By Mary Jaksch

Do you sometimes feel overwhelmed with everything you have to do – just in order to survive? It can feel like being a hamster in a treadmill: you run endlessly – but never get anywhere. Let’s look at how to change that. Because there is good news:

Each one of us can lead a life that feels fulfilled, joyful and creative.

All it takes is a radical change of mind and heart. Before I say more about this change of mind, let’s take a closer look at why we often feel overwhelmed.

In order to survive, we need the necessities of life. We need to earn money in order to feed ourselves and our loved ones. We need shelter, clothes, medicine. All of this takes a lot of time and work to procure. Apart from work, there is cleaning and tidying our home, cooking meals, filling out tax returns, paying bills – and all the other tasks that make a settled life possible. And if you have children there are lot more tasks to take care of.

When we are in that mindset, our mind is cluttered with thoughts about mundane tasks, and that there is no space to develop new ideas or create new patterns. In other words, there seems to be no opportunity to thrive.

When we look carefully at what makes us feel trapped by chores, is that they are repetitive. It’s not like we do them once – and that’s it. There’s a story in the Greek mythology that is a great expression of the burden of repetitive chores. It’s the story of Sisyphus.

According to legend, Sisyphus was the founder and king of Corinth – and a thoroughly nasty individual. The Gods finally brought him to justice and gave him a frustrating and painful punishment: For all eternity he had to roll a great boulder to the top of a hill. Only every time Sisyphus, by the greatest of exertion and toil, attained the summit, the darn thing rolled back down again.hat’s what it can feel like when we have to clean the kitchen floor over and over again, or fill in tax forms year after year!

We can learn to live a life where there are no ‘chores’.

We can enjoy a life that is spacious and invites inspiration. It’s not that we have got rid of the daily tasks – it’s that we experience them totally differently.

We can find joy in the depth of ordinary life.

The key to the change of heart and mind is learning to let go fully into the present moment. So, instead of washing dishes and being weighed down by all the thousand dishes you washed in the past, and will wash again in the future – you experience the magic of washing just this one plate. You feel the hot water running over you hands and admire the clean sparkle as you put the plate in the rack.

The secret is doing one thing at a time with full engagement. That sounds simple, but it’s not easy. Our mind tends to flit off into all kind of other directions. We start to think about what happened to a friend we loved ten years ago, or thinking about the grocery list, or planning our next holiday.

When we do that, we miss out on happiness. Yes, that’s right, happiness. Because what makes us truly happy is experiencing the moment now. Alan Watts has something interesting to say about this is the following inspiring video. It was shot more than ten years ago, but it’s unforgettable.

What about your life?

Are you inspired by what you do?

***

Reserve your place on next FREE Virtual Zen Retreat. Places are limited.

THE MIRACLE OF KINDNESS
7-12 february 2010

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Photo by h.koppdelaney

A guest post by Ryan Hurd .

Paying attention to your dreams is one of the easiest ways to be happier, more creative and more successful. Sounds like a bold claim, but it’s based on solid evidence from thousands of psychologists and dreamworkers. To make my case even plainer: bringing dreams back into your life put you on the fast track to learning what you really want in life and discovering the emotional blocks that are in your way.

Emotional blocks — the real obstacles

We are emotional creatures; it’s part of our mammalian heritage. The limbic brain still makes most of our decisions, even though we often tell ourselves how rational we are. Old hurts from the past, and the coping mechanisms we learned in defense of this pain, create emotional blocks that prevent us from seeing the world clearly. They keep us stuck in our ways, making the same old mistakes like we are living in a repetitive nightmare.

Photo by ViaMoi

These emotional landmines take a lot of energy to avoid, and —more than all the external causes put together— they rob us of our creativity, limiting our success and happiness.

That’s where dreaming comes in.

Dream science today

Modern dream science has come a long way from Freud’s cigar. Today, dreaming is known as a vital cognitive process that solidifies memory, enhances learning, and creates a safe haven for us to workshop the business of living in the privacy of our own minds.

Dreams meld today’s concerns with yesterday’s solutions. Because the rational mind is depressed in dreams, limbic system has a chance to integrate short- and long-term memories in its own fashion. In this way, dreams speak a different kind of language that is based not on reason but on emotional intelligence.

This is precisely why we dream about standing in the high school cafeteria, anxiously looking for a place to sit, again and again. That scene holds a private myth that is trying to sooth a present-day anxiety. It may seem bizarre to the rational mind, but emotionally the connection is strong and relevant. And that, in a nutshell, is how dreams can provide important clues to what we want and how to move past the fears in our path.

Why dream interpretation is over-rated

Before I go any further, let me say that “dream interpretation” is not really what I’m talking about here. Of course, we all have a natural curiosity about what a dream means, and the more we work with dreams the easier it is to make one-to-one connections. But keep in mind that dream dictionaries can only tell you about cultural symbols and some common bodily fears that we all share.

The problem with this cultural level of interpretation is that we all have our personal mythology at work in the dream, too.

Photo by ViaMoi

For example, a red rose may not remind you of a passionate rendezvous like the dream dictionary says, but, instead, of being abandoned by your father when you were 12. That’s your story, and no dream dictionary can anticipate that.

So, if you are new to dream work, stay close to the emotions in the dream instead of focusing on the translation of a particular dream image. It’s about building bridges between the emotions in a dream and the waking mind.

Don’t worry: the dream’s significance will become apparent as you learn to master the feelings that are connected to those bizarre dream images. That’s why only you will can know what a dream really means.

