A guest post by Shilpan of Street Smart Finance

Have you had sleepless nights over mounting credit card debt? If so — you are not alone. You can do it!

Here’s the scoop — you can become debt free simply by changing your habits to lift you out of your financial hole.

Why is that  simple money lessons are hard to adopt for millions of people? After all, our world of Web is full of blogs teaching how to — live within your means, budget and save more.

The secret lies in the  fact that you have to become a better person first — one who understands that happiness comes from within — one who understands that by changing thoughts and habits, anything is possible including overcoming the worst of the financial difficulties. It’s that simple.

The first step towards achieving financial peace is to take personal responsibility for your actions by developing habits for healthy personal finances. What if you are in $50,000 credit card debt today? You can hardly pay your bills, and your life is going downhill. You can pull yourself out of debt simply with these four simple steps. It all starts with changing your thoughts. And your thoughts will change your attitude towards money.

1. Visualize & feel who you want to become

The very first step is to visualize vividly who you want to become financially. Visualization is to your subconscious mind what nutrition is to your body. Okay, so your goal is to pay off $50,000 in credit card debt. Imagine how happy you will be when you can scream in Dave Ramsey’s style, “I am debt free.”  Imagine how happy you will be when you can do those things that you love to do but fear because spending more will lead you towards financial ruin. Imagine how great you’ll feel when that credit card bill arrives without any outstanding amount.

Write these three or four most exciting feelings on a paper that you can read in the morning, at a lunch break and before going to bed.

2. Have a written plan

You have conditioned your subconscious with action propelling statements; now, it’s time to take action. But, you are not ready yet. It’s time to write down how you will pay off $50,000 in credit card bills. The trick is to visualize a problem in smaller scale. You don’t get intimidated by a foot of snow in your front yard as you know that you can remove that a square foot a time; so  is your task of paying off $50,000 in credit card debt.

• Target smaller, achievable goals

You have to set smaller, achievable goals that you are confident about. Without goals, you are living re-actively, letting your worries push you around. Set a goal to pay credit card with the smallest outstanding balance of $3,000 first. Now, you have written down your goal to pay off credit card with smallest balance first while you keep paying minimum for the rest of the cards. You are one step closer to having a plan that your subconscious can affirm and act upon.

• Set up a budget

A simple budget is a blue print for your home of financial peace. You have already committed to paying off $3,000 in six months. So, you need additional $500 monthly to achieve this goal. If you can’t earn more, look at your monthly recurring bills — your cable bill, your club dues. You’ll find money to cut your expenses by $500. If not, you will look for additional sources of income.

3. What will you sacrifice?

You have to sacrifice to move forward. This is true not only for your personal finances, but also for any facet of your life. By making conscious choices you are developing habits that are conducive to your financial success; and avoiding those that are against your goal to pay off $50,000 in credit card debt.  It’s time for you to first track your expenses and choose to bury any non-essential expenses forever. You can track your expenses with simple tools like Mint or develop your own simple plan to track your expenses. Once you start tracking your expenses —it will become easier for you to cut down on unnecessary expenses to save money. Or you may find that your passion to teach Math can bring money to pay towards your debt.

4. Commit

Commit yourself: set smaller, achievable short-term goals; have an action plan and, finally, take action. You’ve done an incredible job of training your subconscious mind. It’s time to make your subconscious mind work. And work really hard.

• Start a blog

Some of the most successful bloggers launched their blogs when their financial journey was anything but perfect — Zenhabits, GetRichSlowly and TheSimpleDollar to name a few. They have not only achieved financial freedom by sharing their own story, but also mastered the art of personal finance by committing to learn and to share their ideas with countless others on the Web. It’s your turn now.

• Tell your friends and family members

If you don’t have desire to start a blog, start sharing your financial goals with your friends and family members. They will help you stay the course until you pay off your debt.

Do you realize that, all along, you have become a better person by developing habits that are needed for healthy personal finance? You will be amazed how your financial picture will change by following these four simple steps.

Shilpan is an entrepreneur, business owner and blogger. He is passionate about personal development and common sense personal finance. He shares his ideas on Street Smart Finance. You can follow Shilpan on Twitter at @shilpan

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Are you compassionate?

A guest post by Annika Martins of The Catalyst Sessions

Think of the last time you encountered someone who was suffering.

