By Mary Jaksch
Our lives can change abruptly from one moment to the next. At such times, it’s difficult to imagine that what may seem like a catastrophe may turn out to be an opportunity. Look at the ordeal that a caterpillar has to go through in order to become a butterfly: the chrysalis is trapped in a cocoon, where everything disintegrates. Then some cells cluster together as discs that carry a genetic blueprint for a new structure. And finally the butterfly emerges.
Ordeals can bring out our full potential as human beings. My five tips will help you to re-emerge from the ashes stronger and happier.
I recently shared my story with you of how I ended up in debt after a financial melt-down due to trusting the wrong kind of people. Looking back now, that terrible experience was actually an amazing opportunity. It is the reason why I turned into a blogger and started a successful online career. I’ll share with you what helped me to rise from the ashes.
Here are 5 crucial tips on how to start over:
1. Let go of the past
When we’re going through hard times, we tend to go over and over what happened in our mind. It’s important to stop those thoughts because they keep us trapped in the past, and unable to move forward.
Tip: wear an elastic wristband. Whenever you notice a negative thought, move the wristband over to the other arm.
2. Learn new skills
In order to rise from the ashes, we need to acquire a different set of skills from what we had before. Learning new skills gives us our confidence back, and opens up new opportunities. We don’t necessarily need to go back to school. These days there are many ways to learn new skills, especially on the Internet.
3. Start something new
When our life is shaken up, it’s a chance to start something new. Maybe there is something you’ve always wanted to do, but never ‘got around’ to? Now is the moment to take it up in order to fill our life with new meaning. And in order to re-discover confidence and joy.
4. Keep on track
Every new endeavor needs a lot of energy to get it going. The difficulty is that there is always a lag time between initial work and results. For example, the first year of blogging is hard work because there are many new skills to learn and nothing much happens in return. That’s why most blogger give up in the first year. It’s only when you grit your teeth and keep going that success finally happens.
5. Be grateful
It’s difficult to be grateful when things go awry. But it’s important in order to heal, and find a new direction. There is so much we can be grateful for. But we tend to take it for granted. If you practice gratitude, you will be a much happier person.
Tip: Each night, when you lie in bed, think of five things that you can be grateful for.
The five crucial tips will help to boost resilience. Resilience is the ability to bounce back. This doesn’t mean that your life will regain the exact shape it had before the crisis or abrupt change. After all, when we throw a rubber ball it doesn’t bounce back on exactly the same trajectory. Resilience means rising from the ashes, dusting ourselves down, and taking a new direction in life.
When I started Goodlife ZEN, I was still in the grip of the financial disaster that had befallen me. In response, I wrote my Ebook “Overcome Anything” which shows how to come through difficult times and find a new beginning.
Now, two years later, I’m in a new place in life. I’ve created a whole new career and my life has taken an amazing turn. That’s why I’ve decided to rewrite and enlarge my original Ebook. It’s as if I’ve now experienced a new chapter in life and have a new, positive perspective to share with you all. I would like to include your stories in my new eBook.
Please tell YOUR story of rising from the ashes in the comment section.
This FREE chapter of my Ebook will show you
how to overcome anything.
- Turn challenges into opportunity.
- Cope with change without falling apart.
- Find new meaning for your life
- Find serenity, happiness and meaningful success.
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I found this post really practical and uplifting. I am experiencing financial difficulties as a result of the global economic crisis and it is hard to keep positive but reading this has put things back into perspective. While I am not financially where I’d like I have plenty to be grateful for – I have a fantastic husband, a beautiful daughter and a great job where I am learning new skills. We’ll get through these hard times cos we’ve got each other.
.-= Laura´s last blog ..Reading Your Way to Happiness =-.
@Laura,
It’s a blessing that you are truly appreciating your family and you job, Laura.
Excellent advice, Mary. Just perfect, really.