A Quick Method for Unlocking Dreams

Here is a quick method to harness the power of dreaming. This dream journaling exercise teaches you how to identify old emotional patterns, so can prevent those landmines from going off unexpectedly in your daily grind. That means a more courage work life, and more satisfying love life too.

1. Keep a dream journal.

If you don’t remember many dreams, keeping a dream journal is the quickest route to inviting them back. Record them in the morning when you take your tea. Describe not only what happened, but also how you felt during the dream. It’s also helpful to give each dream a title.

2. Sit with the feelings.

This next step works best with repetitive dreams. Recording it will naturally stir up strong emotions again. Take a couple minutes and try to locate where the feeling lives in your body. Is it in your belly or your chest? See if you can find a name for this feeling. This is a method discovered by psychologist Eugene Genlin, author of Focusing.

3. Watch for the feeling to re-emerge during your day.

Now that you’ve isolated a feeling and named it, that feeling is marked in your body map. Make an intention to notice the next time that feeling comes up in your waking life. You may be able to see the connection immediately, or you may have to wait a while.

4. Read the dream again.

Once you’ve made a connection between the feeling and waking life, go back and read the dream again. The dream may offer a clue that only you can recognize. Also, try to determine how old you are in the dream. This can be a further clue that you may be trying to solve a new problem in an old way. Is it effective or ineffective? By asking these kinds of questions, you are decoupling the waking life issue from your old habits and assumptions.

5. Track follow-up dreams.

Track your dreams over a month and watch for a repetition of this dream theme. You may notice a shift in attitude taking shape in the dream that can open up new possibilities, new joys, as well as opportunities to trust instead of fear.

This quick method is just scratching the surface of how dreams can power a creativity revolution. With some training, dreamwork can show not only the way back but also the way forward. It all starts with owning your emotional life, the key to every success story.

The best part: you’ll always know when a cigar is just a cigar.

Read more articles by Ryan Hurd on his blog DreamStudies.

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Has this ever happened to you? You get into the car, turned on the ignition and step on the gas. But the car doesn’t move. Because… you’ve left the handbrake on!

You might wonder what starting a car has to do with learning (almost) anything?

It’s difficult to learn if you leave the brakes on.

The brakes are our negative beliefs and preconceptions. When we find and release the brakes, learning becomes easy.

The human mind is a learning machine.

Consider toddlers for a moment. In a short time they learn two incredibly complex skills – talking and walking. And they learn them at the same time. Toddlers can even learn two or more different languages at once. (I grew up biligual and learned English and German right from the start.)

To learn with ease we need to be clear about the following four questions:

1. Who’s driving?
2. Have you released the brakes?
3. What’s your destination?
4. Where’s your map?

Let’s take up each question in turn.

1. Who’s driving?

This is about motivation. Is the skill you’re planning to learn something you ’should’ do? If so, your motivation is external. It’s directed by other people. Or are you passionate about learning this new skill? In that case, your motivation is internal.

Your motivation needs to be internal because ‘shoulds’ have no power for sustained action. If your motivation is external, see if you can find some internal motivation to carry your learning forward. Ask yourself, ‘How will this new skill benefit me?’

2. Have you released the brakes?

Are your negative beliefs and your self-talk limiting your learning potential? It’s easy to find out: listen to what you thinking and saying.

In my case I noticed three negative beliefs that were putting the brakes on learning how to produce videos. They were: “I’m not good with technical stuff”, “I’m not good at learning to use new software”, and “I’m not a visual person.”

As you can imagine, these three negative beliefs made learning how produce a video nearly impossible! Each aspect was affected – from handling the camera to editing the video or publishing it on the Net. Once I noticed what I was doing, I changed my storylines. I told myself and others: “I can learn to operate cameras easily”, “I’m pretty good with new software”, and “My eye is getting better with practice.”

The result? I’ve surprised myself. I’m learning my new skill much faster than I expected!

3. What’s your destination?

In order to drive to your destination you need fuel. What fuels our learning journey are clear goals.

The key question is: Why do you want to learn a particular skill?

The more precisely you can answer that question, the easier it is to learn. Let’s take an example. As I said before, I’m learning video skills. If I phrased my goal like this: “I want to produce good videos to use on Goodlife Zen”, I would get no traction. Because the goal is to vague. In contrast, “I want to produce five videos on how to meditate”, gave me a clear destination for my journey of learning.

4. Where’s your map?

If you set out with a clear destination but without a map, you’ll run into problems. A map is important because it shows you how to get to your destination. So, how do we get a map? Well, we can develop parts of the map ourselves and then ask an instructor to fill in further details.

Our initial map could include:

• Answer questions one to four above
• Choose an instructor
• Find a buddy
• Start your learning journey
• Set and celebrate milestones

A map helps you when you lose your way. You can revisit it and look at how far you’ve come and plot your next phase of the journey.

In order to enjoy your learning journey and feel great, here are some important tips:

Choose good instruction

No matter what you want to learn, you’ll need to choose an instructor. This can be an instructor who works with you face-to-face, or it can be a book, articles on the net, or training programs.

Unfortunately most instructors don’t know how to teach beginners.

Their own experience as beginners lies so far back that they can’t remember it. What is clear to the instructor may be incomprehensible to a new student.

Tip: Choose an instructor who is able to guide you step by little step.

If you want to learn from a book, make sure that it’s written in a way that introduces you carefully to each new step. Personally, I tend to learn best from live instructors – whether I see them in real-time, or whether they run a program on the Net. The reason for that is that I need to be able to ask questions.

