Photo by Shereen M
By Mary Jaksch
The season of giving is upon us. We know about the benefits of giving to the one who receives. They feel appreciated, loved, understood and so on.
But what about the benefits of giving to the one who gives?
The other day, I had an interesting experience at the supermarket. An elderly man stepped towards me, offered me a twenty cent piece and said, “I’m Greg. Would you like twenty cents towards buying food for the local Foodbank?” It turned out that he’s a Rotary member and was trying to encourage people to buy food for those who live in poverty.
I immediately dropped my own grocery plans and decided to shop for the Foodbank instead. I bought pasta, tomato sauce, cans of beans, a couple of packs of cereal, a Christmas pudding and some other bits and pieces. I imagined how a family in need would feel when they enjoyed my Christmas pudding, or how a mother would be happy to put breakfast in front of hungry kids. When I handed over my shopping bags to Greg, his face split in a big grin. Tears gathered in my eyes. Afterward I wondered why giving touches the heart.
Giving moves us because it frees us
For a moment we are released from thoughts about how we are, how we were, how we will be, how people see us, how we could be, how we should be, and so on. It’s what my teacher Robert Aitken calls the ‘Me-tape’, the tape that keeps on playing in our mind.
When we give with an open heart, we remember that we are not alone
You may want to say to me, “What? Of course I know I’m not alone!”
True. But let’s try an experiment. In order for this experiment to work, you need to be stressed. You’re not? Congratulations, you’re obviously a saint and can stop reading now. The experiment is for the rest of us who hurtle towards Christmas. We try to complete work, buy Christmas presents, attend work functions, organise the holidays, plan celebrations, contact family and friends, clean the home, and do many other things – even though time seems to accelerate.
Ok, so you and I are stressed, right? My question to you is:
When stressed, what percentage of waking time do you spend thinking about your own life?
Include thoughts about your work, planning thoughts, thoughts about the past, thoughts about pressing tasks, and thoughts about your relationship with others.
Well, what’s the percentage? It’s high, isn’t it?
The higher the stress, the more we become wrapped up in our own life
And when we’re wrapped up in our own life, we become oblivious to the fact that there are others ‘out there’, and that they have problems and needs too. That’s where the miracle of giving comes in. When we give with an open heart, we suddenly wake up from the ‘Me-tape’ and feel connected to others.
That’s why the Buddhist tradition places Dana, the path of generosity, as the first of the ten Perfections. Dana means freely giving of one’s material goods, time or wisdom to others. Dana is the first of the ten Perfections because generosity is a fundamental aspiration from which all spirituality flows. For example, generosity is the basis of kindness and compassion.
When we give with a pure heart, we feel joyful
What is a pure heart? It’s giving with no thought of return. In reality, our motives for giving are often tinged with ‘impure’ motives: maybe we are shamed or intimidated into giving; or we give to receive a favour; or we give in order to feel good about ourselves. Is ‘impure’ giving worthless? I don’t think so. Every action is in some way ‘impure’ because we are human beings, and not saints.
At the core of each one of us, there is a goodness yearning to find expression
Each act of giving emerges from that core of goodness, even though layers of mixed motivation may cloud our natural aspiration of generosity. Whenever we touch that core of goodness, we feel moved. This is natural giving.
Give freely, and enjoy how your core of goodness is touched
What’s your experience of giving? Please share your thoughts in the comment section.
Talking of giving, there is something I would like to give to you. I plan to offer virtual retreats on Natural Spirituality (check out my next Goodlife ZEN article on Natural Spirituality!). Virtual retreats are ten day periods in which you are guided to focus on a particular aspect of spirituality, while still continuing in your everyday life. The first virtual retreat, Awareness: The Miracle of Now, will run from 22 February to 1 March, 2009. This virtual retreat is going to be by donation so that no-one is excluded because of financial hardship. Read more about the retreat and register your interest here.
Check out my personal story of giving and getting: Why Leo Babauta of Zen Habits Gave Me His Blog
Enjoy this related post: What is the Most Precious Gift?
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wonderful post mary.
I love that you mention “impure giving”. Unless we are totally in the moment – without any thought of attachment then it is very difficult to be totally pure.
