By Mary Jaksch

Do you want to change?

Do you maybe want to become happy, wise, peaceful, or simply – a better person?

When you look deeply into your desire for change, you may find something uncomfortable at the bottom – a lack of self-love and self-acceptance.

In ancient teachings reaching right back to the time of the Buddha, we can find ways to cultivate loving-kindness toward ourselves and others.

Here’s the good news:

Each one of us has the capacity for boundless love and kindness.

That’s why it can’t be given or acquired.

We’re like water. Water can’t become any wetter, because being wet is not something apart from water.

In the same way, love and kindness are not attributes that we can add to our being. Our true self is loving and kind at its core.

Zen Master John Tarrant says :
If you are busy thinking you should be kind, you might miss the reality that kindness is already present. In you.

“Ok then,” – you might want to ask – “if that’s the case, why am I often grumpy and struggle to feel kindness in my heart?”

The answer is simple: our capacity for boundless love and kindness is buried deep within. So deep, that we sometimes can’t feel it at all. It’s as if the heart goes numb.

There is a way to uncover the natural radiance of your heart.

It won’t happen all at once, though.

Think of the process like a bud opening. At first it’s closed and you can’t even see what it will become. Then – little by little – the bud begins to unfurl and finally the flower appears in all its beauty.

You can’t hurry up the process. You can’t bend the petals of a bud outwards in order to make it flower sooner. Well, maybe you can, but the bud will be ruined.

Can YOU feel deeply – or is your heart numb?

It can happen to all of us that our heart goes numb. At such times, even if we know that we love others, or that we love life – we can’t quite feel it. It’s like looking out over a landscape on a misty day. You can sense the outlines, but clarity is missing.

If your heart is asleep, you feel numb. It’s like watching life through a glass pane.

Children can show us what it’s like for the heart to be awake.

A few days ago I was in a parking lot at a supermarket. There was a truck beside me with two young girls in it, waiting for their mother. In the front was a little five-year old redhead. Suddenly the little red-head leaned out of the window. She was so excited, her whole body wriggled.

“I can see her,” she shouted to her older sister on the back seat , “I can see Mummy!”

When was the last time you loved like that – so deeply, so keenly?

Sometimes the only time we feel love so deeply as adults, is when we first fall in love – or when we lose someone we love.

Why does the heart go numb?

Numbness of the heart is a natural protection from pain. Every time we have a painful experience, we tend to grow a protective layer around our heart. The awful thing is that this protective layer doesn’t just shield us from pain, it numbs all emotions.

There is a way we try to rationalize our numb heart. Maybe we think, “I’m a realist, not a romantic”, or “I don’t like all that lovey-dovey stuff,” or, “I’d rather not get hurt.” Or we respond to others or ourselves in a sarcastic, cutting or snide way. These are all signs of a numb heart.

How can the heart awaken?

There is a natural way of awakening the heart that we all know about. It’s falling in love. Ask any one who is freshly in love, and they will rave about how wonderful the person they love is. And how beautiful the world is. How bright the colors are, and how unique and wonderful every human being is.

But there is a problem … the euphoria doesn’t last.

Luckily, there is another way of awakening the heart. A way that lasts. And that is through loving-kindness practice.

What loving-kindness does is to ease away the protective layers around the heart. The practice of loving-kindness (or Metta) allows love to transform us.

What holds us back from the transformation of love is fear. The English psychoanalyst John McMurray spoke of people being either ‘fear-determined’ or ‘love-determined’:

There are two…emotional attitudes through which human life can be radically determined. They are love and fear. The fear-determined have no sun in themselves and go about putting out the sun in other people. Whereas the love-determined have life in them, abundant life. They are the people who are really alive, of whom it can be said that they possess eternal life as a well within them perpetually springing.

Is your life determined by love or by fear?

As John McMurray says, “the fear-determined … go about putting out the sun in other people.”

What does he mean by, “Putting out the sun in other peope”?

It’s when we focus on other people’s faults and weaknesses. It’s when we put others down, when we use snide or sarcastic comments in order to put out their light.

If you are ruled by fear, you not only go about putting out the light of others, you also extinguish your own light.

Here are the thoughts that put out your own sun:

“No use trying!”, “I’m hopeless at that!”, “I’ll never learn!”, “This is too difficult!”

Each time you play these negative tapes, you extinguish your light, and negate your potential. And when you look at others and their perceived talent and success, you may feel envy – which is really a wish to extinguish the light of others.

