony beach, and he switched to an indoor pool.

I’ve been going to a gym for about nine years. It has helped me through some rough patches in my life. I do resistance training, which I especially enjoy, and some of the cardio stuff, although when it comes to that side of things I prefer a good old-fashioned walk if possible.

The gym is a highlight of my day. I think of it as my “strength room,” and I have to tell you something. Another paradox. Even though I’m getting older, I’m lifting more than I have ever lifted before.

Going to the gym not only makes me feel stronger physically, it also makes me feel stronger mentally and emotionally. I also do a little Chi Kung every now and again with the help of a beautiful book called The Way of Energy, by Master Lam Kam Chuen.

10. Communing with Angels

This last entry may be a bit controversial, but I’m not trying to be controversial, I just want to share my own experience.

A few years ago, I was sitting in a hospital waiting for some minor surgery when suddenly I began to feel a warm, enfolding presence. It was not the presence of a living person, but a living spirit — the spirit of my first wife, Joy, who died suddenly of a stroke in 1991.

There is only one spirit, one whole, one truth, and it is timeless. Feeling Joy’s warm, enfolding presence for a few minutes in the hospital was a beautiful experience. By the time the nurse came out and invited me into the operating area I was walking on air.

Along this line, I find my sense of connection with my Dad is stronger now than it ever was when he was alive in human form. For me, the opportunity to be conscious of the presence of departed loved ones is also one of the true joys and comforts of growing old.

As Shakespeare wrote long ago: “There are more things in heaven and earth, Horatio, than are dreamt of in your philosophy.”

Christopher Foster is an author and spiritual coach. He writes about happiness and inner peace at his blog, The Happy Seeker.Please check out his free Ebook: The Wisdom of Serenity.

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Luck is what happens when preparation meets opportunity. ~ Seneca

By Mary Jaksch

Do you dream of a lucky break? Maybe you want to get that special job or special opportunity?

We often think of luck as something that happens randomly. And maybe that’s the case when it comes to lotto. But if you want good fortune in your life, there are things you can do to become fortunate.

I tend to have good fortune. That’s because I follow three secret principles that lead to good fortune. They are powerful.

1. Create good fortune for others
   Most people think of getting and having as a key to good fortune. That’s like thinking that you are the center of the universe and you expect good things to flow towards us from all sides. In my experience that’s not what creates good fortune. The secret is to turn your thinking around and consider what others need. And then to take action.

   The first principle of good fortune is to enable good fortune for others where you can.

2. Meet good fortune half way
   As I said before, I tend to be fortunate. And – boy – do I work hard for that good fortune! My sense is that we need to meet good fortune half way. That is, we have to put our heart and soul into a venture, to do our utmost. That effort attracts good fortune.

   It’s not enough to dream big, visualize outcomes, or set goals. In the end what counts is hard work. If I look at the instances where I have not had good fortune in my life, it was in areas that I wasn’t passionate about, and didn’t really put a lot of research and hard work into.

   The second principle is to meet good fortune half way

3. Be positive
   Good fortune comes to those who are positive. If you’re a whinger or a whiner, you may be keeping good fortune at bay, instead of inviting it into your life. Whatever you see as ‘the story of my life’ is going to come true. So, if story about your life is that you always draw the short straw – that’s how it’s going to be in the future. If, like me, the story of you life is that you tend to be fortunate – then that’s going to shape the rest of your life.
   .

   The third principle of good fortune is to keep a positive attitude.

But what about when bad things happen?

Sometimes bad things happen. But we can learn and grow from whatever life throws at us. The important thing is to focus on the positive outcome. Sometimes that can be hard to see when we are in the middle of a painful situation. In those times I tend to ask myself, ‘What can I learn from this?’ That lesson can then become a new seed for good fortune.

Let go of negative stories
The most important thing is to let go of negative stories. So many people carry grand personal stories of how they were wronged, how they were betrayed, how they had bad luck. Such stories keep us trapped in the past and shut us out from good fortune in the future.

If you carry such stories, ask yourself, “Am I willing to give up this hard-luck story?” You may find that the story is seductive. Because our grand stories tend to define who we think we are. Can you live without this story? Could you never mention it again?

If you want to release yourself from bad luck in the past, you need to give up your negative stories. Whenever you notice that your mind is consumed by them, or when you become aware that you’re retelling it to others, say firmly to yourself, “I let go of that story now.” Then focus on something else.

If you follow these three secret principles, you will find that you attract good fortune.

And not only that. If we live according to these three principles, we create happiness for ourselves – and for others. Seneca was right: luck is when preparation meets opportunity.

