Comments on: 21 Ways to Comfort a Friend in Crisis http://goodlifezen.com/2009/10/01/21-ways-to-comfort-a-friend-in-crisis/ Practical inspiration. For a happier life Wed, 08 Feb 2012 05:09:42 +0000 hourly 1 http://wordpress.org/?v=3.1 By: How to help a sick friend from afar | Powered by MedVeo http://goodlifezen.com/2009/10/01/21-ways-to-comfort-a-friend-in-crisis/#comment-11066 How to help a sick friend from afar | Powered by MedVeo Thu, 17 Feb 2011 23:04:45 +0000 http://goodlifezen.com/?p=3761#comment-11066 [...] that nighttime is often the hardest time for people in crisis,” psychologist Gail Brenner writes on her blog. “Call in the evening to check [...] [...] that nighttime is often the hardest time for people in crisis,” psychologist Gail Brenner writes on her blog. “Call in the evening to check [...]

]]> By: How to help a sick friend from afar | Momma Donna http://goodlifezen.com/2009/10/01/21-ways-to-comfort-a-friend-in-crisis/#comment-11060 How to help a sick friend from afar | Momma Donna Thu, 17 Feb 2011 19:19:45 +0000 http://goodlifezen.com/?p=3761#comment-11060 [...] that nighttime is often the hardest time for people in crisis,” psychologist Gail Brenner writes on her blog. “Call in the evening to check [...] [...] that nighttime is often the hardest time for people in crisis,” psychologist Gail Brenner writes on her blog. “Call in the evening to check [...]

]]> By: Relationships, Happiness, Freedom, and More | A Flourishing Life http://goodlifezen.com/2009/10/01/21-ways-to-comfort-a-friend-in-crisis/#comment-6591 Relationships, Happiness, Freedom, and More | A Flourishing Life Thu, 31 Dec 2009 11:30:53 +0000 http://goodlifezen.com/?p=3761#comment-6591 [...] On GoodlifeZen.com: 21 Ways to Comfort a Friend in Crisis [...] [...] On GoodlifeZen.com: 21 Ways to Comfort a Friend in Crisis [...]

]]> By: Gail @ A Flourishing Life http://goodlifezen.com/2009/10/01/21-ways-to-comfort-a-friend-in-crisis/#comment-6105 Gail @ A Flourishing Life Sat, 03 Oct 2009 01:46:12 +0000 http://goodlifezen.com/?p=3761#comment-6105 Thank you for those two beautiful additions to the list, Yann. I agree, showing up with sincerity is hugely powerful, the true medicine we all can benefit from - crisis or not. .-= Gail @ A Flourishing Life´s last blog ..<a href="http://feedproxy.google.com/~r/gailbrenner/teDD/~3/C1n6CbY0TS4/" rel="nofollow">How (and Why) to Make Fear Your Friend</a> =-. Thank you for those two beautiful additions to the list, Yann. I agree, showing up with sincerity is hugely powerful, the true medicine we all can benefit from – crisis or not.
.-= Gail @ A Flourishing Life´s last blog ..How (and Why) to Make Fear Your Friend =-.

]]> By: Yann http://goodlifezen.com/2009/10/01/21-ways-to-comfort-a-friend-in-crisis/#comment-6104 Yann Fri, 02 Oct 2009 23:44:52 +0000 http://goodlifezen.com/?p=3761#comment-6104 Nice post and great list. It's not always easy to find the words to tell a friend. One good thing to do is to put itself in his place and think about what kind of help I would like to have if I was in this situation. An other thing is to show the love and compassion you feel for your friend. When you do that with sincerity it's very powerful. .-= Yann´s last blog ..<a href="http://twitter.com/YannTessier/statuses/4566262539" rel="nofollow">YannTessier: 21 Ways to Comfort a Friend in Crisis http://ff.im/-98qeC</a> =-. Nice post and great list. It’s not always easy to find the words to tell a friend. One good thing to do is to put itself in his place and think about what kind of help I would like to have if I was in this situation. An other thing is to show the love and compassion you feel for your friend. When you do that with sincerity it’s very powerful.
.-= Yann´s last blog ..YannTessier: 21 Ways to Comfort a Friend in Crisis http://ff.im/-98qeC =-.