How can we move from fear towards love?

The key is intimacy

We move from fear towards love when we start to connect deeply with ourselves.

What does that mean?

It means being present to our experience of the moment. Whether we experience joy, or anguish, or restlessness, or fear, or anger – if we shine the soft light of awareness on our experience, we are no longer separate from ourselves.

What is the natural state of the heart?

Imagine that you release your heart from all the protective layers. What do you find at the core?

What you find is that the heart is joyful, radiant, and boundless. Our natural way of being is a state of intimate connection with all beings.

Maybe you feel worlds away from such an experience?

It doesn’t matter. It doesn’t matter because we are all on a path. All that counts is that everything we do moves us closer to our aspirations. On the spiritual path there is no fast or slow. There are no big or small steps. All you need to do is to practice loving-kindness – and little by little, your radiant heart will shine through.

How to uncover the radiant heart within.

You can uncover the radiant heart by practicing loving-kindness, or metta meditation. This meditation was taught by the Buddha as an antidote to fear. It’s the practice of cherishing the goodness in us, as well as in others. Thich Nhat Hanh translates the term loving-kindness or metta as “the intention and capacity to offer joy and happiness.”

The most important point here is that you need to start with yourself. You need to offer yourself loving-kindness.  It’s the foundation of loving-kindness practice.

Here is a simple loving-kindness meditation. It can slowly strip away the layers of protection, and reveal the radiant heart at the core of your being.

As you breathe in – cherish yourself
As you breathe out – cherish all beings

At first, you may find it difficult to cherish yourself. Sometimes, we can be our worst enemy. It may even seem selfish to cherish yourself.

However, when you say, ‘May I be at ease?’ – who is the one you are cherishing?

Is the “I” you dedicate your loving-kindness to …  just this bag of skin?

The magic of loving-kindness is that as you go deeper into the practice, you find that this ‘I’, this self – is without boundary.

The self includes mountains, rivers, wasps, hedgehogs, the warmth of the summer sun, the sharp winter wind, those close, and those far away. This ‘I’, this self, contains the whole universe.

As you breathe in – cherish yourself
As you breathe out – cherish all beings

You can either practice this during seated meditation, or you can pull out this meditation at odd moments during the day.

Here is a story that shows how to cherish something or someone completely. It’s from Maurice Sendak, the author the magical children’s book, Where the Wild Things Are.

Once a little boy sent me a charming card with a little drawing on it.

I loved it. I answer all my children’s letters — sometimes very hastily — but this one I lingered over. I sent him a card and I drew a picture of a Wild Thing on it. I wrote, “Dear Jim: I loved your card.”

Then I got a letter back from his mother and she said, “Jim loved your card so much he ate it.”

That to me was one of the highest compliments I’ve ever received. He didn’t care that it was an original Maurice Sendak drawing or anything. He saw it, he loved it, he ate it.”

- Maurice Sendak

See. Love. Eat.

This little boy knew how to cherish completely.

Loving-kindness practice is simple. But it can transform the way you experience life.

As your heart’s capacity for love and kindness grows, you’ll find a great fullness of being, discover a warm kinship with all beings, and reveal the radiant heart within.

What happens when you try this meditation? Please share in the comments.

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By Mary Jaksch

When the mind is neither in the past or the future and we are completely present, our experience changes in a significant way.

Suddenly life seems more spacious and more peaceful.

When we are mindful, we are available for life, and aren’t trapped in our own little world.

Whether it’s peacefulness, or anger, or boredom, or elation, or fear – mindfulness allows us to notice what we are experiencing right now.

Mindfulness means bringing full, soft attention to the task at hand.

All of us tend to let our mind drift when faced with a boring task. The good news is that if we pull ourselves back into the present moment, the task is transformed and boredom soon disappears. So, whether it’s washing the dishes, or cutting carrots, or driving in the rush hour – mindfulness can transform ‘lost’ time into islands of ease.

In his book The Miracle of Mindfulness,  Thich Nhat Hanh says:

The first function of mindfulness is to recognize what is there. The second function of mindfulness is to embrace it and to get deeply in touch with it.

The first step of mindfulness is to notice what our experience of this moment is like.

Whether it’s peacefulness, or anger, or boredom, or elation, or fear – mindfulness allows us to notice where we are at. But we need to go beyond that, we need to become intimate with what is there.

The second step of mindfulness is to connect so deeply that we become what we experience.