Maybe they were coping with physical pain, financial struggles or the emotional weight of a divorce or the death of a loved one.

Would you define your response to them as compassionate?

Now think of the last time someone inconvenienced you.

Maybe an aggressive driver forced you to swerve off the road during rush hour or one of your children accidentally broke an expensive lamp. Maybe it was as simple as the pizza delivery guy being an hour late.

How did you respond?

Compassion-blindness

Most of us live with mental blinders that prevent us from seeing the many opportunities for kindness we encounter every day. We respond to life’s challenges from a position of irritation and defensiveness instead of realizing that every moment offers us a chance to be gentle instead of sharp, thoughtful instead of insensitive.

The best way to remove these defensive blinders and make compassion an automatic response in every situation is to consciously practice incorporating it into our everyday lives.

Compassion becomes active when it is worked like a muscle. It is something we must practice, just like daily meditation, yoga or playing the piano.

By directing consistent attention and effort at it, we will naturally sink into a rhythm of words and behaviors that reflect this loving kindness in everything we do.

Daily acts of compassion

There are many activities we can engage in to proactively cultivate compassion in our daily lives. Here are 10 ideas you can try out for yourself:

tip #1: teach

You have a set of unique talents, skills and access to a wide range of resources. Who can you share your talents/resources with today? Where might you find a person who would benefit from what you have to give? Compassion does not hoard what it has but gives generously.

tip #2: be taught

There are talents/skills that don’t come to you naturally, but flow easily for others. Ask for their guidance and support. People feel empowered when we honour their abilities by asking for their contribution.

tip #3: offer sincere praise

Forced compliments and fake smiles are not easily disguised, so don’t bother trying. Instead, look for opportunities to genuinely applaud someone’s talents (tip #2 should make this fairly easy). Compassion does not claim the spotlight for itself, but rather shines it on others.

tip #4: be curious

Create opportunities to objectively explore the things and people you are judgemental of. Read a novel written by an author from a culture you have a low opinion of. Start a casual conversation with the colleague who follows a different religious/spiritual tradition. Allow yourself to recognize common values instead of relying on old stereotypes.

tip #5: switch shoes

Inhabiting someone else’s experience is one of the best ways to cultivate compassion. Offer to cover the responsibilities of a co-worker who is out sick/on vacation. Walk or take public transportation to work instead of driving. Changing our usual routine is an excellent way to shift our perspective and see others from a new vantage point.

tip #6: be a silent witness

Watch a parent walking hand in hand with their child. Let a dog lick your hand. Close your eyes and feel the wind/rain/snow on your face. Silently witness the many expressions of love happening all around you. Compassion and love are one in the same.

tip #7: create stillness

Meditation quiets the stream of mental chatter (which often includes a fair bit of judgement of ourselves and others) that diminishes our ability to fully connect with the present moment. True presence allows us to see beyond external layers of difference and identify the core oneness we share with everyone else on this planet. When you recognize the interconnectedness of everything, compassion flows naturally.

tip #8: turn it inward

Although extending compassion to others should be a daily practice, showing that same kindness to ourselves is also vital. Are you holding onto past regrets? Have you ever done/said something that you are deeply ashamed of? Ask yourself, “Who would I be without this regret/shame?” Each day, practice forgiving yourself. Whether silently, out loud or maybe in front of a mirror, cultivate a space of calm acceptance of all things.

tip #9: seek out those in need

One of the quickest ways to cultivate a sense of loving kindness is to seek out opportunities to interact with those in need. Volunteer at an animal shelter. Spend time visiting patients in a hospital (many hospitals have programs that facilitate this). Work in a soup kitchen for an afternoon. Compassion reponds to suffering with gentleness, giving its time and energy generously.

tip #10: pause

They say hindsight is 20/20. It is often easy for us to admit that we used unkind words or behaved aggressively after we’ve reflected on our actions. Don’t wait until afterwards to pause and reflect. When you have to write a difficult email, challenge a colleague or complain to the restaurant manager about poor service, pause and consider the other person’s position. Could they just be having a really rough day? Is it possible for you to communicate your concerns with kindness instead of aggressiveness? Pause and let the compassionate answer come through.

A note on Pity vs Compassion

Some might say that regularly engaging with those who are suffering (as suggested in #9) will become an enormous emotional drain.

