By Mary Jaksch
Do you sometimes feel it’s all just TOO MUCH? I think we all do at times.
Stressful times can be difficult, but there are some simple ways you can restore your sanity and start smiling again.
Here are five tips that can help you to relax and de-stress:
Tip #1 Step back to see the big picture
Sometimes we’re so stressed, we can’t see the whole landscape. Often things look less overwhelming when we see them in context.
Tip #2: Don’t make drastic changes
When we’re stressed, we sometimes just want to stop whatever we’re doing. But that can be a mistake. A good question to ask is: will it rock the boat, or wreck the boat? It may be ok to rock the boat. But to wreck a boat needs quiet and serious consideration – when we’re rested.
Tip #3: Just say ‘no’
Personally, I find it difficult to say ‘no’. I want to be helpful, and most of the time I have the kind of energy that allows me to to take on an extra load. But it’s not always a good idea. Because then we lose the reflective, creative, playful, and healing times that are crucial for a fulfilled and balanced life.
Tip #4: Go for mindful walks
Feeling stressed sometimes means that we need to integrate something new into our life. A great way to work with that is to go for walks. Walk mindfully. Notice the ground beneath your feet and listen to the sound around you. The simple act of walking will help you to integrate whatever is new or stressful in your life. Walking helps us to keep seeing the overview, and not get lost in the difficult details.
Tip #5: Give yourself permission to waste time
When you feel you’re on the ‘Meltdown City Express’, a great way to proceed is to waste time. Give yourself permission to do something that you enjoy, and take time out. Personally, I love curling up with a good suspense novel.
Let’s gather some more tips on what to do when one foot is on the Banana Peel and the other in Meltdown City.
What are YOUR tips?
P.S. I borrowed the title of this post from an email that Jean Sarauer sent me. She writes the blog Virgin Blogger Notes. Check out her post: How to get Off the Meltdown City Express. Jean is a member of the A-List Blogger Club which I run together with Leo Babauta of Zen Habits. We’ve just re-opened the doors for enrollments. Check it our here.
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Hi Mary,
Learning to say ‘no’ is one of the most effective skills you can develop to combat overload as it helps to catch stress at the pass.
It’s all too easy to fall into the habit of agreeing to everthing- we want to be seen as helpful and positive people. But this can soon lead to us having too much on our plate… and our positivity disappears because we’re worrying about letting other folk down. It’s a vicious circle of stress!
Stress is best dealt with when you allow yourself the time, space, and permission to step back and objectively weigh up your situation. Then, you’re able to act in your own best interests – and not other people’s.
@Scott McIntyre, Saying ‘no’ is difficult for me, especially to myself. I always have so many amazing ideas of things I could do or create…
@Mary Jaksch, Instead of ‘No’ maybe you could say ‘Later’? Write the idea down in a book for that purpose. Then later when one has the luxury of being bored or at odd ends, Look through the book for the next idea?
I think what works best is a balanced approach of reminding yourself of all the good things in your life, and taking the bull by the horns. The former is to make you feel better and put things into perspective. That can give you the energy or confidence to tackle the real problem. Stressful issues won’t just go away on their own, they need to be approached actively. And often, when it gets too much, simple small steps can do a lot to help you feel a bit more balanced. That one big issue can be approached with a plan, one step every day.
@Christina, Sometimes it helps to have a meltdown 30 minutes each day. You set the clock and can do whatever you need during those 30 minutes – hide under the bedclothes or whatever. When the alarm goes off after 30 minutes you then do the next ‘small, simple step’ that you so rightly advocate, Christina.
@Mary Jaksch, I like that! It’s like ‘Stupid hour’ We had what we called stupid hour as children. We would wake up one hour earlier, but we could just sit there and wake up. If we did anything during that hour and messed it up we weren’t held accountable. lol Of course the Army broke me of that!
Yes Mary, saying no is a biggie, mindful walks is another. I find a good run helps me release a lot of the stuff of stress. Taking care of myself is another good one. Eating healthy, exercising and resting. I get so much more done when I follow these simple self care concepts. Great post.
.-= Katie´s last blog ..A Simple Guide to Living Life with Wild Abandon =-.
how do you handle the banana peel & the meltdown when it is revolves around family you live with……how do you walk away to reflect & follow your steps……you walk away refreshed & right back into the same conditions????????
@Katie, What gets me humming again is going to a full-on karate class. I think what does it is the release of all the pent-up energy in a great shout.