We, my husband and I decided to start a new life in Italy. We had been living for many years in Germany and could no longer keep up with the frenetic pace of our old life and jobs. We bought an abandoned farm here and started renovating it into a B&B, without a clue as to how to go about it, and with no language skills in Italian. My first reaction to the massive change was panic disorder, which put me in the hospital. After facing my own demons and the prospect of not having a secure income for a very long time, I put one foot in front of the other. I remember saying to myself — ok, well, if this thing is going to kill me, then I am going to go down fighting. That was in the shower one morning about six months after moving here, having half of our belongings destroyed in a flooded outbuilding and working ourselves to the bone with garden and renovation work. We slowly kept moving forward, and guests eventually did come, and loved what we had done. Now, here we are, six years later, one of the most successful and popular B&B’s in our region, giving wine tours and cooking classes. We learned Italian and entertain guests from all over the world. We still work very, very hard. This is why I have started coming to you and to Leo and to Tammy to get inspiration on how to live simpler. I feel I am at another turning point right now. I want to stay healthy, simplify even more ( we live a very simple, frugal life here) and share what we have learned with others — hence my new blogs and my involvement in A list.
This is the short version, but I think having overcome my own paralyzing fears is the greatest thing this life change could teach me.
Thank you for motivating me and urging me on, even though we have never met. Blessings to you.
.-= Diana Strinati Baur´s last blog ..AN IMPORTANT ANNOUNCEMENT =-.
@Diana Strinati Baur,
WOW! I’m blown away by your story, Diana! I definitely would like to see your story in my new book. I’ll email you about that.
Hey, Mary!
I think life is cyclic: we start out empty, grow and learn, and then something changes so we again have the emptiness in some part of our lives necessary in order to receive new things. Sometimes the changes themselves are part of the cycle, such as when our elders and parents pass over. Other times it feels as if the wind gets knocked out of us when change is drastic and appears to be negative.
In my life, I’ve had to pull myself up out of the ashes to begin again several times (with the help of others and All That Is, of course). There was childhood abuse to heal, the early loss of my mother, date rape, having to walk away from two stepsons when I left an abusive relationship, and I’m now in the midst of redefining Who I Am as someone who’s “differently abled” (aka “disabled”).
I think, too, we all experience losses that are smaller on a regular basis if we don’t choose to change on our own. Otherwise, we would stagnate in our lives and miss the whole point of living.
(I LOVE the imagery of the butterfly. It’s my favorite!)
Annie
@Annie Stith (@Gr8fulAnnie), Thanks for your comment, Annie. I especially liked your point that loss and change creates empty spaces in our life. And we need such empty spaces in order to grow.
My steps to starting over:
Listen to your desires.
Set a goal to make it happen.
Take baby steps towards your goal.
Watch it unfold.
I found that once you take that first step towards your desire it takes on a life of its own. That is, if it is really meant to happen.
.-= Suzy´s last blog ..How to make decisions =-.
@Suzy, That’s lovely observation, Suzy: “once you take that first step towards your desire it takes on a life of its own.”
Mary,
The most difficult time to move forward and continue being grateful, is when we have experienced something tragic or life altering. Be this as it may, this really is the most important time to be able to do so. If we don’t push on word and begin reinventing ourselves or maintaining an attitude that is helpful to persevere, we can begin on a down word spiral that is truly difficult to emerge from. We have to always be ready to maintain focus on what’s important to us and what we want from life, instead of dreading on what could’ve been. Thanks for the post!
.-= Joe Wilner´s last blog ..Interview with Psychologist Mary Gregerson PhD – Discussion of Life Style Balancing =-.
@Joe Wilner, Yes, I think you’re right, Joe. Directly after a tragic experience it’s very difficult to move forward. I think all we can do at that time is to try to stay grounded, and to survive the shock. And maybe to look around, and to count our blessings nevertheless.
Thank you Mary for the wonderful article! It’s very timely for me because I’m in the midst of a family situation that has shaken up the family dynamics. Although it’s upsetting, I’m grateful it’s happened. There is a plethora of learning opportunities from this situation. Also, I’ve been able to see just how far I’ve come in my own self-development journey and that makes me feel very grateful and inspired to continue. I love what you said about, “ordeals can bring out our full potential as human beings.” Thanks very much.
.-= Marianne´s last blog ..Pure Inspiration and Pure Love! =-.
@Marianne, Thank you for sharing your difficult journey with us. I can feel your strength and your determination to create positive outcomes.