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If you want to run, run a mile. If you want to experience a different life, run a marathon. ~ Emil Zatopek, Olympic Champion Long Distance Runner

A guest post by Katie Tallo of Momentum Gathering

As race weekend approaches here in Ottawa, everyone and their Uncle seems to be out on the trails training for the big marathon. I’ve heard a marathon can be a life changer. All that sweating and striving, exhilaration and triumph.

Really, when you think about it, we should all run a marathon. In fact, it should be a required course in high school, a job qualification, a prerequisite for life. Yes! Let’s push ourselves to our very limits. Let’s burst out the front door everyday of our lives. Let’s go for it! Let’s … oh forget it. I’m exhausted just thinking about it.

But wait. If life’s like a marathon, how do we sustain our dreams for the long haul? How do we gather enough momentum to achieve real life change? How do we run this race without feeling as though we’re falling behind, losing ground on our goals, or stumbling towards some unreachable finish line?

We turn that marathon into a zenathon. We infuse our lives with zenful, mindful sources of energy that help us run, our way. We get ready, we zen and we unleash our very own style of get-up-and-go!

a simple guide to running a zenathon

• Be still in the beginning.
  Stay quiet and present as you ready yourself at the start of any new venture. In that stillness you’ll find steadiness and space to hear your own voice. You’ll be more likely see and head towards what matters most to you, ready to surge forward when the time comes.
• Wear the right shoes. Try not to step into someone else’s shoes, even if you admire them. Learn from them, but trust that you can be self-reliant as you follow a path that resonates with your beliefs. Use words and actions that fit you. You’ll gain energy from being yourself.
• Visualize the course. Create a picture of your goal, your purpose, and see yourself achieving it. Close your eyes and contemplate the path ahead – the steps, the challenges, the milestones and the possibilities. A clear mental picture will invigorate the early days of any journey.
• Warm up and stretch. By moving in different ways, breaking routines and assumptions, and stretching your creativity, you’ll be more receptive and open to opportunities and more able to brave adversity. You’ll stay loose and won’t cramp up at the first sign of trouble.
• Start slow. If you burst out of the gate, you risk missing steps, tripping up, or running out of gas too soon. If you start nice and easy, your pace will gradually align with your natural rhythms and you’ll begin to get where you want to go.
• Watch your posture. As you move through your day, carry yourself like that person you know you are or know you can be – shoulders back, chest out, head held high – that fulfilled being who has found their calling and has embraced the freedom and joy of living their dream. Your confident posture will infuse your day with momentum and keep your energy flowing.
• Stay nourished. Love your work, love your path, but don’t let that enthusiasm to succeed, earn, and grow consume you. Fuel yourself with rest, feed your body and soul with natural sustenance and fill yourself with deep breaths of oxygen.
• Talk to yourself. When you feel like you’re on your way, heading in the right direction and hitting your stride, be your biggest champion. Encourage yourself, support yourself and tell yourself that you can do it. Kindness isn’t just for others. Give a little to you.
• Enjoy the scenery. Look around and be grateful for where you are right now. Maybe you’re moving slowly towards your goals from the back of the pack, maybe you started late, don’t feel ready, or can’t quite see the next turn in the road – that’s the time to relax and enjoy what’s right in front of you. Energy comes from accepting and embracing where you are.
• Let go of winning. Allow others to go ahead, maybe even help them with a compassionate push. Let go of being first, being the best, being noticed, and start by just being you.

There are miles to go, hills to crest and finish lines to cross in all our lives, but we don’t have to grasp for victory and blow past everyone else to make real and meaningful changes in our lives. We just need to start moving along with zenful strides, and begin gently listening and looking as we flow along our path. Set a peaceful course, relax and head off in the direction of your dreams. Don’t endure the race, enjoy the zenathon.

Katie Tallo is a writer, director, motivator, runner, vegetarian and mother who writes a blog that encourages steady, positive actions for sustaining joyful and vibrant life change, Momentum Gathering.

Note from Mary Jaksch: Katie is a member of the A-List Blogger Club, the amazing ongoing training environment for bloggers that Leo Babauta and I run. I’m proud of Katie – she shines in this guest post – which was a training assignment. Take a look at her blog and subscribe: Katie is worth it.

The A-List Blogger Club has changed my life. A month ago I didn’t know a tweet from a widget. Now I’m running my own blog and the club is right there with me. Everyday I connect with someone new, and not just connect, but get to know them, laugh with them, befriend, share, support and exchange ideas. Mary and Leo have created a community that is a reflection of who they are — generous, genuine and successful!
~ Katie Tallo of Momentum Gathering

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