By Mary Jaksch

Are we optimists by nature? Tali Sharot shares new research that suggests our brains are wired to look on the bright side — and how that can be both dangerous and beneficial.
Watch the video below (if you reading this by email, go here to watch it).

What do you think about optimism. Is Tali right, or not? Please share in the comments.

Click here to Download the FREE first chapter of Start Over: Create the Life YOU Want

A guest post by Stefanie Flaxman of Revision Fairy

It’s healthy to possess a bit of envy for individuals you admire.

These people do what you want to do—they’ve got what you want.

But if envy doesn’t motivate you to take practical action, it’s a dangerous quality.

Your world becomes a place of what other people have or what other people do in contrast to what you don’t have and what you don’t do.

Practical action involves many tiny steps that often seem inconsequential, but it’s these individual steps that produce a substantial final product.

When you focus on the process, you understand what another person did to get that something that you want. You recognize common ground, and your goal becomes more attainable.

Consider Teenager Tom’s envy of a classmate who works at an ice cream shop. Tom works part-time at his parents’ travel agency, but he’s not interested in travel; he constantly fantasizes about spending his afternoons grazing on mini-spoon samples of frozen goodness.

What choice does Tom have? He can continue glamorizing his classmate’s life, or he can take a step.

The first step is to ask his parents if he could get a new job at the ice cream shop instead of his current gig. Let’s assume the conversation goes well and after a short time, he attains a job at the ice cream shop.

Hooray! (For now.)

Here’s what often happens when we reach a goal. After a few weeks at the ice cream shop, nothing in the world is more boring to Tom than ice cream. He knows every flavor, every topping, every scooping method, etc. He’s the Bubba Gump of ice cream.

His mind starts wandering over to the next best thing.

The ice cream shop has lost its intrigue, and Tom’s envy of his classmate has subsequently faded. The experience served a purpose, but it’s time for Tom to move on.

“Every mind must know the whole lesson for itself—must go over the whole ground. What it does not see, what it does not live, it will not know.”

~ Ralph Waldo Emerson

When you get something that you think you want, sometimes you do wholeheartedly love it. Sometimes it temporarily satisfies a desire, but ultimately it’s not for you at all.

Your original envy may seem a little silly in retrospect. Remember that silliness amongst passive wishing and wanting for something more than what you already have.

Experience the mystery to learn more about it and get your next clue.

“If you want your children to be intelligent, read them fairy tales. If you want your children to be more intelligent, read them more fairy tales.”

~ Albert Einstein

Assume a limitless attitude regardless of what anyone else says.

You have to cheer yourself on if you want to create a new part of your reality.

Taking action to achieve your goals isn’t necessarily exhausting yourself and discounting the joy already present in your life. Make the right sacrifices.

If you discover that the process isn’t enjoyable, instead of envying the person who committed to that work to achieve that goal, find the work—a true passion—that suits you.

Set your eye on the prize. Adjust the path to that prize accordingly.

There aren’t some people who can do everything that they want to do and some people who can’t. The only difference is that some people do.

What’s the first step you have to take?

Stefanie Flaxman is the founder of Revision Fairy. Follow @RevisionFairy to keep up with Stefanie’s philosophy for writing and editing your life.

Click here to Download the FREE first chapter of Start Over: Create the Life YOU Want

By Mary Jaksch

Technology is shaping our modern relationships: with others, and with ourselves.
How is technology changing the way we relate to each other? Are we connected – but alone?

In the video below, Sherry Turkle explores how technology is redefining human connection.
(If you are reading this by email, please view the video here)

The feeling that ‘no one is listening to me’ make us want to spend time with machines that seem to care about us.” (Sherry Turkle)

What are you thoughts about this? Do you agree or not? (Let’s have a conversation in the comments)

Click here to Download the FREE first chapter of Start Over: Create the Life YOU Want

By Mary Jaksch

Hands up if you are a leader!

Did you hesitate? If so, it’s because we’ve made leadership into something beyond us. We’ve taken this title leader and we treat it as if it’s something we’re one day going to deserve. To call ourselves a leader right now seems to be arrogant and cocky.

What if that’s wrong?
What if there are moments every day when you are a leader? What if we’ve forgotten to cherish the small acts of everyday leadership that make the world a better place?

Watch the inspiring video below by Drew Dudley who talks about ‘Everyday Leadership’.

(If you’re reading this by email, click here to watch the video)

What is your experience of everyday leadership? Please share your thoughts in the comments.

Click here to Download the FREE first chapter of Start Over: Create the Life YOU Want

A guest post by Bobbi Emel of The Bounce Blog

Model your life on the spiral, not the stick. – Carol Orsborn

I love this little instruction. Orsborn says that in our society, we are encouraged – pressured, perhaps – to achieve success and to achieve it in a straight line of ascent – a stick. We’re not supposed to let anything get in our way; we just need to keep after it, keep moving, keep fighting . . .