Sometimes we get stuck in the learning process because we don’t understand the next step. A question to an instructor can often see us right.

Good instruction can be expensive. Make sure you research the instructor thoroughly. Take a trial lesson if possible. And check out testimonials.

Buddy up

To learn on your own can be lonely. It’s important to share the highs and lows with other learners. Learning with others also keeps you up to the mark. This is the advantage of learning in a class. But even if you are learning in a virtual environment, finding a buddy is an important step.

Maybe your instructor can link you up with another learner. Or you can find someone in a forum who is on the same journey of learning.

Start your learning journey NOW

Once you’ve identified your initial map and found instruction, you need to start your learning journey without delay. If you’re not sure how to start, ask yourself a question:

“What is the smallest step in my learning journey that I can take right now?” Then follow through.

Keep going

It’s easy to give up. I’m sure all of us have experience of giving up. Why do we give up? It may be that we haven’t released our brakes, or the learning journey seems too difficult.

If you feel like giving up, check out the following questions:

• Have I released the brakes?
• What is the step I’m struggling with?
• Am I still focused on my destination?

You may find that your negative self-talk reappears when you strike a difficulty on your learning journey. Make sure that you replace your negative view with a positive one.

If you are struggling with your learning material, try to pinpoint where the difficulty lies. Maybe you can formulate a question that you can ask your instructor, your buddy or on the Net.

If you feel like giving up, remind yourself of your destination. Write you goals on big sheets of paper and hang them up in your home.

Celebrate milestones

Celebrating achievement is what makes us feel great about learning. Make sure you identify milestones and celebrate them!

Human beings are designed for life-long learning. Each new skill will enrich your life and make you feel good about yourself. The great thing is that with each positive learning experience, the next one becomes easier.

What is your experience with learning journeys? Please share your thoughts and experiences in the comments.

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By Janice Hunter of Sharing the Journey

The only difference between an extraordinary life and an ordinary one is the extraordinary pleasures you find in ordinary things. ~ Veronique Vienne.

I stood at the kitchen sink, robotically washing dishes. I paused, my gaze landing on a hand-painted jug on the window ledge, raindrops running down the glass.

I clung to the sink with soapy hands, hunched forward, eyes clenched shut, terrified that I might miss another deadline, that I’d never have another moment of revelation, the inspiration that flows in and fills me up then spills over into my writing and my online coaching.

Washed out and weary, worried about money, unable to capture moments of fleeting inspiration as they flit and dance through my day, just out of reach, I stood, suds dripping, tears running down my face.

A quick wipe with the back of my hand, all traces gone, I picked up a tea towel and started to dry the dishes. Plates, bowls and jugs from our years in Greece and Portugal, all different sizes, shapes and designs.

I looked again at the small jug on the window ledge. Cobalt blue and bottle green, ringed in bands of yellow and rusty red hearts. Sometimes I use it for flowers; most often, it stays empty, reminding me to be present, to stay open to inspiration and abundance. I looked down at the draining board and suddenly realised that not only do I have a lot of jugs, I seem to have been collecting and cherishing them all my life.

There’s a porcelain one from Portugal, hand-painted with deer and flowers which we only use for gravy on feast days and holidays.

There’s a little pastel-coloured striped one with a flat bottom that’s used for milk when we have visitors; it’s the kind a sailor’s wife would keep on her window ledge, filled with snowdrops. A round-bellied classic white jug for water. A sturdy terracotta one decorated with a blue glaze and white slip. A spout-less pink tin cylinder for Greek retsina. An elegant, clear glass bottle with a gem-blue glass stopper that I use on warm days to keep water cold in the fridge.

Pencils in a chipped, speckled stoneware jug. A spider plant in a blue teapot. I rushed to the dining room and stared at what I now saw was a collection in my cabinet, in among all the other mismatched crockery.

There, in pride of place, a single-setting tea service with sugar bowl and milk jug, painted decades ago by my mum’s elderly cousin, the artist who never married after her fiancé died in World War Two. We used to give my mum breakfast in bed every year on Mother’s Day, the tea tray laid with an embroidered cloth and those same dishes.

I remembered my grandmother pouring milk from a blue and white pitcher and friends’ birthday parties with ice cream and jelly and always large glass jugs of sparkling lemonade and orange juice. Always a woman somewhere, carrying a jug, offering something, pouring something.

All of my jugs are beautiful. They’re all unique and chosen, loved and special for something. They’re not meant to be permanently full; they’re designed to be filled and emptied as they pour.

Like us, they’re beautiful just as they are, even when all they hold are memories and promise and a little bit of now.

I took the tea towel and lovingly dried and put away my crockery, went into the garden and found a few rain-drenched miniature daffodils and a spray of fragrant white hyacinth to put in my little heart jug at the window.

Sometimes we wait knowingly, patiently, for inspiration to fill us to overflowing. Sometimes, we simply need to love ourselves enough.

Janice Hunter is a writer and certified life coach whose blog Sharing the Journey provides soul food and support for writers, coaches, parents and home-based workers. This piece first appeared in her Coaching Moments column, the monthly newsletter of The International Association of Coaching.

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“Basically, the earth needs a new operating system, you are the programmers, and we need it within a few decades.”

Read this amazing talk by Paul Hawken:

Commencement Address to the Class of 2009

University of Portland

When I was invited to give this speech, I was asked if I could give a simple short talk that was “direct, naked, taut, honest, passionate, lean, shivering, startling, and graceful.” Boy, no pressure there.

