Are you in touch with yourself? To check, see if you can answer the following questions:
- What’s your mood like right now?
- What areas of your body are difficult to feel?
- What’s just below your level of awareness right now?
You might find that some questions may be easier to answer than others.
I think the questions about the body is an interesting one. You may notice that some areas of you body seem more difficult to access than others. That’s because our body carries all our emotions. If there are areas of suffering we want to deny, the corresponding areas in the body tend to feel numb.
For example, if you afraid, your fear will manifest in your body in some way, often as a tightness around the chest. If you don’t want to face your fear, this area in your body will be difficult to explore with awareness.
The questions above help us to come home to ourselves for a moment. Why do we spend so much time away from ‘home’? Why aren’t we in touch with ourselves all the time?
It’s because we often want things to be different from how they are. If an experience is unpleasant, we often imagine that life would be great, if only we were somewhere else, or with someone else, or somehow different.
“If only…”
I’m sure you know these thoughts well
“If only I had…, I would be happy.”
“If only my partner was …, I would be happy.”
“I only I was in … and not here, life would be better.”
“I only it wasn’t so hot (or cold), I would feel better.”
“If only I wasn’t so tired (or hungry, or bored), I would be able to do …”
These ‘if-only’ thoughts sap the energy out of our life. Because they are an escape from the life we are actually living. In fact, they make us miss the experience of life right now!
Acceptance of what is
One of the secrets to a life of ease and joy is the acceptance of what is. There are many circumstances in life that we can’t change. Maybe we have a chronic disease, or loved one leaves us, or we go bankrupt. In those times we sometimes try to make things easier by denial of what is. However, when we learn to accept cheerfully what can’t be changed, we find a way of life that is rooted in deep peace.
I’m not saying that we should accept all injustice and suffering in the world! The point I’m making is that this moment, just as it is, is our life. If we accept and live it fully, we can find joy hidden in it’s depth. Even in the depths of sorrow, or fear, or unhappiness.
What are your thoughts about this?
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I believe acceptance is one of the most important things we can do for ourselves and for the world. As you said, this doesn’t mean being content with everything that’s wrong with the world. It means accepting what is right now.
.-= Positively Present´s last blog ..a rain-soaked realization: are you living in YOUR moment? =-.
Hi Positively Present!
I agree with you about acceptance. But there are many people out there who don’t – because they think it means condoning poverty, or discrimination, or any other kind of misfortune or inequity.
Accessing the ‘intelligence’ of our bodies to help us get in touch with ourselves and resolve pending issues (which do not always show under our consciousness’s radar) is an excellent subject that is not very much discussed as it should.
I first read about this idea in a great book by Eugene T. Gendlin called ‘Focusing’.
The three main somatic areas are the chest, throat and abdomen. In focusing, the patient is asked to interact with the bodily feeling, by recognizing it and ‘talking’ to it thus opening the door to the feelings and emotions behind those bodily effects.
Your point about acceptance is a total winner
.-= Gilbert Ross´s last blog ..Lose weight of your problems: Follow a low negativity diet =-.
Hi Gilbert!
Thanks for your suggestion of reading by ‘Focusing’ by Eugene T. Gendlin. I haven’t looked at it for a long time.
The body always talks to us. Sometimes it takes a long time to decipher its language.
For example, I grew up in a family where courage was highly prized and where it wasn’t ok to show fear.
It took me years to understand that the tightness in my chest I sometimes feel equates to – ohmygawd – fear!
The ‘what areas of your body are difficult to feel?’ is an interesting one. In particular I try to keep a conscious awareness of both my mind and my heart/chest as these are the most common areas where changes occur taking us away from ‘home’.
That being said it is not uncommon to find the neck and shoulders also making changes away from our natural state.
It’s really important to know what that ‘natural’ state feels like.
.-= Jarrod – Warrior Development´s last blog ..Slaying Hesitation =-.
A couple of comments. What’s below your awareness is impossible to answer (it’s then in awareness).
The problem with acceptance is that some people do claim that it means accepting the morally appalling (and lecture about morality being sentimental and so on).
I think we can accept our intolerance and our conscience too! These too occur in the moment – those who dislike morality are guilty of not accepting something – their position I find self-contradictory.
Hi Jarrod!
I’m not sure how we can feel what our ‘natural’ state should be like. My shoulders have carried quite a load of responsibility over the years and have long forgotten how to feel soft and relaxed.
What’s your suggestion of how to find the ‘natural’ body feeling?
Hi Evan!
You made an interesting comment: “What’s below your awareness is impossible to answer (it’s then in awareness).”
Yes, that’s so. However, the process of trying to become aware of what is lurking just below consciousness, tends to help me bring it into awareness.
Let me use an example: Say, I’m angry. That’s a powerful emotion that tends to squash any other emotion flat.
But if I ask that question, I can sometimes get in touch with fear, or hurt underlying the anger.
Is that your experience too, or not?
Hi Mary, yes that is my experience too.
Hi Mary,
I’m reading a book at the moment (Strangers to Ourselves by Timothy D Wilson) in which he argues that our conscious minds are a minor bit player in deciding how we behave, what is important to us, and how we feel. A great deal of our ‘thought’ is carried out in our ‘adaptive’ subconscious.
