Photo by Thiru Murugan
There are stories which open the heart and inspire the mind. A few days ago this inspiring account was posted by Bob Sugar and Brad Stevenson as a comment to my post Counting Your Blessing: 5 Ways to Increase Happiness. I decided to publish it as a guest post because it is such a marvellous real-life lesson that can inspire us all.

About 15 years ago I, Bob, experienced a lesson that forever changed my way of thinking and living in the world. My dearest and closest friend Peter, was diagnosed with terminal cancer that would take his life within a period of 9 months. During our 10 years of friendship, Peter taught me many lessons, the most important being that we are all inherently designed to serve and to give to others. He was a living example of this principle. I witnessed and experienced first- hand, his selflessness time and again, spending endless hours devoted to helping others without expectation of reward or profit.

As Peter’s cancer worsened, a few friends and myself decided to organize a silent auction to raise money for he and his family. This undertaking took months of commitment and planning to bring to fruition. So off we went in pursuit of donations, finding a hall for the auction, setting up a drop off place for the donations, and dispersing announcements and fliers throughout the community to inform people about the fundraiser. We had endless preparation meetings as the time moved closer and closer towards the auction. The auction itself involved setting up a treasury account, tracking money, providing drinks and snacks and informing the winners of the auction items.

Although I knew my best friend was dying, this was one of the most satisfying and gratifying experiences of my life. I got so engrossed in being of service, of focusing my energy on Peter and what I could give, that I was happy, as well as disengaged from my own self centeredness. I was participating in this fundraiser out of love and gratitude, in the knowing that Peter and his family would breathe just a little bit easier as a result of our efforts.

The fundraiser was a huge success and the good feeling inside of me lasted for weeks afterwards. In June, 1993 Peter passed away and the loss is too significant to begin to speak about here. However, a part of Peter lives on inside of me that I will take with me to my grave. His modeling of how to live in service to others, taught me as much about living as it did about dying with dignity and grace.
In this day and age we live in increasingly fast paced stressful times, faced with a multitude of challenges. Few of us are insulated from the pressures and demands that come with life.

Whether it’s the need to earn a living in order to support our families, illness of a friend or loved one, aging parents, or stressful relationships, we are continuously attempting to deal with these realities of our lives. Proportionately to the level of stress and demands we are faced with come the challenges of negotiating our internal landscape, with the worry and sometimes accompanying depression that comes along with it.

Stephen Post, a research professor at Case Western Reserve University and Co-Author of “Why Good Things Happen to Good People”, found that since depression, anxiety and stress place a high degree of focus on the self, focusing on the needs of others helps to shift our thinking. He goes on to say that when you are expressing compassion, benevolence, and kindness they push aside the negative emotions. One of the best ways to overcome stress is to do something to help someone else.

Bill Wilson, the founder of Alcoholics Anonymous understood this giving principle as an inescapable, non-negotiable action that serves to keep the alcoholic sober. Once going through a series of steps that involves rigorous self honesty and clearing away the wreckage of the alcoholics past, the alcoholic is taught through example, to carry the message of recovery to others who suffer from the same affliction. Bill Wilson’s discovery and understanding of this need to be of service to others opened up a door that has resulted in millions of alcoholics, drug addicts, food addicts, gamblers and sex addicts finding recovery. All of these individuals have come to discover in the recovery process a common thread that keeps them abstaining.

They get to keep their recovery by giving it away in love and service. With this understanding it is now imperative to mention a couple of exceptions to this principle. There are some who live in constant overwhelm as a result of giving, giving and more giving, that can often result in mental, emotional and physical exhaustion. It would be far more beneficial for these caregivers to get some support and help from others, as a way to find some balance and ability to care for themselves more effectively. To equal measure, an individual who is suffering from severe depression should seek out professional help and not attempt to just use the principle of service as an antidote to the depression. Where giving in service can be a useful adjunct, depression must be treated with the help of professionals.

In summation, we are generally much happier when giving and being of service to others. The result is a positive feeling of self worth, motivating us to give and be of service even more. This looping effect feeds on itself, thus creating an increased level of desire to share of ourselves. This whole paradigm is very counter intuitive since we live in a culture that focuses on getting. With fear as the culprit, our society feeds on the need to get and acquire. If we really slow down and strive to ingest the antidote to fear, there can be no denying that living in the world practicing kindness, compassion, consideration and caring, in service to others, would disprove the belief that we have to get and have more in order to be happy or feel secure.

There certainly are no shortages of volunteer programs within our communities that can always use the help of individuals desiring to be of service. Below are a few suggestions where we can channel ourselves in the name of love and service.

• Donate time to a local museum.
• Contribute money to a program that you believe in
• Give some food, clothing or money to a homeless person
• Sit down with a friend in need, and be a good listener
• Go to a local hospital and volunteer to be a baby holder
• Get a group of friends together and start a fundraiser for a charity of your choice

When we give for fun and for free amazing things happen. The greatest paradox of all is: “It is in the giving that we receive and it is in the loosing of self that we find our true nature”.

***

Thank you for this lovely contribution to GoodlifeZen, Bob and Brad! It has certainly made me reflect on how I could make changes to my life - Mary

Photo by Daz Smith
Why meditate? On one level, meditation is a tool. It can help combat stress, fosters physical health, helps with chronic pain, can make you sleep better, feel happier, be more peaceful, as well as be present. But on a deeper level, meditation is a doorway into the unknown. It can help us get a sense of the mystery of who we are.