But let’s begin with the startling part. Hey, Class of 2009: you are going to have to figure out what it means to be a human being on earth at a time when every living system is declining, and the rate of decline is accelerating. Kind of a mind-boggling situation – but not one peer-reviewed paper published in the last thirty years can refute that statement.

Basically, the earth needs a new operating system, you are the programmers, and we need it within a few decades.

This planet came with a set of operating instructions, but we seem to have misplaced them. Important rules like don’t poison the water, soil, or air, and don’t let the earth get overcrowded, and don’t touch the thermostat have been broken. Buckminster Fuller said that spaceship earth was so ingeniously designed that no one has a clue that we are on one, flying through the universe at a million miles per hour, with no need for seatbelts, lots of room in coach, and really good food – but all that is changing.

There is invisible writing on the back of the diploma you will receive, and in case you didn’t bring lemon juice to decode it, I can tell you what it says: YOU ARE BRILLIANT, AND THE EARTH IS HIRING. The earth couldn’t afford to send any recruiters or limos to your school. It sent you rain, sunsets, ripe cherries, night blooming jasmine, and that unbelievably cute person you are dating. Take the hint. And here’s the deal: Forget that this task of planet-saving is not possible in the time required. Don’t be put off by people who know what is not possible. Do what needs to be done, and check to see if it was impossible only after you are done.

When asked if I am pessimistic or optimistic about the future, my answer is always the same: If you look at the science about what is happening on earth and aren’t pessimistic, you don’t understand data. But if you meet the people who are working to restore this earth and the lives of the poor, and you aren’t optimistic, you haven’t got a pulse. What I see everywhere in the world are ordinary people willing to confront despair, power, and incalculable odds in order to restore some semblance of grace, justice, and beauty to this world. The poet Adrienne Rich wrote,

“So much has been destroyed I have cast my lot with those who, age after age, perversely, with no extraordinary power, reconstitute the world.”

There could be no better description. Humanity is coalescing. It is reconstituting the world, and the action is taking place in schoolrooms, farms, jungles, villages, campuses, companies, refuge camps, deserts, fisheries, and slums.

You join a multitude of caring people. No one knows how many groups and organizations are working on the most salient issues of our day: climate change, poverty, deforestation, peace, water, hunger, conservation, human rights, and more. This is the largest movement the world has ever seen.

Rather than control, it seeks connection. Rather than dominance, it strives to disperse concentrations of power. Like Mercy Corps, it works behind the scenes and gets the job done. Large as it is, no one knows the true size of this movement. It provides hope, support, and meaning to billions of people in the world. Its clout resides in idea, not in force. It is made up of teachers, children, peasants, businesspeople, rappers, organic farmers, nuns, artists, government workers, fisherfolk, engineers, students, incorrigible writers, weeping Muslims, concerned mothers, poets, doctors without borders, grieving Christians, street musicians, the President of the United States of America, and as the writer David James Duncan would say, the Creator, the One who loves us all in such a huge way.

There is a rabbinical teaching that says if the world is ending and the Messiah arrives, first plant a tree, and then see if the story is true.

“Inspiration is not garnered from the litanies of what may befall us; it resides in humanity’s willingness to restore, redress, reform, rebuild, recover, reimagine, and reconsider.”

“One day you finally knew what you had to do, and began, though the voices around you kept shouting their bad advice,” is Mary Oliver’s description of moving away from the profane toward a deep sense of connectedness to the living world.

Millions of people are working on behalf of strangers, even if the evening news is usually about the death of strangers. This kindness of strangers has religious, even mythic origins, and very specific eighteenth-century roots. Abolitionists were the first people to create a national and global movement to defend the rights of those they did not know. Until that time, no group had filed a grievance except on behalf of itself. The founders of this movement were largely unknown – Granville Clark, Thomas Clarkson, Josiah Wedgwood – and their goal was ridiculous on the face of it: at that time three out of four people in the world were enslaved. Enslaving each other was what human beings had done for ages. And the abolitionist movement was greeted with incredulity. Conservative spokesmen ridiculed the abolitionists as liberals, progressives, do-gooders, meddlers, and activists. They were told they would ruin the economy and drive England into poverty.

But for the first time in history a group of people organized themselves to help people they would never know, from whom they would never receive direct or indirect benefit. And today tens of millions of people do this every day. It is called the world of non-profits, civil society, schools, social entrepreneurship, and non-governmental organizations, of companies who place social and environmental justice at the top of their strategic goals. The scope and scale of this effort is unparalleled inhistory.

“The living world is not “out there” somewhere, but in your heart.”

What do we know about life? In the words of biologist Janine Benyus, life creates the conditions that are conducive to life. I can think of no better motto for a future economy. We have tens of thousands of abandoned homes without people and tens of thousands of abandoned people without homes. We have failed bankers advising failed regulators on how to save failed assets.

Think about this: we are the only species on this planet without full employment. Brilliant. We have an economy that tells us that it is cheaper to destroy earth in real time than to renew, restore, and sustain it. You can print money to bail out a bank but you can’t print life to bail out a planet.

At present we are stealing the future, selling it in the present, and calling it gross domestic product. We can just as easily have an economy that is based on healing the future instead of stealing it. We can either create assets for the future or take the assets of the future. One is called restoration and the other exploitation. And whenever we exploit the earth we exploit people and cause untold suffering. Working for the earth is not a way to get rich, it is a way to be rich.

The first living cell came into being nearly 40 million centuries ago, and its direct descendants are in all of our bloodstreams. Literally you are breathing molecules this very second that were inhaled by Moses, Mother Teresa, and Bono. We are vastly interconnected. Our fates are inseparable. We are here because the dream of every cell is to become two cells. In each of you are one quadrillion cells, 90 percent of which are not human cells.

