By Mary Jaksch

Do you want to change?

Do you maybe want to become happy, wise, peaceful, or simply – a better person?

When you look deeply into your desire for change, you may find something uncomfortable at the bottom – a lack of self-love and self-acceptance.

In ancient teachings reaching right back to the time of the Buddha, we can find ways to cultivate loving-kindness toward ourselves and others.

Here’s the good news:

Each one of us has the capacity for boundless love and kindness.

That’s why it can’t be given or acquired.

We’re like water. Water can’t become any wetter, because being wet is not something apart from water.

In the same way, love and kindness are not attributes that we can add to our being. Our true self is loving and kind at its core.

Zen Master John Tarrant says :
If you are busy thinking you should be kind, you might miss the reality that kindness is already present. In you.

“Ok then,” – you might want to ask – “if that’s the case, why am I often grumpy and struggle to feel kindness in my heart?”

The answer is simple: our capacity for boundless love and kindness is buried deep within. So deep, that we sometimes can’t feel it at all. It’s as if the heart goes numb.

There is a way to uncover the natural radiance of your heart.

It won’t happen all at once, though.

Think of the process like a bud opening. At first it’s closed and you can’t even see what it will become. Then – little by little – the bud begins to unfurl and finally the flower appears in all its beauty.

You can’t hurry up the process. You can’t bend the petals of a bud outwards in order to make it flower sooner. Well, maybe you can, but the bud will be ruined.

Can YOU feel deeply – or is your heart numb?

It can happen to all of us that our heart goes numb. At such times, even if we know that we love others, or that we love life – we can’t quite feel it. It’s like looking out over a landscape on a misty day. You can sense the outlines, but clarity is missing.

If your heart is asleep, you feel numb. It’s like watching life through a glass pane.

Children can show us what it’s like for the heart to be awake.

A few days ago I was in a parking lot at a supermarket. There was a truck beside me with two young girls in it, waiting for their mother. In the front was a little five-year old redhead. Suddenly the little red-head leaned out of the window. She was so excited, her whole body wriggled.

“I can see her,” she shouted to her older sister on the back seat , “I can see Mummy!”

When was the last time you loved like that – so deeply, so keenly?

Sometimes the only time we feel love so deeply as adults, is when we first fall in love – or when we lose someone we love.

Why does the heart go numb?

Numbness of the heart is a natural protection from pain. Every time we have a painful experience, we tend to grow a protective layer around our heart. The awful thing is that this protective layer doesn’t just shield us from pain, it numbs all emotions.

There is a way we try to rationalize our numb heart. Maybe we think, “I’m a realist, not a romantic”, or “I don’t like all that lovey-dovey stuff,” or, “I’d rather not get hurt.” Or we respond to others or ourselves in a sarcastic, cutting or snide way. These are all signs of a numb heart.

How can the heart awaken?

There is a natural way of awakening the heart that we all know about. It’s falling in love. Ask any one who is freshly in love, and they will rave about how wonderful the person they love is. And how beautiful the world is. How bright the colors are, and how unique and wonderful every human being is.

But there is a problem … the euphoria doesn’t last.

Luckily, there is another way of awakening the heart. A way that lasts. And that is through loving-kindness practice.

What loving-kindness does is to ease away the protective layers around the heart. The practice of loving-kindness (or Metta) allows love to transform us.

What holds us back from the transformation of love is fear. The English psychoanalyst John McMurray spoke of people being either ‘fear-determined’ or ‘love-determined’:

There are two…emotional attitudes through which human life can be radically determined. They are love and fear. The fear-determined have no sun in themselves and go about putting out the sun in other people. Whereas the love-determined have life in them, abundant life. They are the people who are really alive, of whom it can be said that they possess eternal life as a well within them perpetually springing.

Is your life determined by love or by fear?

As John McMurray says, “the fear-determined … go about putting out the sun in other people.”

What does he mean by, “Putting out the sun in other peope”?

It’s when we focus on other people’s faults and weaknesses. It’s when we put others down, when we use snide or sarcastic comments in order to put out their light.

If you are ruled by fear, you not only go about putting out the light of others, you also extinguish your own light.

