By Mary Jaksch

Do you want to change?

Do you maybe want to become happy, wise, peaceful, or simply – a better person?

When you look deeply into your desire for change, you may find something uncomfortable at the bottom – a lack of self-love and self-acceptance.

In ancient teachings reaching right back to the time of the Buddha, we can find ways to cultivate loving-kindness toward ourselves and others.

Here’s the good news:

Each one of us has the capacity for boundless love and kindness.

That’s why it can’t be given or acquired.

We’re like water. Water can’t become any wetter, because being wet is not something apart from water.

In the same way, love and kindness are not attributes that we can add to our being. Our true self is loving and kind at its core.

Zen Master John Tarrant says :
If you are busy thinking you should be kind, you might miss the reality that kindness is already present. In you.

“Ok then,” – you might want to ask – “if that’s the case, why am I often grumpy and struggle to feel kindness in my heart?”

The answer is simple: our capacity for boundless love and kindness is buried deep within. So deep, that we sometimes can’t feel it at all. It’s as if the heart goes numb.

There is a way to uncover the natural radiance of your heart.

It won’t happen all at once, though.

Think of the process like a bud opening. At first it’s closed and you can’t even see what it will become. Then – little by little – the bud begins to unfurl and finally the flower appears in all its beauty.

You can’t hurry up the process. You can’t bend the petals of a bud outwards in order to make it flower sooner. Well, maybe you can, but the bud will be ruined.

Can YOU feel deeply – or is your heart numb?

It can happen to all of us that our heart goes numb. At such times, even if we know that we love others, or that we love life – we can’t quite feel it. It’s like looking out over a landscape on a misty day. You can sense the outlines, but clarity is missing.

If your heart is asleep, you feel numb. It’s like watching life through a glass pane.

Children can show us what it’s like for the heart to be awake.

A few days ago I was in a parking lot at a supermarket. There was a truck beside me with two young girls in it, waiting for their mother. In the front was a little five-year old redhead. Suddenly the little red-head leaned out of the window. She was so excited, her whole body wriggled.

“I can see her,” she shouted to her older sister on the back seat , “I can see Mummy!”

When was the last time you loved like that – so deeply, so keenly?

Sometimes the only time we feel love so deeply as adults, is when we first fall in love – or when we lose someone we love.

Why does the heart go numb?

Numbness of the heart is a natural protection from pain. Every time we have a painful experience, we tend to grow a protective layer around our heart. The awful thing is that this protective layer doesn’t just shield us from pain, it numbs all emotions.

There is a way we try to rationalize our numb heart. Maybe we think, “I’m a realist, not a romantic”, or “I don’t like all that lovey-dovey stuff,” or, “I’d rather not get hurt.” Or we respond to others or ourselves in a sarcastic, cutting or snide way. These are all signs of a numb heart.

How can the heart awaken?

There is a natural way of awakening the heart that we all know about. It’s falling in love. Ask any one who is freshly in love, and they will rave about how wonderful the person they love is. And how beautiful the world is. How bright the colors are, and how unique and wonderful every human being is.

But there is a problem … the euphoria doesn’t last.

Luckily, there is another way of awakening the heart. A way that lasts. And that is through loving-kindness practice.

What loving-kindness does is to ease away the protective layers around the heart. The practice of loving-kindness (or Metta) allows love to transform us.

What holds us back from the transformation of love is fear. The English psychoanalyst John McMurray spoke of people being either ‘fear-determined’ or ‘love-determined’:

There are two…emotional attitudes through which human life can be radically determined. They are love and fear. The fear-determined have no sun in themselves and go about putting out the sun in other people. Whereas the love-determined have life in them, abundant life. They are the people who are really alive, of whom it can be said that they possess eternal life as a well within them perpetually springing.

Is your life determined by love or by fear?

As John McMurray says, “the fear-determined … go about putting out the sun in other people.”

What does he mean by, “Putting out the sun in other peope”?

It’s when we focus on other people’s faults and weaknesses. It’s when we put others down, when we use snide or sarcastic comments in order to put out their light.