Yes, if your interactions arise from a feeling of pity for others, you may very likely feel pained by these encounters. In fact, all of these tips could have a negative impact on both you and the recipient if the primary driver of your behavior is a feeling of pity.

Pity creates distance. It positions one person as superior, as far above the other. Compassion recognizes the sameness between all people, animals and the Earth. Compassion connects whereas pity separates.

Cultivating compassion for yourself and everything you encounter will create a life of ease and harmony.

Sounds like a good life to me.

What is your experience of offering or receiving compassion? Please share in the comments.

Annika Martins is the creator of The Catalyst Sessions, a jumpstart series designed to boost women entrepreneurs from mediocre to magnificent.  You can also find Annika on Twitter at @annikamartins.

Click here to Download the FREE first chapter of Start Over: Create the Life YOU Want

By Mary Jaksch

Are you about to set some heavy goals? Maybe you want to be more successful, lose weight, find the right partner, do more exercise …
I can see you cringing at the list. How about a very simple goal (if you can call it that) for your life…

Have more fun
If you’re considering how to change your life, having fun is an essential ingredient. Remember that ‘fun’ is not a static state of being. To have fun, we need to move, be creative, and enjoy the company of others. We need to sing, dance, run, play – or whatever else tickles our fancy.

Watch this joyful video below, Hoy Bailaré (Today I’m going to dance) by Argentine musician Leon Gieco. The video is all about how to have fun – whatever your circumstance.

(email readers, click here to watch it)

What are ways you would like to have more fun? Please share in the comments

Click here to Download the FREE first chapter of Start Over: Create the Life YOU Want

Improve your relationship

Need a few tips (guaranteed based in personal experience) to help take your relationship to the next level? You’ve come to the right place. Please keep reading.

1. Do something unexpected for your partner

This is such time-tested, invaluable advice I thought I should put it at the top of my list. How big the gesture is, or how small it is, doesn’t seem to make all that much difference. It works wonders either way because it’s the thought that is crucial in this step. And of course, the follow-through.

For example. Yesterday afternoon — as I was getting ready to leave home to conduct important business at the gym and the coffee shop – my wife asks: “Will you be going anywhere near the library?”

I was on it like a hawk. Questions like this are a no-brainer. “Is there something I could do for you dear?” I ask. JoAnn says there is a book waiting for her at the library and would I be able to pick it up. “Only if you have time,” she says.

Are you kidding? I love this woman. I made stopping at the library my first order of business. I got a parking ticket in the process, mind you (managed to talk myself out of it) but I came home with the book in my hands. A tangible beam of love passed between us that nourished both of us.

2. Keep your mouth shut when necessary

Oh dear. This is so hard to do sometimes. I admit it, I’m still working on this one. But there are times when for one reason or another JoAnn and I run into a difficult situation and the simple truth is she needs some space. A bit of time to herself to sort things out before she is ready to engage on whatever it is that has come up between us.

“Silence is golden,” someone once said. And it is true. There are times when not saying anything is the most constructive, creative thing you can possibly do to nurture your connection with another human being.

3. Don’t hold on to a misunderstanding or grudge

At the back of the townhome complex where JoAnn and I live is a creek. It’s like a mountain stream the way it bubbles and gurgles down from the Denver foothills (or wherever it comes from).

It’s a poor analogy perhaps. But I have often thought that a happy relationship – or a happy life come to that – is very like a mountain stream in some ways. If you run into a rock – a difficult patch – don’t let it stop you. Find a way to keep your relationship flowing around whatever seems to be in the way.

4. Be quick to change your mind

This brings me to one of the biggest secrets of a successful relationship. Be quick to change. Be willing to change. Don’t hang on to old self-images or old ideas or habits or prejudices. It not only makes you look old before your time, it deprives you of one of the greatest blessings of a relationship — the opportunity it gives us to grow and be a more accurate and fuller expression of our own unique self and potential.

You can be strong but still be humble. When your partner knows in her (or his) heart that this is true of you, you will indeed have a solid foundation beneath your feet.

5. A relationship must work for both people

Last, but not least — a relationship must obviously work for both partners.