Now I’m fairly convinced that he is onto something (other books I’ve read say similar things from different perspectives), and that is scary. It’s even more scary that we have *little or no introspective access* to our own subconscious. I recommend the book (I still have to read the last third) as very thought provoking.
Timothy Wilson argues that we can gain insight by journaling our emotions and activities, and by asking other people how they see us.
I guess the point you make about listening to our bodies is another way of sneaking up on our subconscious. After all, if you’ve said that you will be (honestly) pleased to deliver a public speech but your stomach clenches, then I guess your subconscious and conscious may not be in full agreement…
I definitely enjoyed this post. Could you expand on what parts of the body correspond to what areas of emotion? I’d really love to read an article on that, and if effective I would probably use it reference it and share it.
.-= JS Dixon´s last blog ..Note to my fellow A-list Blogger Bootcampers =-.
Hi Discovered Joys!
Thanks for pointing out Timothy D Wilson’s book to us.
His stance doesn’t surprise me. I think that what we think about yourselves is just a sliver of who we really are.
We are unknowable.
Hi JS!
Your suggestion that I write a post about the emotions in the body sounds like a wonderful challenge, Justin.
Yep, I’ll do it! My creative brain is already starting to churn.
Just briefly – here are two emotions and how they speak through the body:
1.Anger: roiling feeling in the belly, feeling hot, jaws clenched.
2.Fear: tight band across chest, feeling cold, chest collapsed, throat tight.
There is a lot more to this, because emotions are also mirrored in posture, illness can be construed as expression of suppressed emotions, and much, much more…
In my experience, acceptance is peace, albeit not always easy to achieve (but worth it when you do).
As I was reading your post, I realise I was rubbing the top of my shoulder around the bottom of my neck. It’s here I carry stress. Time for some stress relief me thinks!
Thanks Mary.
.-= Sami – Life, Laughs & Lemmings´s last blog ..Australian Road Trip Dream Achieved =-.
Mary, thanks for reminding us to tune into our bodies. Every nudge helps.
For any writers out there, becoming intensely present in your own body is the best way I’ve found for expanding your repertoire of terms for describing emotions and sensations, and the desire to expand your repertoire reinforces bodily presence. The benefits of reduced stress, etc. ripple in rings around the writing circle.
When you tire of contemplating your body/soulscape, expand the practice of presence to your surroundings. Readers will love you!
.-= Sharon´s last blog ..Layers of Life =-.
Whenever my mind wanders from the present moment, I try and catch it right away. If I’m sad or forget about my belief in abundance, I just give thanks for everything I have and have experienced and I come back down to reality.
As for my body, it is my throat that is always choked up and seems blocked. The only times it’s clear and unrestricted is when I first wake up in the morning and when I’m fighting off a cold (like I am right now).
It seems like the stresses of each day have an effect on my ability to communicate verbally and it manifests in my throat and through my speech.
Thanks for provoking reflection,
Pete | The Tango Notebook
.-= Panayiotis Pete Karabetis´s last blog ..How the Tango Saved My Life =-.
Thanks for this — I’d add that breathing into the part you have trouble feeling — whether it’s your chest, shoulders, or somewhere else — is a great way to get back in touch with the sensations coming up there.
Acceptance is so hard to do, but in my experience, achieving it relieves me of frustration and a sense of suffering. My first and only tattoo says “acceptance” (in another language). In my own way, it helps me–not sure how, but it does.
Hi Sami!
I agree – it’s quite strange how the shoulders can be all tight, and we don’t even notice it. Until a kind person lays there hands gently on your stressed shoulders..aaah.
Hi Sharon!
That’s a very interesting take on writing inspiration. I immediately went to your blog and found some lovely posts!
Hi Pete!
You say: “As for my body, it is my throat that is always choked up and seems blocked. ”
Hmmm…something that I find really helpful when dealing with difficult messages sent by my body, is to very, very slowly and gently to place my hand on the part that is tight or in pain.
In this way I’m accepting what is there, honoring what my body says, and paying tender regard to my suffering.
I wonder what would happen if you placed your hand on your throat? (The important thing is to move your hand towards your body in absolute slow motion, to give you time to feel your responses)
I’m pretty comfortable accepting the things that I can’t change. The problem comes with the things that I *could* change, but have uncertain outcomes.
Many of those “if only”s are within the possible but are usually non-trivial. The thing is, there are only so many years in one’s life and you can’t go making major changes all the time.
I think making those decisions are what people agonize about and are what keeps us from living in the present.
A big misconception, at least it was for me, is that acceptance means I have to like something. One thing I’ve learned to accept is that emotions are neither good nor bad, they are just emotions. And as with all emotions, the ones I’m feeling at any given time, will pass.
I used to make the mistake of thinking that how I felt in each moment would last forever, so I would do anything I could to feel different. Today I embrace my emotions and let them guide me spiritually. I’ve learned that if something is uncomfortable, it means I’m probably getting read to grow from it spiritually. It’s an amazing process and I love it!
I had to learn how to have a healthy relationship with myself. As a result, it’s allowed me to have real, healthy, long-lasting loving relationships with others.
.-= Jared | SpiritualZen.net´s last blog ..Wants vs. Needs and Spiritual Growth =-.
Hi Jarad!
I love what you say, “I had to learn how to have a healthy relationship with myself. As a result, it’s allowed me to have real, healthy, long-lasting loving relationships with others.”
Yes! Self-acceptance and self-love is the basis for loving others.