If you are ruled by fear, you not only go about putting out the light of others, you also extinguish your own light.

Here are the thoughts that put out your own sun:

“No use trying!”, “I’m hopeless at that!”, “I’ll never learn!”, “This is too difficult!”

Each time you play these negative tapes, you extinguish your light, and negate your potential. And when you look at others and their perceived talent and success, you may feel envy – which is really a wish to extinguish the light of others.

How can we move from fear towards love?

The key is intimacy

We move from fear towards love when we start to connect deeply with ourselves.

What does that mean?

It means being present to our experience of the moment. Whether we experience joy, or anguish, or restlessness, or fear, or anger – if we shine the soft light of awareness on our experience, we are no longer separate from ourselves.

What is the natural state of the heart?

Imagine that you release your heart from all the protective layers. What do you find at the core?

What you find is that the heart is joyful, radiant, and boundless. Our natural way of being is a state of intimate connection with all beings.

Maybe you feel worlds away from such an experience?

It doesn’t matter. It doesn’t matter because we are all on a path. All that counts is that everything we do moves us closer to our aspirations. On the spiritual path there is no fast or slow. There are no big or small steps. All you need to do is to practice loving-kindness – and little by little, your radiant heart will shine through.

How to uncover the radiant heart within.

You can uncover the radiant heart by practicing loving-kindness, or metta meditation. This meditation was taught by the Buddha as an antidote to fear. It’s the practice of cherishing the goodness in us, as well as in others. Thich Nhat Hanh translates the term loving-kindness or metta as “the intention and capacity to offer joy and happiness.”

The most important point here is that you need to start with yourself. You need to offer yourself loving-kindness.  It’s the foundation of loving-kindness practice.

Here is a simple loving-kindness meditation. It can slowly strip away the layers of protection, and reveal the radiant heart at the core of your being.

As you breathe in – cherish yourself
As you breathe out – cherish all beings

At first, you may find it difficult to cherish yourself. Sometimes, we can be our worst enemy. It may even seem selfish to cherish yourself.

However, when you say, ‘May I be at ease?’ – who is the one you are cherishing?

Is the “I” you dedicate your loving-kindness to …  just this bag of skin?

The magic of loving-kindness is that as you go deeper into the practice, you find that this ‘I’, this self – is without boundary.

The self includes mountains, rivers, wasps, hedgehogs, the warmth of the summer sun, the sharp winter wind, those close, and those far away. This ‘I’, this self, contains the whole universe.

As you breathe in – cherish yourself
As you breathe out – cherish all beings

You can either practice this during seated meditation, or you can pull out this meditation at odd moments during the day.

Here is a story that shows how to cherish something or someone completely. It’s from Maurice Sendak, the author the magical children’s book, Where the Wild Things Are.

Once a little boy sent me a charming card with a little drawing on it.

I loved it. I answer all my children’s letters — sometimes very hastily — but this one I lingered over. I sent him a card and I drew a picture of a Wild Thing on it. I wrote, “Dear Jim: I loved your card.”

Then I got a letter back from his mother and she said, “Jim loved your card so much he ate it.”

That to me was one of the highest compliments I’ve ever received. He didn’t care that it was an original Maurice Sendak drawing or anything. He saw it, he loved it, he ate it.”

- Maurice Sendak

See. Love. Eat.

This little boy knew how to cherish completely.

Loving-kindness practice is simple. But it can transform the way you experience life.

As your heart’s capacity for love and kindness grows, you’ll find a great fullness of being, discover a warm kinship with all beings, and reveal the radiant heart within.

What happens when you try this meditation? Please share in the comments.

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A guest post by Stefanie Flaxman of Revision Fairy

It’s healthy to possess a bit of envy for individuals you admire.

These people do what you want to do—they’ve got what you want.

But if envy doesn’t motivate you to take practical action, it’s a dangerous quality.

Your world becomes a place of what other people have or what other people do in contrast to what you don’t have and what you don’t do.