I love this post, Mary, and it makes a great follow-up to your personal story. I don’t know if I’ve yet risen from the ashes, but am hopefully in the process, and it’s a process I’ve had to go through again and again. This most recent version:
After 14 years of being a self-employed single mom (I had to stay in the area as part of the divorce child custody terms; unable to find employment because of my deafness, I started a landscape design business), I finally remarried, to a friend from England. He was just starting to find work when I had to have surgery, and then the surgery had complications. I had to close my business afterwards, as the work was too physically demanding. But then my husband got sick. It was too soon after moving here from England, so he had no health insurance and didn’t qualify for Social Security. We tried everything to patch together an income stream and started living on loans. Then the local economy tanked because of property taxes (it sounds trivial, but it was the equivalent of a major employer closing down, just awful) and our local income stream dried up. We put the house up for sale, figuring if we downsized and moved to a less expensive area we’d be okay until we got back on our feet. Wrong. We got a buyer lined up and found our ideal tiny house, went through the process and then the buyer backed out, part of the whole subprime mortgage fiasco. We were stuck with two houses for a year and a half, and ended up selling the first house for a pittance. During all this time my husband has remained ill and his prospects are unclear. The economy tanked during this time. I was unable to find any work at all, other than as a cook in a coffee shop. I got another business going, as a cook, but of course that too was too physical to sustain, as I was diagnosed with lupus. We lost every dime we had. My husband was finally awarded a short-term disability income from our own insurance. We are living hand to mouth on that while we try to cobble together an online income stream. As of today we’ve made 84 cents, but we will keep on keeping on. I’ve got an ebook coming out in September and my husband is doing a lot of writing himself now, having found a new medication which seems to be helping more than hurting him. I have no idea how this is all going to turn out, but the 84 cents is there, and hopefully that first single step on the long journey.
.-= Meg´s last blog ..Monday Morning Blogging in the Happy Chair =-.
@Meg, Dear Meg, I really feel for you. What a string of catastrophes. You seem to have in indomitable spirit. That has to result in a positive future.
When your cookbook comes out in September, I’d be happy to write an article about you on GLZ and ask every reader to buy your cookbook. I’d be so delighted see you earn more than 84 cents…!
@Mary Jaksch,
Hi Meg, Leo Babauta and I are going to give you life-time free membership of the A-List Blogger Club. And I’ll give you a hand with the launch of your cookbook.
@Mary Jaksch,Oh holy cow of cows! That was truly unexpected. I accept, with much gratitude! I was going to submit my sites for a third and hopefully final review at the Club in a couple of weeks, having implemented all of the suggestions you made previously. Just told my husband and he’s got both thumbs up
.-= Meg – Minimalist Woman´s last blog ..Monday Morning Blogging in the Happy Chair =-.
@Meg, I, too, will pledge to buy your book. Love, Lisa
Hi Mary, I have definitely been winging-it in the ashes for the last year, always believing, albeit sometimes with a fierce struggle against the looming darkness, that I could and would fly again. Because I’ve had to recreate myself quite a few times over my ‘ahem’ 51 years, I’ve learnt the lesson that something will always appear to show me the way forward. This time it has arrived in the shape of blogging, the joys of which I am being introduced to by your goodself Mary, as well as Leo and all the gang at A-List Bloggers. One thing that I find so wonderful about the blogging community is how generous of spirit everyone is. It is just so healing to be in a world where people really want to help others and to pass on tips and information. Thank you so much for reinstating my belief in the ‘goodness’ of human nature.
.-= Rosemary Hannan´s last blog ..ALONE AT LAST…EeeeeeeK! =-.
@Rosemary Hannan, Oh, I’m so glad that you’re finding the A-List Blogger Club such a positive place! That’s what Leo and I were hoping to create when we first had the idea.
Always awesome Mary!
“Letting go” has and still is great advice that I need to heed. With previous turmoil, it’s important to observe how we got ourself into those situations. Once we’ve gone through the emotions of grief, anger, and sadness, and we’ve learned our lesson from the apparent disaster, moving on becomes much easier. I’ve realized that although I’ve forgiven myself for the event and that I’m past it, my ego catches up with me and reminds me, “Remember me? Remember this horrible experience and what you did to get yourself in it?” In this case, I remove the thought, snap my rubberband, and move on. “Shut up ego. I have ‘presence’ now.”