Your body is a community, and without those other microorganisms you would perish in hours. Each human cell has 400 billion molecules conducting millions of processes between trillions of atoms. The total cellular activity in one human body is staggering: one septillion actions at any one moment, a one with twenty-four zeros after it. In a millisecond, our body has undergone ten times more processes than there are stars in the universe – exactly what Charles Darwin foretold when he said science would discover that each living creature was a “little universe, formed of a host of self-propagating organisms, inconceivably minute and as numerous as the stars of heaven.”

So I have two questions for you all: First, can you feel your body? Stop for a moment. Feel your body. One septillion activities going on simultaneously, and your body does this so well you are free to ignore it, and wonder instead when this speech will end. Second question: who is in charge of your body? Who is managing those molecules? Hopefully not a political party. Life is creating the conditions that are conducive to life inside you, just as in all of nature. What I want you to imagine is that collectively humanity is evincing a deep innate wisdom in coming together to heal the wounds and insults of the past.

Ralph Waldo Emerson once asked what we would do if the stars only came out once every thousand years. No one would sleep that night, of course. The world would become religious overnight. We would be ecstatic, delirious, made rapturous by the glory of God. Instead the stars come out every night, and we watch television.

This extraordinary time when we are globally aware of each other and the multiple dangers that threaten civilization has never happened, not in a thousand years, not in ten thousand years. Each of us is as complex and beautiful as all the stars in the universe. We have done great things and we have gone way off course in terms of honoring creation.

You are graduating to the most amazing, challenging, stupefying challenge ever bequested to any generation. The generations before you failed. They didn’t stay up all night. They got distracted and lost sight of the fact that life is a miracle every moment of your existence. Nature beckons you to be on her side. You couldn’t ask for a better boss. The most unrealistic person in the world is the cynic, not the dreamer. Hopefulness only makes sense when it doesn’t make sense to be hopeful. This is your century. Take it and run as if your life depends on it.

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By Mary Jaksch

Confidence doesn’t happen. We create it. Even though in the past other people may have knocked our confidence, we can change how we feel right now. Here are some trick and tips to show you how to make that change happen.

We can expand our circle of confidence.

Your circle of confidence is what you think you can do. For some people, this circle is very tight and there are only a few aspects of life where they feel confident. For others, the circle of confidence is large and contains many different skills.

Be that as it may, everyone can benefit from enlarging one’s circle of confidence.

A few days ago a friend of mine, Dr. Yashu Wheeler, who is an experienced NLP trainer led me through an interesting exercise to show me what happens when we let go of limiting thoughts. Here is the exercise, step by step:

1. Stand and  hold your arms out horizontal
2. Turn to the right as far as you can go
3. Check the farthest point on the wall you can see to the right
4. Come back to centre, release your arms and close your eyes
5. Keep eyes closed and visualize being able to turn further with ease and looking at a point 60cm further than before.
6. Now open your eyes and repeat the initial exercise

How far are you able to turn this time?

When I repeated the exercise after the visualization, I was amazed to see that I could now see a spot on the wall that was really 60cm further on. And I could turn with ease. My body was suddenly much more flexible.

Just imagine if we applied this method to every aspect of our life!

What holds us back the most are our own critical judgments. All of us have a cutting little voice that tends to whisper nasty things into our ear. Things like, “You’re hopeless!” or, “You’re stupid!”.

Say ‘no’ to your gremlin

Next time you hear your own judgmental thoughts telling you that you’re no good, imagine a little gremlin sitting on your left shoulder. What does it look like? What color is it? Maybe you can imagine it in some way that makes you smile.

Whenever you notice negative self-talk, imagine the gremlin sitting there and say to it firmly, “Not now!” Then carefully wipe it off your shoulder. (To others it’ll look as if you’re brushing lint off your clothes.)

In the following there are some ways to help you to expand your circle of confidence:

• Find role models

The way human beings develop and grow is through following role models. It’s useful to find a role model you want to follow. Keep in mind that if someone is successful in one particular area, it doesn’t make them a saint! Read what they have to say. Your main focus need to be: “He/she did it, and I can do it too!” Remember that all successful people were unknown and unimportant at some point in their life.

• Use affirmations

Affirmations are great tools to change the way we see ourselves. Put stickers on your mirror and in unexpected places, saying “I am getting stronger every day!” Make sure that what you say is believable. “I am the greatest!” may have worked for Cassius Clay, but it may not work for you. Personally, I prefer affirmations that honor growth, like “I am becoming more … every day!”

• Choose baby steps

If you have a grand goal it may seem overwhelming. But every grand goal can be chunked down into small segments. It doesn’t matter how small your steps are, all that matters is that you put one foot in front of the other.

• Eliminate negative self-talk

Everyone of us has a lot more negative self-talk going on then we think we have. Here’s an experiment to prove my point. Get yourself wide a rubber band that fits comfortably around your wrist. Now change that rubber band to the other wrist every time you notice negative self-talk. I was surprised – in the first hour of wearing the wristband, it flew from side to side! And I thought I’m a pretty positive person… You try and see how you go.

• Get up when you fall
  We all fall down at times. In fact, failure is a built-in factor of success. Getting up after a fall is crucial.  Here’s a  story about falling and getting up:
  A monk looking for some guidance and encouragement goes to Abba Sisoius and asks:
  “What am I to do since I have fallen?”
  The Abba replies: “Get up.”
  “I did get up, but I fell again.”
  “Get up again.”
  “I did, but I must admit that I fell once again. So what should I do?”
  “Do not fall down without getting back up.”