I walked right into Meltdown city last week. It was there before I knew it. I was a emotional mess and found I had no desire to do anything. I had simply put too much on my plate for too many weeks.
So I took a mental health day. It was a day of no people, writing in my journal, a little goof off time to watch tv and a long nap.
It did me good. I felt like myself again.
Now I am being more protective of that time that I need alone to relax and reflect. It makes for a happier mom, wife, and co-worker.
@Eva, Well done, Eva! It’s great that you found a way out of Meltdown City!
Dear Mary,
that was a perfect timing for your post. I have been thinking about most of these points in the last days, yet to read them helps to do yet one more step backward to see the global picture
A point I would add to the list:
Sometimes it’s simply a bit of recognition which is missing and creating the stress (the tough part is to find the kind of recognition others need). And sometimes it is communication which is missing, if it allows to see other point of views.
I thus chose to thank a friend today as well as to congratulate him to have found the strength to ask others for their opinions, views and ideas of the situation he is in.
@Françoise, That’s a good point, Francoise
I read Jack Kornfield on Buddhist Psychology and Sarah Napthali on Buddhism for Mothers, and I like their good advice on ‘meltdowns’: just accept them as bad weather that will pass. Often we lose a lot of energy trying to fight or deal with these moments/times that are simply bad, bad, bad. By accepting them we restore our calm. I like your 5 tips as well. I think ‘saying no’ in times of overloads will be very helpful.
@Paula, Thanks, Paula. I like Jack Kornfield’s writings too. He’s very down-to-earth.
I love this post and I think that #5 is my favorite. I find that sometimes I sometimes feel bad for “wasting time” or “doing nothing.” What we have to realize is that doing nothing can be just as productive as doing something or everything (whatever our case might be). It helps us clear our minds and rejuvenate. If we just keep going and going, eventually we will simply start producing poor quality work. If we just sit, and take time to enjoy the little things like reading a novel as Mary said, it will benefit us in the long run.
@Patrice, Yes, Patrice – it’s strange how we imagine times are more important when we are ‘productive’. So much of our creative work happens in odd, stolen, ‘wasted’ moments
I try to gain perspective by asking myself if this will matter in five years. Will I even REMEMBER this in five years? If not, Then why should I let it bother me now? Why let it waste my time?
Sometimes it empowers me to think in this way.
@Lili, I like that idea, Lili! Yes – not much of the small bothers will still be important in 5 years time.
I’m happy to have both feet far away from Meltdown City today. So many of my online friends have been dealing with those same feelings of stress and overwhelm though. They do sneak up on us! I’m having a bit of a holiday right now, and that’s doing wonders for me. Unplugging and getting outdoors sets me right again, as do kind gestures from beautiful spirits named Mary
.-= Jean Sarauer´s last blog ..How to Get Off the Meltdown City Express =-.
@Jean Sarauer, Jean – thanks so much for your expression ‘one foot on a banana peel and the other in Meltdown City”! It’s been fun to riff off it! Glad you got out off the Meltdown Express
I think you should say no from time to time. You have to learn you cannot please people a the time. Those who try; fail. You have to be selfish from time to time. You cannot be everywhere all the time. But you can be at the moments that are most important. Learn to care more for yourself and let go of guilt. If you say no, say it and mean it. It doesn’t make you a bad person. It just makes you human.
.-= jonathanfigaro´s last blog ..Five Reasons Why You Should Be a Renegade =-.
@jonathanfigaro, Thanks, Jonathan! Yes, saying ‘no’ is important.
“Go for mindful walks…” I can’t recommend this enough. It’s seriously saved my sanity more than once. Somehow walking gets the brain working in a different way, clears out the cobwebs, synthesizes, integrates. Added benefit – good for the body too! Great post Mary.
.-= Linda Gabriel´s last blog ..Is Fear of Failure Holding You Back =-.
@Linda Gabriel, I agree about mindful walking. It’s actually quite amazing how valuable walking is. As you say, Linda, walking changes something in the mind.
How topical Mary! Last week, as you know, I was at Stress Central waiting to board the Stresshead Express to nowhere. Gladly I toreup the ticket.
May I add to the list…Give Up? Often the struggle becomes a fight and the energy can turn nasty or bitter. When you’ve had enough, give up and walk away. I just decided to rise above it and give up being harassed and let them react how they wanted. Soon it became sorted. We can get too involved and caught up with things and why not a walk (away) in the mind as much as with the feet?
