A guest post by Jeffrey Tang of Art of Great Things
Quick – what makes you happy?
We typically think of happiness as “in the moment.” We search for simple things that make us happy right now. A hug. A beautiful day. A fat paycheck. A compliment.
I think that’s an incomplete picture of happiness. Don’t get me wrong: simple, in the moment happiness is wonderful, and we could all use a bit more of it. But these aren’t the only things that make us happy.
Sometimes (often?) happiness grows out of unlikely soil.
I’ll give you an example.
When I was in high school, I was part of the academic decathlon team. In order to win competitions, we spent hours studying math, language, history, astronomy, memorizing facts and dates and names and terminology. We met after school, during school, and sometimes on weekends.
At the time, we all thought it was grueling work. Our coaches pushed us; we pushed ourselves. All of us were exhausted. Some of us even got sick from stress.
But looking back, years later, I realize that those times were some of the happiest I’ve had. And I’m not the only one.
If I could go back and relive parts of my high school years, the time I spent with the academic decathlon team, slaving away over study packets would be at the top of my list. Ahead of things like driving to the arcade with close friends during lunch hour; ahead of going to Disneyworld with my school orchestra; ahead of graduation; ahead of any number of good things that made me happy in the moment.
You see, I think sometimes the things that make us happy in the moment don’t last long after the moment’s over (although other times they do).
And sometimes, the times that annoy us, exhaust us, bore us – sometimes those times, we realize, were happier than we admitted to ourselves, because deep inside we could see ourselves growing. And we were proud of that, even if we only notice it years later.
It’s happiness, backwards. But every bit as sweet.
Here’s the takeaway:
Do great work. Push a little bit, even when it hurts, and even when you’re tired. Live in the moment, but don’t forget to step outside of it every now and then.
And have the best time of your life.
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Great post Jefferey! I really believe that it is a human need to have something to push for if we are to thrive, and you captured all of that greatly.
.-= Justin Dixon´s last blog ..A Full Body Workout in 15 Minutes a Day =-.
Great post indeed,
And another perfect example for “great minds think alike”: If you watch nobel prize winner Danny Kahneman’s speech at TED, you will find a rather more scientific approach to exactly the same issue.
Enjoy: http://www.ted.com/talks/daniel_kahneman_the_riddle_of_experience_vs_memory.html
To echo Christian’s comment – this truth is something that the positive psychology movement is starting to study and get great data on: differentiating between pleasure (momentary pleasant experiences) and fulfillment – which tends to come from challenge, hard work, and things that give us a sense of meaning. A life full of many pleasurable experiences doesn’t create enduring happiness, but fulfillment does.
I loved this post Jeffrey! Happiness backwards… I am just now learning to love my challenges and funny thing, the more I love them the quicker I am able to overcome them. What you resist – persists, what you love and accept – lets you go.
.-= Lana – {Daring Clarity}´s last blog ..How I Got to The Core, Got Scared… and Survived. =-.
Yes, as I look back, the fleeting memories were fun but the work I did toward a goal was much more rewarding. Those are the times I hearken back to with a smile. Interestingly, I also find that intimate (and I don’t mean sexual) moments with individual friends… where we connected on a deeper level… also stick in my mind and heart with pleasure. So, along with goal-directed behaviors, I think seeking intimacy and deeper connections with others also facilitates happiness…. but maybe that’s just me ;o).
@Christian – Thanks for turning me on to that TED talk; will be watching that this afternoon
@Tara – I like the distinction you make between pleasure and fulfillment – two different types of happiness, even though we often lump them (clumsily) into one group.
@Lana – I think we gain an appreciation of hard work as we pursue goals that matter to us, even if those goals require a lot of effort and (temporary) pain. And you’re right – as we learn to love and appreciate the process, hard and taxing though it may be, we learn to find freedom and happiness within it.
@Maggie – You’re absolutely right about making deeper connections with people. Along those lines: I’ve found that working hard (even struggling) towards a shared goal is one of the best ways to build a connection with someone.
.-= Jeffrey Tang´s last blog ..What Do You Want? =-.
This was a grand slam!
It’s the gratification of looking up and knowing you did everything you absolutely could at that time. At the end of the night you were spent, you felt the accomplishment in your heart and had developed the character afterwords to prove it.
I “got this” and am glad you shed light on it.
Great work.
.-= Tony Teegarden´s last blog ..Will You Be My Facebook Friend? (So I Can Make Some Money) =-.
Jeffrey, this is a very good article. Very insightful. I really enjoyed this perspective you’ve shared.
Jeffrey-I really appreciate this post, and I couldn’t agree more. Your personal example of pushing yourself toward your capabilities makes your point in a very real way. We all have challenges – it’s part of the human condition. It’s how we see those challenges (like you did) that gives us the opportunity to say ‘Thank you!’ instead of ‘Why ME.’
I read a book recently called “Wake Up! Your Life is Calling,” by a man named Andy Feld. He lost his family in a bitter divorce, lost his business, and found out his current wife had breast cancer. Through it all he found happiness in the lessons he learned.
So many people play the victim. If people realized the happiness that comes with self-responsibility, the world would be a better place.
Thanks for listening,
Kim
Thanks Jeffrey and Kim for showing me this site. I am often asked if happiness can be learned and practiced or if certain people are just born happier than others? My studies and observations conclude that like anything else meaningful in our life, happiness as well can indeed be learned and practiced. Where do we begin? With a big smile, lots of appreciation, complete forgiveness, and an understanding and embracing of Universal Spiritual Oneness. Keep the dialogue going. Andy
Mary, I personally believe happiness is an inside out rather than outside in sense. Not in things but a thing that’s in us. When we are content and in touch with our emotions we see them reflected in the world around us. Feel gorgeous, see gorgeous, feel bad, see bad in life. Happiness is a natural state as natural as knowing ourselves. Ergo; know yourself, know happiness.
.-= John Sherry´s last blog ..How to live G.L.A.D not S.A.D. =-.