By Mary Jaksch
Are you stressed? Is life running too fast and you just can’t keep up? Does your life seem like an unending list of tasks and not enough time to complete them? If so, read on. Because there is something you can do to turn stress into serenity. Something simple.
All of us experience times when life seems full-on. I’m in a stressful phase right now as I’m completing a project that Leo Babauta of Zen Habits and I dreamed up together. (All will be revealed in a couple of days…!) So, I’m writing this to remind not only you, but also myself how to find serenity in stressful times.
The good news is that we can bring more serenity into our life through a simple change. Most people think that we have to radically modify what we do in order to find serenity. And it’s true that certain habits, like meditation, exercise, or a balanced diet will improve your life. But the real key to finding serenity lies in changing the way we use our mind.
The key to serenity is mindfulness
“Mindfulness means paying attention in a particular way: on purpose, in the present moment, and non-judgmentally” ~ Jon Kabat-Zinn
What is Mindfulness?
When we are completely present, our experience changes in a significant way. Suddenly life seems more spacious and peaceful. Mindfulness means being present with a clear mind and an open heart.
Jon Kabat-Zinn wrote a brilliant book about mindfulness called Full Catastrophe Living: Using the Wisdom of Your Body and Mind to Face Stress, Pain, and Illness. I’ve lent my copy to many people and it’s finally walked off my shelf and found another home.
Kabat-Zinn is a professor of medicine, as well as a meditation teacher. He founded the Center for Mindfulness in Medicine, Health Care, and Society at the University of Massachusetts Medical School. (You can watch a video of a talk he gave at the Center for Mindfulness here, read an article about his work here,
It’s really due to Professor Kabat-Zinn’s work that mindfulness – which is a Buddhist meditation techniques – has become an integral part of mainstream medicine and psychology.
Mindfulness means bringing full, soft attention to the task at hand.
It seems simple, doesn’t it? And it is. But it’ not easy. Somehow, the mind tends to flit about from the past to the future and back again and rarely settles on the present. The reason our mind flits about is that our thoughts of the past and the future are driven by emotions.
For example, thoughts of the past are usually connected with regret, anger, grief, or pleasure – depending on which mind-stories we run. Whereas thoughts of the future are usually connected with anxiety, fear or hope. After all, it’s difficult to be afraid of the past, isn’t it?
When our emotions run high it can be difficult to experience and rest in the present moment. However, the present moment is when we are fully alive! I reckon that most people hang out more than 80% of their waking life in stories of the past or future.
Imagine that: eighty percent of our life remains unexperienced!
Because when our mind is engulfed with stories, we miss the experience of the moment.
How about this moment?
Pause for a moment right now and take three deep breaths… Notice sounds and smells. Feel the breath flowing in and out.
All of us tend to let our mind drift when faced with a ‘boring’ task. The good news is that if we pull ourselves back into the present moment, the task is transformed, and boredom soon disappears. So, whether it’s washing the dishes, or cutting carrots, or driving in the rush hour – mindfulness can transform ‘lost’ time into islands of ease and joy.
In his book The Miracle of Mindfulness
The first function of mindfulness is to recognize what is there. The second function of mindfulness is to embrace it and to get deeply in touch with it.
Mindfulness needs training.
It’s like riding a bike: you need to practice and get through the wobbly phase until the new skill be comes automatic. Mindfulness is a skill of the mind. And you need to practice it daily in order really taste the difference in your life.
A simple way to practice mindfulness.
Whenever you notice that your mind is straying away from the task at hand, stop for a moment. Then touch forefinger and thumb for one complete in-and out-breath. Then continue your task and notice how your experience changes through becoming mindful.
Try it. It works!
Let me know your thoughts about mindfulness in the comments. I’m keen to see how you go!
