Take rest; a field that has rested gives a bountiful crop. - Ovid
Do you feel exhausted when you get home from work?
Do you go about your day feeling numb and as though you’re just going through the motions?
When you get right down to it, do you feel ineffective and maybe even helpless?
If you answered yes to any of the questions above, you might wonder what’s wrong with you. But it may be something you haven’t even thought about: burnout.
Did you know that burnout can occur just about anywhere in our lives, not just at work?
Here are three aspects of burnout according to leading researcher Christina Maslach:
1. Exhaustion.
I’m an avid crossworder and when the clue is “exhausted”, the answer inevitably is “used up.” That’s what exhaustion feels like – being used up. It describes both physical and emotional depletion.
2. Depersonalization.
We use this technique to try and put distance between ourselves and whatever is causing our stress. So, if you work with customers or clients in your job, you might find yourself ignoring the unique qualities of each person and thinking of them as just a number to be served or a case to be managed.
Likewise, if you are burning out in other areas of your life such as family, friends, or other groups you are a part of, you might find yourself becoming cynical or indifferent when around those people.
3. Inefficacy.
This refers to a reduced sense of personal accomplishment.
It can feel like any or all of these things:
- You’re not getting things done no matter how hard you try.
- You just don’t have the time and resources available to complete the tasks you are expected to do.
- You rarely get any positive feedback for what you are doing.
So, this is a pretty nasty trio: Feeling used up, cynical, and ineffective/unappreciated.
You may have had a job where you experienced this, but I’m sure you can also see where burnout can occur in other spheres, too.
Maybe you feel like you have to be the perfect mom or a superdad.
Maybe you’re under pressure from high expectations to get excellent grades in school or university.
Or maybe you have a chronic illness and are tired of putting up a “brave front” so that the people around you don’t get discouraged.
Whatever the situation, burnout is a bad place to be so let’s look at some ideas to keep burnout away in the first place as well as some ideas what to do if you’re in the midst of it.
1. Pay attention to yourself.
It’s easy to get so caught up in the world and what needs to be done in it that you end up being alienated from your own experience. To get more in tune with yourself, ask:
- How does my body feel? Am I tired? Do I have enough energy?
- How am I feeling emotionally? Am I getting cynical? Am I being snarky with others?
- Am I overwhelmed? Do I feel like things are piling up to the degree that I’ll never be able to catch up? Do I feel appreciated for what I do?
2. Ask yourself if it’s worth it.
Is what you are doing worth the physical and emotional drain on your body and mind?
When it comes to a job, sometimes we don’t have much choice, but if you are feeling burned out in other areas of your life, does it really matter so much that it’s worth harming yourself emotionally and physically?
Maybe it’s time to let go of people in your life who bring you more stress than support.
3. What if you didn’t . . .?
What would happen if you didn’t do whatever it is that is stressing you out?
Would the sky fall in if you didn’t make the Easter dinner this year, didn’t volunteer at your son’s school for a few weeks or months, didn’t pack every hour of the work day with clients? If you took a day off to read a book or watch movies all day, would you really get that far behind?
4. Be assertive.
Yes, I’m sure you sensed this one was coming: Just say no.
It’s okay. You can do this!
When Junior’s teacher asks you to be the parent monitor at his class’s monthly birthday party (for the umpteenth time because she knows you’ll say yes), say, “I’m glad to bring cookies for the party, but I can’t be the monitor.” That’s it. No need for an excuse. Just “I can’t.”
At work, it’s not a particularly good idea to say “no” or “I can’t”; instead, you may want to sit down with your boss and express your concerns about your work load or unreasonable expectations you feel from management.
Talk to him about your symptoms of burnout – exhaustion, cynicism, and/or feeling ineffective and helpless.
5. Don’t ‘should’ on yourself.
Please don’t allow burnout to happen to you because of ‘shoulds.’
“I should be able to handle this.”
“I shouldn’t feel this way.”
Who said?
Try not to put any more pressure on yourself than you already feel. Trust your own experience with your body, your feelings, and your mind.
When those things combine to say “enough is enough,” it probably is.
What is your experience with burnout? Please share in the comments.
Psychotherapist Bobbi Emel helps you bounce back from the significant challenges in life. Download her FREE e-book, Bounce Back! 5 keys to survive and thrive through life’s ups and downs. You can also follow her on Facebook for more cool stuff.
{ 22 comments… read them below or add one }
I had someone remind me the other day that you never hear anybody say “Oh, I’m so glad I spent all that time worrying! It sure helped!”
Sometimes all you need is for someone to remind you of what you already know. Be kind to yourself, and ease up a bit!
Thanks for your tips!
Good way to phrase it, Kimberley – thanks!