How many relationships and marriages have failed or descended into misery or abuse because one partner or the other stepped into a dominant role? On the other and, how many relationships have prospered – have continued to grow and mature and become increasingly beautiful and meaningful – because care was taken to maintain an “equal” status that enabled each participant to express their own unique gift and potential?

Read more from Christopher Foster at The Happy Seeker, where he blogs about abundance of body, mind and spirit. Also check out his unique online course on “The True Potential of Aging.”

Click here to Download the FREE first chapter of Start Over: Create the Life YOU Want

By Mary Jaksch

The glory of friendship is not the outstretched hand, not the kindly smile, nor the joy of companionship; it is the spiritual inspiration that comes to one when you discover that someone else believes in you and is willing to trust you with a friendship. — Ralph Waldo Emerson

Do you sometimes feel that we are all mysteriously connected?

Some people maintain that in our virtual age, friendships created through social media are shallow and meaningless – and that there is less meaningful connection between people than ever before.

I don’t agree.

The most surprising thing about my  journey  as a blogger has been that I’ve made some wonderful friends online.  Some of them I’ve met face-to-face as well. Yes, they’re real friends.

But beyond the realm of friendship, we are all interconnected. Our lives are inextricably intertwined.

Here is an inspiring  video  that illuminates our mysterious connection.

Composer Eric Whitacre led a virtual choir of singers from around the world. Listen to the uplifting sound of 2000 singers in the following video.

If you can’t see the video below, click here to watch it.

What do you think about this? Did the music touch you?

Click here to Download the FREE first chapter of Start Over: Create the Life YOU Want

By Mary Jaksch

Are you happy? And are you getting happier? If not, some people may say that you’re failing.  After all, happiness has become the primary goal in life according to the self-help movement. And a thriving business too. You can even buy an application for your iPhone that claims to make you feel happier.

However, making money from happiness seems to be on a slide. I notice that a slick business called Happier.com. that used to guarantee that you will feel happier in just seven days – if you part with a tidy sum – is now for sale. I wonder how happy the owners of this site are right now …

Is happiness a worthwhile goal in life?

Let’s take a look at key moments in life. Reflect for a moment on which experiences blew your mind. For me, the most wonderful, emotional, and exciting moment was giving birth to my son, Sebastian. Although it was one of the highlights of my life, I wouldn’t call it a ‘happy’ time. It was painful, terrifying (when Sebastian’s heart rate suddenly slowed just before he was born), joyful, overwhelming, exhilarating, sublime, and funny (when the new father walked out of the hospital wearing a blood-stained shirt and an inane, wrap-around-grin on his face). Yes, the word ‘happy’ doesn’t begin to describe this amazing experience.

Much more important than feeling ‘happy’ is when we feel alive – right down to our little toes. When we are filled with creative energy. When we love deeply. When we feel our pain. When we laugh. When we cry. When we feel a deep sense of joy. When we belong. When we feel alone. When we are in awe. When we are struck by beauty. When the simple things become precious.

All of that taken together is so much more than to be ‘happy’.

What do you think – is happiness a worthwhile goal?

Click here to Download the FREE first chapter of Start Over: Create the Life YOU Want

Have you ever had a big dream for your  life – only to be told it’s not possible?

Read  the inspiring story of Jason Poole. His hopes of becoming a professional singer were dashed when doctors told him he would never sing again. Read how Jason fought back, found healing, and finally realized his dream.

As you start to read this moving story, click on the song below to hear Jason’s song. - Mary

By Jason Poole of The Accidental Crooner
I hear my teacher call to me from the house.  “Come and get your ‘ukulele.  It’s time to sing!”

I look down at my toes in the cool, black mud of the taro patch.  I’m a world away from my life in New York City.  I take a breath.  And I laugh.  How on earth did I wind up here?

The road has been full of twists and turns—and valuable lessons:

1.  Know what you want to do and go after it as though your life depends on it.  (It does!)

At two and a half years old, I sang into a microphone—with a live band!–and I was hooked. When people asked me what I wanted to be when I grew up, I never said fireman or astronaut.  My answer was always the same: I wanted to be a singing SUPERSTAR.

However, there aren’t many job openings available in that field–especially for kids.  So I dove, headfirst, into musical theater.  Instead of hanging out at the mall, I hung out in a rehearsal studio.  Instead of the soccer field, I played on the stage.

