By Mary Jaksch
Are you happy? Are you getting happier? If not, the Positive Psychology movement may rate you a failure. Happiness has become the primary goal of the self-help movement. And a thriving business. You can even buy an application for your iPhone that make you happier. Guaranteed. In this application you can see a graph of your happiness and track whether it’s going up – or down.
Talking of business – you can also subscribe to Happier.com. They guarantee that you will feel happier in just seven days. Yeah, right.
Happiness has become a commodity that you can buy.
I have an uneasy feeling when I think of people hunched over their iphones, obsessed with watching their happiness graphs. It implies that happiness itself is a worthwhile goal for a life.
Is it?
I must admit that I’m not always happy. In general, I’m pretty positive, but somethings things are also a little darker. Those times are uncomfortable. But they are often fertile times of change and insight.
For me, happiness is a by-product. My goal is to live a worthwhile life that enriches the lives of others. That makes me happy.
What is your sense of this: Is happiness a worthwhile goal?
I’d love to read your thoughts in the comments.
(Note: if you’re reading this in an email, just click on the headline and it will bring you to the website. Scroll down to find the comment section.)
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{ 32 comments… read them below or add one }
Great post! I truly think happiness is a worthwhile goal. As some who used to be pretty negative and now choosing to focus on the positive, I’ve seen a HUGE improvement in my life by working on being happier. I’d recommend it for sure!
Positively Present´s last blog ..how to let go of what you don’t need
For me happiness is not a goal. My goal is to find inner peace. Would that make me happy? Probably, yes.
Good post. I find myself uncomfortable with happiness algorithms. Feels forced, to me. I prefer to paint the picture of other things, with happiness the light across the canvas.
LPC´s last blog ..Saturday Morning at 8:33am
Happiness is something many miss in pursuit of it.
Happiness is here now… grab it!
I can not see how happiness can be a goal in its self. I think how we feel is more an indicator of how we are doing (though we can be fooled by our emotions).
I would more like to feel ok, this i believe is linked to being authentic. For example my sister died a few weeks ago after a long illness, so to feel sad when i think about her, is ok because that is the authentic feeling now. And in time what is authentic will change and that will be fine. If I am not resisting where i am at, i can get on and be present with what ever is going on.
Happiness has at times sneaked up on me when I was not looking for it, i have been too busy doing what I need to be doing now.
I am generally positive, but i feel to pursue positivity at the expense of being present in the real moment diminishes the whole quality of authentic living.
I think making happiness into a goal can lead to more discontent.
The Positive Psychology research (funnily enough) also seems to say this!
Hi Mary,
So glad you posted this. I’ve been feeling the same way… it’s seems the “movement” you refer to is everywhere these days, and what’s missing is embracing the wholeness of life, which includes the darker, more discomforting parts, too. How can we really know happiness if we don’t also know suffering? How we can know joy without pain, be found without first feeling lost? If we don’t acknowledge the more disquieting moments and emotions in ourselves and treat them as part of the whole of life, then I think we limit our ability to feel and practice compassion. Compassion for ourselves in times of need, and compassion for others in their times of need, too.
Cheers,
Miche
Miche – Serenity Hacker´s last blog ..There Is No Such Thing As Stuck
I believe that following where you are called to be, and doing what you are called to do, usually has happiness as a “byproduct.”
However, my husband recently said to me that he believed the goal of life is to learn the most about life and God while we are here. Something I’m still thinking about!
I think to make happiness itself the goal is missing the mark (but only by a little bit). Overall – if you are doing what you like to do, helping people, and appreciate the unique gifts of those around you and your own gifts – happiness or at least contentedness will follow. Sometimes there need to be dark times to allow us to grow – if you make happiness itself the goal, you train yourself to never really be satisfied, and end up whizzing past the goal without enjoying it.
Hi Everyone,
As someone who wrote his dissertation a and then built a website and wrote a book on happiness I couldn’t resist commenting on this post.
To be honest a lot of the stuff in positive psychology is just ridiculous. And I agree with you Mary that we do not need to be happy all the time.
All emotions are valuable. And a healthy emotional life has them all. The key point is never getting stuck, because then you zip through the negative emotions and spend most of your time in a happier state.
It’s when people get stuck in despair or frustration that it becomes unhealthy.
Is happiness a worthy goal?
Definitely. It is the only goal. Because happiness is really about a passionate engagement with life.
The stimulation for great work comes from the darker moments, but the work is polished and completed as you close the emotional cycle.