Here are the thoughts that put out your own sun:

“No use trying!”, “I’m hopeless at that!”, “I’ll never learn!”, “This is too difficult!”

Each time you play these negative tapes, you extinguish your light, and negate your potential. And when you look at others and their perceived talent and success, you may feel envy – which is really a wish to extinguish the light of others.

How can we move from fear towards love?

The key is intimacy

We move from fear towards love when we start to connect deeply with ourselves.

What does that mean?

It means being present to our experience of the moment. Whether we experience joy, or anguish, or restlessness, or fear, or anger – if we shine the soft light of awareness on our experience, we are no longer separate from ourselves.

What is the natural state of the heart?

Imagine that you release your heart from all the protective layers. What do you find at the core?

What you find is that the heart is joyful, radiant, and boundless. Our natural way of being is a state of intimate connection with all beings.

Maybe you feel worlds away from such an experience?

It doesn’t matter. It doesn’t matter because we are all on a path. All that counts is that everything we do moves us closer to our aspirations. On the spiritual path there is no fast or slow. There are no big or small steps. All you need to do is to practice loving-kindness – and little by little, your radiant heart will shine through.

How to uncover the radiant heart within.

You can uncover the radiant heart by practicing loving-kindness, or metta meditation. This meditation was taught by the Buddha as an antidote to fear. It’s the practice of cherishing the goodness in us, as well as in others. Thich Nhat Hanh translates the term loving-kindness or metta as “the intention and capacity to offer joy and happiness.”

The most important point here is that you need to start with yourself. You need to offer yourself loving-kindness.  It’s the foundation of loving-kindness practice.

Here is a simple loving-kindness meditation. It can slowly strip away the layers of protection, and reveal the radiant heart at the core of your being.

As you breathe in – cherish yourself
As you breathe out – cherish all beings

At first, you may find it difficult to cherish yourself. Sometimes, we can be our worst enemy. It may even seem selfish to cherish yourself.

However, when you say, ‘May I be at ease?’ – who is the one you are cherishing?

Is the “I” you dedicate your loving-kindness to …  just this bag of skin?

The magic of loving-kindness is that as you go deeper into the practice, you find that this ‘I’, this self – is without boundary.

The self includes mountains, rivers, wasps, hedgehogs, the warmth of the summer sun, the sharp winter wind, those close, and those far away. This ‘I’, this self, contains the whole universe.

As you breathe in – cherish yourself
As you breathe out – cherish all beings

You can either practice this during seated meditation, or you can pull out this meditation at odd moments during the day.

Here is a story that shows how to cherish something or someone completely. It’s from Maurice Sendak, the author the magical children’s book, Where the Wild Things Are.

Once a little boy sent me a charming card with a little drawing on it.

I loved it. I answer all my children’s letters — sometimes very hastily — but this one I lingered over. I sent him a card and I drew a picture of a Wild Thing on it. I wrote, “Dear Jim: I loved your card.”

Then I got a letter back from his mother and she said, “Jim loved your card so much he ate it.”

That to me was one of the highest compliments I’ve ever received. He didn’t care that it was an original Maurice Sendak drawing or anything. He saw it, he loved it, he ate it.”

- Maurice Sendak

See. Love. Eat.

This little boy knew how to cherish completely.

Loving-kindness practice is simple. But it can transform the way you experience life.

As your heart’s capacity for love and kindness grows, you’ll find a great fullness of being, discover a warm kinship with all beings, and reveal the radiant heart within.

What happens when you try this meditation? Please share in the comments.

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By Mary Jaksch

When the mind is neither in the past or the future and we are completely present, our experience changes in a significant way.

Suddenly life seems more spacious and more peaceful.

When we are mindful, we are available for life, and aren’t trapped in our own little world.

Whether it’s peacefulness, or anger, or boredom, or elation, or fear – mindfulness allows us to notice what we are experiencing right now.

Mindfulness means bringing full, soft attention to the task at hand.

All of us tend to let our mind drift when faced with a boring task. The good news is that if we pull ourselves back into the present moment, the task is transformed and boredom soon disappears. So, whether it’s washing the dishes, or cutting carrots, or driving in the rush hour – mindfulness can transform ‘lost’ time into islands of ease.