As a teen, I fell into a dark depression that almost destroyed me.  I developed an eating disorder that left my vocal cords blistered and scarred.  The doctors told me I wouldn’t sing again.  Life didn’t seem worth living.

If I was going to survive, I needed to sing.  Music was medicine for my raw and wounded spirit.  So I went back into the rehearsal studio.  With consistent effort (and a lot of patience!) my vocal cords healed and I learned to sing again.

I went on to graduate from Carnegie Mellon University with a degree in vocal performance. And it felt like I was back on track.

2.  Maintain an open mind—and an open heart.

I moved to New York City, hell-bent on stardom.  With Broadway theaters in my backyard, I auditioned like a maniac.   I was young and arrogant, confident that it would only be a matter of time before my “big break.”

To make ends meet, I worked as a singing waiter, belting out songs to karaoke tracks while I served burgers and milkshakes.  Then I got a corporate job with an entertainment giant, training their new hires.  I had a steady income and a flexible schedule that still allowed time for auditions.  Life was good.

But living in the Big Apple can take its toll on a person. Weighed down by the daily grind of working in the office and frustrated because I wasn’t the singing superstar I’d hoped to be, I headed down another dark road.  This time it was littered with ridiculous amounts of cigarettes and alcohol–not exactly a prescription for happiness!  My bitterness became a badge of honor.

One of the “newbies” I was responsible for came from Hawaii. She took off her overcoat and revealed bright colors instead of the black “uniform” that so many New Yorkers adopt.  She stripped off her leather boots and replaced them with rubber “slippahs.”  And she laughed.  Often.

I hated her.

She tried telling me about her island home.  But to me, it seemed like a fool’s fantasy.  Something you’d see on a postcard.  The harsh reality of New York City was the only thing I cared about.

One night, after a lousy day at the office, I heard a song playing in the background of television commercial.  A singer’s ethereal voice glided over a simple acoustic accompaniment.  Despite my foul mood, tears rolled down my cheeks and over my scowling lips.

And I was shocked when the newbie arrived at the office the next morning holding a CD of Hawaiian music that contained THAT song.   Of course!  It took HAWAIIAN MUSIC get my attention!  (I’m so thankful she persisted!)

I played that album continuously.  Studied it for weeks.  And it changed me from the inside out.  Hawaiian music gave me back my smile.

I swapped my New York attire for Aloha shirts.  My self-destructive habits lost their appeal.  It’s hard to be bitter when you’re laughing.

3.  “No” is not always the final answer.

My “big break” came when I was 28—in way I hadn’t anticipated.  Instead of breaking into showbiz, I broke my hip in a freak accident.  The bones mended, but the surgery left me with a nasty patch of scar tissue that pulled on my leg.  I walked with a limp.  The doctors told me I wouldn’t dance again.

After almost a year of physical therapy, I still had the limp.  Because I loved Hawaiian music, my partner surprised me with a gift certificate for five hula classes at a dance studio.  He believed I would dance again.

I wanted to take the classes.  But my physical therapist said it would cause more damage to my hip.  She told me, “No.”

I hate being told, “No.”

I took the classes.

And an amazing thing happened.  The deep, concentrated movements of the basic hula steps re-tore the scar tissue that pulled on my leg.  My limp disappeared.

4. When your heart speaks, you’d better listen.  (It knows what it’s talking about!)

I needed to learn more about the culture that had reshaped my spirit and healed my body.  And I jumped at the chance to attend an immersion-style camp on the island on the island of Molokai.

The camp is legendary.  Students from around the world come to study with the some of the best Hawaiian musicians and teachers.  One man was a respected Hawaiian elder and cultural practitioner.  With his ti leaf lei and a boar’s tusk necklace, he looked like he’d stepped off the pages of National Geographic magazine.  He’d been born and raised in Molokai’s remote Hālawa Valley, living the lifestyle that his ancestors had lived for centuries.  The other teachers gave him their highest respect.

He terrified me.  He seemed “otherworldly.”   And I was sure that as a culturally-ignorant outsider, I would only embarrass myself in front of him.  Or worse–upset him.  The solution?  I avoided him completely.

One day he called out to me while I crossed the grounds.  My knees buckled.  What had I done wrong?  But he wasn’t scolding me.  Instead, he shocked me.  He told me that he wanted to work with me.  Personally.  One-on-one.