]]> By: Gail @ A Flourishing Life http://goodlifezen.com/2009/10/01/21-ways-to-comfort-a-friend-in-crisis/#comment-6103 Gail @ A Flourishing Life Fri, 02 Oct 2009 23:09:47 +0000 http://goodlifezen.com/?p=3761#comment-6103 Mahala, Thank you very much for sharing your perspective and understanding. I can feel your heart through your words. I appreciate your addition to #15 and hear your point about "This too shall pass." In supporting a friend in crisis, it is very useful to stay connected in a way that we can get a sense of what they need and what they don't. Wishing you well... .-= Gail @ A Flourishing Life´s last blog ..<a href="http://feedproxy.google.com/~r/gailbrenner/teDD/~3/C1n6CbY0TS4/" rel="nofollow">How (and Why) to Make Fear Your Friend</a> =-. Mahala,
Thank you very much for sharing your perspective and understanding. I can feel your heart through your words. I appreciate your addition to #15 and hear your point about “This too shall pass.” In supporting a friend in crisis, it is very useful to stay connected in a way that we can get a sense of what they need and what they don’t. Wishing you well…
.-= Gail @ A Flourishing Life´s last blog ..How (and Why) to Make Fear Your Friend =-.

]]> By: Mahala Mazerov http://goodlifezen.com/2009/10/01/21-ways-to-comfort-a-friend-in-crisis/#comment-6102 Mahala Mazerov Fri, 02 Oct 2009 22:29:01 +0000 http://goodlifezen.com/?p=3761#comment-6102 Gail, this is a beautiful post and the advice is so needed. Many times I think people want to show support but they just don't know how. I know I lost friends that were dear to me while healing from a severe injury. It hurt my heart to go through such a difficult time *and* feel the didn't care. Know I know they were just uncomfortable, and through that they drifted away. One suggestion: "15. You will get through this." These are wonderful, powerful words. If it's true for you when you're comforting a friend, you can add "And I'll be here for you while you do." If anyone had said those words to me, I would have been over the moon with gratitude. Conversely, also on number 15, hearing the words "This too shall pass" always feels like an easy out from someone who can't possibly understand the depth of what I'm experiencing. Not everything does pass. We just learn to live with the changes. All in all, a generous and brilliant post. .-= Mahala Mazerov´s last blog ..<a href="http://luminousheart.com/2009/10/photography-as-meditation/" rel="nofollow">Photography as Meditation: The Friday Flower</a> =-. Gail, this is a beautiful post and the advice is so needed. Many times I think people want to show support but they just don’t know how. I know I lost friends that were dear to me while healing from a severe injury. It hurt my heart to go through such a difficult time *and* feel the didn’t care. Know I know they were just uncomfortable, and through that they drifted away.

One suggestion: “15. You will get through this.” These are wonderful, powerful words. If it’s true for you when you’re comforting a friend, you can add “And I’ll be here for you while you do.” If anyone had said those words to me, I would have been over the moon with gratitude.

Conversely, also on number 15, hearing the words “This too shall pass” always feels like an easy out from someone who can’t possibly understand the depth of what I’m experiencing. Not everything does pass. We just learn to live with the changes.

All in all, a generous and brilliant post.
.-= Mahala Mazerov´s last blog ..Photography as Meditation: The Friday Flower =-.