Related posts:
How to Start Meditating: Ten Important Tips
Save the World – One Breath at a Time
De-stress, Unwind: The True Value of Silence
Images: Flowers with dew (3x) by ecstaticist Serene water with reeds by Shenghung Lin
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A major difficulty with mindfulness training that many of us have is that we engage in it in order to escape, or to avoid something; such as stress. The practice is counter-intuitive, and not at all like our usual way of dealing with the world. Our tendency to try to control, avoid, or suppress the things we don’t want. As I believe you were suggesting in your post, mindfulness practice means diving (or perhaps more accurately settling) into the experience wholeheartedly. I find that much writing on mindfulness confuses the strategy of control with the strategy of noticing, feeling, being. This is particularly so in much of the therapy literature related to “mindfulness.” My experience is that this can cause much confusion.
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Hi Jim!
That’s a very interesting take on the difference between how mindfulness is portrayed in the Buddhist as opposed to the medical community.
I’m wondering whether it really matters whether it matter what the first approach to mindfulness is like?
I actually think it’s fine to approach mindfulness from a variety of different places.
Some people take up mindfulness because they suffer from chronic pain. Others because they want to live each moment as vividly as possible.
I trust that mindfulness has its own magic.
It’s like opening the door to the brush cupboard and finding a door at the back of it leading into a larger space, and behind door after door opening to a larger vista – until doors and walls disappear. Anyone who practices mindfulness regularly will soon let go of any sense that mindfulness is ‘useful’. It’s soon apparent that mindfulness is about embracing the moment, just as it is.
I’m not quite sure whether you’re saying that the medical way of using mindfulness is a kind of betrayal?
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Mary,
I enjoyed this post and like the perspective on mindfulness, but I don’t think achieving mindfulness of the current moment is truly enough to bring peace of mind. For that I think we need to cultivate strength–enough strength to have unassailable confidence that we can definitely win over our current troubles. Mindfulness certainly enables you to live in the moment, but if the current moment is filled with doubt and uncertainty, strength is really what you need.
Alex @ Happiness in this World´s last blog ..The True Cause Of Cruelty
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Hello, I am sure this was a great post. Unfortunately, I was unable to read it as your site is broken in Firefox.
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Loved this, Mary; it was because of an article about mindfulness as writing inspiration that we first ‘met’.
For me, presence and mindfulness are a way of life. It’s like drinking water. One glass, once a day isn’t enough. We have to be constantly present and mindful, in all that we do, so that we’re open enough to absorb the inspiration, the love and the messages sent to us by the universe, by the whole of creation. I really believe it’ll have to happen if we’re ever to evolve enough to do something about the mess we’ve made of our planet.
@Alex,
Wanted to share this extract from Lao Tzu with you:
Nothing in the world
is as soft and yielding as water.
yet for dissolving the hard and inflexible,
nothing can surpass it.
The soft overcomes the hard;
the gentle overcomes the rigid.
Everyone knows this is true,
but few can put it into practice.
janice´s last blog ..Holidaying at Home: The East Neuk of Fife
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What a great post on mindfulness! This is something I do my best work on but it’s not always easy. You’ve written a great post on the topic that I really believe will help me become better at being mindful. Thank you!
Positively Present´s last blog ..happiness doesn’t just happen
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Thanks for the mindfulness exercise Mary. I’m going to try that! I currently practise mindfulness by stopping and getting in touch with my 5 senses when I’m doing something (usually a household task like putting the washing on the line). It works too but I like the simplicity of your exercise.
Sami – Life, Laughs & Lemmings´s last blog ..Monday Funny – Public Toilet Prank
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Hi Mary
Thanks for taking the time to respond to my comments.
I wasn’t thinking that mindfulness practice as an attempt to avoid or control experience was a betrayal, just not helpful, particularly in the long run. There is at least one therapeutic approach to mindfulness that does take a fairly pure acceptance path. Interestingly, it is the only one not derived directly from Buddhism. It is primarily derived from Behaviourism. Acceptance and Commitment Therapy. Philosophically it is distinct from other therapies, and quite hard for most people to get their heads around because of that.
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Hi,Lovely post….