Thank you Mary.
@Christopher, Thanks for your comment, Christopher. Yes, it’s important to let go of our past difficult experiences. You say, “I remove the thought, snap my rubberband, and move on. ‘Shut up ego. I have ‘presence’ now’.”
May I suggest a tweak? I think it’s very important to treat ourselves with kindness. So when the mind plays the the ‘it was your fault’ tape, be kind but firm. Acknowledge the pain, and then change the tape through changing the wrist band to the other arm.
I love stories of trials and the beautiful things that grow from them, and your experience is so inspiring to me.
One especially fiery trial for me came a few years back when my mother became suddenly ill and rode a life-and-death medical roller coaster for months. Overnight, my entire world shrank to the size of a hospital room.
Meanwhile, outside the hospital, life went on without me. Weddings and birthdays were celebrated, my garden was harvested, and a replacement worker took over my old job. Although I received much love and support, I saw more each day how the space I left in a person’s life or in a role I’d filled, was quickly filled by someone or something else.
I was shaken to the core by this. The “I” I’d thought I was ceased to exist. Now there was simply this being in the hospital room, holding my mother’s hand, and sleeping in a bedside chair. Who was I without those roles I’d dedicated myself to with such passion and purpose?
Over time, I saw that this ‘burning’ of life as I knew it freed me to live a life without limits. Adventures replaced expectations, and walls built from years of conditioning crumbled. I still ‘play’ many roles in my life, but when I do, it’s by choice and with passion.
.-= Jean Sarauer´s last blog ..12 Reasons Why Bloggers Make the Best Lovers =-.
@Jean Sarauer, thanks for your lovely comment, Jean. I suppose what happened to you (that others filled your place) also happens when we die – it’s just that we don’t know about it then.
It’s interesting to see how this experience freed you. It could also have crushed you – if you would have viewed yourself as a victim. I think there’s a matter of choice here.
I was touched by your story of how you stayed beside your mother when she needed you, Jean. And I feel privileged to be able to watch from a ring-side seat how you are emerging from the ashes – as a blogger with outstanding talent
Hi Mary,
thank you so much for all your posts, they always help me. My story of rising from the ashes is still at its beginnings. I’ll try to be as short as possible: last year the town where I was born and where I was living (L’Aquila, in Italy) was destroyed by an earthquake. I moved to Pescara, my husband’s hometown, with him and our two children. My parents moved to a nearby little town. Unfortunately my marriage was already going through great difficulties and what happened did’t help. My husband made me a scapegoat of his problems. My father was terminally ill and died two months ago. I have a translation agency, but for several reasons it is not working. I didn’t know what to do. I decided to undergo a psychotherapy because I needed help to clear my mind and to stay sane, to be able to help myself, my children and my mother. After much suffering I decided to separate from my husband, although these are hard times job and money wise. I have always loved art, craft, drawing etc. So I started a blog as a way to start being creative again, to connect with like-minded people around the world and, who knows, maybe create a small business out of it. I am still in the process of defining my projects and dreams and the difficult time I am having with my husband does not help (I waste a lot of energy because of his hostile behaviour). But I hope that little by little I’ll find my path and the serenity to follow it. In the meantime, I am trying to learn to sail during the storm.
Barbara
@barbara, I love your image, Barbara: “I am trying to learn to sail during the storm.”
Yes, you’ve really put the finger on the pulse of why it’s so difficult to rise from from catastrophes. It’s because we need to ‘learn to sail during a storm.’ It takes gut to do that. The sail rips and we have to mend it. The sailboat capsizes and we have to clamber on board again. The difficulties are unrelenting. But if we learn to sail in a storm – we grow an inner certainty that we can weather anything.
The most catastrophic time in my life was being diagnosed with Multiple Sclerosis in the Summer of 2006.