Pause for a moment, look away from the screen and take one complete, deep breath.

Did you experience your breath?

I expect you’ll say ‘yes’. But what about going deeper? Did you become the breath?

Mindfulness transforms

Thich Nath Hanh says:

There’s a seed of anger in every one of us. There is also a seed of fear, a seed of despair. And when the seed of anger or fear, we should be able to recognize it, to embrace it tenderly, and to transform it. And the agent of transformation and healing is called mindfulness.

Mindfulness has the power to transform clinging into generosity, anger into compassion, and isolation into intimacy.

It’s important to be compassionate towards the part of you that wants and wants and wants, and never gets what it yearns for. And with the part that is angry, or sullen, or resentful, or irritated. And with the part that is lonely, aloof, or preoccupied. Or with the part that is fearful, anxious, or rigid. Meet these parts of yourself with tender regard.

Here’s a simple way to practice mindfulness in everyday life:

Whenever you notice that your mind is straying away from the task at hand, stop for a moment. Then touch forefinger and thumb for one complete in-and out-breath. Then continue your task and notice what changes through becoming mindful.

What happens when you become mindful? Please share in the comments.

Images by pranav, abiogis50, Steve Hanson.

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By Mary Jaksch

When we see a wilting plant, we know what to do. We water it.

But when we are exhausted and stressed, it’s often difficult to know how to recover.

The problem is that the exhaustion many of us suffer from can’t be fixed by a holiday at the beach, or a visit to a day-spa. Because it’s not just our body that’s exhausted, it’s our soul.

When the soul is exhausted, we suffer from loss of joy and hope

Life then seems increasingly difficult, and sometimes even meaningless. In those times we’re estranged from a dimension of being human that adds ease and joy to life.

We’re estranged from our natural spirituality. By natural spirituality I mean the insight and wisdom that comes from a deeper recognition of who we are, and of how our life is interwoven with all other beings.

I came to spirituality the hard way. Twenty-five years ago my life was in tatters: my marriage was disintegrating, I was homesick, having just emigrated to New Zealand, and work was a nightmare. That’s when I started Zen meditation. It wasn’t a magic bullet, but I began to find islands of ease within the chaos of my life.

Maybe you too are suffering, especially in this dire economic climate? In my experience, even if we are powerless to change our circumstances, we can learn to find island of ease within our distress.

I use the word ease because it implies that our body is relaxed and that we are at peace with ourselves. It also means that we are in harmony with everything around us. When we are at ease, even difficult tasks begin to flow.

Here are five ways of finding islands of ease. These five ways will help you to feel more alive and peaceful, instead of preoccupied and stressed.

1. Silence

Silence can heal. But many of us are afraid of it because we think it might make us feel lonely. Or because it might force us to face ourselves.

There are two kinds of silence. There is outer silence which is absence of noise. And there is inner silence when our thoughts die down and our mind becomes quiet. If you are not used to silence, you might like to try this island of ease in small doses.

• Spend at least 5 minutes each day doing nothing.

Just notice sounds, sights, smells, and so on. Let go of planning thoughts or other distractions. This is a way to cultivate inner silence.

• Eliminate background music.

Only play music if you can listen to it with full attention. That might be difficult for you if you tend to exercise to music or listen to music in the car. Maybe you could just try silence for one day and see what it’s like.

• Turn the TV off if you are not watching it.

In many households the TV is blaring, even though nobody is watching it. Try turning it off as much as possible and see what happens.

2. Mindfulness

When our mind is neither in the past or the future and we are completely present, our experience changes in a significant way. Suddenly life seems more spacious, and more peaceful.

Mindfulness means being present with a clear mind, and an open heart.

When we are mindful, we are available for life, and aren’t trapped in our own little world. Whether it’s peacefulness, or anger, or boredom, or elation, or fear: mindfulness allows us to notice what we are experiencing right now.

Mindfulness means bringing full, soft attention to the task at hand.

All of us tend to let our mind drift when faced with a boring task. The good news is that if we pull ourselves back into the present moment, the task is transformed and boredom soon disappears. So, whether it’s washing the dishes, or cutting carrots, or driving in the rush hour – mindfulness can transform ‘lost’ time into islands of ease.

3. Walking

If we’re able-bodied, we do a fair amount of walking, wherever we live. In an urban area, most of our walking might be to get to work, or to the bus, car, or subway, or to the corner shop. And maybe we sometimes go for a walk in a park. If we live in the countryside, we may be used to long walks in nature.