When we widen our circle of confidence, we tend to stumble and fall along the way. Just think back to when you learned to ride a bike. Maybe you were a genius at riding a bike. I wasn’t. But I was determined to learn – mainly to get even with my older brother!

• Celebrate achievements

Have you ever been successful? I don’t mean the kind of big successes that others applaud. I mean simple successes. Like, have you ever made a tasty meal? Or have you ever been able to mend something that was broken? Was there a time that you achieved something that seemed impossible to you?

Did you find it difficult to come up with your successes? I’m sure that if I had asked you about your failures, you would been able to reel them off easily. It’s quite strange how we tend to store memories of failures so well, and tend to forget about successes.

My suggestion is to make a conscious effort to call to mind times when things went well for you. The more you remember what went well, the better you will do in the future.

• Associate with positive people

Confidence is infectious! If you hang out with people who are positive and can see your potential, it helps you to see your own potential.

The interesting thing is that when our confidence grows in one area, it also infects other areas. It’s like a confidence virus!

Let me give you an example: one of my areas of growing confidence is the technical aspect of blogging (I’m trying to say as positively as possible that I suck at techie stuff). What is really helping me there is – wait for it – cooking. My son Sebastian gave me Jamie Oliver’s cookbook ‘Jamie’s Ministry’ and I’m slowly  working my way through it. The recipe’s are easy and I often invite friends to be try my meals.

The success I have whenever I try one of Jamie’s recipes seems to rub off on my technical ability. Whenever I struggle with a particular technical challenge, I remind myself of my new cooking skills, and I suddenly feel more confident.

Yes, confidence is infectious.

Let’s create a goodlife pandemic: let’s all infect each other with confidence!

You can use the comment section to release the virus
Photo by mahalie

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A guest post by Terry Heath

“Adults are always asking little kids what they want to be when they grow up because they’re looking for ideas.” ~ Paula Poundstone, American Comedienne

“It takes courage to grow up and become who you really are.” ~ E.E. Cummings, American Poet

I’ve met many adults who still don’t know what they want to be when they grow up.

If I asked you, you might search for the one thing you think you want to do with your life. Or if you are adventurous you might say something like, “First I’ll be this thing, then I’ll be that, but eventually I want to be another entirely different thing.”

Most of us thought we would have figured out an answer by now.

But have you ever considered you might be able to find the answer by paying a visit to your friendly neighborhood ice cream shop?

Ice cream cones have something to teach us about growing up.

Walk through the door with me. Can you smell the waffle cones? They’re fresh made and waiting to be filled with your favorite flavors of ice cream.

Today you’re going to fill one of those fresh cones with three scoops. What flavors will you chose?

Notice I’m assuming you’ll select more than one, everybody does. Variety is the whole point of a triple scoop ice cream cone. You’ll order three different flavors, and together they’ll make something wonderful.

Together they’ll create synergy, the thing that happens when one plus one equals three.

Sure you’ve thought about synergy before. It’s one of the great buzzwords of our time, an often-used battle cry of business gurus and motivational speakers. It’s used in team building exercises, and these days I hear it’s even associated with corporate downsizing.

Oh sure, you could pick just one flavor of ice cream and maybe you would be perfectly happy. But you wouldn’t get to experience the synergy of three totally different flavors joined together to create heaven in a waffle cone.

Now let me break this down a bit before we move on. One flavor of ice cream is nice, but no synergy. Two flavors, maybe a little bit of synergy starting there. But stack three flavors together and you have a triple-scoop, waffle-cone enhanced trip to heaven.

That could be like your grown-up life.

When we’re filling a waffle cone with ice cream, do we feel compelled to take our flavors one at a time? No, we pick as many as we can stash in our cone and generally feel pretty good about it.

So why are we uncomfortable pursuing a few of our many divergent interests at the same time? We know putting a combination of ice cream flavors in our waffle cone will create something unique and wonderful, so why not allow ourselves the same freedom allowing our varied interests a place in our lives?

What would happen if we let two or three of those things we love, or think we might love, be our “big thing” . . . all at the same time?

Synergy would happen.

“Age does not diminish the extreme disappointment of having a scoop of ice cream fall from the cone.” ~ Jim Fiebig

In life we seem to think dropping scoops is part of the game, a part of growing up. We may even equate “growing up” with settling on one particular flavor. But is it really okay to let any part of yourself fall by the wayside?

We could look back on our lives someday and say, “That was a really great ice cream cone.”

Enjoy some more articles by Terry Heath on his blogs TerryHeath.com and Bloggity.

Related articles by Mary Jaksch:
What is the One Thing in Your Life?

What is the Meaning of LIfe?

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Photo bySolar ikon

The economic crisis is casting a shadow on many lives at the moment. Maybe you too have some fears about the future? Are you worried about your job? Or about having less opportunities?

I’m going to to show you a simple way of optimizing your life. It’s called the SWOT analysis and is usually used for analyzing businesses. However, it’s actually a great tool for getting a grip on one’s life! I found that I could see more opportunities, as well as be alert to possible dangers, after I did a SWOT analysis.

A SWOT matrix is a framework for analyzing your strengths and weaknesses, as well as the opportunities and threats you face. This helps you to focus on your strengths, minimize weaknesses, and take advantage of every opportunity.