The problem with this kind of approach is that we then have no flexibility and our vision becomes too narrowly focused. When the strong winds of life come along, then, we have no ability to bend with them and, because our sight is so limited, we can’t see our way to shelter.

Orsborn suggests that, instead of striving to be a stick, perhaps we should aspire to the spiral. Life is constant change and the spiral teaches us that, even as things change, they come back around again. Not in an endless circle, but in a gentle upward growth.

Being fully alive

In nature, destruction often is the requisite state that precedes new growth, like the bursting open of a pinecone in the heat of a forest fire, releasing its seeds to the soil. When you are fully alive, you are continually asked to let go of what you have in order to make space for new possibilities to come to you. – Carol Osborne

And sometimes that letting go can feel like you are moving down the spiral for a while. Because we are conditioned to believe that up is the best and only way to go, we often resist these downward slopes, holding judgment that they are “bad” or, at the very least, not what we should be doing.

But wait. Remember that to live a resilient and whole-hearted life, you must have room in your heart to allow for the downward movement along with the upward.

And sometimes you need these very lulls in your journey in order to access new growth. These are often the times when you are cocooning and allowing the old you to slough away while the new you is growing, soon to spread your wings.

Being open to new growth will soon have you moving upward on the spiral again.

How to master the art of resilience

Try these ideas:

1. Assess whether you are modeling your life after a spiral or a stick.

Do you have that feeling of being in a rat race? Do you feel pressured by yourself and others to constantly move upward? Have you treated yourself harshly in the past when a lull or downward movement happens in your life?

If your answers to these questions are “yes”, then you are using the stick model.

2. Let go in order to open yourself to new possibilities.

Perhaps you are hanging onto something so tightly that all of your energy is going toward resistance rather than growth. A job, a relationship, a belief about yourself . . . Find the area in your life that feels the tightest, the most stuck, and just let it go.

3. Allow yourself to cocoon when needed.

The act of letting go contains loss within it. And this can create the downward movement on the spiral that is so uncomfortable. Allow yourself to cocoon and heal during this time. Remember that the caterpillar creates its own cocoon and actually disappears, only to reappear after a time as a beautiful butterfly. Have the faith of the caterpillar.

4. Honor the spiral.

Enjoy the gentle upward lift of the spiral and notice that, when things come back around for you, it doesn’t mean you’re stuck. It just means you are revisiting that place, but from slightly higher ground.

5. Remember these words from Carol Orsborn.

Rather than saying that you will succeed, allowing nothing to get in your way, mastering the art of resilience requires you to do whatever it takes, understanding that many things are going to get in your way. - Carol Orsborne

Carol Osborne: The Art of Resilience: One Hundred Paths to Wisdom and Strength in an Uncertain World

Psychotherapist Bobbi Emel specializes in helping people face life’s significant challenges and regain their resiliency. In addition to seeing clients in her private practice, Bobbi is a well-regarded speaker and writer. You can find more of her writing at The Bounce Blog
Image: John Watson

Click here to Download the FREE first chapter of Start Over: Create the Life YOU Want

By Mary Jaksch

How many decisions do you make a day?
I’m sure it’s more than you find comfortable. In fact, too much choice can lead to paralysis.
Watch the video below to find out how to make choice easy:

What’s your take on this video? Please share in the comments below.

Click here to Download the FREE first chapter of Start Over: Create the Life YOU Want

Are you compassionate?

A guest post by Annika Martins of The Catalyst Sessions

Think of the last time you encountered someone who was suffering.

Maybe they were coping with physical pain, financial struggles or the emotional weight of a divorce or the death of a loved one.

Would you define your response to them as compassionate?

Now think of the last time someone inconvenienced you.

Maybe an aggressive driver forced you to swerve off the road during rush hour or one of your children accidentally broke an expensive lamp. Maybe it was as simple as the pizza delivery guy being an hour late.

How did you respond?

Compassion-blindness

Most of us live with mental blinders that prevent us from seeing the many opportunities for kindness we encounter every day. We respond to life’s challenges from a position of irritation and defensiveness instead of realizing that every moment offers us a chance to be gentle instead of sharp, thoughtful instead of insensitive.

The best way to remove these defensive blinders and make compassion an automatic response in every situation is to consciously practice incorporating it into our everyday lives.

Compassion becomes active when it is worked like a muscle. It is something we must practice, just like daily meditation, yoga or playing the piano.

By directing consistent attention and effort at it, we will naturally sink into a rhythm of words and behaviors that reflect this loving kindness in everything we do.