In his book The Miracle of Mindfulness,  Thich Nhat Hanh says:

The first function of mindfulness is to recognize what is there. The second function of mindfulness is to embrace it and to get deeply in touch with it.

The first step of mindfulness is to notice what our experience of this moment is like.

Whether it’s peacefulness, or anger, or boredom, or elation, or fear – mindfulness allows us to notice where we are at. But we need to go beyond that, we need to become intimate with what is there.

The second step of mindfulness is to connect so deeply that we become what we experience.

Pause for a moment, look away from the screen and take one complete, deep breath.

Did you experience your breath?

I expect you’ll say ‘yes’. But what about going deeper? Did you become the breath?

Mindfulness transforms

Thich Nath Hanh says:

There’s a seed of anger in every one of us. There is also a seed of fear, a seed of despair. And when the seed of anger or fear, we should be able to recognize it, to embrace it tenderly, and to transform it. And the agent of transformation and healing is called mindfulness.

Mindfulness has the power to transform clinging into generosity, anger into compassion, and isolation into intimacy.

It’s important to be compassionate towards the part of you that wants and wants and wants, and never gets what it yearns for. And with the part that is angry, or sullen, or resentful, or irritated. And with the part that is lonely, aloof, or preoccupied. Or with the part that is fearful, anxious, or rigid. Meet these parts of yourself with tender regard.

Here’s a simple way to practice mindfulness in everyday life:

Whenever you notice that your mind is straying away from the task at hand, stop for a moment. Then touch forefinger and thumb for one complete in-and out-breath. Then continue your task and notice what changes through becoming mindful.

What happens when you become mindful? Please share in the comments.

Images by pranav, abiogis50, Steve Hanson.

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A guest post by Christopher Foster of The Happy Seeker

Life can be unpredictable at times (English understatement). What do we do when trouble or disaster looms suddenly?

Here’s a lesson I learned many years ago:

I was 22 or 23, burning brush on a ranch in British Columbia. I must have been daydreaming because I looked up and saw with horror that the fire I had set was getting away on me.

It was putting on speed and galloping toward the nearby forest in an ever-widening circle.

Yikes. Nothing like a fire to focus the mind.

I jumped up, grabbed my shovel, and beat desperately at the nearest flames. I continued doing this for a few moments, putting some of the flames out, or so I thought. But when I looked back, I saw that the pesky little monsters I thought I had erased were simply re-creating themselves and springing back to life.

I felt a moment of panic. But then this interesting thing happened. It was like a quiet voice inside me gave me an instruction. “Be still,” it said. “Slow down and think, or this is going to turn into a nightmare.” I listened to that little voice. So much patience it took.

I began to move slowly and methodically around the circle of flames, making very sure that each section of the fire was out before I moved on. I don’t know how long it took. But perhaps half an hour later I stood up and looked around and saw a wonderful sight. The nearby haystacks were safe. The nearby forest was safe. I had two large, cold drinks and thanked my lucky stars.

Listen to our own inner wisdom

As our lives become increasingly busy and the world wobbles in alarming ways there is one thing, I have learned, upon which I can always depend. Listening to the little nudges of my own heart. I don’t catch them all but I sure do my best. Three steps that are essential in my experience are these.

Three essential steps.

1. Stop. Slow down. Sometimes, faced with an emergency, we simply act spontaneously as the situation demands. But most of the time, with a difficult decision to make, or a priority to choose, we have time to be still for a moment and step back from the situation. For me, that is always the first step.

2. Listen Life is very clever. Sometimes it only needs that moment of silence for the answer to a problem to appear. Sometimes it happens when we give up. But as you make a habit of listening to that still small voice within yourself will find something quite magical happens. You realize that stillness is not empty. All the wisdom of the universe is there. We have not been forgotten.

3. Trust The last step is trust. I honestly don’t know what would have happened in my little story if I had not trusted my inner voice. In my experience there is a hand of grace upon every one of us.

It is not wisdom that comes from far away, it is our own grace and it loves us. It will never leave us. But we have to do our bit and listen.