SWOT is an acronym for Strength, Weaknesses, Opportunities, and Threats. The first two, strengths and weaknesses, are our personal attributes that we bring to our life. The second two, opportunities and threats are what the outside world brings to us. In this article I’ll take up the first two aspects of the SWOT matrix: strengths and weaknesses.

Strengths

• What are your signature strengths?

Signature strengths are the things we like doing and are good at. It’s important to be clear about what we are good at. As I pointed out in my article on signature strengths, we tend to be happier if our life is aligned with our signature strengths. And – conversely – you might be very unhappy if what you do isn’t aligned with your strengths. For example, if creativity is one of your key strength, you might not be happy being a career soldier in the army. (Anyhow, I don’t think they’re exactly renown for encouraging creative ideas!)

• What advantages do you have?

What kind of skills do you have? What about your education? I’m thinking of education in the widest sense here. It’s not just formal education that’s helpful in life. It’s also what we learn from life itself. What about your connections? Who do you know? Whom could you work with? Whom could you ask for advice?

• What are you good at?

Make sure that you don’t get tripped up by modesty when answering this question! In general, it’s good not to be puffed up, but in this moment you want to get a clear picture of yourself. When you reflect upon this question, make sure you consider all aspects of your life. And look at all the things you are good at. Even the ones nobody seems to take much notice of. For example, I’m not a particularly good cook, but I make a mean date and ginger chutney! Also, notice what new strengths you’ve noticed recently. For example, I noticed that I tend to make good connections with fellow bloggers and we’re starting to work together. I took this skill for granted because it seems so natural to me. Maybe you too have a strength that seems too natural to be called a skill?

• What personal resources do you have access to?

What are personal resources? The main ones are money, time, and energy. Do you have income or savings to draw from? How about time? Do you have time to develop something new, or are you totally tied up with work and the chores of life? How about energy? Are you full of beans, or do you feel depleted?

• What do other people see as your strengths?

Ask your family, friends, and colleagues about what strength they see in you. They might see something that you can’t.

Weaknesses

All of us have strengths as well as weaknesses. It’s easy to fold at the knees when thinking about our weaknesses. A much better way to address them is to think about how and what we can improve.

• What could you improve?

What would you like to change in your life? Personally, I definitely want to become more patient!

• What should you avoid?

What comes to my mind immediately is – cigarettes! Here’s my cautionary tale: When I was in my twenties, I smoked about thirty cigarettes a day. And then I managed to stop from one day to the next. Seven years later I took just one tiny puff of a cigarette. And three days later I was back on thirty cigarettes a day! It took me another hard year to get off smoking. And I haven’t smoked since. So, I definitely know that I have to avoid cigarettes!
What is it that you should avoid?

• What things do people around you see as weaknesses?

Check out what family and friends see as you weaknesses. Maybe there are also signs you can catch a glimpse of at work. Are there certain tasks that colleagues tend to get done faster and better than you? Are there things that close friends and family say about you that may have a grain of truth?

A while ago I came across a very interesting article by Leo Babauta, called Attack Your Limitations: Turn Your Weaknesses into Strength. It’s a look at how our weaknesses can actually be our strengths in drag. Leo says:

If you develop the mindset that weaknesses aren’t really weaknesses, you’ve just broken through your limitations and fears.

The SWOT matrix is designed to help you break through your limitations and fears. Don’t miss my next week’s article on SWOT, where I’ll write about how to spot opportunities and threats facing you.

Please share your thoughts on the SWOT matrix in the comment section.

Read these related articles:
SWOT Analysis – Part 2: Ten Questions that Will Change Your Life

What are Your Signature Strength?

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Photo by visualpanic

Do you sometimes yearn for a simple life? A life where time seems to flow slower. A life that is spacious where you have time to think, or even to dream?

I did. Until I realized that my life is how I create it. And that I can change my life if I want to.

I can live a simple life. Or I can live a busy life that includes spacious times. Here are five changes that worked for me. I now enjoy life more, am less stressed, and sleep better. I’m a more relaxed companion and friend and more fun to be with.

1.    De-clutter your home

Clutter produces stress. Look around you for a moment. Can you spot things that sit around doing nothing for months and even years. Things that you could give away without even noticing a lack?

• Clear up cluttered rooms.

If you find things that you haven’t used in the last two years, consider giving them away. If you find that impossible because the things still have meaning for you, box them up and put them into storage.

• Give away what you don’t need

Go through your wardrobe and toss out what you haven’t worn for years. Chances are that if you didn’t wear it in the last two years, you never will.

• Keep the rooms you live in tidy. Clutter creates stress.

2.    De-clutter your mind
.

• Refresh your mind daily through meditation

Even just ten minutes of meditation a day helps you to find a more calm and collected peace of mind. There are some very simple ways to meditate. Sit upright, either upon a firm cushion on the floor, or on a chair. Focus on your breath and let your thoughts go.

• Use a journal to note down all your pending tasks

Tasks clutter up our mind. We tend to get anxious if we have a lot of things we have to do and want to keep track of what needs to be done. Let your notebook or scheduling software hold the thoughts for you!

3.    Give up energy drains
.

• Stop watching TV indiscriminately

Check out how much time you are spending in front of the TV. Passive entertainment drains your energy. Plan what you want to watch for the coming week and stick to the schedule you have set. If you find it difficult to stop watching after a program has finished, set a timer at the other end of the room. Getting up to stop it will break the spell and you’ll be able to switch the TV off.

• Stop spending time with people who drain your energy

Are there people in your life who are energy drainers? Maybe they are chronic complainers, or you find it difficult to communicate with them. If so, limit the time you spend with them. You will find that your life runs more smoothly and is less cluttered with emotional junk.