Practical action involves many tiny steps that often seem inconsequential, but it’s these individual steps that produce a substantial final product.

When you focus on the process, you understand what another person did to get that something that you want. You recognize common ground, and your goal becomes more attainable.

Consider Teenager Tom’s envy of a classmate who works at an ice cream shop. Tom works part-time at his parents’ travel agency, but he’s not interested in travel; he constantly fantasizes about spending his afternoons grazing on mini-spoon samples of frozen goodness.

What choice does Tom have? He can continue glamorizing his classmate’s life, or he can take a step.

The first step is to ask his parents if he could get a new job at the ice cream shop instead of his current gig. Let’s assume the conversation goes well and after a short time, he attains a job at the ice cream shop.

Hooray! (For now.)

Here’s what often happens when we reach a goal. After a few weeks at the ice cream shop, nothing in the world is more boring to Tom than ice cream. He knows every flavor, every topping, every scooping method, etc. He’s the Bubba Gump of ice cream.

His mind starts wandering over to the next best thing.

The ice cream shop has lost its intrigue, and Tom’s envy of his classmate has subsequently faded. The experience served a purpose, but it’s time for Tom to move on.

“Every mind must know the whole lesson for itself—must go over the whole ground. What it does not see, what it does not live, it will not know.”

~ Ralph Waldo Emerson

When you get something that you think you want, sometimes you do wholeheartedly love it. Sometimes it temporarily satisfies a desire, but ultimately it’s not for you at all.

Your original envy may seem a little silly in retrospect. Remember that silliness amongst passive wishing and wanting for something more than what you already have.

Experience the mystery to learn more about it and get your next clue.

“If you want your children to be intelligent, read them fairy tales. If you want your children to be more intelligent, read them more fairy tales.”

~ Albert Einstein

Assume a limitless attitude regardless of what anyone else says.

You have to cheer yourself on if you want to create a new part of your reality.

Taking action to achieve your goals isn’t necessarily exhausting yourself and discounting the joy already present in your life. Make the right sacrifices.

If you discover that the process isn’t enjoyable, instead of envying the person who committed to that work to achieve that goal, find the work—a true passion—that suits you.

Set your eye on the prize. Adjust the path to that prize accordingly.

There aren’t some people who can do everything that they want to do and some people who can’t. The only difference is that some people do.

What’s the first step you have to take?

Stefanie Flaxman is the founder of Revision Fairy. Follow @RevisionFairy to keep up with Stefanie’s philosophy for writing and editing your life.

Click here to Download the FREE first chapter of Start Over: Create the Life YOU Want

You’re imperfect, and you’re wired for struggle, but you are worthy of love and belonging ~ Brené Brown

Brené Brown

By Mary Jaksch

How do we learn to embrace our vulnerabilities and imperfections?
How do we cultivate the courage, compassion, and connection to know that we are enough, that we are worthy of love, belonging, and joy?

Watch the inspiring video below by Brené Brown. She is a research professor at the University of Houston and has spent the past ten years studying vulnerability, courage, and  authenticity. In the video below, Brené explores the power of vulnerability and the concept of Wholeheartedness.

If you are reading this in an email, click here to watch the video.

Click here to Download the FREE first chapter of Start Over: Create the Life YOU Want

By Mary Jaksch

Hands up if you are a leader!

Did you hesitate? If so, it’s because we’ve made leadership into something beyond us. We’ve taken this title leader and we treat it as if it’s something we’re one day going to deserve. To call ourselves a leader right now seems to be arrogant and cocky.

What if that’s wrong?
What if there are moments every day when you are a leader? What if we’ve forgotten to cherish the small acts of everyday leadership that make the world a better place?

Watch the inspiring video below by Drew Dudley who talks about ‘Everyday Leadership’.

(If you’re reading this by email, click here to watch the video)

What is your experience of everyday leadership? Please share your thoughts in the comments.

Click here to Download the FREE first chapter of Start Over: Create the Life YOU Want

A guest post by Christopher Foster of The Happy Seeker

Life can be unpredictable at times (English understatement). What do we do when trouble or disaster looms suddenly?