.-= John Sherry´s last blog ..Is It Time For Your True Calling =-.
@John Sherry, That’s an interesting point. I find giving up really, really difficult.
What I found helpful when I’m on the edge of sanity (or just on the other side of it…) is to go somewhere where there’s nobody around and scream. I know it sounds drastic, but when things pile up on me, things usually pile up in me as well. Time to let it all out and make room for some air to breathe.
@Erik, Yes, shouting and screaming is great. That’s what I love about karate training
In nature I’m always a bit nervous of someone calling the boys in blue 
Mary, great post! Sometimes when I feel myself getting stressed as a result of small, inconsequential things, I step back and try to figure out the ‘real’ reason behind my meltdown. That introspection usually helps me nail the actual culprit and allows me to work on the steps required to resolve the problem. Thanks!
Mary,
Great suggestions! Stepping back to see the big picture is a good way to change perspective and regain composure. I also agree in not making drastic changes. Even when we feel something needs to be done immediately, it’s important to think before acting and not be too hasty. I have trouble with this at times, as well as giving myself permission to waste time, even if that’s exactly what’s needed.
Thanks!
.-= Joe Wilner´s last blog ..How to Transform into the Person you Want to be =-.
I’m a huge fan of the mindful walk. I find that just the simple fact of being in motion, and concentrating my mind on the ground below me, my breathing, the smells and sounds and sights of the great outdoors, that’s all I need to regain the mental space to allow my thoughts to collect themselves. Plus, it’s great exercise. Two birds, one stone, ROI is pretty high!
Topi
.-= Topi´s last blog ..50 things Im grateful for right now =-.
Along with Tip 1, sitting down to write out my priorities helps make sure that I’m taking action in the right places. Often, I’m checking things off that hold no importance, whatsoever. Taking permission to waste time on a daily basis is also extremely helpful and making sure everyday is enjoyable! Thanks Mary!
.-= Christopher´s last blog ..Happy and Homeless- Recognizing Another’s Human-ness =-.
After having been through many years of loss and tragedy, I wrote a book on the hope that lies beyond trauma and tragedy. Overcoming grief and depression. It’s called “One Foot on a Banana Peel.” Experience, training and research led me to many of the suggestions you all have given above, but nothing can top a touch from the Lord on your mind and heart. Prayer is the key. All of the suggestions above are great, but prayer is the cornerstone.
.-= Jane´s last blog ..Finding Truth =-.
Hi Mary! I enjoy “wasting time” doing things that I love. I also adore going for mindful walks. “Saying no” is still a work in progress since I love to help/give to others. Not sure if I’ll ever get this one down.
I tend to use “seeing the big picture” constantly in my life. When I see the big picture:
- I realize that whatever is going on will also pass, like everything else.
- I realize that everything changes constantly and this will too.
- I realize that whatever is going on is minuscule compared to what has passed and what is yet to come.
Not making drastic changes under stress is an excellent advice. As a lover of changes, I know first-hand that I could have used caution and reflection more times that I’d like to mention.
Loving blessings!
.-= Andrea DeBell – britetalk´s last blog ..We Don’t Need to Know a Thing =-.
Tip #5: Give yourself permission to waste time:
I had to learn that again, because I thought only a productive life is a good one. But how will we reload our batteries. Only with quite time and things we love to do.
Thank you for holding that in peoples mind!
Matthias
Mary, dunno how I missed this one but the timing coudn’t be better. I have been dealing with so much lately – unwell husband, unwell toddler, loads of housework and an overload of writing assignments.. Meltdown City seemed like it had come to stay at my place:-)
I totally agree about not wrecking the boat. When things get overwhelming, it seems all too easy to take drastic decisions. However, I’ve found that talking things over with someone who’s a good listener always helps me. In my case, I have a heart-to-heart with my mom-in-law and feel a lot better and stronger.
And yeah, cuddling up with my toddler is another great stress buster!
.-= Prerna´s last blog ..3 Secrets to a Peaceful Daily Routine- Simple Steps to Save Your Sanity =-.
Excellent reminders– I resonate with the idea of “Mindful walks”..I also call them “Free Therapy…” for me they are nexessary to help me get perspective and not react when I am most charged up. very helpful post!
.-= Janet´s last blog ..Gadget Girl is off to Italy! =-.