What happens in our mind as we walk?

Often the mind churns away: it worries, plans, re-lives old hurts, or dreams of the future.

In order to turn walking into an island of ease, all you needs is a simple change: you need to focus on the experience of walking and let go of your busy thoughts. The following tip will assist you:

As you walk, touch forefinger and thumb together to remind you of the present moment.

Focus the feeling of your feet on the ground, on sounds, and on your breath flowing in and out as you walk along. Each time you find that your churning mind has taken you away from experience of ‘now’,gently refocus on the present moment.

4. Meditation

As I said before, I’ve been practicing daily Zen meditation for twenty-five years now. I do it because it makes me feel vividly alive. It gives me a sense of ease and peacefulness that is not dependant on my circumstances.

Science has put meditation under the microscope and has found amazing psychological and physiological benefits:

Psychological Benefits

• Increased feelings of vitality and rejuvenation;
• Increased happiness;
• Increased emotional stability;
• Decreased anxiety;
• Decreased depression;
• Greater creativity;
• Decreased irritability and moodiness;
• Improved learning ability and memory;
• Increased insight and wisdom.

Physiological benefits

• Deep rest (as measured by decreased metabolic rate, and lower heart rate);
• Lowered levels of cortisol and lactate (two chemicals associated with stress);
• Improved blood pressure;
• Drop in cholesterol levels;
• Improved flow of air to the lungs;
• Significant slowing of the slowing of the aging process.

The simplest and most natural meditation is a way that Zen master Thich Nhat Hanh teaches: on your in-breath, silently say in, and on your out-breath, silently say out. If you do this even for just five minutes, you will notice that soul and body start to relax and find ease.

What’s really important is that YOU find ease.

I hope that the ways I have outlined above are helpful to you. I’d be interested to read what you think in the comments. Maybe you have found other islands of ease that work for you? Please share them – we can all learn from each other.

There is a lot more to meditation but it’s good to start simple. If you want to learn more, you can find ten important tips on  how to meditate..

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By Mary Jaksch

Beauty inspires gratitude. But only when we become aware of beauty.
Live rushes on and it’s easy to get immersed in the mind tape that takes about ‘me’, ‘mine’, ‘myself’ – instead of taking a moment to appreciate the beauty that is all around us.

Stop for a moment and appreciate whatever you see, hear, or feel right now. If you have a few minutes, watch the inspiring video below. Nature’s beauty can be easily missed – but not through Louie Schwartzberg’s lens. His stunning time-lapse photography, accompanied by powerful words from Benedictine monk David Steindl-Rast, serves as a gratitude meditation.

Watch the video below, or click here to watch it.

What did you think about the video?

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By Mary Jaksch

Gratitude is a wonderful emotion. What happens when you feel grateful is that your ego disappears for a moment. Instead of trying to project yourself into the world, you become open and receptive.

If you want to feel happier, try keeping a ‘gratitude journal’. At night, just before going to sleep, write down everything you feel grateful for as you review the day. It’s a proven way to feel happier.

Below is a beautiful gratitude meditation, led by Deepak Chopra. Please watch it and take a few minutes to experience gratitude.

What are your thoughts on gratitude? Do you have some tips on how to practice gratitude? Please share in the comments.

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Does meditation make us happy?

By Mary Jaksch

There’s an ongoing debate about whether meditation actually makes us feel happier.
Is happiness really a side effect of meditation?

The answer lies in the emotional thermostat

We all have an emotional thermostat. There is an emotional ‘set-point’ around which our daily mood swings. For some people, the setting is low and they experience mostly darker moods. Others have a higher set-point that allows them to experience sunnier moods.

I’m lucky because my set-point is in the ‘happy’ range.
Where is your set-point?

Of course there are moments when we register emotions that are outside our natural range. Maybe we get thrown into a life crisis and the world turns dark. Or maybe we fall in love and our spirit soars. But sooner or later we will return to our emotional set-point.

The question is: can meditation make us happier? I mean: not happier for the moment – but long-term. That is, can we alter the set-point of our emotional thermostat through meditation? Spiritual traditions, such as Buddhism, maintain that meditation can make us happier. But is that really true?

