A guest post from Kent Thune of The Financial Philosopher
Children don’t really think much about consequences. They are interested in getting what they want and getting it now. They want to be entertained; they want to eat more chocolate cake; and they protest when they don’t get what they want.
All of these things could be said about your brain. The behavior is inherently selfish and survival-oriented; yet completely natural. Children, however, need guidance from an adult and the brain is no different.
If your brain is the child, your mind is the adult. Without direction, the brain—the child—will self destruct by consuming itself with egocentric behavior. If you are a parent, you know that there is a delicate balance between giving a child what she wants and giving her what she needs—a balance of play and rest, adventure and responsibility, sweets and vegetables, screens and books, yes and no. The child (brain) needs the adult (mind) to strike this balance.
The Mind-Brain Dialogue
Children like to ask questions but adults often make the natural mistake of providing abstract answers; but children need to make ideas and concepts concrete to pull them into their own experience. For example, a child may ask, “Why do we need money?” The wrong answer is “To buy things.” In fact, answers are almost never the best way to respond to a question, especially with regard to a child (or your brain). There is more learning in asking more questions.
Consider this dialogue:
Child: Why do we need money?
Adult: Why do you think we need money?
Child: To buy things.
Adult: What things?
Child: Things that make me happy, like toys.
Adult: Can you be happy without toys?
Child: I don’t know.
Adult: Do you like hugs, flowers, rain puddles, climbing trees and imagining things?
Child: Yes I do! I love all of those things!
Adult: Do you need money to enjoy these things?
Child: No.
This dialogue, which follows the Socratic Method of learning, illustrates the power of questions. Once the child realizes, by simple introspection and reflection, that money is not needed for happiness, the conversation can extend into the purpose of money, which is essentially a tool–not a means, of happiness.
When the mind is thinking it is talking to itself. ~ Plato
Having a conversation with a child is no different than a conversation with your self (your brain). The brain asks questions every day; however, the questions are often answered implicitly through observation without asking further questions. For example, the reason for thinking the purpose of money is “to buy things to make me happy” is because the child/brain has observed this in others and has never questioned it; therefore accepts it as truth. Again, questions are better than answers for discovering truth.
All that we are is the result of what we have thought. The mind is everything. What we think we become. ~ Buddha
In summary, children (our brains) are not inherently good or bad; they are curious, learning, survival-oriented creatures. They do not need to be absolutely controlled but they need some guidance; they need to understand that there is more to reality than what they see with their eyes; they need to philosophize, ask questions; they need to learn contentment through introspection and reflection; they need to be aware; they need mindfulness.
In what ways can you relate to the Mind/Adult–Brain/Child analogy? How do you strike the ideal balance of mind and brain?
Kent guides his readers to place ‘meaning before money and purpose before planning’ at The Financial Philosopher. You can also follow him on Twitter.
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Very insightful post. As a mother, I have – at times – marveled at the way this Socratic Method works when talking to children. If you can ask questions and even just restate what they are trying to say, it can really help kids follow their own logic paths and to communicate those logic paths. It helps them to arrive at insights they didn’t know they had. And it’s interesting to think this way in hopes of deepening our own brain’s understanding of things.
Lisa:
I agree. Children ask questions that are difficult to answer in a concrete way. With two young children myself, I’ve found that they will not learn to think for themselves unless they are given the opportunity. As humans, we all want to find answers quickly. Children learn that the quickest way to find an answer is to simply ask their parents. While this is resourceful, it does not inspire growth. A common response to a child’s question in my household is “What do YOU think about that?”
Kent @ The Financial Philosopher´s last [type] ..Climbing the Corporate Ladder For What
The line of questioning develops the child’s logical thinking and reasoning. Most importantly, it inculcates good values to them.
Vivian´s last [type] ..Anmeldelse af ny smart søgemulighed hos Vivirocom
Yes, Vivian. As I mentioned to Lisa (above) children will tend to take the easy route of finding answers outside of themselves. Adults make the same mistakes.
Kent @ The Financial Philosopher´s last [type] ..Climbing the Corporate Ladder For What
Great article.
It is important to adopt a inner dialogue that challenges your beliefs, do you need money for happiness? The simple answer is yes, but you proved that the truth is “no”.
We don’t need money for happiness.
By using this method you will uncover many other false beliefs.
Daniel M. Wood´s last [type] ..What do You Want to Read About
Good point Daniel. Money is but one example of false beliefs coming from social conventions. As Soren Kierkegaard once said, “The crowd is untruth.”
Kent @ The Financial Philosopher´s last [type] ..Climbing the Corporate Ladder For What
What a fantastic analogy – I’d never looked at it like that before. (but then I’m not a parent yet so that figures!)