Bobbi,
An important article for everyone. Especially in this fast-paced, “get-it-done”, wired lifestyle we all live. Thank you especially for this: “don’t ‘should yourself’”!
Glad you liked that, Lee!
SO many great thoughts here, I think “Don’t ‘should’ on yourself” is my highest priority. As women we do that way too much!
Isn’t that a great phrase, Lori? And one that’s easy to remember.
I agree with Lori. Is it really true that we women are so wired to worrying and making ourselves or our lives perfect that leads most of us to burnout?! Changing our mindset with the tips in this article is a great first step but those icky words – don’t and should – just always seem to creep back in.
The one I have a hard time with is ‘should’ing on myself. After reading this article though, I’m going to start asking myself the big question: “Who says?”
Very helpful post
That’s great, Glynis!
I’m tattooing “is it worth it?” on my arm after this. Not literally, but maybe I’ll pin it up by my PC
Good work, Bobbi!
Hey Bobbi,
My biggest challenge was to overcome my “shoulds”. My perfectionism used to be an endless source of “shoulds” and I remember lots of times when I totally ignored how I felt or what I needed, in order to comply with them.
It’s an amazing relief not only to demand to be treated like a human being by others, but also to treat yourself with care…
Cheers,
Cornel
I always get the advice of being careful not to burnout, but I’ve never had that issue before. There were periods where I would write five articles a day, keep two for my own site, publish three as guest posts, yet I didn’t feel the burnout.
I am much more careful these days though because like you said, the potential is pretty much anywhere. Perhaps I’m just lucky that I’ve yet to run into a wall that I feel I HAVE to climb.
Hey Bobbi.
Great advice!
Having a job where I am (often) required to listen to and address people’s problems (challenges, issues) can be a tough gig at times. It can be detrimental to my emotional, mental and physical states if I don’t listen to what my body is telling me – keeping in mind that emotional and psychological stress always has a physical consequence.
If I’m anxious or stressed my body will tell me. Fortunately for me, I read the signs and pay attention. While that part of my life (the mentoring and coaching part) is rewarding, challenging and interesting, it can also be exhausting, so it’s crucial for my long-term health and happiness to take time out and to manage me.
Craig
I usually hear my inner voice screaming at me when it’s time to slow down.
When I listen, I can find recovery; when I ignore the voice, that’s when burnout smacks me right between the eyes!
Alex
One thing I’ve always wanted to get better at is recognizing when I need a break or vacation. Last year I felt really burnt out and cynical, so this year I’ve planned lots of trips, to the point where I feel like my work peers might think I take a lot of time off. We’ll see how it goes! Actually it’s going to go fine. What’s the worst that could happen, a scolding? At least I’ll be happier.
Still though, this time off is coming much after the time it was needed. Has anyone had success with recognizing really early symptoms of burn out and stepping away to heal?
It’s been over a year now that I’ve been following tip #1 – paying attention to myself. It’s hard for me to conceptualize what life was like before then, it’s like I was living blind, with one of my 5 senses missing.
I like the perspective you bring – burnout doesn’t have to come just from work, any of life’s challenges can do the trick. Great post Bobbi!
Number 4 was spot on and so true! Great post!
THanks for those reminders on burnout. I’m pretty good at overdoing things and burning myself out. Especially the “Should-ing” all over myself. Thanks
I was burned-out indeed, so I quit my job and decided to do whatever pleased me. I traveled a bit, took up painting, but I kept going downhill. After 8 months I finally went to see my doctor and with tears in my eyes I told him, “I don’t want to do anything, I don’t care about anything.” He told me I had depression, so I’ve been taking these pills for a couple of months now. I have felt a change, but not as much as I would have liked. How can I lower my anxiety, find happiness and get my energy back?
I suffered from burnout for several years, which turned more into stress induced anxiety. Luckily I was able to overcome the symptoms of anxiety and ever since I have employed the methods you mention here. Being more in tune with your thoughts and feelings and recognizing when enough is enough is essential.
Something that has also helped for me is to be grateful every day for everything you have. From simple things like running water, indoor plumbing, to your family, friends, pets, etc. The more grateful I am, the more my attitude improves and the better life starts to flow.
When things are in flow everything is easier and I find I can accomplish so much more, resulting in more free time to do other things and alleviate some of the burnout. And when all else fails, definitely plan for and take a nice vacation to somewhere that you do not have to be tied to your phones, tablets, computers, etc. It works wonders!
Thanks for posting.
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This is a great article on the Maslach burnout inventory. Burnout’s a topic I talk about quite a bit, and I’m so happy to see other voices raising awareness about this important subject. I have to catch myself at times from running too ragged. A sustainable pace is key to a long-lasting career!