Yet as you and most Commenters have said, happiness can never come from it’s own pursuit. There must be some pursuit of something greater than yourself.
Rob McPhillips´s last blog ..Finding Your Soulmate
Happiness as a perpetual state of mind is an unattainable goal. The emotion comes and goes, as do other emotions. My own goal is to be happier more often, not in a state of constant bliss. Reality is to harsh at times to allow a sane person constant happiness.
Remaining hopeful, on the other hand, is a more attainable goal for me.
Karen
Great post for discussion, I found myself questioning exactly what you said – can we box happiness up and sell it?
In the era of life coaches, happier.com, iphone apps, and positive psychology apparently “happiness” can be boxed up an sold. Is this happiness the same thing as Znneke stated – inner peace?
Most likely not.
I have an uneasy feeling with happier.com due to the fact that humans are going to be anxious, sad, angry at times, humans are going to grieve losses big and small. It seems as though these movements/products are making it seem that those emotions are wrong and bad.
L
Lynne´s last blog ..
When my goals are reached is when I become the happiest, but happiness itself is not my goal.
When I’m feeling down (and dark, as you say), I know happiness will be that much more enjoyable when I pull through my rut.
You’re right about our tendency to monitor all our functions with graphs and widgets. It’s the latest trend, it it makes us better, but more annoying.
Great post!
The Tango Notebook´s last blog ..Near Death Tango Kills at the Philadelphia Screenplay Festival
This is exactly how I feel, too, Mary. We’re all different, so “worthwhile” means something different to all of us, but it’s that choice to be aware and open to life’s lessons, that proactive decision to do something that matters, something inspired by love, something in line with our gifts and values that determines how happy our life journeys will be.
For me, happiness is a patchwork. I’m happiest when I’m loving and being loved, when I’m aware and grateful, when I’m appreciating life’s details as well as the bigger picture. I wouldn’t say I’m one of the world’s cheeriest, chirpiest people, but I’m usually content, serene, aware and grateful.
I hope your post stimulates a lot of discussion, Mary. It poses a good question.
janice´s last blog ..Clutter: What are You Really Holding Onto…and Why?
Hi Mary,
I love everything you do.
Regarding Happiness: I believe that DOING – ACTING UPON, good and worthwhile things results in BEING HAPPY and there’s no other way to BE HAPPY.
Charles T´s last blog ..Green Bean Salad Recipe
Hi Mary,
I agree with most of the commenters that happiness is not a goal. It is a by-product, a welcome side effect of knowing the truth of our experience from moment to moment.
Gail @ A Flourishing Life´s last blog ..Life Lessons from Our Elders #5: Open to Love
I think happiness is really the ONLY goal people have underneath everything else. We all just want to be happy.
Great post!
Dayne
Dayne | TheHappySelf.com´s last blog ..Life Lessons From A Cancer Survivor
By some strange quirk of synchronicity I left a comment on Gretchen Rubin’s blog earlier this week.
My comments included:
“I’ve come around to the view that the pursuit of happiness, for itself, is folly. But doing the things which are part of your purpose, in keeping with your values, and which challenge you to do your best – that leads to feelings of a happy and contented life. The feelings of happiness are nature’s way of telling you that you are doing the right things.”
I’m re-assured that you and your commenters are chewing over the same issue.
I’d also like to say that while I value some of the insights of Positive Psychology, I’ve found little trace of any constraints to the evangelical behaviour of the PP proponents. What if you are already as happy as you could reasonably expect – will you cause yourself unhappiness because you cannot improve? What if your nature means that you will derive greater satisfaction from following your purpose, rather than trying to ‘be happy’?
I suspect that there is greater merit in finding out your true nature (exceedingly difficult) and being true to it than beating yourself up over failing to apply cod psychology successfully.