Here’s a lesson I learned many years ago:

I was 22 or 23, burning brush on a ranch in British Columbia. I must have been daydreaming because I looked up and saw with horror that the fire I had set was getting away on me.

It was putting on speed and galloping toward the nearby forest in an ever-widening circle.

Yikes. Nothing like a fire to focus the mind.

I jumped up, grabbed my shovel, and beat desperately at the nearest flames. I continued doing this for a few moments, putting some of the flames out, or so I thought. But when I looked back, I saw that the pesky little monsters I thought I had erased were simply re-creating themselves and springing back to life.

I felt a moment of panic. But then this interesting thing happened. It was like a quiet voice inside me gave me an instruction. “Be still,” it said. “Slow down and think, or this is going to turn into a nightmare.” I listened to that little voice. So much patience it took.

I began to move slowly and methodically around the circle of flames, making very sure that each section of the fire was out before I moved on. I don’t know how long it took. But perhaps half an hour later I stood up and looked around and saw a wonderful sight. The nearby haystacks were safe. The nearby forest was safe. I had two large, cold drinks and thanked my lucky stars.

Listen to our own inner wisdom

As our lives become increasingly busy and the world wobbles in alarming ways there is one thing, I have learned, upon which I can always depend. Listening to the little nudges of my own heart. I don’t catch them all but I sure do my best. Three steps that are essential in my experience are these.

Three essential steps.

1. Stop. Slow down. Sometimes, faced with an emergency, we simply act spontaneously as the situation demands. But most of the time, with a difficult decision to make, or a priority to choose, we have time to be still for a moment and step back from the situation. For me, that is always the first step.

2. Listen Life is very clever. Sometimes it only needs that moment of silence for the answer to a problem to appear. Sometimes it happens when we give up. But as you make a habit of listening to that still small voice within yourself will find something quite magical happens. You realize that stillness is not empty. All the wisdom of the universe is there. We have not been forgotten.

3. Trust The last step is trust. I honestly don’t know what would have happened in my little story if I had not trusted my inner voice. In my experience there is a hand of grace upon every one of us.

It is not wisdom that comes from far away, it is our own grace and it loves us. It will never leave us. But we have to do our bit and listen.

Christopher Foster is an author, blogger, and teacher. He writes about aging and the unconquerable spirit in us all from the perspective of a 79-year-old. For more from Christopher please visit The Happy Seeker.

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A guest post by Bobbi Emel of The Bounce Blog

Model your life on the spiral, not the stick. – Carol Orsborn

I love this little instruction. Orsborn says that in our society, we are encouraged – pressured, perhaps – to achieve success and to achieve it in a straight line of ascent – a stick. We’re not supposed to let anything get in our way; we just need to keep after it, keep moving, keep fighting . . .

The problem with this kind of approach is that we then have no flexibility and our vision becomes too narrowly focused. When the strong winds of life come along, then, we have no ability to bend with them and, because our sight is so limited, we can’t see our way to shelter.

Orsborn suggests that, instead of striving to be a stick, perhaps we should aspire to the spiral. Life is constant change and the spiral teaches us that, even as things change, they come back around again. Not in an endless circle, but in a gentle upward growth.

Being fully alive

In nature, destruction often is the requisite state that precedes new growth, like the bursting open of a pinecone in the heat of a forest fire, releasing its seeds to the soil. When you are fully alive, you are continually asked to let go of what you have in order to make space for new possibilities to come to you. – Carol Osborne

And sometimes that letting go can feel like you are moving down the spiral for a while. Because we are conditioned to believe that up is the best and only way to go, we often resist these downward slopes, holding judgment that they are “bad” or, at the very least, not what we should be doing.

But wait. Remember that to live a resilient and whole-hearted life, you must have room in your heart to allow for the downward movement along with the upward.

And sometimes you need these very lulls in your journey in order to access new growth. These are often the times when you are cocooning and allowing the old you to slough away while the new you is growing, soon to spread your wings.

Being open to new growth will soon have you moving upward on the spiral again.