]]> By: Gail @ A Flourishing Life http://goodlifezen.com/2009/10/01/21-ways-to-comfort-a-friend-in-crisis/#comment-6101 Gail @ A Flourishing Life Fri, 02 Oct 2009 14:27:57 +0000 http://goodlifezen.com/?p=3761#comment-6101 Janice, I love the simplicity of what you are suggesting - just asking how you can help and being open to the response. And as you found, you might not expect the answer you hear. Thanks for mentioning this. .-= Gail @ A Flourishing Life´s last blog ..<a href="http://feedproxy.google.com/~r/gailbrenner/teDD/~3/C1n6CbY0TS4/" rel="nofollow">How (and Why) to Make Fear Your Friend</a> =-. Janice,
I love the simplicity of what you are suggesting – just asking how you can help and being open to the response. And as you found, you might not expect the answer you hear. Thanks for mentioning this.
.-= Gail @ A Flourishing Life´s last blog ..How (and Why) to Make Fear Your Friend =-.

]]> By: janice http://goodlifezen.com/2009/10/01/21-ways-to-comfort-a-friend-in-crisis/#comment-6100 janice Fri, 02 Oct 2009 12:59:00 +0000 http://goodlifezen.com/?p=3761#comment-6100 Thanks Gail, Sometimes having a list like this to ponder <i>before </i>a situation arises is just what we need to remind us that there are many ways to help folk, depending on what they need. I'm sure this list will stop a lot of folk feeling helpless, something all of us can feel at times when we long to help loved ones and aren't sure where to start. Sometimes, depending on the stage our friend is going through, it can help to ask "What do you need from me? How can I help you through this?" As you mention, so many folk are quick to give advice and share personal stories that sometimes we forget to ask. I asked one friend that, many years ago, and they simply replied "Please don't hate him. Everyone else does and it's not helping. They're making me feel worse, stupid because I love him. I'm tired of talking about it. Can we just watch a video and have a glass of wine? Will you make sure I don't drink too much?" .-= janice´s last blog ..<a href="http://feedproxy.google.com/~r/Sharingthejourneycouk/~3/rv5RWPBqvJ0/" rel="nofollow">Berries and Birds</a> =-. Thanks Gail,
Sometimes having a list like this to ponder before a situation arises is just what we need to remind us that there are many ways to help folk, depending on what they need. I’m sure this list will stop a lot of folk feeling helpless, something all of us can feel at times when we long to help loved ones and aren’t sure where to start.

Sometimes, depending on the stage our friend is going through, it can help to ask “What do you need from me? How can I help you through this?” As you mention, so many folk are quick to give advice and share personal stories that sometimes we forget to ask. I asked one friend that, many years ago, and they simply replied “Please don’t hate him. Everyone else does and it’s not helping. They’re making me feel worse, stupid because I love him. I’m tired of talking about it. Can we just watch a video and have a glass of wine? Will you make sure I don’t drink too much?”
.-= janice´s last blog ..Berries and Birds =-.

]]> By: Gail @ A Flourishing Life http://goodlifezen.com/2009/10/01/21-ways-to-comfort-a-friend-in-crisis/#comment-6097 Gail @ A Flourishing Life Fri, 02 Oct 2009 01:12:21 +0000 http://goodlifezen.com/?p=3761#comment-6097 Patrick, Thanks so much for your comment. Being there is the thread that runs through the list of suggestions. We can be there by listening, preparing food, solving a problem, offering a ride, hugging, etc. As you and others have said, it starts with our true, heartfelt intention to be supportive. .-= Gail @ A Flourishing Life´s last blog ..<a href="http://feedproxy.google.com/~r/gailbrenner/teDD/~3/C1n6CbY0TS4/" rel="nofollow">How (and Why) to Make Fear Your Friend</a> =-. Patrick,
Thanks so much for your comment. Being there is the thread that runs through the list of suggestions. We can be there by listening, preparing food, solving a problem, offering a ride, hugging, etc. As you and others have said, it starts with our true, heartfelt intention to be supportive.
.-= Gail @ A Flourishing Life´s last blog ..How (and Why) to Make Fear Your Friend =-.

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