I want to introduce you to some research that has been done as a collaboration of scientists and meditation masters. In 2001, a conference took place called “Transformations of Mind, Brain and Emotion: Neurobiological and Bio-Behavioral Research on Meditation”. Amongst the participants were Richard Davidson, professor for psychology at the University of Wisconsin-Madison, and his Holiness the Dalai Lama. Davidson said:

Our scientific lives have been deeply affected by these interactions with His Holiness…This dialog has motivated us to vigorously pursue research on contemplative practice because we believe it can be beneficial. We hope eventually to take techniques involved in various kinds of meditation out of their Buddhist context and apply them to secular training that may improve mental and physical health.

The Dalai Lama concurred:

All human beings have an innate desire to overcome suffering, to find happiness. Training the mind to think differently, through meditation, is one important way to avoid suffering and be happy…Science shows us that there are practices that can make a difference between a happy life and a miserable life.

However, the Dalai Lama warned that “…the real understanding of the true nature of the mind can only be gained through meditation.”

Present at this meeting was also Fr. Thomas Keating, a Cistercian priest and founder of the Centering Prayer Movement. He said,

We are talking about spirituality, which is the interior aspect of religion, and on this we are at one with our Buddhist brothers and sisters. Scientists will find mystics are not so stupid after all, and we will find scientists are on a spiritual journey, too, whether they realize it or not.

Researchers at the University of Wisconsin-Madison conducted an interesting experiment. They taught one group of students how to practice mindfulness meditation and paired it with a control group that didn’t do any meditation.

Let me remind you. Mindfulness meditation means sitting quietly with attention to the present moment. Everything – thoughts, emotions, sensory experience – is accepted in soft awareness without judgement. It’s a form of meditation that deepens the awareness of the present moment, and develops skills of focused attention.

Back to the experiment: The group of students who learned to meditate did a 7-hour workshop and then had to practice for an hour each day. This went on for a couple of months. A control group did not practice meditation at all.

The results showed a strong biological impact of meditation.

• The meditation group showed an increase of brain activity in the left-side part of the frontal region, which is associated with lower anxiety and a more positive emotional state.
• These students also showed a better immune function than the control group. I.e. the body was more resilient.

The interesting point is that the changes I describe above were tracked after the experiment had finished. They show that lasting changes are possible through meditation.

Yes, meditation can make us happier because it can change the set point of our emotional thermostat.

What are your thoughts on this? Please share in the comments.

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By Mary Jaksch

Mindfulness meditation is a simple and effective way to meditate. Whether you want to become calmer, be more present, or simply become grounded, mindfulness meditation will help you.

How long should you meditate for?

If this is your first experience of meditation, just meditate for short periods of time, maybe 5 to 10 minutes. As you get more experienced, you can lengthen the time you spend meditating to 25 or 30 minutes.

Here are seven simple tips that will enhance your experience:

#1 Sit upright

Upright posture helps the mind to come to rest. You can either sit on the ground with a firm cushion to elevate your back side, or sit on a straight-backed chair. The main thing is to keep your spine upright but relaxed. It’s much easier to keep your mind focused if you’re upright.

#2 Pay tender regard to your body

It’s helpful to connect with your body in order to settle into meditation. Start at your feet and slowly scan the body with your mind. What do your feet feel like? What do you legs feel like? Let the soft light of your attention move slowly through your whole body.

#3 Be still

When you first start to meditate, you may feel fidgety and may want to adjust your posture constantly. It’s really important to be still physically during meditation. Every time you move, your mind responds with random thoughts. So stay steady and still.

#4 Be silent

Outer silence helps you to become silent within. In our Western culture, silence has become rare. In order to become still within, make sure that you are in a quiet environment. It’s only when you are still that we can become aware of your mind.

#5 Focus on your breath

Pay tender regard to your breath flowing in and out. Your breath is a doorway to stillness. Notice what your breath feels like in your nose, chest, and belly.

#6 Let go of inner chatter

Mindfulness meditation means becoming aware of the present moment, without judgment.Notice your thoughts coming and going. When you notice that you are caught up in an inner dialogue, gently let the story go.

# 7 Bring your attention back when it wanders.

Gently bring your mind back to your breath whenever it strays into the past or the future. Our mind tends to wander. That’s a natural condition. If you train yourself to gently return your soft attention to the breath, your mind will become steadier. And you will be able to immerse yourself in the present moment.

Meditation is a practice. It takes time to learn it.

When you first start out, mindfulness meditation will feel strange. And it may be quite a shock to become aware of how often the mind spends time in the past or future – instead of in the present moment.

