A Guest Post by Anastasiya Goers of Balance In Me
Do you sometimes get that feeling when you are leaving your house that you forgot something? You look around, check your pockets or your pocket book but you still can’t remember what you are missing. The thought that you forgot something important is driving you crazy, but still you leave the house and go on with your life.
Sometimes you feel the same way about your life (I know I do). You feel that you have everything and yet something is missing. This missing part keeps you from being happy and completely satisfied with your life. You keep searching for the right thing but you can’t find it. You then get frustrated about your life and nothing brings pleasure any more.
In Russian folklore there is a fairy tale that describes this situation. The main character, in order to get his princess, has to perform a very difficult task that the princess’s father gives him. “Go There, I don’t know where. Find That, I do not know what.” Do you feel that you have the same task in your life sometimes? Of course the guy in the fairy tale gets his princess in the end and they live happily ever after but his methods probably won’t work for you.
How do you know what you are missing in your life? There are two strategies that you can use in order to answer this question.
Strategy #1
Let me get back to the analogy about leaving the house. A lot of times when I leave with that funny feeling that I forgot something, I realize that I actually didn’t forget anything. I had everything I needed and my trip (to whatever place I was going) was very successful. It was just an illusion that bothered me.
Look around your life. Are you really missing something or is it just an illusion? Do you set unrealistic goals for yourself?
If you think that you are not as happy as you want to be, please remember that even the happiest people in the world have bad spells in their lives (they just know how to deal with them.) If you think that you are not rich enough then remember that you cannot be rich if money is the only thing you are chasing after (even if you have millions, it won’t be enough).
You already have everything you need and everything you need is within you. Stop saying “I will be happy only when/if … ” Be happy and live your life right now. Be the person you are and stop chasing the phantoms of your past or your future.
Strategy #2
A few times when I walked out of the door, I realized that I had forgotten my cell phone or a letter that I had to drop off at the post office. A few times when I was still in college I forgot my homeworks papers (and I got into trouble because of that.) Somewhere deep down I knew that I was missing something, but my mind was so cluttered with millions of other thoughts that I could not dig it out at the right moment.
Your life might be really missing something and your subconscious is trying to tell you about it. It is great that you are paying attention to these thoughts and now is the best time to find out what you can do to make your life better.
- Clear your mind. Let’s start by organizing your thoughts and giving you some clarity.
- Set aside some time to meditate.
- Go to a peaceful place without your cell phone or any other distractions (park, beach, art gallery or any other place that inspires you).
- Allow yourself not to worry about anything (leave all your stress behind and grasp the moment).
- Do not think about what your life is missing and just be grateful for what you have.
- Walk, run, write, swim or do any other activity that you enjoy and that lets your mind relax.
- Breathe.
- Look around.
- Breathe.
- Listen.
- Breathe.
- Be present.
- Relax.
- Breathe.
- Look at your life through the eyes of a stranger. Have you noticed how fast we can usually see what is missing in the lives of people around us? What would you say about yourself if you didn’t know yourself? Would you see a workaholic who spends every free minute working on a new project but forgets about his wife and children? Would you see a housewife whose life is limited to the house and taking care of her family? Would you see a person who desperately needs to take care of his/her health? Do not be partial to yourself, be honest.
- Ask yourself “Is my life in balance?” Break your life down into these 7 areas:
- Career/ business/ accomplishments
- Money
- Family/ romance
- Social life
- Spirituality
- Self growth
- Health
Are these areas equal or do you see gaps in some of them? You can write down your accomplishments in each of the areas and this will help you figure out what you are missing in life.
- Ask yourself “What can you do to fill in the missing part of your life?” This is the biggest question that we are afraid to answer sometimes. You already know what you are missing but you do not want to admit it because you are scared of changing your life. You do not have enough courage or will power to take steps that will make your life full. Break down your goal into smaller steps and start growing. Mary has just written a wonderful article about the concept of growth vs change. Follow her advice and start growing slowly into a better you, rather than changing the way you are.
- You still didn’t find what your life is missing? Go back to strategy #1 and start living your life with the awareness and acceptance of who you are.
Have a full and balanced life everyday and every moment of your life!
Photo courtesy of Dia™Anastasiya Goers is writing passionately at Balance In Me. If you feel that your life needs some balance and you are ready to join her journey to a happy and balanced life, subscribe here or follow her on Twitter
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{ 14 comments… read them below or add one }
Anastasiya, excellent insights into discovering what’s missing in our lives whereas in reality there’s usually nothing missing.
Reminds me of people who leave everything till one day, some day, until everything is “right”. There is an anectodal story I share with my clients when I discuss with them appreciating each day and making the most of it.
There was a couple who got a bottole of champagne for theier wedding as a gift. They kept putting off opening it till one day they had something to celebrate. Twleve years later, they opened it and the champagne had gone bad and rather than vintage champagne, they had vinegar!
The point is that there’s nothing really missing in our lives today and there’s so much to celebrate if we just look around.
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Anastasiya, it would be interesting to know the journey of the main character in the fairy tale (as I have no knowledge of Russian Folklore), it sounds rather interesting.