Every part of my rational mind cried “No!”

My heart shouted, “Yes!”

My heart won.

I had no idea the impact this decision would have on the rest of my life.

5.  Changes comes for a reason

We had no guidebook to tell us how to continue this new teacher/student relationship once I returned to New York.  Thankfully, my teacher believes in letting thing evolve naturally.

I make regularly scheduled trips to the island and stay with him and his family in Hālawa Valley.   Over the years, our relationship has deepened.  I’ve been adopted into the family—treated as one of his own children. My musical studies have evolved and include mega-doses of Hawaiian language and cultural studies.

To honor these songs, I need to sing from a place of real understanding.  From my na’au, my gut.  And so I study in complete immersion—staying in a home without electricity or a telephone.  We work the land during the day and sing and tell stories at night.

I asked him why he was willing to share so much with me—an outsider from the other side of the globe.  He smiled.  “One day, you will find a way to share the things I am teaching you.  The traditions must continue.”

I gave up the security of my corporate job and put my Broadway aspirations aside.  It was easy to trade those things for the experience of a lifetime.  Last year, I launched a website dedicated to the preservation and sharing of his teachings.   I write about this crazy adventure.  And I’m working to help preserve the music of Hawai’i’s “golden age.”  I’m still singing—only now I’m singing the music of my heart!

I’ll always be a student.  But I’ve also been blessed with opportunities to teach.  It’s an honor to share with others what has been so generously shared with me.

I never imagined that I’d be living this life.  And yet it feels like everything has led me to this very moment.  I’ve found my life’s work.

Living in New York City and studying on Molokai may seem like a strange combination.  But they compliment each other beautifully.  I have the privilege of walking between two very different worlds.  And I’m having the time of my life.

Jason Poole blogs daily about his adventures on his website, www.accidentalhawaiiancrooner.com.

WAHINE ‘ILIKEA Words & Music by: Rev. Dennis DK Kamakahi, ASCAP. Copyright (c) 1975, 1979 Naukilo Publishing Company, ASCAP. Used by permission.

Note from Mary: my new book “Start Over: Create the Life YOU Want’ is nearly complete. It contains inspiring stories and a blueprint of how to overcome anything. I can’t wait to share it with all of you!

Click here to Download the FREE first chapter of Start Over: Create the Life YOU Want

By Mary Jaksch

What do you want from life? Many people struggle with this question. Maybe you do too? Life can get so busy that we don’t have time to really think about what we want out of life. And when we do find what we want, it can seem impossible to achieve it.

I’m planning new eBook. So I’m keen to address what you want to know and what would make a difference to your life. I recently emailed participants of Virtual Zen Retreats and asked, ‘What is the one thing you want from life?’ I got some fascinating answers and want to share them with you. Below you can find some of the responses.

Here’s what other people want from life. Which responses do you resonate with?

Spirituality

1. to have some clarity of mind;
2. to feel each day more nearer to my inner self, be centered;
3. to know myself;
4. to have a greater level of spiritual joy that raises me above our human burdens;
5. to live with intention and purpose;
6. to be in the ocean of love and wisdom;
7. to get a meaningful glimpse of the spiritual good side of everyone I come in contact with;
8. to learn how to meditate when you do not have a lot of time to do so;
9. to know how to abandon the shallower world around us to reach greater levels of peace;
10. to really feel alive. I know that feeling. It doesn’t matter if you feel sad or happy there is a richness to it that is sometimes missing and I feel a dullness;
11. to feel connected and not separated and lost would change my life;
12. to stop searching answers to unanswerable questions and just live;

Meaningful Life

13. at the end, to be able to say I made a positive change that had a major effect on a large community (leaving the world better off somehow)
14. the one thing I want out of life is purpose. To find my calling and live it;



15. to know that I am on the path to finding and following my calling;
16. to help people heal old wounds;
17. to live with intention and purpose;
18. to live my life as I do and want, to grow my soul through the lessons;
19. to be creative;
20. to learn how to stop myself from being short with my loved ones when they try to be kind;
21. to understand life’s purpose;
22. it would drastically change my life having a clear objective and a clear way of pursuing it;
    

    Happiness

23. to be who I am, total connection with my spirit;
24. to end disconnection from others (which leads to loneliness);