How to master the art of resilience

Try these ideas:

1. Assess whether you are modeling your life after a spiral or a stick.

Do you have that feeling of being in a rat race? Do you feel pressured by yourself and others to constantly move upward? Have you treated yourself harshly in the past when a lull or downward movement happens in your life?

If your answers to these questions are “yes”, then you are using the stick model.

2. Let go in order to open yourself to new possibilities.

Perhaps you are hanging onto something so tightly that all of your energy is going toward resistance rather than growth. A job, a relationship, a belief about yourself . . . Find the area in your life that feels the tightest, the most stuck, and just let it go.

3. Allow yourself to cocoon when needed.

The act of letting go contains loss within it. And this can create the downward movement on the spiral that is so uncomfortable. Allow yourself to cocoon and heal during this time. Remember that the caterpillar creates its own cocoon and actually disappears, only to reappear after a time as a beautiful butterfly. Have the faith of the caterpillar.

4. Honor the spiral.

Enjoy the gentle upward lift of the spiral and notice that, when things come back around for you, it doesn’t mean you’re stuck. It just means you are revisiting that place, but from slightly higher ground.

5. Remember these words from Carol Orsborn.

Rather than saying that you will succeed, allowing nothing to get in your way, mastering the art of resilience requires you to do whatever it takes, understanding that many things are going to get in your way. - Carol Orsborne

Carol Osborne: The Art of Resilience: One Hundred Paths to Wisdom and Strength in an Uncertain World

Psychotherapist Bobbi Emel specializes in helping people face life’s significant challenges and regain their resiliency. In addition to seeing clients in her private practice, Bobbi is a well-regarded speaker and writer. You can find more of her writing at The Bounce Blog
Image: John Watson

Click here to Download the FREE first chapter of Start Over: Create the Life YOU Want

A guest post by Shilpan of Street Smart Finance

Have you had sleepless nights over mounting credit card debt? If so — you are not alone. You can do it!

Here’s the scoop — you can become debt free simply by changing your habits to lift you out of your financial hole.

Why is that  simple money lessons are hard to adopt for millions of people? After all, our world of Web is full of blogs teaching how to — live within your means, budget and save more.

The secret lies in the  fact that you have to become a better person first — one who understands that happiness comes from within — one who understands that by changing thoughts and habits, anything is possible including overcoming the worst of the financial difficulties. It’s that simple.

The first step towards achieving financial peace is to take personal responsibility for your actions by developing habits for healthy personal finances. What if you are in $50,000 credit card debt today? You can hardly pay your bills, and your life is going downhill. You can pull yourself out of debt simply with these four simple steps. It all starts with changing your thoughts. And your thoughts will change your attitude towards money.

1. Visualize & feel who you want to become

The very first step is to visualize vividly who you want to become financially. Visualization is to your subconscious mind what nutrition is to your body. Okay, so your goal is to pay off $50,000 in credit card debt. Imagine how happy you will be when you can scream in Dave Ramsey’s style, “I am debt free.”  Imagine how happy you will be when you can do those things that you love to do but fear because spending more will lead you towards financial ruin. Imagine how great you’ll feel when that credit card bill arrives without any outstanding amount.

Write these three or four most exciting feelings on a paper that you can read in the morning, at a lunch break and before going to bed.

2. Have a written plan

You have conditioned your subconscious with action propelling statements; now, it’s time to take action. But, you are not ready yet. It’s time to write down how you will pay off $50,000 in credit card bills. The trick is to visualize a problem in smaller scale. You don’t get intimidated by a foot of snow in your front yard as you know that you can remove that a square foot a time; so  is your task of paying off $50,000 in credit card debt.

• Target smaller, achievable goals

You have to set smaller, achievable goals that you are confident about. Without goals, you are living re-actively, letting your worries push you around. Set a goal to pay credit card with the smallest outstanding balance of $3,000 first. Now, you have written down your goal to pay off credit card with smallest balance first while you keep paying minimum for the rest of the cards. You are one step closer to having a plan that your subconscious can affirm and act upon.