I most often give because it makes me feel good.
I have often wondered whether that “pleasure” i get from giving negates the whole “giving”.
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Hi Deb!
The key question is: Why does it make you feel good?
I reckon the reason it makes you feel good is because it touches your core of goodness!
It’s so easy to put ourselves down for not being perfect. Deb, if you and I were perfect, we’d be insufferable!
By the way, Gentle Reader, Deb and I are developing the virtual retreat program together. When we are further down the track with our preparations, I’ll introduce her to you. You’ll see: she’s amazing!
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I love givin and being able to help people out. In fact, the main reason I’m working so hard to build my business is so that when I am making a good, solid income I can help out even more people
Great post, Stumbled!
Cheers,
Glen
Glen Allsopps last blog post..Open Discussion: The Law of Attraction
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Hi Glen!
Yes, I agree – it would be wonderful to earn more in order to be able to make a real difference to many people in need!
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Bless you, Mary! You’ve got a good heart! It’s so nice what you did. Thanks for the reminder too about remembering the less privileged during Christmas!
Virtual retreat? What an excellent idea! I’m going to sign up!
Evelyn Lims last blog post..How Validation Can Help You Attract Abundance
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Very nice post!
Only very recently, I was in a hurry – almost running to the train station to catch the next train home.
Suddenly, a blind woman asked me to help her across the busy road. I chaperoned her across. It felt good. No rushing, no worrying about missing the train. Just a little piece of help and a nice conversation.
I skipped to the station (and caught the train I wanted).
Andrew
GreatManagements last blog post..How To Be An Expert Persuader
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Hi Evelyn!
Yes, I’m excited about the virtual retreats too! You’re the first to register interest, Evelyn. Congratulations!
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Hi Andrew!
That’s a lovely story about missing your train! It’s strange how an encounter like that makes us drop whatever we thought was important. Like you getting your train, or me doing the household shop.
Suddenly we know what’s really important!
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I am finding out that giving is not as simple as I had once imagined. I always thought I was a giving person.. but I’ve been doing a lot of thinking about my intended line of work realized that there are so many more opportunities to give (without expectations) than what I have been open to in the past.
Your post was so timely, and right on, that I know it’s a sign from the Universe!
Nathalie Lussiers last blog post..7 Reasons Why Trusting Yourself Will Improve Your Health
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Impure giving always makes me stumble over my faults. Just when I thought I was ginving something it turned out that I wasn’t giving anything at all but my thoughts of giving. In other situations I got thanked for giving something just when I wasn’t even aware of myself as giving something to an other person. It seems that when I want to give, I cannot give at all. It is this impurity that in a way forces the other to thank you. After all we all like giving, but do we like taking?
amazingmesss last blog post..krztkrt
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Hey Mary, thanks so much for your beautiful post!
It was really inspiring to read how you dropped your grocery plans and decided to shop for the foodbank instead.
Personally, when I was growing up, I focused more on receiving than giving. Slowly, I started to give more, but it would be associated with certain feelings of obligation or desire to receive in return. Recently, I finally came into resonance with the true spirit of giving – giving because I truly want to and without any expectation of return. I recently started my site (embraceliving.net) on helping others achieve their highest potential and I’m also serving as a pro bono life coach and mentor people in my life. Just being able to touch and witnessing them get the best out of their lives is truly reward in itself.
Celess last blog post..5 Solid Reasons Why You Should Have A Purpose
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Hi Nathalie!
Giving without expectations is a real challenge. There is a fine line for us as givers, if we overstep our own mark, we can become resentful.
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Hi Celes!
Thanks for your kind words.
I found your ideas on how there are seasons of life that are more attuned to receiving or more attuned to giving very interesting.
Love your site!
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What a great post! Generosity is one of those ‘old fashioned’ values that really does promote community. And really strong, cohesive communities are what makes the world a better place!
Megs last blog post..An Ounce of Kindness
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Hi Amazingmess!
Maybe we need to think differently about giving. Not in terms of doing it right or wrong. But in terms of giving as a skill.
When we develop a skill -like riding a bicycle, for example -we learn by making mistakes over and over. We fall off our bike, we wobble all over the road, and so on.
