By Mary Jaksch
Technology is shaping our modern relationships: with others, and with ourselves.
How is technology changing the way we relate to each other? Are we connected – but alone?
In the video below, Sherry Turkle explores how technology is redefining human connection.
(If you are reading this by email, please view the video here)
The feeling that ‘no one is listening to me’ make us want to spend time with machines that seem to care about us.” (Sherry Turkle)
What are you thoughts about this? Do you agree or not? (Let’s have a conversation in the comments)
{ 2 trackbacks }
{ 16 comments }
I agree with this video, I’m a Senior Citizen and I am just starting to learn how to text because most of my friends want to talk with me that way. You do feel alone because you have no voice to associate with that message. I feel when I am on the computer e-mailing my friends and love ones I have no connection. Same is true when you call the phone company automated voice press this number and that number. What ever happen to people wanting to talk to one another? It is technology taking over the world and our lives and it is so sad to me because I am a people person and it is like I am being shut down and shut out of people’s lives.
Mary,
Powerful video. As a psychologist I’ve seen this coming a long time ago. With daughters in their 30′s and grandchildren that are 15 and 18 (this week) I ‘ve witnessed the things she’s talked about in action. I still talk more than text with family and friends. I’ve often felt like the odd person out. Thanks for sharing this.
Tess The Bold Life´s last [type] ..How to Be Wrong: A True Confession
“Technology touches us were we are most vulnerable.”
– Sherry Turkle
A keen observation Sherry Turkle offers. Desiring connection and wanting desperately to be seen, it “feels” like social technology is satisfying these cravings, yet many of us still feel alone, disconnected. It’s troubling, yet the responsibility rests with each us. Life offers an opportunity to deeply understand what it means to be human. In this deep understanding we will find the healthy, live-giving place for technology. It’ll just take some more concentrated effort.
Thanks for passing along this thought provoking message, Mary.
TJ
Oh, I can so relate to that brilliant video – this lady says it all, doesn’t she – and that’s exactly how it is for many of us, myself included. I feel we are losing the art of conversation, just as we are losing the art of letter writing by hand (remember how good it felt, getting a letter by snail mail – the thrill and anticipation of opening it?)
We don’t need to stop using technology, it is part of life now, but we do need a balance.
Thanks for sharing this.
Barb´s last [type] ..Dogs vs Cats
I agree to a certain degree. Everyone has a choice. You may have to use technologies like text, social media, and email for business, but you can choose NOT to text, use social media, and email in your personal life. I’ve met people who don’t use Facebook, Twitter, or LinkedIn. They have no desire for a personal Facebook page. Sometimes, I think they’re right.
Here’s my personal experience with Facebook…
I posted a quote last year on my personal Facebook page that sent two of my ‘female’ cousins into a tizzy. They blasted me and got my cousin Mitch’s (name changed) wife involved! Really? They didn’t want to hear or listen to what I had to say. I apologized and move on with my life.
Being Connected, Yet Alone
Most people are scared to death to meet others face-to-face. It’s easier to sit behind a laptop, cell phone, etc. When I moved to Arizona in 2007, I had people tell me how courageous I was to attend events by myself.
How else was I supposed to meet new people, besides sitting behind my laptop? That wasn’t fun. I wanted to explore Arizona and meet people face-to-face, or speak with them via SKYPE/cell phone, no emailing or texting.
A few weeks ago, I met a business associate on Twitter and we set up a time to chat. It was a great connection. She offered me the opportunity to submit a guest post to her website. It was unexpected!
Teaching Teens about Communication
I’m teaching my niece and nephew about the importance of connecting with people on a ‘more’ personal level. Technology is great, but I believe it could used to enhance our communication, not rule it.
I’m not anti-technology. There is definitely a place for emails, texts and social media (Even though many, if not most, people and companies have yet to find a genuine way to connect via these methods.)
It is disheartening in this day and age to realize how many people really don’t want to actually TALK to each other (Watching people, especially family members, text each other rather than speak even when they are in the same room is something I have a hard time with.), who are adamant about NOT answering their phones and engaging in verbal “intercourse” as it were.
And abbreviated tweets, text messages and emails are no substitute for energetic dialogue and discourse.
We have the vehicles for communication, but not, it seems the actual skill set with which to communicate verbally or via writing. And it’s sad. And isolating.
I have met and become friends (and I mean close friends) with several people I met online. I have been hired to work for people I’ve never met but only spoke with and emailed. So our world can expand in some ways.
At the same time, with each person being barraged by so many types of electronics begging for their attention, it’s harder and harder to have real conversation with real people. And there is NO substitute for one-on-one, in-person face-time. Anyone who tells you otherwise is lying to themselves and others.
It’s great to have the option to video chat with loved ones around the world. But it is never going to come even close to the feeling one gets in the physical presence of those we love. And no text message will ever be as good as a real hug.
We delude ourselves with this idea that electronics and various formats are really social interaction. They are but a mere shadow of what happens when real people meet, speak and connect.
I feel for the young men and women in their teens and college who literally have no idea how to reach out and speak to each other. You can’t form an emotional bond when you put distance, physical and otherwise, between you and another person. You certainly cannot sustain a relationship via tweets and text messages. Sadly, these kids are clueless on this.
A few years ago I reached out to a former work colleague to catch up. I was genuinely interested in hearing about her life. She emailed that she no longer spoke on the phone but that I could catch up with her life via facebook. Sorry, if you don’t want to talk to me, that’s fine. But I don’t read a wall to see what you’ve shared with the world. If you can’t spare a few minutes to engage in conversation, then I’ll pass.