When you start meditating, you will notice how unruly the mind is. I remember being quite shocked by this! I noticed that my mind was all over the place. Profound thoughts about my past or future jostled with mundane thought clips about what groceries I needed to buy. Some time afterwards I would come too and notice that I had spend 15 minutes running a painful memory over and over. It was like sitting in a crazy cinema!

So, if you’re starting out with meditation, please don’t beat yourself up about your wild mind. It is a natural condition. In time you will learn to work kindly with the barrage of thoughts and you will some clarity and peacefulness.

Here are some simple tips on how to start meditating. Maybe those of you who already practise meditation could please add your comments of what has worked for you.

1. Posture

Whether you sit on a chair or cross-legged on the floor, make sure that your spine is upright with head up. If you are slumped your mind will drift. Mind and body are intertwined. If your body is well-balanced, your mind will also be in balance. To straighten up, imagine that your head is touching the sky.

2. Eyes

Try and keep you eyes open. Open eyes allow you to be more present. Just lower your eyes and let your gaze be sort. If you close your eyes you will be more likely to drift away on thoughts and stories. However, it’s important to do what is comfortable for you. Some people find closing their eyes much more effective. It’s good to experiment and see what feels best for you.

2. Focus

In ordinary consciousness we are hardly ever present. For example, sometimes we drive the car on autopilot while being preoccupied with thoughts. Suddenly we arrive at our destination and don’t remember anything about the drive!

So, meditation is a wonderful way of waking up to our life. Otherwise we miss most of our experiences because we are somewhere else in our mind! Let’s take a look at what focus is. In ordinary life, we tend to equate focus with concentration. That’s like using the mind like a concentrated beam of light. But in meditation, that kind of mind isn’t helpful. It’s too sharp and edgy. To focus in meditation means to pay soft attention to whatever you place in the centre of awareness. I suggest using the breath as a focus. It’s like a natural door that connects ‘inside’ and ‘outside’. Zen Master Toni Packer says:

Attention comes from nowhere. It has no cause. It belongs to no one

3. The breath

Paying attention to the breath is a great way to anchor yourself in the present moment.
Notice your breath streaming in and out. There’s no need to regulate the breath - just let it be natural.

4. Counting you breath

If you are having difficulties settling, you can try counting the breath - which is an ancient meditation practice. On your outbreath, silently count “one”, then “two”, and up to “four”. Then return to “one”. Whenever you notice your thoughts have strayed far away or you find yourself counting “thirtythree”, simply return to “one”. In this way, “one” is like coming home to the present moment. It’s good to return without a backward glance.

5. Thoughts

When you notice thoughts, gently let them go by returning yous focus to the breath. Don’t try and stop thoughts; this will just make you feel agitated. Imagine that they are unwelcome visitors at your door: Acknowledge their presence and politely ask them to leave. Then shine the soft light of your attention on your breath.

6. Emotions

It’s difficult to settle into meditation if you are struggling with strong emotions. This is because some emotions tend to breed stories in the mind. Especially anger, shame and fear create stories that repeat over and over in the mind. Anger and shame make us keep looking at past events of the past. Fear looks at the future with stories that start with, “What if…”

The way to deal with strong emotions in meditation is to focus on the body feelings that accompany the emotion. For example, this could be the tight band of fear around the chest or the hot roiling of anger in the belly. Let go of the stories and refocus on your body. In this way you are honouring your emotions but not becoming entangled in stories.

7. Silence

Silence is healing. I know that there are is a lot of ‘meditation music’ around, but nothing beats simple silence. Otherwise the music or sounds on the tape just drown out the chatter in your mind. When we sit in silence we actually get to experience what our mind is doing. There is steadiness and calmness that comes from sitting in silence. In time outer and inner silence meet and you come to rest in the moment.

8. Length

Start with 10 minutes and only sit longer if you feel that that is too short. Don’t force yourself to meditate longer if you are not ready to do that. In time you might like to extend your meditation to 25 minutes. That’s a length that allows you to settle your mind without causing too much stress on your body. Most importantly, shrug off any ‘shoulds’. Some people enjoy sitting for an hour at a time. Others find that they can’t sit longer than 10 minutes. Do what feels right for you!

9. Place

It’s lovely to create a special place to sit. You can even make a shrine or an altar that you can face when you sit in meditation. You might like to place a candle on your altar and objects that have meaning to you. It’s lovely to find objects for your altar as you walk. Maybe you find stones, or seashells, or flowers that speak to you.

10. Enjoyment

Most of all it’s important to enjoy meditation. You might like to try sitting with a hint of a smile. Be kind to yourself. Start sitting just a little each day. It’s helpful to establish a daily habit.

***

Read about Boundless Kindness meditation: Save the world - One Breath at a Time

A laugh-out-loud report on meditation: Deep Meditation Happens

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Photo E. Carton
We all have an emotional thermostat. There is an emotional ‘set-point’ around which our daily mood swings. For some people, the setting is low and they experience mostly darker moods. Others have a higher set-point that allows them to experience sunnier moods.

I’m lucky because my set-point is in the ‘happy’ range. Where is your set-point?

Of course there are moments when we register emotions that are outside our natural range. Maybe we get thrown into a life crisis and the world turns dark. Or maybe we fall in love and our spirit soars. But sooner or later we will return to our emotional set-point.

The question is: can meditation make us happier? I mean: not happier for the moment - but long-term. That is, can we alter our set-point through meditation? Spiritual traditions, such as Buddhism, maintain that meditation can make us happier. But is that really true?

I want to introduce you to some research that has been done as a collaboration of scientists and meditation masters. Read the rest of this entry »