Ironically, I was training for the MS 150, a fundraising bike ride in Salt Lake City. The owner of my company has MS and inspired me to raise money for the National MS Society. He has been in wheelchair for more than 20 years and I was going to ride for him. He was my face of MS. During that time, I had just returned from a trip to Germany and what I thought was a little jet lag turned into a lot of vertigo. I had experienced vertigo before and I figured it was just some type of ear infection. My doctor thought the same thing. As the weeks progressed, I couldn’t walk a straight line let alone ride a bike. Two months later, I still felt like I was stumbling out of a bar whenever I stood up and went back to the doctor In the beginning of July, I had missed the MS ride, still could not get on my bike, went through a battery of tests, and was diagnosed with MS.
The diagnosis was more traumatic than the disease. I didn’t have enough information to process what this meant. I didn’t have enough information to take action. I only knew enough to be scared. I was scared that I would be able to keep up with my daughter and husband. I was scared that I wouldn’t be able to walk and terrified of the other potentially debilitating symptoms of MS.
I knew that I had to educate myself and start making decisions based on facts not fear.
It is an understatement to say that MS has changed my life. My diagnosis changed my life, my treatment choices changed my life and my declining health changed my life. It wasn’t until I took control of my healthcare, found a great neurologist and decided to fight MS that I realized things could change for the best.
Two years after my diagnosis, I finally got to participate in an MS ride and finished a 100km on Martha’s Vineyard with my friends and family.
Once I stopped being scared about what “might” happen, and made changes to be as healthy as I could be, I knew everything would be ok. Now that my health is stable, I am doing whatever I can to raise funds for a cure. I sell fine art photography and donate 50% of each sale to MS research. With that, there is hope, and with hope, there is health.
.-= Courtney Carver´s last blog ..Being Busy is Not That Important =-.
@Courtney Carver, what an amazing story, Courtney! It’s wonderful that you have fought your way back to health – and found a new direction in the process.
Hi Mary! I totally relate with your post and starting over. A year and a half ago my husband and I both lost our jobs. Even though this may seem tragic for most people, I thought it was a great opportunity for us to create the life we always wanted. I’ve pretty much applied all your points on my journey.
- Let go of the past – We left our life in Houston (where we lived for 12 years) and moved to California to start a new life.
- Learn new skills – I went from being a seasoned technical writer with 11 years on the job to being a rookie blogger. Still lots to learn on this new field but very excited about it. The A-List Blogger Club has been a HUGE help.
- Start something new – Besides the blog, I’m also starting a foundation for kids which has been my lifelong dream.
- Keep on track – I’m a pretty motivated and determined person by nature so this one has been easy for me.
- Be grateful – This one is my favorite. I’m grateful for every little thing that happens throughout the day. I’m always amazed by life’s gifts. I feel truly blessed.
Thanks for sharing your journey with us. I appreciate your sincerity and transparency. Loving blessings!
.-= Andrea DeBell – britetalk´s last blog ..How to Be Happy Despite Your Partner’s “Flaws” =-.
@Andrea DeBell – britetalk, thanks for you story, Andrea. Something in your reply leaped out at me: “I’m also starting a foundation for kids which has been my lifelong dream.”
Maybe we should add this as a further point of rising from the ashes: Do something good for others.
Great suggestions, Mary. Easy to say – tough to do: give up all hope for a better past!
Be well…
Coach Charley
.-= Charley Hampton´s last blog ..The Unspoken But… =-.
@Charley Hampton, You’ve phrased that so much better than I could: “Give up all hope for a better past.”
Yes, indeed!
Mary, this is fantastic. Your advice is wonderful and the response is incredible. These comments read like a series of inspiring testimonials to the amazing capacity of people to rise from the ashes. I commend you all for your courage and strength. Can’t wait for your ebook, Mary.
.-= Katie´s last blog ..How to Embrace First Day Jitters While Fending Off Your Inner Worry Wart =-.
@Katie, I’m totally blown away by the stories people have shared in the comments. I read some aloud to my partner David, and had tears streaming down my face as I read the words. So inspiring. And so heart-rending.
I’m deeply grateful for this sharing of personal stories.
Hi Mary, I love your last tip about being grateful because I always am, even through moments of doubt and fear and all that.
