Comments on: Are you an ALL OR NOTHING person? Here’s How to Change http://goodlifezen.com/2008/05/30/are-you-an-all-or-nothing-person-here%e2%80%99s-how-to-change/ Practical inspiration. For a happier life Tue, 16 Mar 2010 02:33:43 +0000 http://wordpress.org/?v=2.9.1 hourly 1 By: Mary Jaksch http://goodlifezen.com/2008/05/30/are-you-an-all-or-nothing-person-here%e2%80%99s-how-to-change/comment-page-1/#comment-6245 Mary Jaksch Sat, 24 Oct 2009 16:16:54 +0000 http://goodlifezen.com/?p=461#comment-6245 @ David Mackenzie That's a very interesting point about what happens when you get a group of intensely focused people together. I've experienced that - and it rocks! @ David Mackenzie
That’s a very interesting point about what happens when you get a group of intensely focused people together. I’ve experienced that – and it rocks!

]]> By: David Mackenzie http://goodlifezen.com/2008/05/30/are-you-an-all-or-nothing-person-here%e2%80%99s-how-to-change/comment-page-1/#comment-6244 David Mackenzie Sat, 24 Oct 2009 14:42:14 +0000 http://goodlifezen.com/?p=461#comment-6244 This sounds familiar, I find normal people get intimidated even frightened by someone like myself with clarity of mind and focus, this tends to hold me back from letting go for fear of alienation. Its seldom you get many like minded people together but when you do I find results are exponential and intensly satisfying. Not sure thats a good thing though. Great post, food for thought. This sounds familiar,
I find normal people get intimidated
even frightened by someone like myself with clarity of mind and focus, this tends to hold me back from letting go for fear of alienation.
Its seldom you get many like minded people together but when you do I find results are exponential and intensly satisfying.
Not sure thats a good thing though.
Great post, food for thought.

]]> By: Mary Jaksch http://goodlifezen.com/2008/05/30/are-you-an-all-or-nothing-person-here%e2%80%99s-how-to-change/comment-page-1/#comment-2575 Mary Jaksch Sun, 21 Dec 2008 05:15:52 +0000 http://goodlifezen.com/?p=461#comment-2575 Hi Celes! Thanks for sharing the link to your post. It fits so well with this one! Hi Celes!
Thanks for sharing the link to your post. It fits so well with this one!

]]> By: Celes | EmbraceLiving.Net http://goodlifezen.com/2008/05/30/are-you-an-all-or-nothing-person-here%e2%80%99s-how-to-change/comment-page-1/#comment-2574 Celes | EmbraceLiving.Net Sun, 21 Dec 2008 04:23:05 +0000 http://goodlifezen.com/?p=461#comment-2574 Hey Mary, thanks a lot for sharing this post :) Indeed, it is in all the stumbles and shambles where we are complete - I personally see perfection in all the supposed 'imperfection' as society calls it - it is the imperfection that makes something perfect. I have written an article focusing on how to change the perfectionist mindset here: 8 Steps To Turn Your Perfectionist Alter-Ego Into Your Ally http://embraceliving.net/blog/2008/12/8-steps-to-turn-your-perfectionist-alter-ego-into-your-ally/ <abbr><em>Celes | EmbraceLiving.Nets last blog post..<a href="http://embraceliving.net/blog/2008/12/6-things-to-consider-before-discovering-your-purpose/" rel="nofollow">6 Things to Consider Before Discovering Your Purpose</a></abbr></em> Hey Mary, thanks a lot for sharing this post :) Indeed, it is in all the stumbles and shambles where we are complete – I personally see perfection in all the supposed ‘imperfection’ as society calls it – it is the imperfection that makes something perfect.

I have written an article focusing on how to change the perfectionist mindset here:
8 Steps To Turn Your Perfectionist Alter-Ego Into Your Ally
http://embraceliving.net/blog/2008/12/8-steps-to-turn-your-perfectionist-alter-ego-into-your-ally/

Celes | EmbraceLiving.Nets last blog post..6 Things to Consider Before Discovering Your Purpose

]]> By: Mary Jaksch http://goodlifezen.com/2008/05/30/are-you-an-all-or-nothing-person-here%e2%80%99s-how-to-change/comment-page-1/#comment-554 Mary Jaksch Wed, 18 Jun 2008 03:24:04 +0000 http://goodlifezen.com/?p=461#comment-554 @Derek You are so right, Derek. That little act of presence is all it takes to enjoy the moment and stop the rush! @Derek
You are so right, Derek. That little act of presence is all it takes to enjoy the moment and stop the rush!

]]> By: Derek http://goodlifezen.com/2008/05/30/are-you-an-all-or-nothing-person-here%e2%80%99s-how-to-change/comment-page-1/#comment-553 Derek Wed, 18 Jun 2008 02:59:33 +0000 http://goodlifezen.com/?p=461#comment-553 I have found that if I include being present, really being here now, into my "all" phase, I can enjoy instead of rushing to the next thing that simply "must" be done. It's soooo hard... but so rewarding. I have found that if I include being present, really being here now, into my “all” phase, I can enjoy instead of rushing to the next thing that simply “must” be done. It’s soooo hard… but so rewarding.

