By Mary Jaksch
Do you want to spice up your life?
To be happy we need to find a balance between comfort and adventure.
If our life is too predictable, it feels boring. If it’s too uncertain, it feels unsafe. How is your life? If you think of life as a continuum with ‘adventure’ at one end and ‘boredom’ at the other end, where would you place your life? Is it too predictable? Or too wild?
A quick way to find out is take a close look at one of your usual weekdays. Let’s say, you choose a Monday. Now jot down all the things you can reasonably expect to happen next Monday.
When you compile your list, make sure to include any regular TV programs, such as the the news, shows, and so on. I think you’ll find that this particular day of the week is quite predictable. And maybe most of your days show a predictable pattern. Which means that they are comfortable.
After all, human beings find comfort in what is predictable. But there is a fine line between comfort and boredom. If you keep on living our life within predictable patterns, nothing new will develop. In term of spirituality, you will falter on your spiritual path if you don’t embrace the unknown.
Adding spice to life makes you happier
It’s important to get out of our comfort zone. For some people, just a little may be enough. Personally, I thrive on challenges. Each challenge allows me to develop my life further. But I am not without fear. I too have a built-in reluctance to embark on challenges – and that keeps me safe. However, too much reluctance can make for a boring life. Let’s take a look at the stumbling blocks and how to overcome them:
1. The initial fear
“I can’t do it. It’s too difficult!” This is a natural response to every new challenge. How does one deal with such negative thoughts? My trick is to say first of all: “Yep. I’ll do it.” This is how you invite the adventure. (Tip: say “Yes” before your rational mind kicks in with, “Are you crazy?!”) For example, next time someone asks you, “We’re forming a fun football team. Do you want to join?” simply say, “Yes!” – even if you’ve never played before. Worry about it later!
2. Feeling overwhelmed
“It’s too big. I’ll never complete it.” This is a natural response to a challenge. It’s not a real challenge if it doesn’t feel too big. A good way to overcome this fear is to break down the challenge into manageable steps. For example, let’s say that you have decided to run a half-marathon in six months time. If you have never run before, this would seem impossible. However, to start out walking for 1 kilometre and jogging for 100 metres may feel possible. Make a plan of small steps towards your challenging goal.
3. The mid-way slump
“I’m not really enjoying this. I think I’ll flag it.” This is a natural phase in your undertaking. Expect it and you won’t be sidetracked. Every challenge starts out with reluctance, and then excitement. About mid-way there is a slump in motivation. Then there can be an upsurge in confidence as your skill level increases. Right before completion is another difficult phase.
4. Dropping out before the end
“I can’t finish it. It’s taking too much of my energy.” I saw a statistic that 90% of all people quit a project before finishing. That’s right: only 10% complete! I’m not really surprise because I know from experience how difficult it is to finish. Right now, for example, I’m in the last phase of completing my E-book. If I listened to my self-talk, I would put it aside and not complete it. The kind of thoughts my mind produces at this stage are: “I just can’t pull it off’”, “It’s too difficult”, “It’s not good enough”, “I haven’t got time”, and so on.
The way past this barrier is to be encouraging. Point out to yourself what you’ve done so far and that your close to the finish line: “Only a few steps to go now!” Map out a path to completion that seems manageable.
5. Celebrate the completion!
It’s important to stop and celebrate with others when you have completed your challenging project. Thank yourself for following through, despite all the difficulties. Enjoy your new-found skills. Each completed challenge will enrich our life and open new doors.
What’s your experience of this? Do you have any tips about taking on challenges? Please share them with us in a comment.
Photo by Janoid
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{ 12 comments… read them below or add one }
A few years ago my life had become very enclosed and safe to keep the ‘bad’ things in the world out. I felt frustrated, unfulfilled and angry because I had ‘circled the wagons’ so tightly around my life I was suffocating. It is amazing how one small step outside of the ‘safe’ life can change everything. One phone call that took enormous courage to make to enquire about the zen group in my area has since turned my world upside down. I have gone from feeling like the living dead to living my dream!
Thanks Mary,
A while ago, I gave myself a challenge for one week to say Yes to everything that I was invited to do. It was great. I found myself waking up each morning excited with anticipation of the ventures ahead.
I think it is time to open up to the unknown again and let the wind blow a little chaos and unpredictability into my day.
Your point on ‘the initial fear’ I find extremely relevant Mary, and it’s perhaps the most important thing I’ve learned in my past few years as a nomad!
I seem to have some sort of strange instinct dictating that I spend at least all of my 20′s living in foreign cultures and lands, making day to day life as difficult as possible! – and every time I come up with a plan to move on to somewhere new and unexplored there is this conversation which carries itself out in my brain along the lines of “Hey!! I’m finally getting comfortable now, so what the hell am I doing now?!!”. But my trick is to completely ignore those voices, and simply say to myself “I’ll do it! Now! And think about it later!”.
Shoot first and ask questions later!
Once I’ve done that, getting tired and demotivated and all the other hurdles that come in the process don’t matter so much… The lemming may become demotivated as he plummets from the clifftop to the ground below, but if he’s thrown himself far enough at the start he’ll reach the bottom for sure! And its always worth it – more worth it than could ever be expected.
love the picture of the lemming over the cliff – I shall take that image into work with me this morning.
Greetings, Mary.
I found out about your blog from the love-link on Albert’s UrbanMonk.
Regarding overcoming fear, I knew a man who decided to go out and discover life without fear. He traveled to India, learned the language, and intrepidly began to explore the inner spiritual side of the country. By boldly going where few dared go before, he met stunningly interesting people, and had wonderful experiences.
A note of caution, however. It always pays to use intelligence. Learn from others. Try not to make their mistakes. It always pays to be bold, yet careful. And if you make a mistake, pick yourself up, learn from it, and continue on your way.
@Shona
I love your image of the circled wagons! It feels safe but the journey has come to a stillstand! Well done for stepping out of that safe zone!
@Deb
I must try that idea of saying ‘yes’ to every invitation that comes to me during a particular week. We are such creatures of habit and it’s necessary to break out of our cage of complacent routine.
@Mete
I like you ‘just do it!’ attitude! I know traveling can be unsettling at times but it enriches life and allows us to see other ways of living a life.
@Reddyk
Welcome to Goodlife Zen! Indeed, ‘bold but careful’ is a good recipe for life. Whilst it’s prudent to learn from the mistakes from others, it seems to me that the lessons I learned from more deeply were my own mistakes. What do you think?
So where do I start when connecting the dots regarding the cause of my misery?
Hallo ReddyK – it’s very true: many people hardly taste their life at all. They are always somewhere else in their mind and not in the moment they are experiencing. ‘Connecting the dots regarding the cause of their own misery’ – now there’s a theme for a whole new post. Thank you for commenting.
As all of your articles have yet neglected to do, this is just as interesting and thought provoking.
My life tends to be unpredictable. But what I do are just simple things like… Draw today, play video games today, visit the neighbor and go walking or just chat today, call a friend today, go outside and reflect and think today, or get on the computer today.
Only just a few of these REALLY steps out and those are visiting the neighbor or sitting outside.
For a long time I’ve felt a yearning for adventure. But adventure can be here for me at any point in time I want it to be! I just need to do new things and try accepting invitations to something, especially if it will be an entirely new experience.
i am 10 and tried and haven’t suckceeded <:={
This is shit.