Image by .craig
A guest post by Anastasiya Goers from Balance in Me
A lot of times, I hear the phrases “Be your best,” “Live your best life,” “Be the best in everything.” You can buy books and read tons of articles that will “teach” you to be your best (you can check out Optimal Thinking: How to be Your Best Self if you want to employ “the best” attitude).
I think that these mottos create a generation of perfectionists who are highly unsatisfied with everything they have in life because they do not believe that they have reached “the best” status.
What is the problem with being the best?
Well, I can’t say that I am the best I can be. Sometimes I do not look the best, sometimes I do not feel the best, sometimes I do not make the best decisions, sometimes I am not the best mother or wife and sometimes I am not the best friend. Striving to be the best will make me a failure in my own eyes because I cannot live up to the expectations of the “best world.”
Being the best means that you constantly have to climb to the top of a ladder that you have created for yourself. You cannot stop and appreciate the moment as well as you cannot let yourself go down a few steps.
Every day you are hungry for new achievements and new proofs of your “bestness” (being the best in your professional field, earning more money, being the best parent, being the best student, being the best in a competition, having the best house etc.).
After you have achieved all of this you start pushing your own desire for being the best onto people around you (you want the best partner, the best kids, the best parents and the best friends).
When they do not fulfill your expectations you feel like they’ve failed you and that they are not good enough to be around you. This leads to a deep feeling of depression, dissatisfaction with your life, permanent loss of happiness and a 100% imbalance.
For peace of mind, we need to resign as general manager of the universe - Larry Eisenberg, actor
Instead of being the best, I choose to be good in everything I do and this makes my life much more balanced and fulfilling. The motto that I try to follow is “Good is good enough.” I think that this motto can help anybody to live a good life where they can comfortably find their own ZEN.
How do you incorporate the “Good Is Good Enough” principle?
Here are just a few ideas that can get you started and I am sure that you can transform them to fit your life and desires:
- Set your own standards in life. Do not follow somebody’s else example or vision of life
- Do not compete with everybody around you
- Be in touch with yourself
- Be grateful for what you have (appreciate even the smallest things like a sunny day or a smile on your partner’s face)
- Look at the big picture. Do not fret about little things like dishes that have not been washed or grass that hasn’t been mowed in a while. What is more important: these details or your general well-being?
- Do not expect much from others, just be grateful for who they are and for the fact that they are in your life
- Write a list of expectations of the best you. Analyze this list and decide which of these expectations are really important and will make you happy
- Do not try to be the best self for somebody else (for your partner, your kids, your friends or colleagues)
- When the thoughts of “bestness” start chasing you, fight them with loving-kindness meditation
What are your ideas about being the best?
Do you think it is important to be the best, or would you rather be happy and balanced by using the “Good Is Good Enough” principle?
I am looking forward to your thoughts on this issue.
Read more from Anastasiya at her blog, Balance in Me.
{ 17 comments… read them below or add one }
You are right on, Anastasiya. Striving to be the best means living in a sense of lack, which is uncomfortable and depressing.
Your suggestions point to the beauty of seeing and receiving things as they are with an open heart. From this space, we can fully express our natural selves without the burden of guilt and expectations.
Gail @ A Flourishing Life´s last blog ..The Wisdom of Restraining Yourself
You are right Gail. I cannot appreciate anything or anybody that is not real and creating the image of being the best shows that you are not real (that’s my personal opinion). It’s much better to be who you really are and be happy about it.
Anastasiya´s last blog ..Help Us Build a Brighter Future
relationships and good understandings w people are more important than perfectionism. thanks for posting this article, a good reminder to let go a bit more from being the best…
Udaysree´s last blog ..Is Happiness a Worthwhile Goal?
I think the major poles of self-development thought, and possibly religion, are acceptance vs. striving. Happiness, Nirvana, etc. can be found either by setting clear goals and getting what you want, OR by deciding you accept what you have. The question is always how to balance the endeavour.
LPC´s last blog ..Why Is Shopping At Costco So Difficult?