]]> By: Mary Jaksch http://goodlifezen.com/2008/05/30/are-you-an-all-or-nothing-person-here%e2%80%99s-how-to-change/comment-page-1/#comment-528 Mary Jaksch Mon, 09 Jun 2008 10:02:20 +0000 http://goodlifezen.com/?p=461#comment-528 @Amazingmess Writing this post was also confronting for me. I'd like to say that I'm not really an All or Nothing person - but I am. That way of thinking shapes my life. But not necessarily in negative ways. @Jane Thank you for bringing up the issue of shame, Jane. It's true, shame is intimately connected with the All or Nothing mindset. Personally I don't suffer much from feelings of shame. I think that's because my parents were supportive in many ways. They encouraged learning - which always includes failing. As someone said, "Learn to fail, or fail to learn." I found writing about the All or Nothing mindset very healing. It's good to connect with others who also carry this character quirk! Thanks for revealing this aspect of yourself, Jane. @Amazingmess
Writing this post was also confronting for me. I’d like to say that I’m not really an All or Nothing person – but I am. That way of thinking shapes my life. But not necessarily in negative ways.

@Jane
Thank you for bringing up the issue of shame, Jane. It’s true, shame is intimately connected with the All or Nothing mindset.

Personally I don’t suffer much from feelings of shame. I think that’s because my parents were supportive in many ways. They encouraged learning – which always includes failing. As someone said, “Learn to fail, or fail to learn.”

I found writing about the All or Nothing mindset very healing. It’s good to connect with others who also carry this character quirk! Thanks for revealing this aspect of yourself, Jane.

]]> By: Mary Jaksch http://goodlifezen.com/2008/05/30/are-you-an-all-or-nothing-person-here%e2%80%99s-how-to-change/comment-page-1/#comment-527 Mary Jaksch Mon, 09 Jun 2008 09:53:55 +0000 http://goodlifezen.com/?p=461#comment-527 @Shilpan Your comment made me aware of how strongly the All of Nothing mode is attached to expectations, that is, the mind is always looking to the future. And, as you rightly point out, that makes us lose the sense that life is an experiment. What a loss that is! @Shilpan
Your comment made me aware of how strongly the All of Nothing mode is attached to expectations, that is, the mind is always looking to the future. And, as you rightly point out, that makes us lose the sense that life is an experiment.

What a loss that is!

]]> By: Jane http://goodlifezen.com/2008/05/30/are-you-an-all-or-nothing-person-here%e2%80%99s-how-to-change/comment-page-1/#comment-526 Jane Mon, 09 Jun 2008 09:37:24 +0000 http://goodlifezen.com/?p=461#comment-526 Mary, what a great post! I can really relate, I developed an all-or-nothing attitude at a very young age. While it did serve me well at times, I remember being paralysed by my perfectionism even as a small child, and heaping shame upon myself because I couldn't measure up to my own impossible standards. I have carried a lot of this attitude with me, and I can still be very harsh towards myself. I think that this cycle of perfectionism and shame was a big factor in the development of my depression and anxiety disorder as an adult. Betwixt and between: I have lovely moments in this liminal space early in the mornings, between leaving the house and getting on the bus for work. It's still very dark at that time. The shadows created by the streetlights shining through the flax and trees along the road are so otherworldly and strange that it's easy to forget myself in those moments. Mary, what a great post! I can really relate, I developed an all-or-nothing attitude at a very young age. While it did serve me well at times, I remember being paralysed by my perfectionism even as a small child, and heaping shame upon myself because I couldn’t measure up to my own impossible standards. I have carried a lot of this attitude with me, and I can still be very harsh towards myself. I think that this cycle of perfectionism and shame was a big factor in the development of my depression and anxiety disorder as an adult.

Betwixt and between: I have lovely moments in this liminal space early in the mornings, between leaving the house and getting on the bus for work. It’s still very dark at that time. The shadows created by the streetlights shining through the flax and trees along the road are so otherworldly and strange that it’s easy to forget myself in those moments.

]]> By: Shilpan | successsoul.com http://goodlifezen.com/2008/05/30/are-you-an-all-or-nothing-person-here%e2%80%99s-how-to-change/comment-page-1/#comment-517 Shilpan | successsoul.com Fri, 06 Jun 2008 03:41:47 +0000 http://goodlifezen.com/?p=461#comment-517 Mary, Life itself is an experiment. Experiment of ideas to make it enjoyable. With all or nothing concept, the biggest drawback is the desire to experiment ideas without knowing weather it will work or not. Buddhism teaches to do things without expectations. This is so important for the fulfilling life than to be a perfect. I'd love to be 2nd if 1)I love that activity and 2) despite giving my best I can only be no 2. Shilpan Shilpan | successsoul.coms last blog post..<a href="http://feeds.feedburner.com/~r/SuccessSoul/~3/304275926/" rel="nofollow">The Real Key to a Healthy Life</a> Mary,

Life itself is an experiment. Experiment of ideas to make it enjoyable. With all or nothing concept, the biggest drawback is the desire to experiment ideas without knowing weather it will work or not. Buddhism teaches to do things without expectations. This is so important for the fulfilling life than to be a perfect. I’d love to be 2nd if 1)I love that activity and 2) despite giving my best I can only be no 2.

Shilpan

Shilpan | successsoul.coms last blog post..The Real Key to a Healthy Life

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