In my story–well I couldn’t possibly get into it all here. But I’ll say…I didn’t have a family past age 14. I never went to high school but I earned several university degrees with honors. I almost died at 19 and have had a couple other life-threatening situations here and there. Let’s see….to be brief, which I rarely am lol….I left a (relatively or comparatively brief) emotionally abusive marriage several years ago with two dogs and three cats in tow, bought a house (with a leaky roof
planted a garden, traded freelancing for corporate work because I couldn’t concentrate with so much stuff happening and just wanted something steady–and I finally quit eight months ago because I have to write and design stuff and be creative for a living. That’s all I really know how to do–with passion, anyway, though I know how to do a lot of stuff, like teach and I’ve done that too–don’t have much patience for the cubicle thing or grading papers. Nothing against cubicles or papers, really–it’s the mentality and the tedium. So I got serious about blogging and some other stuff and the freelance work is coming in, in a serious way, and stuff is happening.
And so, once again, rising from ashes, kind of, though in some cases it’s more like rising from mistakes I made (the marriage, the corporate thing) and getting back to where I was supposed to be going in the first place.
Always grateful for so many things. Even right now, I have two beloved cats who are seriously ill (one geriatric, one coming out of remission from lymphoma) after losing another cat and a dog in recent years but you know what? I’m grateful for all the work I’ve had so I can pay for their care! Yippee….plus grateful I have them and have had the opportunity to care for them. So the dogs don’t get to the park as often as I’d like because I have work to do….they have a lovely garden to romp in! Let’s be grateful!
And there you have it. Grateful is good, keep on track is good (and forgive yourself when you lose it here or there), start something new (story of my life), learn new skills (love it–perpetual student here), and let go of the past–what else can you do? It’s done. Rock and roll
.-= Leah McClellan´s last blog ..The World Isn’t Peaceful If We’re Not- 33 Life Lessons =-.
@Leah McClellan, thank you so much for your story, Leah. It left me speechless… What a survivor you are! It’s wonderful to see how you’ve managed to come through crisis after crisis without giving up. Your gratitude is inspiring.
Hi Mary,
I feel that I’ve risen from the ashes so many times that I must be a phoenix! I’ve had lupus, a kidney transplant, heart attack and Parkinson’s Disease – and here I am! When I was no longer able to work, I started singing in a chorus and in hospices. I’s always thought it might be fun to do some writing, so when I heard about the A-List Blogger Club it seemed a great opportunity to try blogging.
I guess what I’ve learned is to keep reaching out & trying new things – connecting with life in new ways. Now, in the middle of a divorce and relocation, I feel I know what to do: keep reaching, keep trying new things and stay open to the adventure!
I’m grateful to you and Leo for all I’ve learned from your blogs and from the Club. Eileen
Thanks Mary a timely reminder for me as I embark on a new life chapter. I do have a story (don’t we all) but it’s too long to relate here. If you would like to read it I have it as a post http://www.inpursuitofmeaning.com/practically/the-ministry-of-sound-c-g-jung%e2%80%99s-transcendent-function
with love and blessings,
Stephen.
.-= Stephen´s last blog ..Is it Meaningful or Random Part 2 An irrational Perspective in defence of synchronicity =-.
Hi Mary,
I think I am a hybrid of a cat and a Phoenix. I have risen from the ashes at least 9 times! Life is full of challenges and set-backs. It is rare to meet someone whose life as been a complete bed of roses. Challenges give us perspective, empathy, humility, and a thick skin. I’ve had plenty, but I am humbled and awed to read some of the stories here. Humans have an amazing capacity for resilience and hope. Difficulties used to knock me flat, and to be honest, I’ve used them as an excuse for behavior or bad actions in the past. But I have learned that this is counterproductive. Now I try to get back up, dust off, and see what I can learn to keep moving forward.
.-= Barrie Davenport´s last blog ..20 Ways to Stretch Yourself =-.
Hi Mary,
For me the most important thing to do when starting over is to acknowledge my reality. I believe we must first acknowledge what we want to change or heal. Too often we ignore, or pretend to ignore, the signs that point to the need for change.
Fear of the unknown can keep us stuck in a place that is no longer serving us. When we summon up the courage to take that first step into the unknown, wonderful things begin to happen.
Hi Mary,
I appreciate your humility and vulnerability in sharing your story here with us, and I love the example of the butterfly emerging. In fact, the quote on my refrigerator (by good ol’ Anonymous) says: “Just when the caterpillar thought the world was over, it became a butterfly.”