• Set up a budget

A simple budget is a blue print for your home of financial peace. You have already committed to paying off $3,000 in six months. So, you need additional $500 monthly to achieve this goal. If you can’t earn more, look at your monthly recurring bills — your cable bill, your club dues. You’ll find money to cut your expenses by $500. If not, you will look for additional sources of income.

3. What will you sacrifice?

You have to sacrifice to move forward. This is true not only for your personal finances, but also for any facet of your life. By making conscious choices you are developing habits that are conducive to your financial success; and avoiding those that are against your goal to pay off $50,000 in credit card debt.  It’s time for you to first track your expenses and choose to bury any non-essential expenses forever. You can track your expenses with simple tools like Mint or develop your own simple plan to track your expenses. Once you start tracking your expenses —it will become easier for you to cut down on unnecessary expenses to save money. Or you may find that your passion to teach Math can bring money to pay towards your debt.

4. Commit

Commit yourself: set smaller, achievable short-term goals; have an action plan and, finally, take action. You’ve done an incredible job of training your subconscious mind. It’s time to make your subconscious mind work. And work really hard.

• Start a blog

Some of the most successful bloggers launched their blogs when their financial journey was anything but perfect — Zenhabits, GetRichSlowly and TheSimpleDollar to name a few. They have not only achieved financial freedom by sharing their own story, but also mastered the art of personal finance by committing to learn and to share their ideas with countless others on the Web. It’s your turn now.

• Tell your friends and family members

If you don’t have desire to start a blog, start sharing your financial goals with your friends and family members. They will help you stay the course until you pay off your debt.

Do you realize that, all along, you have become a better person by developing habits that are needed for healthy personal finance? You will be amazed how your financial picture will change by following these four simple steps.

Shilpan is an entrepreneur, business owner and blogger. He is passionate about personal development and common sense personal finance. He shares his ideas on Street Smart Finance. You can follow Shilpan on Twitter at @shilpan

Click here to Download the FREE first chapter of Start Over: Create the Life YOU Want

Are you compassionate?

A guest post by Annika Martins of The Catalyst Sessions

Think of the last time you encountered someone who was suffering.

Maybe they were coping with physical pain, financial struggles or the emotional weight of a divorce or the death of a loved one.

Would you define your response to them as compassionate?

Now think of the last time someone inconvenienced you.

Maybe an aggressive driver forced you to swerve off the road during rush hour or one of your children accidentally broke an expensive lamp. Maybe it was as simple as the pizza delivery guy being an hour late.

How did you respond?

Compassion-blindness

Most of us live with mental blinders that prevent us from seeing the many opportunities for kindness we encounter every day. We respond to life’s challenges from a position of irritation and defensiveness instead of realizing that every moment offers us a chance to be gentle instead of sharp, thoughtful instead of insensitive.

The best way to remove these defensive blinders and make compassion an automatic response in every situation is to consciously practice incorporating it into our everyday lives.

Compassion becomes active when it is worked like a muscle. It is something we must practice, just like daily meditation, yoga or playing the piano.

By directing consistent attention and effort at it, we will naturally sink into a rhythm of words and behaviors that reflect this loving kindness in everything we do.

Daily acts of compassion

There are many activities we can engage in to proactively cultivate compassion in our daily lives. Here are 10 ideas you can try out for yourself:

tip #1: teach

You have a set of unique talents, skills and access to a wide range of resources. Who can you share your talents/resources with today? Where might you find a person who would benefit from what you have to give? Compassion does not hoard what it has but gives generously.

tip #2: be taught

There are talents/skills that don’t come to you naturally, but flow easily for others. Ask for their guidance and support. People feel empowered when we honour their abilities by asking for their contribution.

tip #3: offer sincere praise

Forced compliments and fake smiles are not easily disguised, so don’t bother trying. Instead, look for opportunities to genuinely applaud someone’s talents (tip #2 should make this fairly easy). Compassion does not claim the spotlight for itself, but rather shines it on others.