Goodness, I didn’t realise I felt so strongly about the subject.
it is surprising to me that no one in the comments discusses meditation as a tool to reach a state beyond the dualities of life (happy & sad, warm & cold, hungry & full, etc.), a state of eternal bliss. for example if you are really immersed in something you are doing after some time you will notice that time was just flying, that is a state of meditation, a glimpse of bliss. didn’t you feel at least happy then? this is being in the present moment, a meditation practice. practicing awareness and being in the present moment are good meditations.
why do you want to stay in a state of suffering if through meditation you can get out of it?
why do you want to experience the ups and downs in your moods (which are merely thoughts), if you can go beyond them through meditation?
who creates our positive and negative thoughts? isn’t it “I”, myself, my mind, who creates them?
who is in control of my mind? it’s me. you cannot control my mind, my thoughts.
there is a state of eternal bliss within all of us, it is our true nature. so don’t we owe it to ourselves to regain that state of pure bliss? it’s who we are.
all our actions like going on vacation, watching TV, spending money for gadgets, doing all kinds of crazy things, have one underlying thought: reaching bliss; are just an attempt to regain that state of bliss…
i know meditation is my path and the guidance of a living enlightened master, Paramahamsa Nithyananda, who is in the state of eternal bliss. and he teaches how we all can reach that state. if that is not worthwhile to everyone, then what is…?
Udaysree´s last blog ..Creative Flexx Blog Design for Coaches, Authors, Healers, Yogis, Spiritual Groups, Consultants, Service Professionals
I think this may have started around the time the book “The Secret” came out. Selling happiness is now a copycat industry. I bought it out of curiosity. There are a few good tidbits in it but it is generally a collection of redundant chapters and testimonials.
What makes me happy, or more specifically, to feel good about myself and others is to perform a random act of kindness or to see one happen. Pay it forward, so to speak.
Yes, happiness is a worthwhile goal. It is the contageous mood that changes lives and lifts spirits. Happiness has, however, been an allusive butterfly for me. I struggle daily with depression; always trying to focus on the present and the gifts I have. There was a time when feeling “Happy” made me feel guilty! Thankfully that is no longer the case. Frankly, “happiness” is a goal for me as well as a state of mind.
Hi Mary!
I think happiness cannot be a goal itself. I know this from my own experience. Some years ago, when I started my journey of personal development, I just wanted to be happy – every day of my life! This led me into big waves of disappointment, when days came when I simply felt NOT happy. I was rejecting these emotions, did not want them in my life. As a result I was extremely frustrated in my pursuit to be happy. I even started to meditate for exact this reason: in order to be happy forever! Yeah, right.
Now I know that we humans need to embrace every kind of emotions: both happiness and sadness. When the sadness come, I accept it, welcome it in my life with gentleness. And I know at the same time that this sadness will not stay with me forever. That one day the sun will shine again.
My goal here on this planet is to learn, and to contribute, embracing our human nature with gentleness to ourselves, whatever comes our way.
And yes, from times when we feel very uncomfortable, often great things emerge.
Malgorzata´s last blog ..Meditation is all around!
Happiness is absolutely a worthwhile goal to me, but the happiness I am after is a deep soul satisfying happiness and contentment, not a shallow surface-y happiness though momentary simple happinesses do have there time and place. I hear a lot of what sounds like resentment and judgement in this post. I love sharing love and happiness with the world and I do that best when I am actively cultivating love, happiness, and contentment in myself.
Happiness and distress sometimes seem like two sides of the same coin or, as the Bhagavad-gita points out, like the winter and summer seasons – they come and go of their own accord. It’s argued by spiritual pandits that no one ever ‘plans’ to be unhappy; we don’t say to ourselves or write in our diaries: “be miserable this weekend.” Yet somehow unhappiness comes, sometimes regardless of our attempts to avoid it. When unhappiness does come, we often ask, “why is this happening to me?” or “what did I do to deserve this?” In this way, with unhappiness, we often readily acknowledge that its appeareance in our life is independent of our control. Conversely, happiness also comes and goes, but the difference is, when it appears in our life, we congratulate ourselves as being the ultimate cause of the experience. However, both happiness and unhappiness come and go like the winter and summer seasons. So rather than focusing on being happy we should focus on developing clear consciousness (serenity) – like that of a crystal-clear and calm lake – so when either the winds of happiness of unhappiness blow, we remain equipoised, detached from their inherent duality and confidently situated in our own innate peace. That’s not to say we’re indifferent to life, far from it; we just learn to float on the crashing waves of life as much as possible instead of being constantly dunked and thrown by them. It’s natural to want to be happy; that is a basic, sane goal for anyone. Focusing on the experience of happiness, however, rather than the causes of happiness, makes happiness seem like a cheap over-the-counter pill that anyone can acquire, regardless of their lifestyle, or state of consciousness. It’s far more important to focus on inner peace and clarity through meditation, so one develops the compassionate, ethical lifestyle that will in time attract happiness to us, like the sea is drawn to the moon.
Josh´s last blog ..Earth, the next red planet?