Christopher Foster is an author, blogger, and teacher. He writes about aging and the unconquerable spirit in us all from the perspective of a 79-year-old. For more from Christopher please visit The Happy Seeker.

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Are you compassionate?

A guest post by Annika Martins of The Catalyst Sessions

Think of the last time you encountered someone who was suffering.

Maybe they were coping with physical pain, financial struggles or the emotional weight of a divorce or the death of a loved one.

Would you define your response to them as compassionate?

Now think of the last time someone inconvenienced you.

Maybe an aggressive driver forced you to swerve off the road during rush hour or one of your children accidentally broke an expensive lamp. Maybe it was as simple as the pizza delivery guy being an hour late.

How did you respond?

Compassion-blindness

Most of us live with mental blinders that prevent us from seeing the many opportunities for kindness we encounter every day. We respond to life’s challenges from a position of irritation and defensiveness instead of realizing that every moment offers us a chance to be gentle instead of sharp, thoughtful instead of insensitive.

The best way to remove these defensive blinders and make compassion an automatic response in every situation is to consciously practice incorporating it into our everyday lives.

Compassion becomes active when it is worked like a muscle. It is something we must practice, just like daily meditation, yoga or playing the piano.

By directing consistent attention and effort at it, we will naturally sink into a rhythm of words and behaviors that reflect this loving kindness in everything we do.

Daily acts of compassion

There are many activities we can engage in to proactively cultivate compassion in our daily lives. Here are 10 ideas you can try out for yourself:

tip #1: teach

You have a set of unique talents, skills and access to a wide range of resources. Who can you share your talents/resources with today? Where might you find a person who would benefit from what you have to give? Compassion does not hoard what it has but gives generously.

tip #2: be taught

There are talents/skills that don’t come to you naturally, but flow easily for others. Ask for their guidance and support. People feel empowered when we honour their abilities by asking for their contribution.

tip #3: offer sincere praise

Forced compliments and fake smiles are not easily disguised, so don’t bother trying. Instead, look for opportunities to genuinely applaud someone’s talents (tip #2 should make this fairly easy). Compassion does not claim the spotlight for itself, but rather shines it on others.

tip #4: be curious

Create opportunities to objectively explore the things and people you are judgemental of. Read a novel written by an author from a culture you have a low opinion of. Start a casual conversation with the colleague who follows a different religious/spiritual tradition. Allow yourself to recognize common values instead of relying on old stereotypes.

tip #5: switch shoes

Inhabiting someone else’s experience is one of the best ways to cultivate compassion. Offer to cover the responsibilities of a co-worker who is out sick/on vacation. Walk or take public transportation to work instead of driving. Changing our usual routine is an excellent way to shift our perspective and see others from a new vantage point.

tip #6: be a silent witness

Watch a parent walking hand in hand with their child. Let a dog lick your hand. Close your eyes and feel the wind/rain/snow on your face. Silently witness the many expressions of love happening all around you. Compassion and love are one in the same.

tip #7: create stillness

Meditation quiets the stream of mental chatter (which often includes a fair bit of judgement of ourselves and others) that diminishes our ability to fully connect with the present moment. True presence allows us to see beyond external layers of difference and identify the core oneness we share with everyone else on this planet. When you recognize the interconnectedness of everything, compassion flows naturally.

tip #8: turn it inward

Although extending compassion to others should be a daily practice, showing that same kindness to ourselves is also vital. Are you holding onto past regrets? Have you ever done/said something that you are deeply ashamed of? Ask yourself, “Who would I be without this regret/shame?” Each day, practice forgiving yourself. Whether silently, out loud or maybe in front of a mirror, cultivate a space of calm acceptance of all things.

tip #9: seek out those in need

One of the quickest ways to cultivate a sense of loving kindness is to seek out opportunities to interact with those in need. Volunteer at an animal shelter. Spend time visiting patients in a hospital (many hospitals have programs that facilitate this). Work in a soup kitchen for an afternoon. Compassion reponds to suffering with gentleness, giving its time and energy generously.

tip #10: pause

They say hindsight is 20/20. It is often easy for us to admit that we used unkind words or behaved aggressively after we’ve reflected on our actions. Don’t wait until afterwards to pause and reflect. When you have to write a difficult email, challenge a colleague or complain to the restaurant manager about poor service, pause and consider the other person’s position. Could they just be having a really rough day? Is it possible for you to communicate your concerns with kindness instead of aggressiveness? Pause and let the compassionate answer come through.