tip #4: be curious

Create opportunities to objectively explore the things and people you are judgemental of. Read a novel written by an author from a culture you have a low opinion of. Start a casual conversation with the colleague who follows a different religious/spiritual tradition. Allow yourself to recognize common values instead of relying on old stereotypes.

tip #5: switch shoes

Inhabiting someone else’s experience is one of the best ways to cultivate compassion. Offer to cover the responsibilities of a co-worker who is out sick/on vacation. Walk or take public transportation to work instead of driving. Changing our usual routine is an excellent way to shift our perspective and see others from a new vantage point.

tip #6: be a silent witness

Watch a parent walking hand in hand with their child. Let a dog lick your hand. Close your eyes and feel the wind/rain/snow on your face. Silently witness the many expressions of love happening all around you. Compassion and love are one in the same.

tip #7: create stillness

Meditation quiets the stream of mental chatter (which often includes a fair bit of judgement of ourselves and others) that diminishes our ability to fully connect with the present moment. True presence allows us to see beyond external layers of difference and identify the core oneness we share with everyone else on this planet. When you recognize the interconnectedness of everything, compassion flows naturally.

tip #8: turn it inward

Although extending compassion to others should be a daily practice, showing that same kindness to ourselves is also vital. Are you holding onto past regrets? Have you ever done/said something that you are deeply ashamed of? Ask yourself, “Who would I be without this regret/shame?” Each day, practice forgiving yourself. Whether silently, out loud or maybe in front of a mirror, cultivate a space of calm acceptance of all things.

tip #9: seek out those in need

One of the quickest ways to cultivate a sense of loving kindness is to seek out opportunities to interact with those in need. Volunteer at an animal shelter. Spend time visiting patients in a hospital (many hospitals have programs that facilitate this). Work in a soup kitchen for an afternoon. Compassion reponds to suffering with gentleness, giving its time and energy generously.

tip #10: pause

They say hindsight is 20/20. It is often easy for us to admit that we used unkind words or behaved aggressively after we’ve reflected on our actions. Don’t wait until afterwards to pause and reflect. When you have to write a difficult email, challenge a colleague or complain to the restaurant manager about poor service, pause and consider the other person’s position. Could they just be having a really rough day? Is it possible for you to communicate your concerns with kindness instead of aggressiveness? Pause and let the compassionate answer come through.

A note on Pity vs Compassion

Some might say that regularly engaging with those who are suffering (as suggested in #9) will become an enormous emotional drain.

Yes, if your interactions arise from a feeling of pity for others, you may very likely feel pained by these encounters. In fact, all of these tips could have a negative impact on both you and the recipient if the primary driver of your behavior is a feeling of pity.

Pity creates distance. It positions one person as superior, as far above the other. Compassion recognizes the sameness between all people, animals and the Earth. Compassion connects whereas pity separates.

Cultivating compassion for yourself and everything you encounter will create a life of ease and harmony.

Sounds like a good life to me.

What is your experience of offering or receiving compassion? Please share in the comments.

Annika Martins is the creator of The Catalyst Sessions, a jumpstart series designed to boost women entrepreneurs from mediocre to magnificent.  You can also find Annika on Twitter at @annikamartins.

Click here to Download the FREE first chapter of Start Over: Create the Life YOU Want

Find your courage

A guest post by Tess Marshall of The Bold Life

I’ll bet you’ve already promised yourself that this year will be different. This time you will reach your goal, skydive, learn Mandarin Chinese, find the love of your life, lose the weight or become self-employed.

If you have that’s fantastic! Who doesn’t want to change, to grow, and to live life their way?

There is only one thing that is standing between you and the promise you’ve made.

Fear.

Fear can be a trap, a prison, a story, or an illusion that torments and paralyzes you. It keeps you awake at night, and your happiness and dreams completely out of reach.

One of the worst things we can do is dare to dream big and then hold ourselves hostage by clinging to our same old routine doubts, anxieties, and fears.

It’s a wicked cycle that will keep you crazy-dizzy and spinning out of control like a rickety old Tilt-a-Whirl at the State Fair.