25. to be in touch with life;
26. to be intimate and less afraid;
    

    Peace of Mind

27. to have peace of mind;
28. to be free from worry and fear



29. to honor our bodies, our minds, our spirits – and each other;
30. to feel serenity in making life decisions that are aligned with all those values;
31. to be peaceful so I may be free of these knee jerk responses so that I may act from compassion and wisdom;
32. to have peace of mind and clarity;
33. to stop my perfectionism and actually do better at work and in everything else;
34. to have silence in my head;
35. to turn off that inner voice always talking;
36. to get rid of unwanted negative thoughts;
37. to stop judging my thoughts;
38. to ride peacefully with whatever is presented on my journey;
39. to learn how to maintain internal emotional peace (especially from fear), so that I can gain self-confidence.
40. to learn step by step processes on how let go, detach, not judge, feel inner peace;
41. how to control anguish, frustration, and not to let others harm you;
42. not to compare my needs with others and be attached to outcomes to look good;
43. how to feel free. I know it is all in my head, but I often feel hindered by other people and their demands. Why can I not be who I am and not feel guilty about it?
    

    Productivity

44. to master time-management;
45. to develop self discipline;
46. to create good habits;
47. to experience a paradigm shift that helps me view challenges differently, especially relating to self discipline and motivation;



48. to learn how to be in the zone;
49. to be more productive and focused;
    

    Self-acceptance and confidence

50. to build enough self-confidence to spread my message to wider audiences;
51. to quiet the negative self-talk;
52. to move away from negative self-limiting thoughts;
53. to quell my self doubts and just get on with it so that my life doesn’t feel like it’s one step forward and two steps back;



54. to recognize all the good in my life, and being content with it.
55. to worry less about my performance at work (which is very high, but due to family conditioning, I always feel ‘on trial’);
56. to feel more courage, and less embarrassment;
57. to be confident about consistently making good decisions;
    

    Meaningful Work

58. to fInd a way to earn a living doing something that contributes to others, yet doesn’t rob my soul;
59. to find a passion and stick with it;
60. to find a way to pursue my calling while also supporting my family financially.
61. to be able to find fulfillment in my career.



62. to find how to reconcile productivity and relaxation. Oftentimes I get so engaged in my work that I end up burning out or running into hours for relaxation.
63. to truly zero in on the essence of what my talent or gift is;
64. to realize that what I have to offer is exactly what the world needs at this point in time;
65. to achieve my fullest potential in terms of skills that I have;
66. to translate my potential into a comfortable lifestyle for me and my family;
67. to feel like I’m not just ‘going through the motions’ at work and remove the feeling that my ‘real’ life is lived outside of work
68. to know what I want and have the resolve not to re-evaluate it too soon;
    

    Happiness

69. to feel more free, and that my many, many obligations would not be an obstacle to feel free.
    to know that what I’m doing is worthwhile – raising kids, the work I do, the way I live my life and interact with people.
70. to make a positive difference for people close to me. and therefore be happy.



71. to maintain a good work/life balance;

In the light of these responses, it seems that what most people yearn for is to feel peaceful, to be relieved of self-doubts, and to engage in meaningful work.

Which of these responses do you resonate with?
What would you like to add to this list?
Please offer us your thoughts in the comments.

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By Mary Jaksch

A key factor of happiness is feeling close to others. When we feel close to someone, just being in their company seems to have a natural, positive value. But when we lose the initial feeling of closeness in a relationship or a friendship – it can be confusing and painful. However, we can cultivate closeness.

Creating close relationships isn’t karma. It’s an art.
The art consists of strengthening our relational channels.

We feel close to others when one or more channels of connection are open. By channels I don’t mean our ways of communication, that is, whether we respond to each other face-to-face, by email, by phone, or in other ways. I mean something more fundamental.

All of us have natural channels of connection that create closeness.

Here are five relational channels:

• Physical.
  Physical touch is a baby’s primary channel of connection. As babies we are happiest when we are cuddled up, skin to skin, with our parents. And throughout adult life we continue to derive a sense of security and comfort from physical closeness with others. In fact, as this article on touch deprivation shows, lack of touch can have serious consequences.

• Emotional.
  Sometimes we feel close to another person because we are emotionally in tune. What that may mean is that the other person is particularly empathetic. In fact, empathetic people tend to feel more connected to others in general.

