Comments on: Secrets of Wellbeing Series — Part 3: Future happiness? Why we get it so wrong.

By: Carlo Ami

Carlo Ami — Sat, 31 Oct 2009 01:04:52 +0000

Very worthy and well-said. We tend to opt for the short-term—and often artificial or synthetic–happiness. For a lot of people, in my experience, life seems so chaotic that the short-term “fix” of tobacco, alcohol, distracting/numbing television or fantasy novels. Its tempting to look for happiness everywhere but within, but that is the place to really find it.

By: Trent M.

Trent M. — Wed, 21 Oct 2009 14:54:24 +0000

Wow. An intensely thought-provoking article. Very insightful.
As if even one of your posts hasn’t been.
Synthetic happiness. Very interesting. As long as this artificial happiness is just as “real” and effective as natural happiness is, I’m ready to be as FAKE as I can get!
Could you share any examples for creating synthetic happiness?
Not that I cannot imagine any myself, but I’d like to see your thoughts, or anyone else involved in the discussion. :3

By: nora

nora — Mon, 07 Sep 2009 18:49:46 +0000

happiness is considered s aprey haunted by life . some think that they own it but they actually are not and others woll not discover the lived anew life only at the moment of saying farewell to life . when you talk about happiness irememberthis advice ”noone can predict the future ,and noone can chnge the past , all we feel is the present moment we live now so feel it and say to yourself i can laugh from my heart tasting it in my tongue and that heavenly moment of happiness will come…

By: Mary Jaksch

Mary Jaksch — Sun, 04 May 2008 01:06:58 +0000

@Yin
I’m happy that you have emerged from your silence, Yin and are offering us all your wisdom. This comment really touched me. What a hard time you have come through!
It’s heartening to see how you are emerging from that dark time of loss and have allowed your suffering to be a great teacher.

In the next few weeks my Ebook “From Storm to Stillness: How to Weather a Life Crisis” will be ready. I hope that it will help you.

By: Yin

Yin — Fri, 02 May 2008 10:34:38 +0000

Hi everyone, this is my first time commenting on this site, but I susbcribed to the feeds long time ago. I find all the posts very interesting and helpful. I agree with most of the things you said on the post and on the comments. Last year I had an awful experience, losing 3 people in my life that I loved dearly, I thought I couldnt find happiness anymore, but I did find it, inside of me, in the small things that happened to me everyday, on meeting new people that will never substitute the ones I lost, but that I wouldn’t have a way to meet if my loved ones wouldn’t have died. What I always try to think is that “Everything happens for a reason” , I do believe that my loved ones souls are still with me and now everytime I meet a new person, I make a new friend, I try to enjoy it more, I make every minute count and that is something I never did before.

By: Mete

Mete — Tue, 19 Feb 2008 11:35:47 +0000

Ah what a fantastic concept! That real happiness can’t be experienced because it’s unaware, and our concept of happiness is just the post-processing of that! Eh, it’s so abstract but I like it!

Well using “hot and sweaty” as a metaphor reminds me of an experience I had while on a retreat with you Mary, a few years ago now; we were doing a workshop on working with sounds and I remember hearing a chainsaw buzzing angrily in the background. At first I shied away from the sound as it’s intrusive volume and lack of apparent musicality wasn’t pleasing to my ears. But as I concentrated more on the sound, I started to notice the quality, rhythms, and texture of it more and more until it became something quite delightful. I mean, it was still the same sound, and it still had an uncomfortable volume level and lack of musicality, but through concentrating on it I forgot about my initial impulsive dislike of the sound and started to listen to it withut judging, and really found a sense of joy in it…

So actually I think the “hot and sweaty” can bring just as much happiness, if not more, in the present as in the later story mode, it just takes a shift of awareness & concentration…

By: AmazingMess

AmazingMess — Tue, 19 Feb 2008 09:43:16 +0000

I like the last part of the last quote: ‘… the fact is, while you’re doing it, it’s hot and swaety and uncomfortable’. It seems to me the most realistic approach and experience of life, before and after storytelling. But I so much like stories … Maybe what we describe and experience as hapiness is just our reaction to real hapiness, which always seems to be unaware and thus will and cannot not be experiencend, while the focus is on other things.

By: Mary Jaksch

Mary Jaksch — Mon, 18 Feb 2008 21:20:02 +0000

@Daniel Gilbert Thank you for visiting us! I read the your article in Tricycle. It's very interesting. For those of you who don't subscribe to Tricycle, here are some quotes from it by Daniel Gilbert:

We keep assuming that because things aren’t bringing us happiness, they’re the wrong things, rather than recognizing that the pursuit itself is futile—that regardless of what we achieve in the pursuit of stuff, it’s never going to bring about an enduring state of happiness.

Human beings have two basic motives that conflict with each other: to understand everything and to be happy.

It’s surprising things, uncertain things, things we don’t fully comprehend that seem to bring us the greatest and longest-lasting happiness.

I would say there are many experiences in which almost all the joy is in memory and anticipation and very little is in the experience itself. George Loewenstein, another happiness researcher, is a mountaineer. A point he makes about mountaineering is that you look forward to it for months and talk about it later for years, but the fact is, while you’re doing it, it’s hot and sweaty and uncomfortable.

By: Daniel Gilbert

Daniel Gilbert — Mon, 18 Feb 2008 13:44:17 +0000

Hi Mary —

Thanks for telling so many people about the research that Tim Wilson and I have been doing for the last decade. And I’m glad to see you enjoyed my book, STUMBLING ON HAPPINESS.

The Buddhist community may also be interested in an interview I did with TRICYCLE in 2005. Subscribers will find it here:

http://www.tricycle.com/issues/tricycle/15_1/special_section/713-1.html

Best wishes — DTG

By: Mary Jaksch

Mary Jaksch — Mon, 18 Feb 2008 06:22:41 +0000

@Hersh
Actually, the fact of arranged marriages did flash through my mind when I wrote this article.

I could well imagine a wise parent arranging a good marriage. I suppose there might be problems if there are issues other than the wellbeing of the couple, such as family politics?