Daily acts of compassion

There are many activities we can engage in to proactively cultivate compassion in our daily lives. Here are 10 ideas you can try out for yourself:

tip #1: teach

You have a set of unique talents, skills and access to a wide range of resources. Who can you share your talents/resources with today? Where might you find a person who would benefit from what you have to give? Compassion does not hoard what it has but gives generously.

tip #2: be taught

There are talents/skills that don’t come to you naturally, but flow easily for others. Ask for their guidance and support. People feel empowered when we honour their abilities by asking for their contribution.

tip #3: offer sincere praise

Forced compliments and fake smiles are not easily disguised, so don’t bother trying. Instead, look for opportunities to genuinely applaud someone’s talents (tip #2 should make this fairly easy). Compassion does not claim the spotlight for itself, but rather shines it on others.

tip #4: be curious

Create opportunities to objectively explore the things and people you are judgemental of. Read a novel written by an author from a culture you have a low opinion of. Start a casual conversation with the colleague who follows a different religious/spiritual tradition. Allow yourself to recognize common values instead of relying on old stereotypes.

tip #5: switch shoes

Inhabiting someone else’s experience is one of the best ways to cultivate compassion. Offer to cover the responsibilities of a co-worker who is out sick/on vacation. Walk or take public transportation to work instead of driving. Changing our usual routine is an excellent way to shift our perspective and see others from a new vantage point.

tip #6: be a silent witness

Watch a parent walking hand in hand with their child. Let a dog lick your hand. Close your eyes and feel the wind/rain/snow on your face. Silently witness the many expressions of love happening all around you. Compassion and love are one in the same.

tip #7: create stillness

Meditation quiets the stream of mental chatter (which often includes a fair bit of judgement of ourselves and others) that diminishes our ability to fully connect with the present moment. True presence allows us to see beyond external layers of difference and identify the core oneness we share with everyone else on this planet. When you recognize the interconnectedness of everything, compassion flows naturally.

tip #8: turn it inward

Although extending compassion to others should be a daily practice, showing that same kindness to ourselves is also vital. Are you holding onto past regrets? Have you ever done/said something that you are deeply ashamed of? Ask yourself, “Who would I be without this regret/shame?” Each day, practice forgiving yourself. Whether silently, out loud or maybe in front of a mirror, cultivate a space of calm acceptance of all things.

tip #9: seek out those in need

One of the quickest ways to cultivate a sense of loving kindness is to seek out opportunities to interact with those in need. Volunteer at an animal shelter. Spend time visiting patients in a hospital (many hospitals have programs that facilitate this). Work in a soup kitchen for an afternoon. Compassion reponds to suffering with gentleness, giving its time and energy generously.

tip #10: pause

They say hindsight is 20/20. It is often easy for us to admit that we used unkind words or behaved aggressively after we’ve reflected on our actions. Don’t wait until afterwards to pause and reflect. When you have to write a difficult email, challenge a colleague or complain to the restaurant manager about poor service, pause and consider the other person’s position. Could they just be having a really rough day? Is it possible for you to communicate your concerns with kindness instead of aggressiveness? Pause and let the compassionate answer come through.

A note on Pity vs Compassion

Some might say that regularly engaging with those who are suffering (as suggested in #9) will become an enormous emotional drain.

Yes, if your interactions arise from a feeling of pity for others, you may very likely feel pained by these encounters. In fact, all of these tips could have a negative impact on both you and the recipient if the primary driver of your behavior is a feeling of pity.

Pity creates distance. It positions one person as superior, as far above the other. Compassion recognizes the sameness between all people, animals and the Earth. Compassion connects whereas pity separates.

Cultivating compassion for yourself and everything you encounter will create a life of ease and harmony.

Sounds like a good life to me.

What is your experience of offering or receiving compassion? Please share in the comments.

Annika Martins is the creator of The Catalyst Sessions, a jumpstart series designed to boost women entrepreneurs from mediocre to magnificent.  You can also find Annika on Twitter at @annikamartins.

Click here to Download the FREE first chapter of Start Over: Create the Life YOU Want

Find your courage

A guest post by Tess Marshall of The Bold Life

I’ll bet you’ve already promised yourself that this year will be different. This time you will reach your goal, skydive, learn Mandarin Chinese, find the love of your life, lose the weight or become self-employed.

If you have that’s fantastic! Who doesn’t want to change, to grow, and to live life their way?

There is only one thing that is standing between you and the promise you’ve made.

Fear.

Fear can be a trap, a prison, a story, or an illusion that torments and paralyzes you. It keeps you awake at night, and your happiness and dreams completely out of reach.

One of the worst things we can do is dare to dream big and then hold ourselves hostage by clinging to our same old routine doubts, anxieties, and fears.