What’s real about fear?

The only real aspects of fear are your annoying and uneasy feelings that escort your terror – the worry, anxiety, and irrational thinking.

The unpleasant physical symptoms of fear drain your energy – a sudden grab, a racing heart, your sweaty palms, shortness of breath and sleepless nights.

These feelings and symptoms are unbearable yet until the pain of staying stuck is greater than the pain it takes to grow forward, we suffer.

Our subconscious beliefs, our addiction to safety, and our past experience prevents up from taking the action needed to move out of our fear and into our greatness.

Read on for 10 tips for a bold and fearless life.

Tip #1: Don’t believe your thoughts

Drop your negative thinking and lack of faith in yourself or it will continue to snowball. Train your mind to create positive expectations. Learn to expect the best.

Tip #2: View life as a creative and wild adventure

Life can be brimming with easy times of beauty and light or overflowing with hard times of dark and difficulty. Choose to stay present through it all. Appreciate the varied landscape and enjoy the ride.

Tip #3: Consider the love of others

Who else in your life is missing out because of your fear of moving forward? Make a list of the people who will benefit from your success. Stay strong for them. Imagine telling them the “good news” in advance – I got the job, I made a difference, I wrote my book, we’re going on vacation!

Tip #4: Let go of the outcome

We often think we know what is best for us. We forget we can’t see the whole picture. Do what is yours to do and do it well. Like blowing a dandelion in the wind, let the rest go and remain open to infinite possibilities.

Tip #5: Be authentic.

In a world where everyone is trying to be someone else, be brave enough to be you. Nobody else has your thumb print, heart print, or soul print. Nobody else can do your part. Revel in your uniqueness. Transparency is magnetic.

Tip #6: Create space for gratitude

Begin your day by filling your mind with appreciation. Focus on the love you have to give and the love you can receive. Become aware of open hearts, open minds, and an unlimited life. This is energy well spent.

Tip #7: Build positive images

Increase your faith and courage by remembering all of your past successes. Take note of your strengths and determination. Apply the same traits to your present dream. Build positive pictures of future success in your mind.

Tip #8: Argue for a positive outcome

Make a list of your fears. Next, prove each fear wrong. If you think you can’t, write down all of the reasons why you actually can. Remind yourself of your written proof when you’re heart is pounding and your palms are sweating.

Tip #9: Be comfortable with the uncomfortable

I don’t know anyone who enjoys being afraid. We want to deny it, run from it, and ignore it. As a professional speaker, I’m nervous for the first several minutes. To get through it, I memorize the first ten minutes of the speech. Learn to get through the things you fear.

Tip #10: Don’t take it personally

What someone else does is about them. How you react is about you. This is perhaps the most difficult step to learn. When your request is ignored or turned down, move on. Rejection isn’t an excuse for failure.

As you face your fears and increase your freedom and happiness by allowing your dreams to become a reality, the good life is inevitable.

Tess Marshall is the founder of The Bold Life, where she inspires people to live a fearless life. If you are tired of being stuck in fear and want to step into your greatness, click here to learn more about her course, Take Your Fear and Shove It [affiliate link].

Click here to Download the FREE first chapter of Start Over: Create the Life YOU Want

By Mary Jaksch

Are you about to set some heavy goals? Maybe you want to be more successful, lose weight, find the right partner, do more exercise …
I can see you cringing at the list. How about a very simple goal (if you can call it that) for your life…

Have more fun
If you’re considering how to change your life, having fun is an essential ingredient. Remember that ‘fun’ is not a static state of being. To have fun, we need to move, be creative, and enjoy the company of others. We need to sing, dance, run, play – or whatever else tickles our fancy.

Watch this joyful video below, Hoy Bailaré (Today I’m going to dance) by Argentine musician Leon Gieco. The video is all about how to have fun – whatever your circumstance.

(email readers, click here to watch it)

What are ways you would like to have more fun? Please share in the comments

Click here to Download the FREE first chapter of Start Over: Create the Life YOU Want