Set yourself a regular schedule, but make sure this schedule is ‘too easy’, and ‘too short’. If you want to create a habit of daily meditation, you’re much more likely to be successful if you treat yourself with kindness and don’t demand the impossible.

When you learn to immerse yourself in the present moment – whatever it is like – you will experience a deep joy and peacefulness. As well, meditation has immense health benefits: it strengthens the immune system, lowers your blood pressure and pulse rate, and lifts your mood.

Meditation is a wonderful gift to yourself!

If you want to start meditating the easy way, CLICK HERE to get the Goodlife ZEN Meditation Guide.

Click here to Download the FREE first chapter of Start Over: Create the Life YOU Want

By Mary Jaksch

If you meditate regularly, you’ll know that even a short meditation in the mornings has the power to improve the way you experience your whole day. Not only will you feel more peaceful and relaxed, you’ll also be more alert, feel more positive, and have a greater sense of empathy.

That’s why meditation techniques have been refined over thousands of years.

But do you have to meditate for years in order to experience the benefits?

Recent research has proven that there are measurable brain changes after only eight weeks of meditating regularly. The research was conducted at the University of Massachusetts Center for Mindfulness

How we can change our brain

The brain is a complex network. People used to think that our brain is something we can’t influence. But in recent years, research has shown that the inherent plasticity of the brain means that we can create new neurons and lay down new pathways as the result of training.

The brain is like a muscle that we can train

Britta Hölzel, PhD, one of the leading authors of the research into mindfulness meditation, says:

It is fascinating to see the brain’s plasticity and that, by practicing meditation, we can play an active role in changing the brain and can increase our well-being and quality of life.

Awareness is a key aspect of meditation

Most forms of meditation revolve around awareness training. Awareness is different from concentration. To become aware means that we notice what is usually outside our conscious experience.

So, what does this actually mean? It’s hard to become aware of what seems ‘normal’ to us. If you were a fish, for example,  You wouldn’t be aware of water, would you? In order to understand ‘water’, a fish would have to be outside of its ‘normal’ element.

That’s exactly what meditation training does: we come aware of what is usually hidden by going outside of our ‘normal’ mode of experiencing. If you were a fish, for example, you would only understand water if you were lifted out of it.

In the process of training our awareness through meditation, we learn to understand how our habitual thoughts shape our reality.

Let’s try a simple experiment:

Stop reading and notice the sounds around you.

When you start to attend to sounds, you’ll notice that sounds were going on all the time around you, but you somehow managed to screen them out.

What if you were screening out most of your experience?

Internal dialogues drown out most other experiences. That means that it’s possible to go through life, and only experience a fraction. If you spend a lot of time listening to your inner dialogue, you may be missing the small beauties of life: the warmth of sun on your skin, the smell of freshly ground coffee, the kindness with which a friend looks at you, or the delicate taste of the meal you’re eating. If you don’t want to miss out on life: start to meditate.

Meditation allows you to experience your life fully

What is your attention default?

What kind of thoughts does your mind return to most often? For most people the attention default is their internal dialogue. But we only notice what our attention default is when we start meditation, and experience inner and outer stillness. Again, it’s like taking a fish out of water in order to know about water.

Meditation helps us to change our attention default because it trains us to be more present. When we learn to become aware of  our moment-to-moment awareness, our life changes. We become more present, and less self-involved.

One of the changes in the brain through meditation is that affects we become more empathetic.  We become more in tune with others. When we emerge from the fog of our internal dialogue are we able to tune into the needs and hopes of others.

Use the breath as an anchor to the present moment

A simple way to retrain our attention is to use the breath as an anchor that brings us back to the present. Whenever we pay soft attention to our breath, it takes us out of our self-involved inner world. It also calms us and steadies us.

Who are you?

One of the main reasons why meditation changes us is because you can get a glimpse of who you really are – when you drop all ideas about yourself.

What you can notice is that we actually construct our sense of self from moment to moment. That’s the main function of the internal dialogue. When we meditate and are able to notice and let go of the constant chatter in the mind, we get to glimpse the reality of who we are in the depth.

Even if you only meditate for a short space of time each day, there will be a definite change in life after only eight weeks. There’s a radiance and serenity that comes with regular meditation. And, most of all, you’ll become present and really experience your life, instead of living in a fog of preoccupation.

What’s your experience of how meditation has changed your life? Or do you have questions? Please share in the comments.