A note on Pity vs Compassion

Some might say that regularly engaging with those who are suffering (as suggested in #9) will become an enormous emotional drain.

Yes, if your interactions arise from a feeling of pity for others, you may very likely feel pained by these encounters. In fact, all of these tips could have a negative impact on both you and the recipient if the primary driver of your behavior is a feeling of pity.

Pity creates distance. It positions one person as superior, as far above the other. Compassion recognizes the sameness between all people, animals and the Earth. Compassion connects whereas pity separates.

Cultivating compassion for yourself and everything you encounter will create a life of ease and harmony.

Sounds like a good life to me.

What is your experience of offering or receiving compassion? Please share in the comments.

Annika Martins is the creator of The Catalyst Sessions, a jumpstart series designed to boost women entrepreneurs from mediocre to magnificent.  You can also find Annika on Twitter at @annikamartins.

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By Mary Jaksch

Beauty inspires gratitude. But only when we become aware of beauty.
Live rushes on and it’s easy to get immersed in the mind tape that takes about ‘me’, ‘mine’, ‘myself’ – instead of taking a moment to appreciate the beauty that is all around us.

Stop for a moment and appreciate whatever you see, hear, or feel right now. If you have a few minutes, watch the inspiring video below. Nature’s beauty can be easily missed – but not through Louie Schwartzberg’s lens. His stunning time-lapse photography, accompanied by powerful words from Benedictine monk David Steindl-Rast, serves as a gratitude meditation.

Watch the video below, or click here to watch it.

What did you think about the video?

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By Mary Jaksch

Gratitude is a wonderful emotion. What happens when you feel grateful is that your ego disappears for a moment. Instead of trying to project yourself into the world, you become open and receptive.

If you want to feel happier, try keeping a ‘gratitude journal’. At night, just before going to sleep, write down everything you feel grateful for as you review the day. It’s a proven way to feel happier.

Below is a beautiful gratitude meditation, led by Deepak Chopra. Please watch it and take a few minutes to experience gratitude.

What are your thoughts on gratitude? Do you have some tips on how to practice gratitude? Please share in the comments.

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Jonathan Fields

Uncertainty must be present in the quest to create anything deeply meaningful.
From Jonathan Fields new book Uncertainty

By Mary Jaksch

Do you have creative ideas – but find it hard to make them happen?

All human beings are born creative. We all have good ideas. But on the path from idea to creation we can be ambushed by fear, doubt, and uncertainty – and that often means that great ideas land up dead in the dust, instead of coming to fruition.

But here’s the good news …

Fear, doubt, and uncertainty are not the enemy of creativity. In fact, they are necessary for bringing your creative stirrings from the first idea right through into action.

There is a fantastic new resource that shows exactly how to turn fear and doubt into fuel for brilliance:

Jonathan Fields’ new book: Uncertainty: Turning Fear and Doubt into Fuel for Brilliance

Jonathan Fields is a good friend of mine. He’s insanely creative and what he produces is always of the highest quality. What I particularly appreciate is that  in everything Jonathan Fields writes, you can sense a deep wellspring of natural spirituality.

His new book, “Uncertainty”  is amazing!

It’s the first time I’ve come across an analysis of the creative process that really makes sense. In particular, I love the fact that Jonathan focuses on uncertainty as a key factor of the creative process.

I’m a compulsive creator and my best creations come from a deep sense of unknowing (what Jonathan calls ‘uncertainty’). When I feel that deep sense unknowing in my belly, I know that I’m ‘pregnant’ with a creative idea that has huge potential – and is going to be a struggle to bring into life.

The next steps of creation – after the good idea – are tricky, because fear and doubt kick in. “Will this really work?” we ask ourselves. Or, “Have I got what it takes?”

Such thoughts can easily derail the creative process. In fact, many people have brilliant ideas. But few pursue their great ideas and bring them into reality because they find it hard to bear the fear, doubt, and uncertainty.