My favorite part of what you’ve written here is to “be grateful.” That one works each and every time; when we can focus our energy and attention on what’s good and what’s “right” in our lives…the other junk starts slipping away.
Thank you for your wisdom, your insights, and your inspiration.
.-= Michelle @ Following Your Joy´s last blog ..Arielle Ford & Brian Hilliard- Soulmates Following Their Joy =-.
My biggst rising from the ashes story is being 17 and pregnant, getting married and then becoming mom to a total of four little girls by age 22 (third pregnancy twins). Also one of the twins was born without most of her right hand. January 14, 2011 we’ll celebrate our 39th wedding anniversary and the girls are all in their 30′s now;) Isn’t life grand?
.-= Tess The Bold Life´s last blog ..Feeling Jealous Shine Your Light On It… =-.
Hi Mary, what a great post! It’s a shame I didn’t read it even sooner
Starting over is such a refreshing experience, which is why I decided I wanted to study abroad this year. I’m taking the plunge and going to a completely foreign country, Japan, WITHOUT my family, friends, most of my possessions and much money.
I think the most important thing to do when starting over is to be fearless. To do it with an open mind and to take opportunities as they come.
Thanks for more good advice, keep up the fab work.
Jessica.
.-= Jessica @ Minimal Student´s last blog ..The big reveal – my year abroad =-.
Mary and all who shared your stories of hardship and hope,
This is a very inspiring post. We’ve all experienced challenging, discouraging setbacks and yet found a way to go on. In the past 7 or 8 years, I’ve been diagnosed with Type 2 diabetes, lost about 40% of my life savings in the economic collapse of 2008 within months of retiring from my last job, lost substantial equity in my house, and, worst of all, suffered the death of my son 8 months ago.
But on the good side, I met my wonderful BF and moved across the U.S. with him, started my blog, saw my daughter graduate from college and graduate school, and have been able to manage diabetes quite well without medication. There is much to be grateful for. Thank you for writing this post.
.-= Madeleine Kolb´s last blog ..Slogging Through The Social Security Debate One Lie At A Time =-.
Starting over sucks and hurts. they say pick yourself up, dust yourself off, blah, blah. I know, I know, what’s the alternative? Still, it’s sucks to go back to the same place from where you started from….the only saving grace is we’re hopefully a little wiser.
If we start by doing something new. Our worlds will change and so would we. We will spend more time in ambiguity than in the mundane life to television shows, radio broadcasting and magazine reading. We will expand our mind,open our thought and shut our close world from closed minded activities. This is the best way to go!
.-= jonathanfigaro´s last blog ..Thirteen Lessons From the Lord Himself =-.
I haven’t had the kind of massive upheavals that a lot of people have had, but I’ve experienced broken engagements and redundancy…each time, I don’t meet the challenges with boundless optimism, I just simply put my head down, and get on with it. Why? Well life throws roadblocks in your way and I’d rather see what’s on the other side of the block than to just sit and accept that it has blocked my path. Curiosity is a wonderful gift.
.-= Icy Sedgwick´s last blog ..Icys Guide to writing Historical Fiction =-.
I have struggled to survive in almost every aspect of my life after I suddenly developed pneumococcal septicemia at the age of 39. My arms and legs and face were amputated, I lost my house and could no longer work. But I have a fantastic marriage and two beautiful children – these are the things that have kept me alive. Still, there are difficult days. Your article about recalling 5 things to be grateful for and counting your blessings is very powerful. Mine are:
1. my wife’s smile; 2. the friendship of my children 3. my sister who has always helped me when things have got difficult; 4. the sound of the wind in the trees; 5. the fact that I have a nice house to live in – I have a job now in a call centre and this gives me just about enough to pay the bills.
I will keep checking your website for tips on how to keep feeling positive. Thank you.
Hi Mary,
Thank you for sharing your story and for the advice about rising from the ashes.
Last October, I was laid off from my job. Initially, I was happy because I hated my job but then I got scared because I needed the money to help pay the bills. I went on numerous job interviews but nothing worked which was a blessing. The whole experience made me realize that I needed to finally have a career that was in harmony with my passions. So I started my own business. The funds to start my business appeared through a person who heard of my struggles and I recently launched my business. I have no idea where this new journey will take me but I know it will take me to where I need to be. I am working harder now but each day is a joy.