• Intellectual .
  Do you have friends with whom you have a strong mind connection? It can be inspiring to have friends with whom you can exchange your world of ideas.



• Social.
  I’m talking about tribal closeness here. All of us belong to tribes. Your family can be a tribe, or your workplace, or the groups you belong to on the Net.

  

• Spiritual.
  This closeness is more difficult to explain. All I can say is that a closeness from walking a spiritual path together. A deep companionship.

How to Increase Closeness

When you look at the five channels of connection above, it’s obvious that you will feel most connected to someone with whom you can connect through every one of the channels. That’s rare. Most times, our connections run through some of the channels predominantly. The great thing is that if you feel a heightened sense of connection, it’s likely that the other person will also feel more connected to you.

Here are some simple tips on how to increase relational closeness:

• Open more channels of connection
  Let me give you an example. I meet a lot of people through my work on the Net. I have a good intellectual connection quite a few friends I’ve made on the Net. That’s because in the virtual world, the intellectual channel is predominates Now let’s say that I want to deepen my connection with such a friend. How to I do that? Quite simply, through opening other channels of connection. For example, I might email the budding friend using a more emotive tone (emotional channel), or invite them to join me in a social group (social channel).
• Be deeply interested in others.
  We tend to feel more connected to someone if we know something about their life, their struggles, and their hopes. Listening deeply to another is a wonderful way to feel more connected.
• Be kind.
  Kindness makes us feel connected – whether we are on the giving, or on the receiving side. For example, if you let a driver slip into the bumper-to-bumper queue ahead of your car,  the wave you exchange will make you feel warm and connected.
• Hug those you love.
  Hugs are a wonderful way to express your connection. Practice hugging your loved ones and friends. Hug for at least one slow  in- and out-breath.

You may find that some of these relational channels seem easier to you than others. Focus on what you are good at, then expand – little by little.

To feel connected is a vital part of happiness

Sometimes we need to stop and reflect about our connections. Here are two important questions: ‘How can I feel closer to my loved ones?’, and “How can I turn the person I like into a friend?’

Please don’t say, “I’m too busy!” That’s a cop-out. Building connection has nothing at all to do with time. All you need to do is to focus warmly on the other person. All you need to consider is how the other person feels, and what their life is like.

Let the other person be the center of your universe – even just for a moment.

***

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A guest post by Jeffrey Tang of Art of Great Things

Quick – what makes you happy?

We typically think of happiness as “in the moment.” We search for simple things that make us happy right now. A hug. A beautiful day. A fat paycheck. A compliment.

I think that’s an incomplete picture of happiness. Don’t get me wrong: simple, in the moment happiness is wonderful, and we could all use a bit more of it. But these aren’t the only things that make us happy.

Sometimes (often?) happiness grows out of unlikely soil.

I’ll give you an example.

When I was in high school, I was part of the academic decathlon team. In order to win competitions, we spent hours studying math, language, history, astronomy, memorizing facts and dates and names and terminology. We met after school, during school, and sometimes on weekends.

At the time, we all thought it was grueling work. Our coaches pushed us; we pushed ourselves. All of us were exhausted. Some of us even got sick from stress.

But looking back, years later, I realize that those times were some of the happiest I’ve had. And I’m not the only one.

If I could go back and relive parts of my high school years, the time I spent with the academic decathlon team, slaving away over study packets would be at the top of my list. Ahead of things like driving to the arcade with close friends during lunch hour; ahead of going to Disneyworld with my school orchestra; ahead of graduation; ahead of any number of good things that made me happy in the moment.

You see, I think sometimes the things that make us happy in the moment don’t last long after the moment’s over (although other times they do).

And sometimes, the times that annoy us, exhaust us, bore us – sometimes those times, we realize, were happier than we admitted to ourselves, because deep inside we could see ourselves growing. And we were proud of that, even if we only notice it years later.

It’s happiness, backwards. But every bit as sweet.

Here’s the takeaway:

Do great work. Push a little bit, even when it hurts, and even when you’re tired. Live in the moment, but don’t forget to step outside of it every now and then.

And have the best time of your life.

Read more from Jeffrey Tang at Art of Great Things

Click here to Download the FREE first chapter of Start Over: Create the Life YOU Want