Happiness is a worthwhile goal. But I kinda agree with Malgorzata’s comment above. that happiness is more a by-product of our pursuits in life. We can pursue it indirectly by understanding what makes us happy. Say, for example, writing a book, helping others, accomplishing something worthwhile. Those could be great sources of happiness. If happiness is pursued for the sake of happiness, it might be a short-term kind of happiness that won’t last.
Penstalker´s last blog ..Aiming and Working for Six Figure Copywriting
Thanks a lot for a bunch of good tips. I look forward to reading more on the topic in the future. Keep up the good work! This blog is going to be great resource. Love reading it.
dissertations buy
As much as I enjoy happiness – I think that real growth often times comes from those “dark nights of the soul”. How can we recognize the light sides of our life, if we skip the dark passage that let’s us become aware of what is missing in the first place.
And buying happiness – what a ridiculous concept.
Very often this chasing after happiness is nothing but trying to sedate the feeling of emptiness. Find out what is worthwhile to work on and happiness will come without an iphone or a personal trainer.
Patrick @ unwrapyourmind.com´s last blog ..UNWRAPPED: The Fountain of Bliss – a 1 Minute Exercise
excellent question mary
I’m all for happiness but I appreciate the darker times as well – kind of the sweet not tasting as sweet without the sour
jules´s last blog ..low maintenance pesto + a killer vego pasta recipe
Wow. There are quite a few comments.
I feel that most of what I’m going to share is just repeating what the others have said, but oh well.
Struggling with depression most of my life has certainly had a negative and dark effect on my life and psyche.
I first started looking up meditation to learn to get away and go into your own little world, away from everyone, and to get away from people.
And while looking for tips on meditation, I found this blog.
It has encouraged me to improve myself. And to grow and mature and evolve.
Some say happiness can be bought with money. Or by having money.
I’m sure there is some truth to this. And while we may ENJOY luxuries and material items, do they make us HAPPY.
I don’t think it does. I think some confuse a positive and excited emotion as being happy or feeling joy.
But it’s neither.
That unhappiness. Which will come around the corner whenever it wants, to whomever it wants. Could easily take away these worldly possessions.
I suppose I could say that for a while, happiness was a goal for me. It’s no wonder I never found it. Pursuing happiness only results in a false sense of happiness or feeling even more unhappy.
What is my goal? Well, now it is to enjoy life. To enjoy those who I love. To LEARN. Fill myself with knowledge and my life with experiences.
To be positive. Dwelling on unhappiness does nothing but make you feel even worse.
So why do that?
I know I’m not going to. Day by day I’ve been striving to do these things. Things which may result in happiness, but not happiness itself.
And you know what? I think these dark clouds are lifting.
Read this as a realistic antidote to the positive thinking movement that essentially blames the individual’s “bad attitude” for everything bad that happens to them:
http://happydays.blogs.nytimes.com/2009/10/06/dance-with-the-devil/
Also, would any of you dare look in the eye and blather on this positive thinking nonsense to women living in places like Afghanistan and Africa, women who are raped, dying, and tortured just for being women? Just one example of human suffering. Would you dare go into a Shriner’s hospital and tell the children their bad thoughts caused their deformities and innocent suffering? (I spent years in one of those places as a child and know what I am talking about.) This positive thinking is about the most superficial, shallow, ignorant response to the problem of suffering, salvation, and theodicy. You all should study the history of philosophy and read classical literature and get a grip on the human condition before you make other people just feel bad for the bad things other people and unjust social systems do to them. Happiness is more to be found in engaging in direct social/political action to change unjust power structures than in sitting around blaming one’s own “bad attitude” for one’s misfortunes. Try listening to death metal music.
And look at Barbara Ehrenreich’s new book too which critiques the positive thinking movement. Also William Jame’s “The Varieties of Religious Experience” about sick minded vs. healthy minded people. Even the Jungians recognize that if the shadow side, the chthonic depths, are not honored, they will come back big time and bite you in the ass and bring you down. Look at Job. Did Job simply not think positively enough? I think not.
Mary…as usual a thought provoking post with lots of great responses.
Happiness is a very worthwhile goal. Perhaps one of the most important ones – it’s eluded me for much of my life, so much so that I had to put a real effort in to discover it. I’m starting to get it. As for buying it…no.
So happiness is a by-product of attitude. Teaching people about the right attitudes and having strong support groups in place is the key…not everyone gets that support, so we need to be generous with the love we share…it shouldn’t be a commodity.
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