The methods of spending some time in introspection to examine your life are valuable.
Mick Morris´s last blog ..Are you hurting yourself more than your enemy?
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Hey great article. There certainly has to be an acceptance of the fact that there is nothing missing in your life. People can spend too much time looking for what isn’t there, and never realize what IS there.
If you can shift your focus to the present, and come from a state of thankfulness and gratitude for the experiences that have made you who you are, and all of the great things around you, life becomes much more fulfilling.
Once you are in that mindset, you recognize that life is about moving forward and experiencing, learning, and growing. That is the realization that I have made over the years.
Colbycheeze´s last blog ..The Top 10 Laws of Productivity and Effectiveness – #2: Shut Out All Distractions
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If people can only be concentrated on what they have, not what they don’t have!
zmajeva´s last blog ..HOW OUR BRAIN WORKS- HABITS- PART ONE
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@Arvind.
Your story is right on the spot! Thank you for adding this spark of humor to the discussion.
@Mick Morris
It will take the entire post (or even more) to write about all the adventures of the character. Russian folklore has very long fairy tales
@Colbycheese
The acceptance of life is the first and most important step that one can take to live a fulfilled life. Even if you do need to change something you still need to be happy for what you already have otherwise all changes will be worthless.
@Zmayeva
Positive thinking always works wonders. The glasses of our livee should always be half full and not half empty.
Anastasiya´s last blog ..Are You a Social Chameleon?
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Anastasiya,
I love the photo! As well as your post! I love the part about happy people having off days and the only difference is they know how to turn it around.
One think I’ve noticed is the happier some of us are the more tempting it is to muddle things up because life just couldn’t be so good! I catch myself with this one once and a while and breathe deeply and remind myself…Isn’t life grand!
Tess The Bold Life´s last blog ..Bold Solutions For A New World
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Hello Anastaysia,
Another powerful post and so in time for all of us today.
I would like to believe I am organized and you know sometimes there is a just a phase that I cannot get it together whether it is because of hectic work schedule and too many things on the plate.
I try to be successful and try not to run after something that is missing and even it is missing , I must learn how to handle the situation there and then.
Sometimes we tend to focus on something which in our illusion is missing and the best moments of our lives go unlived.
Bye for now,
Cheryl
Cheryl Paris´s last blog ..You give to others, don’t you?
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Great post Anastasiya. Sometimes we go through life feeling that there’s something missing. I like how you provided that one of the best ways to solve this problem is to clear our minds, whether this is through meditation or going outside and taking a walk. We live in a world of constant distraction and peace can often times bring us clarity, giving us a better chance to figure out the missing pieces in our life.
Hulbert´s last blog ..Jay Leno and Nice
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@Tess
I think this belief is engraved in us from the childhood “Everything can’t be easy and simple.” I think that movies and books have a lot to do with this belief because whenever the main character seems happy it means that something bad and important is brewing up.
I always remind myself that I do not live in any of those movies or books. I live a REAL life and a real life is wonderful!
@Cheryl, @Hulbert
I am so glad that you have chimed in and added your wonderful thoughts to this discussion.
Anastasiya´s last blog ..Are You a Social Chameleon?
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Meditation and Acceptance seem to filter in and out of my life. I think that these two concepts help me find balance.
I find balance when I focus on staying connected to myself and my spirit. It takes time and effort to connect, and is so easily lost in all the distractions of life.
I had a problem with drugs and alcohol (I’m even thinking twice about writing it here, but there you go). It is like a gremlin on my shoulder. If I lose balance and forget about staying connected, it’s easy for me to reach out for the wrong things to help me feel whole (to fill that hole, or what I feel I’m missing), of course it’s all fake and all short term, but that is the cause.
I’ve been 100% sober for over 13 months now and it’s been a struggle. Meditation and sprituality are the two gifts I have been given in that time (although I’ve become lazy with it recently).
This post really gave me a reminder of my journey over the last year and all the things I’ve been trying to achieve. Thanks.
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Hi Dave. you are a perfect example of what strong spirit and determination can do and how you can change the life for the better no matter where you are right now. I think that we all need to learn from you because you are a very inspiring success story.
Anastasiya´s last blog ..The Hidden Values of Moderation for You
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I enjoyed reading this article. It contains many helpful strategies to help people address a sense of missing or incompleteness in their lives. As a counsellor and psychotherapist I have also found that encouraging people to fantasise and reflecting on the content of those fantasies to be extraordinarily useful in bringing those missing things into awareness.
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Thank you Paul for sharing this advice. It seems like a very good addition to the article and I’ll be sure to use this tip in the future.
Anastasiya´s last blog ..Can You Be Averagely Great or Greatly Average?
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Anastasiya,
Thanks for a great post! Sometimes for me, having too much can result in a feeling that something’s missing. When I’m pulled in too many directions, and don’t feel that I’m completing anything satisfactorily, that feeling of emptiness can creep in. I have to refocus on myself and on my serenity. It feels great to realize that nothing’s missing….I have exactly what I need.
I look forward to following your posts!
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