Hi Mary,
Pulling ourselves up from the ashes can be very difficult sometimes, especially given the circumstances that got us there in the first place. And you’re right Mary, leave your past behind you; there’s nothing you can do to change it. You can only tinker with what’s ahead.
My downfall started eight years ago. My mother had developed dementia. We first noticed something was wrong when she burned her leg with boiling water from the cook stove; she couldn’t remember why she was boiling the water. My dad, by this time had already suffered many strokes.
My older brother and his wife of twenty-seven years got together with my wife and me to decide what to do; our parents could no longer live on their own. We decided it would be best for my parents to move in with my brother and his wife, his kids were already grown and out of the house, mine were teenagers and still in school.
Just days after my parents moved in with my brother, his wife took my dad for a walk outside. She stepped off the curb wrong and severely damaged her knee. She had to have a complete knee replacement; it went very bad. She was in severe pain. Not long after that my dad had a massive stroke that paralyzed his right side. His left side was already paralyzed from a previous stroke. He was now bedridden. My mom was getting worse by the day, and very unruly.
I live in Oregon and my brother lived four hundred miles away in California. I was making endless trips down to help take care of them. Finally we had to move them both into a nursing home; my mother did not receive good care. I got a call from my brother to get down there immediately. My mother had bedsores so bad, I could see three inches of her Achilles tendon, and another bed sore on her tailbone. They had to surgically debris her tendon and most of her heal away. She died six days later. (That was the hardest day of my life.) My dad died two months later.
My brother and I sued the nursing home for wrongful death. We won, for what it’s worth. I’d rather those people were in jail, than have the insurance company pay out money. (There was one horror story after the next with that place.) We hadn’t even received the money yet, when my brother called to tell me that his wife’s mother had just had a stroke and died the same day. Thirty days later my brother and his wife took a trip to Cabo San Lucas. After all we had been through, they just wanted to get away for a while. They wanted us to go, but we couldn’t. They were killed in a car accident two hours after they landed. That was Sept 5th 2004.
It’s been six years now, and after nearly drinking and smoking myself to death, literally, I am starting to make a comeback. Although I lost my job last year due to the financial crisis our country is in, I’ve decided to look at it as a positive rather than a negative. I start school this fall. I’m going to do what I want to do, not what I have to do, to make a living. I didn’t really like my job anyway. I’ve always wanted to be a writer, and a photographer. Photojournalism is my goal. And I’m going to make it. I also love to write short stories. I have two beautiful granddaughters now. I write for them, and myself.
I no longer drink, or smoke; I’m up to one hundred fifty miles a week on my bicycle, and hike religiously. I’m getting ready to scale two mountains here in Oregon before the end of Summer.
I used to look back on the past and dwell on the negative, (a family gone), while I still hold them dear to my heart, now I look to the future, two beautiful little G-Daughts and a son-in-law that takes care of my daughter, and his, very well. I have a beautiful wife and successful son, I’m a lucky man. Now, it’s time to take care of myself….
Hi
My life was once rich in money and lifestyle., Pretty poor in spirit. A few things went wrong, a few bad decisions and over a few years all was lost.
I guess for a while i felt sorry for myelf (a few days really). Then the hard cold reallities of being nearly 50 in the midst of a recession here in the Uk told hold.
You know when your down and lying in the ashes its so difficult to see a way out. Even just last week i had 2 problems with my car which cost more than i currently spend on food petrol etc for a month!
Three months ago i started to work hard on a internet business (6:30 am until at least 8:30 pm) leanring studying testing failing trying again. With no money but energy.
Im making progress all be it slowly. I had a job interview 2 days ago 1st of 14 mths
another job oppurtunity might come throgh. A potential client might have some work. It might get better.
Was for sure is if had not worked hard for months I’d not have a potential client and id not have been able to attende the interview.
My thought would be look at your real skill sets set direction and move forward one step or 1/2 a step at a time.
Ive also redesgn my whole life. I plan to become nomadic connected to the web working but abale to move freely.
regards