Thanks Kent, that was a really refreshing read!
Thanks Mete. One need not be a parent to see this application so I appreciate your input as a “non-parent.” In a sense, however, you are your own parent. The mind-brain dialogue is parallel to the adult-child dialogue.
This inner dialogue with oneself must be initiated and perpetuated; otherwise the dialogue will be between brain and outside world (i.e. social conventions, social pressures), which is a “conversation” without the mind — it is mindless.
Kent @ The Financial Philosopher´s last [type] ..Climbing the Corporate Ladder For What
Very insightful post. Encouraging children to dig a little deeper and become critical thinkers can be helpful in their later years. Sometimes in our rush to answer the question and move on, we miss a wonderful learning opportunity. Good reminder, thanks!
Cathy | Treatment Talk´s last [type] ..Ask the Experts- How Can We Help Parents Prevent Teenage Substance Abuse Part 1
Cathy:
The learning opportunities extend to ourselves and in our adult relations with others–not just with children. For example, if you work in a career that is service-oriented, such as a financial planner or a life coach, you will be more successful in helping your clients by asking the right questions than if you had provided the right answers…
“Freedom from the desire for an answer is essential to the understanding of a problem.” ~ Jiddu Krishnamurti
Kent @ The Financial Philosopher´s last [type] ..Climbing the Corporate Ladder For What
i like the dialog between the parent and child. i think this dialog should be in everyone of us, so we can have priorities in out life.
sapir´s last [type] ..Does the CIA give employment verification
What an interesting and insightful post.
It reminds me of The Work by Byron Katie, where you question every thought you have.
I like the analogy of the parent and child, too, because it implies patience, understanding and kindness to oneself. We don’t berate our kids (hopefully) when they don’t know the answers; we gently guide them to find the answers for themselves.
If we can learn to question our own beliefs while at the same time being kind and gentle to ourselves, our lives would improve enormously.
Amy:
I like how you framed the ideas within the post. Questioning things is the basis of the dialectic, which was made famous by Plato and Aristotle, both students of Socrates.
A dialogue, especially the Socratic model, is an exchange of thoughts between two people, both having the ultimate goal of reaching “the truth.”
This dialogue can be with yourself — between mind and brain — parent and child — teacher and student.
Kent @ The Financial Philosopher´s last [type] ..Climbing the Corporate Ladder For What
Very helpful and insightful post. I try to initiate this type of dialogue internally, within my own psyche. I find having this inner conversation especially important when I am facing challenging emotional issues–fear, pain, anxiety, and the like.
I do not have my own children, but what a wonderful way to teach a child to process the world, looking within for the truth.
mary jane´s last [type] ..Weekend of Bliss–WDS
Thanks for the article. This is related to what Eckhart Tolle discusses in his book, A New Earth. But I think there is a confusion of terms on Kent’s part, even though I get the principle behind this article.
We are not our brains. We are not our mind-egos either. So I’d say the mind-ego is the child, and the adult is the observer. The observer is the “real” you, which exists outside of the ego and everything else.
This is a beautiful analogy. Indeed, our brain is like a child, ready to absorb what we feed it. I think what we need is to be mindfully aware of ourselves, and by doing so, we will be able to ask the right questions, and eventually find the answers to them. By practicing mindfulness, we do not only void ourselves from the influences that our society and our environment has imposed on us, we also separate from the emotions and possibly judgment that can influence our decisions and questions in life. When we do so, we let our brain be free to ask and learn absolutely anything that we may desire it to.
Salinya´s last [type] ..Matthieu Ricard- Habits of Happiness
Socrates loved truth, didn’t he, Kent, loved it more than anything else. I do believe it set him free. As it will set us free too if we adopt this unflinching posture you are recommending here. Thanks for sharing your thoughts.
Christopher Foster´s last [type] ..How fear can open a door to wholeness
Great post, Socrates’s method is something that i use with my children often as well but this is an interesting take that i haven’t used
ella´s last [type] ..Landing Great Event Management Jobs
i think you can make children understand and to work with their mind – only if you give them a personal example.
sapir´s last [type] ..What causes cellulite – What Kind of Skin infection is this
I love the idea of asking more questions instead of just giving answers. Questions make us think and it keeps discovery going for a lifetime. That’s awesome!
Nea | Self Improvement Saga´s last [type] ..Inspirational Thoughts- Letting Go of This- Moving On From That
Great insights. I was a child as well as an adult too. I was a mother a young age, and this article really suits me. It is true that asking questions lets you explore more and the more you explore, the more knowledge you will have.
Lea G´s last [type] ..Period pain comics: it’s break time!