There is some mental barrier, as I noticed about mindfulness – People believe it is for people like Buddha only….This thinking is the biggest hindrance towards achievement of mindfulness and beyond… I have shared my thoughts on the same in this post:
http://zencontrol.net/2009/07/is-enlightenment-for-buddha-only/
zencontrol.net´s last blog ..Is Enlightenment For Buddha Only?
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Hi Alex!
yes – inner strength is important.
You say: “Mindfulness certainly enables you to live in the moment, but if the current moment is filled with doubt and uncertainty, strength is really what you need.”
My take is that doubt and uncertainty are mind stories that create unease, or even dis-ease. I saying ‘stories’ because we create mindmovies around these emotions. One of the blockbusters is the ‘What if?” mindmovie. I’m sure you know it too.
My point is that mindfulness can release us from these pernicious stories. And if we practise mindfulness regularly, we can learn to recognise and let go of these kind of stories and thoughts that can cause a lot of suffering and sap our energy.
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Hi Janice!
What a beautiful poem by Lao Tzu – thank you for sharing with us!
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Hi Positively Present!
Yes, mindfulness is simple – but not easy. The simple practice of touching each forefinger to thumb to ground oneself in the present moment works wonders!
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Hi Sami – Life, Laughs & Lemmings!
I’ve tried many different ways to practice mindfulness. But often they are too complicated. Easy is good. Simple is better!
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Hi Jim, thanks for explaining about Acceptance and Commitment Therapy. That’s very interesting!
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Hi Zencontrol.net!
Mindfulness is for human beings. It’s actually our natural state of mind! So it’s not something we need to ‘achieve’.
We just need to return to our natural state of serenity over and over – even if it’s just for a fleeting moment.
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A lovely blog indeed. I love Jon Kabat-Zinn and I love this quote, “mindfulness means bringing full, soft attention to the task at hand.” Life in modern times has become so rushed and stressful for everyone that if we don’t learn how to be mindful with a clear mind and an open heart, life is going to be that much harder. Yes, it is simple and yes it is not easy. I love that Mary. Knowing our mind is engulfed in the past and the future it certainly helps to find ways to bring ourselves back to the moment. I also think of Rick Fields’ book “Chop Wood, Carry Water”. This viewpoint of mindfulness actually deepens and deepens. This deepening opens us to what some would say is the essence of enlightenment. Mindfulness is a skill of the mind that allows us to embody wholeness.
Dr. Jennifer Howard
Dr. Jennifer Howard´s last blog ..On Michael Jackson’s Memorial
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Do fewer things mindfully and well, in the time it takes to do them – and more gets done without stress.
Chad Prigmore´s last blog ..Polycarp
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Hi Mary,
Brilliant explanation! I think you brought out some very interesting and clear points about Mindfulness.
Yes it’s true that we live most of our waking life emotionally attached to our past or anxious about the future. This puts us in continuous detachment from our present. I call it living on autopilot
(and yes it must be around 80% of our time or probably even more)
@ James Hegarty
I see your point. Mindfulness is counter-intuitive because we are so attached to the idea of control (which is ultimately an illusion) What eastern philosophy has taught us in the west (through Zen Buddhism and mindfulness) is that the dissolution of stress is more about embracing, accepting and letting go rather than struggling to control (which is ultimately our very source of stress).
Mindfulness & meditation is a way of getting connected to our being (rather than our doing). I think this is where confusion in our western mind can arise because we habitually assess ourselves by our doing and not our being. Once we can make a distinction between those two notions, the confusion ceases to exist.
Gilbert Ross´s last blog ..10 Mistakes that hold you from Creating the Life you want
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I sometimes talk about being “associated, but not identified” with a feeling – the difference between standing by the river and being swept along in the river. Aware, but not overwhelmed.
This is in contrast to the alternative strategy of dissociation or denial, where you try to deal with the feeling by pushing it away. They just push back.
Mike Reeves-McMillan´s last blog ..How to Be Alert Without Starbucks
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