This is the point where you need Jonathan’s book to guide you through this tricky territory. He maps out various routes to bring your idea to fruition.

Most of all, his book is a treasure-trove of inspiring stories. If you’re in the grip of ‘what-if gremlins’, the inspiring stories of others who struggles and finally burst into full creativity will keep you going.

Of course Jonathan himself is a shining example of someone who has harnessed his creativity. What he brings forth makes the world a better place. You can read more by Jonathan Fields on his blog, JonathanFields.com.

May suggestion is: treat yourself to Jonathan Fields’ book Uncertainty: Turning Fear and Doubt into Fuel for Brilliance. Your life will be enhanced!

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Zen Master Joan Halifax works with people at the last stage of life (in hospice and on death row). She shares what she’s learned about compassion in the face of death and dying, and a deep insight into the nature of empathy. Watch the inspiring video below, or click here to watch it.

Did this video touch your heart? Please share your thoughts and feelings in the comments.

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New Zealand Wilderness

By Mary Jaksch

Are you in touch with your wild side?
I mean the hidden part of you that is raw and powerful.

It’s easy to lose touch with that wellspring of creativity, passion, and power.

When we lose touch with our wild side, we lose something precious. Something that turns our life from ordinary into extraordinary.

There is a simple way to connect with your wild side: experience wilderness.

If you live in an urban area, it may be difficult to access wilderness areas. If that’s the case for you, read on to find a simple solution.

How wilderness experience can change your life

• Wilderness has few or no tracks
  What that means for our life is that you give up a herd mentality and start to forge your own unique path through life. No matter what others think or say.
• Wilderness shows the raw beauty of nature
  If you’ve ever been in a wilderness area, you may have experienced a sense of awe and wonder at the beauty of nature. This is a spiritual experience where we open up to the vastness that lies beyond a self-centered focus. 

  The video clip below shows a hot waterfall I found recently in a wilderness area of New Zealand. If you are reading this in an email, click here to watch it.

• Wilderness brings out the survivor within us
  Each one of us has untapped powers of survival. When we get a sense of this hidden reservoir of power, we can apply it to our daily life in order to go beyond the limitations we imagine.
• Wilderness makes us self-reliant
  In order to be safe in wilderness, we need to take heed of possible dangers and prepare accordingly. This teaches us self-reliance.
• Wilderness is dangerous
  Every wilderness area has hidden dangers. What this teaches us is to have courage and it brings out the warrior within. We are all warriors in our wild heart. That doesn’t mean that we need to be aggressive. We can learn to be  peaceful warriors. It means that we face and overcome challenges. Instead of curling up and giving up.

But how does this apply if you can’t get away from your city desk?

Life itself is actually a wilderness experience. It’s unpredictable. You know about that if you have an accident, or a loved one gets ill, or you lose your job.

If you want to get in touch with your wild side – even if you can’t get into a wilderness area – there is something simple you can do.

Look at the sky.

When you look up, you look into vast space.

Take a moment each day to look at the sky.

Breathe in deeply and remind yourself that life is trackless, and that you are wild at heart.

What about your wild side? Please share your thoughts in the comments.
photo by Solidether

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By Mary Jaksch

The glory of friendship is not the outstretched hand, not the kindly smile, nor the joy of companionship; it is the spiritual inspiration that comes to one when you discover that someone else believes in you and is willing to trust you with a friendship. — Ralph Waldo Emerson

Do you sometimes feel that we are all mysteriously connected?

Some people maintain that in our virtual age, friendships created through social media are shallow and meaningless – and that there is less meaningful connection between people than ever before.

I don’t agree.

The most surprising thing about my  journey  as a blogger has been that I’ve made some wonderful friends online.  Some of them I’ve met face-to-face as well. Yes, they’re real friends.

But beyond the realm of friendship, we are all interconnected. Our lives are inextricably intertwined.

Here is an inspiring  video  that illuminates our mysterious connection.

Composer Eric Whitacre led a virtual choir of singers from around the world. Listen to the uplifting sound of 2000 singers in the following video.

If you can’t see the video below, click here to watch it.

What do you think about this? Did the music touch you?

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