Related post:
How to Start Meditating: 10 Important Tips

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Zen Meditation

By Mary Jaksch

Zen meditation is not only a way to feel more peaceful or get rid of stress – it’s an amazing journey into the unknown.

Maybe you are a beginner and have never meditated before. Or maybe you are an experienced meditator.

In any case, it’s important to approach meditation with Beginner’s Mind. Approach each meditation as if it were for the very first time.

Zen meditation is called Zazen.

Which simply means ‘seated meditation’. Read through the following instructions in order to find out how to do it. If you already know about that, read through anyhow. I’m sure you will find something to inspire you.

Preparation for Zazen

There are some basic practical steps you can take to make your sitting more comfortable.

1. Find a time when you will be undisturbed. Take the phone off the hook and ask your partner, friends or others in the house not to disturb you for the time you will be meditating.
2. It’s good to sit in a space that is quiet and uncluttered. Turn off the stereo or TV. For many of us it will be impossible to find total quiet and we may still hear neighbors playing loud music or cars racing in the street. That’s alright – it can help us come back to the present moment.
3. It’s best not to meditate on a full stomach if you can, and wear comfortable loose clothing.
4. You might want to create a small ritual before zazen to help set the scene and allow you to move into the meditative space. This may be as simple as lighting a candle, taking a short walk around the garden, or having a special cup of tea.

If you’re new to meditation, remember that it’s a practice. At first it will feel strange and awkward – but in time you’ll feel the benefits in your life.

The value of good posture

Someone once asked me:
“What’s the most important thing when meditating?”
I said, “Posture!”
Posture is important because body and mind are directly linked. When the body is upright and well aligned, the mind is in balance and still.

It’s important for the body to be as relaxed as possible, while still keeping the integrity of your upright posture. In his book, The Posture of Meditation, Will Johnson says:

The posture of meditation allows us to begin to soften our rigidities. The more we are able to soften the holding and tightness in our bodies, the easier it is to open the heart.

Further down, I’ll describe various postures for zazen (Zen meditation), but alignment is important in every one of them. Zazen is meticulous work and details are important. How we hold our body, for example, or how we breathe is important. You need to be as comfortable as possible during zazen so that you can sit without moving.

Alignment

When you were a child and played with building blocks, you found that if you wanted to pile them one on top of each other to make a high tower, you had to align them vertically. If you didn’t, the tower would soon crash. It’s the same when doing Zazen. If our posture is upright, we can make friends with gravity, instead of fighting it.

In his book Zen Mind, Beginner’s Mind Zen Master Shunryu Suzuki said:

You should not be tilted sideways, backward, or forwards. You should be sitting straight up as if you were supporting the sky with your head…When you have this posture, you have the right state of mind, so there is no need to try to attain some special state.

We can meditate in a number of different positions – on a cushion, on a bench, on a chair or even lying down (though I don’t recommend this one as it is too easy to fall asleep).

The instructions on how to sit in each of these positions is described below.

When we are sitting in meditation, the posture we are trying to achieve is as follows:

• A steady stable position;
• The spine in a natural alignment
• The head level (chin not tilted up or down)

If you are going to meditate in the first three of the following positions, you will need a mat and a firm cushion or two. The mat could be a couple of folded blankets. Or you can get a proper Zen mat, called zabuton and a sitting cushion, called zafu.

Burmese

Zazen Positions

The most important thing is to be comfortable when you meditate so that your body and mind can be still. Here are some positions you can choose from.

Burmese
Place your cushion or cushions to the back of your mat. Sit cross-legged on the front half your cushion so that your knees come down onto the mat.

Place your legs one in front of the other. If your knees are up off the ground, place some support cushions underneath.

Seiza

Seiza

Seiza is a kneeling position where the backside is supported. You can either use a seiza bench for this or sit astride a couple of cushions that you have placed on your mat.

Lotus
Sit as in Burmese posture but bring one foot or both feet right up on to your thighs. This is called lotus. Stretches can help you work towards this. But do not force this posture as you can cause lasting damage to knees and hips.

Chair

If you have pain sitting in Burmese or in seiza, you may want to use a chair. Choose an upright chair and sit well back so that your spine is straight. Your feet should rest on the ground. If your legs are too short to reach the ground, place a firm support cushion under your feet.