Now, if only all the people who waste each other’s time with mindless tweets and random facebook chatter spent even a fraction of that time actually having real conversation…imagine the possibilities for real connection. One-on-one. (Posting for one and all is, to me, a form of communication spam. Mass market distribution of what’s going on in our lives. Ugh. Life is personal. Not a press conference equivalent.)
It’s not techonology, it’s how one uses it, or, misuses it, that gets inbetween real connection and communication.
SPend less time on Twitter and facebook and more time in the flesh seeing, hearing and BEING with one another.
Very well put. I was going to comment but you said it all. I am suffering from fatigue of the invisible. I can’t see you. It’s like tapping code on walls.
Diana´s last [type] ..Quite Clearly Ocean
This month’s Atlantic Monthly has a wonderful article about this topic. The author says we are facing an epidemic of loneliness even in the midst of unprecedented “connection.” Sherry Turkle is quoted. Thanks for bringing up this important issue, Mary. It seems like one that we will have to face… it isn’t going away as far as I can tell
Thank you for the Atlantic article.
Diana´s last [type] ..Quite Clearly Ocean
To be honest, I am torn.
I am a self-described introvert. I prefer not to go out much. I don’t like small talk and I prefer conversations in which I can really engage in and learn.
I actually don’t use Facebook or Twitter much, by that I mean I only use it when I have posts on my blog.
No short random words or tweets.
I prefer to stay online where I can read and share my opinions.
Like this.
It’s just that, in the place where I live, I don’t think no one thinks or feels the way I do. The conversations that my friends would start will be things like clothes, boy problems, gossip, boasting about their work or lamenting about it. I cannot tolerate that. I’m sorry.
Blogs like these help me fill my need for useful information and sharing opinions.
I do feel disconnected sometimes. I know I need human contact, friends to talk to, and laugh with.
But I feel like I’ve already spent a long time trying to be all funny and outgoing just so I can fit in with them.
There was one time I went out with some friends, it was fun but the next day, it didnt seem to matter. I still feel disconnected despite the partying and the drinks. We didnt even have a decent conversation.
How do you know the difference between being alone and disconnected and being lonely?
Glori´s last [type] ..“Stop the madness for constant group work.”
What is the difference between being along and disconnected and being lonely?
Just generally referring to the general population: Loneliness is often, but not always, a symptom of co-dependency. Co-dependency meaning- a person who derives his identity, value and self worth from other people or relationships regardless of whether those relationships are fulfilling and good or not. If the relationships are good and respectful and one still has a sense of who they are and doesn’t compromise too much from his truths and values, then this isn’t harmful.
Often being the individual that you are and sticking to your value system means sometimes feeling alone. It’s because not everyone is on the same path. The levels of depth, devoid of superficiality’s, is the yardstick which measures the disconnect that you speak of. There is nothing wrong with you. It is just the way it is.
Our choice to remain and practice our wisdom and to explore our depths seems like it comes with a price. A blind man will know his way around his home but restore his sight and his experience becomes somethings entirely different.
Hi Mary,
first of all thanks for sharing this TED talk, its nice to know the thought process behind the desperate craving of keeping ourselves connected in virtual world.
I have had similar thoughts and have expressed then on my blog Thoughts and reflections! about a year ago.
‘Connecting people’ and ‘P.S. Keep in touch’ these two posts say about my struggle with myself to find answers on human connections and digital connections.
Check them here…
http://saee-thoughtsandreflections.blogspot.in/2011/03/connecting-people.html
http://saee-thoughtsandreflections.blogspot.in/2011/03/ps-keep-in-touch.html
I feel nice that somebody has a similar feeling like me!
With gratitude,
Sai Kulkarni
Sai Kulkarni´s last [type] ..Touch…why it touched me?
It is disheartening in this day and age to realize how many people really don’t want to actually TALK to each other (Watching people, especially family members, text each other rather than speak even when they are in the same room ),and observing many who are adamant about NOT answering their phones and engaging in personal contact, connecting totally with their hearts and experiencing gratitude for each other .New age tec supports FEAR (of ones self)…….the direct opposite of LOVE.
Everything has changed since I was young. People have no time and don’t drop by to see each other. Things are much more formal now about socializing, at least in my world. I feel a huge disconnect with my environment. I felt it even before I left “the office”.
Diana´s last [type] ..Quite Clearly Ocean
Do you mind if I quote a couple of your posts as long as I provide credit and sources back to your site? My website is in the exact same area of interest as yours and my users would really benefit from a lot of the information you present here. Please let me know if this okay with you. Cheers!
Bobbie´s last [type] ..Childrens Place Printable Coupon
I totally agree that far too many millions of people are lonely–it is an epidemic worse than that of obesity, I think! But fortunately, technology has connected us with distant family and friends in such up close ways that I am not regretful at all about the role that blogging, Pinterest, Facebook, Twitter, and texting have in my own life and that of others. The secret to true sharing and intimacy with these tools is to refuse to go the ‘LOL’ route and truly share our hearts, minds, and souls with each other. And most of what passes for personal interaction in most communities is NOT that type of sharing–it is recipes and new shopping places and football games and politics–you know? Actually, I think because technology removes the “up in your face” aspect of personal encounters, it actually allows and supports MORE intimacy!
Rose Byrd´s last [type] ..balls of clay
Comments on this entry are closed.