4.    Slow down
.

• Do one thing at a time

Stop multitasking. Do you watch TV and work on your laptop at the same time? Do you chop carrots and listen to the radio? Do you carry on with household tasks while listening to your partner? If you said ‘yes’ to one or more of these questions, you might like to try slowing down. Just do one thing at a time.

• Take up a activities that slows you down. Surfing, yoga, Tai Chi, etc

Intense physical hobbies blow all the cobwebs out of your mind. When you’ve just caught that wave or are about to launch your snowboard down a steep slope, your mind naturally empties. Yoga does something similar. You don’t believe it? Just try holding a post until your legs start wobbling and you’ll find your mind becomes clear.

Quiet activities, such as painting or book-binding, can also be engrossing and help to slow you down.

5.    Take time out
.

Take time each week to refocus on what is important to you.

• Spend time with people you love
• Take time out to be in touch with nature
• Take time out to enjoy yourself
  

These five steps allow you to reduce clutter in your mind. We need space in our lives to think and dream. Nobody can be creative when they are locked into a cluttered life.

What about your life? Is it cluttered or simple?
What works for you?

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By Mary Jaksch

Forget depressing stories about the brain. That it’s at its best in our twenties, then slowly declines – until we are left in old age with tatters instead of dendrites in the brain and can’t even remember our own name. Forget that. It’s not true.

The great news is that the brain is plastic: it can develop throughout life. Like muscles develop with a physical workout, intelligence can be shaped up through brain exercises.
There are many different facets of intelligence that all make up our mind. Personal growth means fostering and training the many different kinds of intelligence available to us. Read on to find out which are the nine different forms of intelligence and how to develop each one.

1. Verbal Intelligence .

Involves reading, writing, speaking, and conversing. You can exercise it through learning a new language,  reading interesting books, playing word games, listening to recordings, using a computer, and participating in conversation and discussions online. The interesting thing about learning a new language is that each language has expressions and concepts that don’t appear in others. A new language also means a new way of seeing the world. .

2. Logical Intelligence .

Involves number and computing skills, recognizing patterns and relationships, timeliness and order, and the ability to solve different kinds of problems through logic. You can  exercise it through classifying and sequencing activities, playing number and logic games, and solving various kinds of puzzles. Personally, I have a Sodoku book in the bathroom and do a little each day. .

3. Spatial Intelligence .

Involves visual perception of the environment, the ability to create and manipulate mental images. You can develop it through drawing, painting, sculpting, sharpening observation skills, solving mazes and other spatial tasks, and exercises in imagery and active imagination. I have very little talent in the fine arts field. But I use mindmaps to develop skills and practise some Japanese calligraphy. These are my ways of practising Spatial Intelligence . .

4. Body Intelligence .

Involves physical coordination and dexterity, using fine and gross motor skills, and expressing oneself or learning through physical activities. You can develop Body Intelligence by playing dancing, playing various active sports and games, as well as taking up martial arts or yoga. .

5. Musical Intelligence .

Involves understanding and expressing oneself through music and rhythmic movements or dance, or composing, playing, or conducting music. We can practise it by listening to a variety of recordings, and singing, dancing, or playing an instrument. .

6. Social Intelligence .

Involves understanding how to communicate with, and understand other people, and how to work collaboratively. We can develop it through cooperative games, group projects and discussions, as well as dramatic activities or role-playing. Daniel Goleman has written a very interesting book about this, called Social Intelligence: The New Science of Human Relationships. .

7. Emotional Intelligence .

Involves understanding one’s inner world of emotions and thoughts, and growing in the ability to control them and work with them consciously.  As Daniel Goleman explains in his book Emotional Intelligence: Why It Can Matter More Than IQ, we can develop it through participating in independent projects, reading illuminating books,  journal-writing, imaginative activities and games, counseling, and quiet reflection. .

8. Spiritual Intelligence ,

Danah Zohar – a management thought leader, physicist, philosopher, added Spiritual Intelligence to the list of intelligences. She wrote a very interesting book, called SQ: Connecting With Our Spiritual Intelligence in which she describes the intelligence with which we access our deepest meanings, purposes, and highest motivation. We can develop it by finding quiet places for reflection, or by practising meditation or prayer. I think that there is another intelligence which is not part of any official list: .

9. Creative Intelligence .

Involves creating something new with your mind or with your body. We can develop Creative Intelligence by participating in plays or make-believe games, by writing, painting, decorating, handicrafts, cooking and so on. There are some activities that tick more than one box. For example, when you dance you are honing your Spatial Intelligence (because you are learning patterns), Social Intelligence, Musical Intelligence, and Bodily Intelligence. Formal study is also a way to keep the brain young and to grow as a human being. A few years ago I decided to go back to university and do a Masters. Studying sharpens your Logical Intelligence, Verbal Intelligence, Creative Intelligence, as well as your Social Intelligence and your Emotional Intelligence. Another way to keep the brain in training is to change your job at times. Brain scientist Dr. Robert Sylwester says:

I’ve always thought that it’s a good idea to make a change every ten years or so and do something different – either within the same organization or to move to another one.

What’s your experience of developing the mind?

***

Enjoy these related articles:

How to Boost Memory and Upgrade Your Smarts

Top 10 Ways to Establish New Habits Without Discipline

What Makes Us Creative?

How to Realize Your Wildest Dream

Optimize Your Life With the SWOT Matrix

Wisdom: The Forgotten Dimension

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