Mudra

Hand position (Mudra)

Rest your right hand on your thigh and place your left hand on  top with thumb tips lightly touching. The shape of your hands should be a flattened oval as if you are holding something precious. Your thumb-tips are like a bio-feedback mechanism: If you are thinking, your thumbtips

Eyes

Keep your eyes slightly open. This is important. If you sit with closed eyes, you will be more likely to be swept away by thoughts and fantasies.

What to do with the mind

You knew the mind of meditation when you were little! Just imagine that you’re a kid playing hide and seek.You’re hiding behind a curtain, waiting to be found. All senses sharp and your attention given fully on the task.

The ‘hide-and-seek’ mind is the mind of zazen

There is no need to be grim when you sitting on your mat. You can try a little smile!

The miracle of breath

Breathing is a universal foundation for meditation practice. Each breath is like the cycle of life itself – being born, coming to maturity, fading away, and finally dying.

I suggest that you take up a very simple and beautiful breath meditation that Zen Master Thich Nhat Hanh teaches:

As you breathe in, silently say “in”, as you breathe out, silently say “out”.

You will find that your mind wanders. That’s natural. Simply bring yourself back to your breath and, saying “in” and “out”.

Zen meditation can transform your life over time. It’s a wonderful way to feel more peaceful or get rid of stress – and it’s an amazing and mysterious path into the unknown.

If you want to learn Zen meditation the easy way, CLICK HERE to get the Goodlife ZEN Meditation Guide.

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By Mary Jaksch

It can be difficult to forgive those who  hurt us. In fact, we sometimes cling to our grievances and grudges. Because our stories of grievance and resentment are a way to define who we think we are.

Just think for a moment – do you carry stories of grievances?

I’ve met many people whose lives are completely consumed by their story of neglect or abuse. It may be a story of how their parents or other family member mistreated them, or how a partner or friend betrayed them, or how they fell victim to a crime.

Now this may sound strange, but there is a payoff from carrying grudges.

The payoff of resentful stories is that we can blame failure or misery on others. We don’t have to take responsibility for what our life is like. And our stories of grievance can also get other people to take our side. Such stories can create a ‘them against us’ scenario. Stories about grievances have been told since the beginning of mankind.  Like K D Lang’s celebrated song Trail of Broken Hearts.

Why should we let go of grievance, and embrace forgiveness? It’s quite simple, really.

Grievance makes us miserable – forgiveness set us free

But aren’t some thing just too hard to forgive? Here is the story of Anne Marie Hagan from Canada:

Anna was a 19 year old nursing student when she saw her father brutally murdered by a neighbor who was suffering from schizophrenia. She became completely consumed with anger, bitterness, vengeance, and self-pity: “I was absolutely determined that this man would never, ever regain his freedom. The longer he was locked away, the greater the value of my father’s life.”

And then, 17 years later she saw the perpetrator face-to-face:

It was during this meeting, while learning more about him as a human being and the horrendous suffering that he’d endured, that everything changed.

She writes that in that meeting,  16 years and 10 months of misery was just wiped away.

As he started to cry and said, “I’m to blame, I’m to blame”, I couldn’t take it anymore. I rushed around the table and hugged him, telling him that I forgave him. I remember saying to him, “Blame is too strong a word, blame is too strong a word.”

Can we learn to forgive?
The good news is that we learn to forgive. It’s important to understand that forgiveness isn’t just an act of will. The path to forgiveness is through compassion, and there are a number of steps that make it easier to move towards forgiveness.

Here is what Anne Marie Hagan says:

I could never have imagined that in doing so, I would set myself free. Finally I was able to let go of all the pain and torment that had held me captive, realizing that I’d been my own jailer. My life changed as I began to see the world.

My father’s killer is now 59 years old. He has a job, and he’s working towards a university degree. I admire him for having the strength and the courage to rebuild his life. I visit him regularly. We have talked at length about what happened on that fateful day, and how my forgiving him has changed both our lives.

You can see how Anne Marie’s life changed in a wonderful way after she was able to forgive. She could now move forward and throw off the shackles of the past.

Can we learn to forgive?

The good news is that we can learn to forgive. But it is not just a single act of will. The pathway to forgiveness is through compassion. Here is what Anne Marie Hagan says:

Forgiveness is not permission. It doesn’t mean that you agree with what the offender has done, or that they had a right to do what they did.  Forgiveness cannot be conditional on remorse because that would mean we can only forgive those who are sorry. Forgiveness is recognizing that the offender is a human being who is deserving of kindness, compassion and love despite the harm they have done.

So what about you – are you willing find the path to forgiveness?

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