Photo by Nexus
To effect lasting change, you need to access the total power of mind and body.

Here are five ways to use your inner power to make your New Year’s resolution stick.

The first and most important point is that in order to stick, resolutions need to be embedded in a life plan. Because change won’t happen unless you have a good sense of where you want to go. Plan your life in five year chunks so that you can gradually change your life over time.

1. Chart your life through the next five years.

A new direction necessarily implies change. Let’s say that a skipper is sailing in a Western direction but wants to reach land in the East. He or she will have to adjust the rudder and the sails to change direction, right? The same rule applies to our life. If we want to embark on a new direction in life, we have to make changes.

Here is how you can chart your life:

Choose 5 different areas of your life. For example, these could be: work, creativity, relationships, spirituality, and health. Take each area in turn and imagine what you might want to be or become in five years time. If you encounter negative thoughts, let them go and focus on your task.

Dare to dream big!

Here is an example of goals set by Monique, a woman who is at present overweight and feels stressed at work.

You will notice that she starts by describing (in present tense) how she will be and feel in five years time. Then she lists how she will be at the end of each year and how she will feel about it.

You can see that Monique’s goals for 2008 call for establishing new habits now. Monique’s New Year’s resolution to become fit and trim will stick because it is part of an exciting life plan. Compare that to the resolution she initially came up with: ‘

I must lose weight’! She would have had a poor chance of succeeding with that because it is connected to negative thoughts and not integrated into a greater life plan.

After you have completed your five-year plan, move on to step number 2.

2. Find your ‘why’

Your five-year life plan will invite some changes for the new year. To change a particular habit , first ask yourself ‘why?’. Let’s say that you want to lose weight. Find out why that is important to you. Do you want to get fit, be healthier, or wear smaller clothes? Or do you want to take up a new sport or activity that demands fitness and a trim body? What is it that’s really important to you about this particular change? Quite simply, if your ‘

why’ isn’t strong enough, change won’t happen!

Once you have found your ‘why’, use emotions to make your goal stick. Play an internal movie of the new you, feel the pleasure, feel the pride, feel the satisfaction of the change that you have effected. Emotions are our strongest motivators!

3. Focus on a positive goal

Once you have found your ‘why’, write it down in form of a goal. Use present tense to describe your goal. For example, if you want to lose weight, your goal could be something like, “I am fit, trim and full of energy.”

4. Make a 10 step plan how to get there

The first step needs to be easily achievable. Ask yourself, ‘

What is the smallest first step towards my goal?’. Write it down. Keep up the first step for 21 consecutive days to establish a habit.

5. Reward yourself after reaching each step of your 10step plan!

It’s good to stop for a moment, to look back at where you have come from, and enjoy the satisfaction of having completed a step of the journey. Plan a reward for each of the ten steps!

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Photo by Alykat

Now is a good time for compassion and forgiveness.

Are there things you find too hard to forgive? The following story of Peter and Linda Biehl is a wonderful example of what compassion and forgiveness can achieve.

In 1993 their daughter, Amy Biehl, an 26-year-old Fulbright Scholar, went to South Africa to work in underprivileged communities. Shortly before the end of the apartheid era, Amy Biehl was stoned and knifed to death by a crowd of young blacks.

As you can imagine, Linda and Peter were devastated. After a while they decided to visit South Africa to understand what Amy’s life had been like. They visited Guguletu, the back township where Amy’s killers grew up. As they drove slowly along the potholed streets and saw the hostile glances, they locked their car doors and hunched down in their seats. Afterwards, during an interview with CBS Linda said, “I can understand how, if you were a youth living in these condition, you could be stirred up, and you could become violent.”

Peter and Linda then decided to establish the Amy Biehl Foundation that offers after-school and vocational training to young people of Guguletu and other black townships.

Meanwhile, the four young men who killed Amy were pardoned and released from prison in 1998 after serving four years. Soon after that, two of them, Easy Nofomela and Ntebecko Penny, made contact with Amy’s parents. You can imagine how hard it was for Linda and Peter to meet face to face with the killers of their daughter. But when they saw how bleak their prospects were, they decided to offer help and support to Easy and Ntebecko. They started training as builders in one of the Biehls’ programmes and have since been involved with a construction company that the Biehls started.

It’s terrific to be able to do that,” Peter Biehl said. “It just absolutely sets me free.

This story shows how powerful and healing the journey of compassion can be. Whenever I balk at forgiving someone, I remind myself of the Biehls and their journey of healing. Then I open to compassion and take the first step of forgiveness - which is stepping in the shoes of those who have hurt me.

Please forgive someone today and feel the freedom of compassion.

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PS. This post is part of the group writing project called “Spread the Love” run by Albert of Urban Monk.Net, Wade of The Middle Way, Kenton of Zen-Inspired Self Development.

Photo by Babasteve

Running toward Christmas at fast-forward pace, there is one thing that is sure to give us pause: What will we give to our loved ones? Every shop is ajangle with Christmas tunes and the shoppers swarm in hordes. It’s hard to avoid being part of this consumers’ rush.

Here is a different take on how to be a consumer; it is from a New Year’s wish from Brazil:

There are things that can be consumed without consuming the world we live in. These are things that, when consumed, make us better human beings. And, as a miracle, the more we consume them, the more they multiply. May your consumption of beauty, friendship, love, kindness and generosity increase.

 

In Buddhist thought dana, the spirit and act of generosity has always been seen as one of the great perfections. That’s because the act of giving allows us to transcend the barrier between self and other.

The image that comes to my mind is that of an open hand. The hand of generosity is open so that it can offer help, support, friendship, pleasure, and love to others.

What is the best gift we can give with the open hand of generosity?

The best gift is attention.

What I mean is full attention. Where we don’t do anything else but focus completely on the other person. Attention means that we hold out the hand of generosity to others in order to connect and support.

This gift is free, can be given over and over (not only at Christmas). It builds connection, makes others feel valued, and makes us more peaceful.

What is your most precious gift?

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PS: The gift of kindness and attention can be given in any situation. Here is a lovely post by Sebastian on his surfer’s blog that shows how to offer kindness and good cheer whilst trying to catch the wave of one’s life.