If we approached giving with the same mind, it would mean that the most important thing is to keep practicing. Sometimes we’ll get it wrong, because we’re learning a skill. But in time, we’ll learn to give well and easily.
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Hi Meg!
Thanks for bringing the idea of community into the discussion. I hadn’t really connected giving and community. But I can see that you’re right; giving fosters community spirit.
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Wonderful post! And it’s all so true.. giving does bring quite a bit of joy into our lives!
deepikaurs last blog post..More Important: Health or Work?
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Hi Deepikaur!
Thanks for posting a comment. And thank you for sending me an email encouraging me to write! I immediately sat down and wrote this article!
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Mary,
Your post about dropping everything and shopping for those less fortunate than you was so moving. And I SO agree that when we can erase our “Me-tapes,” if even for awhile, it can bring us great peace and joy. Thanks for sharing your thoughts.
Ellen
Ellen Browns last blog post..Spreading the Good Karma
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An inspiring story. Thanks, Mary.
My local TV carried a story of a local pub group called “the Humbug Club”. At first sight, they appear to be a group of grumpy old men who are cynical about Christmas. Every time anyone in the club says anything about Christmas, they’re ‘fined’ and pay into a collection bin.
When you look more closely, though, you start to see a more light-hearted approach. For example, when Santa Claus visited the pub (at their and the landlord’s collusion, I suspect), his jovial “ho ho ho” was met by an equally jovial “go away go away go away”. Then they bought him drinks.
When interviewed, the club president said that there’s nothing wrong with Christmas, in his view, when it’s celebrated on the day with family. But what he and his friend object to is the commercialisation of Christmas and how it starts in the shops in September.
All proceeds from the mentioning-Christmas-collection go to a local charity. After all, what is more Christmassy than that!?
porillions last blog post..Tuesday Round-up for Friends
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Just read your inspiring article at copyblogger and just wanted to say hello!
Keep doing that you are doing!
Carey Suantes last blog post..Last Couple of Weeks…Culture, Contest, Crime
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Hi Carey!
Thanks for your comment. My article at Copyblogger is a personal story about giving and getting: http://www.copyblogger.com/leo-babauta-gave-me-his-blog/
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Lovely and inspiring post. As a Zen practitioner myself, through zazen, I aspire to see how both giver and recipient disappear into oneness. And there are instances (nano-seconds really) in which I experience this. And that alone makes this crazy Zen worth every moment of the discipline I have put into it over the many decades since I first came into contact with it.
Derek
Dereks last blog post..Zazen Paradox
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Thanks for your powerful word, Mary! I love what Desmund Tutu says about this. He says, ” When we look squarely at injustice & get involved, we actually feel less pain, not more, because we overcome the gnawing despair and guilt that festers under our numbness.” Getting involved at ANY level, as you said, “moves us because it frees us.”
Love it!
matt
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Hi Derek!
Yes, those fleeting Zen moments have the power to change our life.
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Hi Matt!
Thank you for this beautiful quote by Bishop Desmond Tutu!
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Mary:
I don’t read many blogs in this category, books, yes…..I’ve also written a bit but haven’t started officially blogging yet….may be in 09!!
….But about this insightful post….Do you ever wonder what is it that makes us give….?…is not a rhetorical question, nor a lecture trap like question…..Seriously, just us strangers talking for the first time. …..I often feel and wonder at once, if when I’m able to give I’m doing it for the right reasons ….most worthy causes I believe are just….you touched on this briefly as well…do you think it matters? is the end result what’s important or should we be a little bit more introspective on the reasons why we, each of us individually, choose to do so…..I think giving at times requires more responsibility and wisdom that sometimes we possess, that however shouldn’t rationalize not doing it, I know that… Could we be charitable by taking away as well? …..
I think we are all born in debt…a universal debt of having been given a chance….to not make an effort to repay that somehow, is just ignorance.
take care
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Hi Claudio!
thank you for your thoughtful and interesting comment.
You pose some great questions, for example: “What is it that makes us give?” I won’t offer an answer here in the comments; I wouldn’t be able to do your questions and thoughts justice.
Instead, I’ll soon write a whole new post about your question and comments, Claudio
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