It’s a wicked cycle that will keep you crazy-dizzy and spinning out of control like a rickety old Tilt-a-Whirl at the State Fair.

What’s real about fear?

The only real aspects of fear are your annoying and uneasy feelings that escort your terror – the worry, anxiety, and irrational thinking.

The unpleasant physical symptoms of fear drain your energy – a sudden grab, a racing heart, your sweaty palms, shortness of breath and sleepless nights.

These feelings and symptoms are unbearable yet until the pain of staying stuck is greater than the pain it takes to grow forward, we suffer.

Our subconscious beliefs, our addiction to safety, and our past experience prevents up from taking the action needed to move out of our fear and into our greatness.

Read on for 10 tips for a bold and fearless life.

Tip #1: Don’t believe your thoughts

Drop your negative thinking and lack of faith in yourself or it will continue to snowball. Train your mind to create positive expectations. Learn to expect the best.

Tip #2: View life as a creative and wild adventure

Life can be brimming with easy times of beauty and light or overflowing with hard times of dark and difficulty. Choose to stay present through it all. Appreciate the varied landscape and enjoy the ride.

Tip #3: Consider the love of others

Who else in your life is missing out because of your fear of moving forward? Make a list of the people who will benefit from your success. Stay strong for them. Imagine telling them the “good news” in advance – I got the job, I made a difference, I wrote my book, we’re going on vacation!

Tip #4: Let go of the outcome

We often think we know what is best for us. We forget we can’t see the whole picture. Do what is yours to do and do it well. Like blowing a dandelion in the wind, let the rest go and remain open to infinite possibilities.

Tip #5: Be authentic.

In a world where everyone is trying to be someone else, be brave enough to be you. Nobody else has your thumb print, heart print, or soul print. Nobody else can do your part. Revel in your uniqueness. Transparency is magnetic.

Tip #6: Create space for gratitude

Begin your day by filling your mind with appreciation. Focus on the love you have to give and the love you can receive. Become aware of open hearts, open minds, and an unlimited life. This is energy well spent.

Tip #7: Build positive images

Increase your faith and courage by remembering all of your past successes. Take note of your strengths and determination. Apply the same traits to your present dream. Build positive pictures of future success in your mind.

Tip #8: Argue for a positive outcome

Make a list of your fears. Next, prove each fear wrong. If you think you can’t, write down all of the reasons why you actually can. Remind yourself of your written proof when you’re heart is pounding and your palms are sweating.

Tip #9: Be comfortable with the uncomfortable

I don’t know anyone who enjoys being afraid. We want to deny it, run from it, and ignore it. As a professional speaker, I’m nervous for the first several minutes. To get through it, I memorize the first ten minutes of the speech. Learn to get through the things you fear.

Tip #10: Don’t take it personally

What someone else does is about them. How you react is about you. This is perhaps the most difficult step to learn. When your request is ignored or turned down, move on. Rejection isn’t an excuse for failure.

As you face your fears and increase your freedom and happiness by allowing your dreams to become a reality, the good life is inevitable.

Tess Marshall is the founder of The Bold Life, where she inspires people to live a fearless life. If you are tired of being stuck in fear and want to step into your greatness, click here to learn more about her course, Take Your Fear and Shove It [affiliate link].

Click here to Download the FREE first chapter of Start Over: Create the Life YOU Want

By Mary Jaksch

Are you about to set some heavy goals? Maybe you want to be more successful, lose weight, find the right partner, do more exercise …
I can see you cringing at the list. How about a very simple goal (if you can call it that) for your life…

Have more fun
If you’re considering how to change your life, having fun is an essential ingredient. Remember that ‘fun’ is not a static state of being. To have fun, we need to move, be creative, and enjoy the company of others. We need to sing, dance, run, play – or whatever else tickles our fancy.

Watch this joyful video below, Hoy Bailaré (Today I’m going to dance) by Argentine musician Leon Gieco. The video is all about how to have fun – whatever your circumstance.

(email readers, click here to watch it)

What are ways you would like to have more fun? Please share in the comments

Click here to Download the FREE first chapter of Start Over: Create the Life YOU Want

By Mary Jaksch

When you woke up this morning, your consciousness returned. You woke up with a sense of who you are and what the world is like. Without consciousness, we would have no access to knowledge or our humanity, and we would have no knowledge about the world. We would have no sense of joy or pain. We would have no ability to love, or to create.

In the video below, Neuroscientist Antonio Damasio gives us a glimpse into how our brains create our sense of self:

(If you’re reading this by email, click here to watch)

What’s are your thoughts on this? Please share in the comments.

Click here to Download the FREE first chapter of Start Over: Create the Life YOU Want