@LPC
I think it is important to have goals in life and do what you can to reach them. I do not think there is a conflict between being a goal-oriented person and general acceptance of the world. In both cases you have to put WORK in each of your endeavors and not just float with the current. However getting stuck on the idea of being the best is what kills many goals and many high-achievers. You must be able to see when it is time to stop and to enjoy what you have instead of constantly pushing forward.
Anastasiya´s last blog ..Help Us Build a Brighter Future
I believe anything with the suffix “est” is an illusion.
-Best
-Smartest
-Fastest
-Wisest
-Coolest
There is no such thing as “best” as we can always be better. Like you say, be good at something, but in addition, learn to develop the skill in the moment, and through constant practice, not only will we learn to master the skill, but we’ll also have fun in the process.
Tristan Lee´s last blog ..The Illusion of Success
@Tristan Lee
Life without fun is miserable. If being the best means forgetting fun in life (and a lot of times it does) then being the “est”-type person is not worth the effort. Well said Tristan.
Anastasiya´s last blog ..Help Us Build a Brighter Future
This is so true, and pretty much fits the 80/20 rule…… when good is good enough you can achieve so much more… pushing for perfection winds up in a spiral of diminishing returns.
Mick Morris´s last blog ..How would you talk to a disabled child – with Passion?
I think that we shouldn’t have to be the best, but that it can be fun to try and to challenge ourselves. As long as we don’t base our identity around it (which I often do) we can do just fine.
Malcolm´s last blog ..Worth It.
Hi Anastasiya. Striving to become better means you are not happy with the Now, if you are not happy with the now you will never be happy.
Where does it end? There is always someone better than you at most things we do, however, there is nobody better at being you, so being happy with you is essential, so I wholeheartedly agree with what you say.
Steven Aitchison´s last blog ..De-personalising Personal Development
Mick and Steven thank you for your comments. I think that life is not long enough to be wasting it looking for perfection. It’s much more important to enjoy life while we can.
Malcolm, the most important is not to get stuck on the idea of being the best. You can give all you have to reach a goal that you see in front of you. However, I do not think that you have to be the best in order to reach this goal. You can be only as good as you really are
Anastasiya´s last blog ..Help Us Build a Brighter Future
Wow, this is a wonderful post and makes absolute perfect sense. It’s amazing how many times we try to be “perfect” or be the very “best”. While we are at it, we are missing out on life.
Thanks for this wonderful reminder to just live and just be.
Cheers,
Dayne
Dayne | TheHappySelf.com´s last blog ..Face to Face With God : A Near Death Experience
Great guest post! I really enjoyed it and I’m looking forward to checking out Balance in Me.
Hi, Anastasiya and Mary -
One thing I have found helpful is to give myself permission to enjoy doing the “want to” stuff even when the “have to” stuff is not yet finished or not yet completed perfectly (because I will never reach the point where that will be the case).
Thanks for providing some great food for thought!
- Marie (Coming Out of the Trees)
Marie´s last blog ..Spotlight: Letting Go
@Marie
that’s a great strategy in life. Sometimes in order to finish something you have to get distracted from it for a while. Creating a post can be a perfect example. You can run out of inspiration in the middle of an article and then no matter what you do you just do not life it. Just walk away, do the “want” stuff and then get back to the post. Sometimes it might not seem perfect to you but a lot of your readers will enjoy it because they like the real you. I think I would have never published any of my posts if I tried to make them perfect and simply the best
Anastasiya´s last blog ..10 Killer Strategies to Kill Negative Thinking (and Regain Life Balance)
You hit the nail on the head with this article. In these modern and competitive times, we are constantly trying to out do each other. Trying to be the best as you have rightfully said. But we do have to live a little too. We do actually forget to stop and smell the flowers. Great stuff!
Paramjit´s last blog ..What Does it Really Take to Maintain Weight Loss
I used to hand out business card magnets to my clients. The perfectionists got one that read, “Embrace Mediocrity.” If I can bend the reed past the desired point, we can end up at the desired point – good enough!!