Photo: Peter Kurdulija
Is your mind in a spin? Do you feel stressed? Here are three ways to calm your mind in an instant.

• The deep breath.

Take a deep breath. Fill your belly and your chest as your inhale deeply. Then release the breath, letting it flow out naturally. Notice how your mind changes when you do this. The deep breath can help you in difficult situations. For example, if you feel a surge of anger and are just about to lash out, taking a deep breath allows you to retain control of yourself. Use the deep breath often during the day. It is especially useful when you are feeling uptight or angry: it can release you from the grip of strong emotions. When you take a deep breath, you regain an overview over what is happening. It’s as if you are call forth your innate power of wisdom.

• The sigh

Another technique of instant calmness is the sigh. Draw the air in rapidly through your nose or mouth and expel it with a whoosh. Try it and notice what happens. The sigh is a release technique. Use it to let go of pent-up worries or to untangle the mind. For example, if you are at work and are trying to hold too many thoughts in your mind, simply stop what you are doing for a moment and sigh.

• The slow release

Inhale through your nose with energy and exhale through your mouth very slowly while counting to ten. As you breathe out, let your shoulders drop. This is a very powerful way to calm the mind and relax tension in the body. Use it if your mind is very scattered. For example, if you are meditating and find that your mind is running wild, take three slow release breaths to settle your mind.

Experiment with one-breath calmness techniques. You may find that one of the three works particularly well for you, or that each one works best in particular circumstances. If you work at a computer a lot of the time, try installing a break reminder program. You can set it up so that a pop-up reminds you of taking mini-breaks. Try and use it to take a calming breath each time.

Photo: LightSpectral
Do you suffer from perfectionism? As a ‘recovering’ perfectionist, I want to share some thoughts on how to free yourself from this thought pattern. Are you a perfectionist? To find out, answer these five questions:

1. If you get better and better at something, do you hope to finally be perfect?
2. Is it important to you to produce something that is flawless?
3. If you could be perfect at something, would you feel worth more?
4. Do you think that it’s best not to start something if it won’t end up perfect?
5. If you end up second-best, do you see the effort as a waste of time?

Did you answer all or most of the questions with ‘yes’? If so, join the club!

Every perfectionist is trained in childhood. I remember moments when I rushed home after school, bursting with pride because I had won a second prize at the 100m sprints , only to have my mother say, “Oh, what went wrong? Why didn’t you get the first prize?” Have you had similar experiences?

If you listen carefully to your internal chatter, you’ll find a stock phrase that relates to your perfectionism. It may be something like “You’re just not good enough” or something similar. The way out of perfectionism is to notice your habitual inner message and to let it go each time when you become aware of it. Here is what happened to me:

My pet message was: “You should have done better.” But one day, everything changed:

I was sitting on a hillside, lazing in the evening sun. I closed my eyes for a moment and went into a daydream. Then I saw myself standing in a cemetery. In front of me was a gravestone. To my surprise I saw that it was my own grave. It said: ‘Here lies Mary Jaksch’. Then I saw a line underneath in small lettering. I bent down to read it. It said: ‘She should have done better’!

Well, I roared with laughter! That was the turning point for me. Since then I’ve learned to make mistakes with confidence. I still enjoy excelling at the things I do. But my feeling of self-worth isn’t tied up in the quality of my results. Zen practice has helped me to let go of the pressure of my own expectations - little by little.

Look at the dewdrop on the leaf. Does the dewdrop have to improve itself in order to be perfect?

Photo Val Ayres
Do you suffer from loneliness? Like many people, maybe you too feel isolated and disconnected. Recently a young guy asked me: “Doesn’t meditation drive you further into loneliness?” This is an interesting question as meditation is a solitary practice. Let’s take a look at loneliness versus solitude.

Loneliness is the feeling of being separate.

Our Western culture breeds loneliness. I think there are five reasons for this:

• Our traditional social structures have weakened or broken down. Families units are small and we don’t have the support of a large extended network of relatives.
• Life is very busy. There is not always enough time to be with loved ones or cultivate friendships. (There may be fast food, but there are no fast friendships!)
• Many people have more virtual than face-to-face interactions with others.
• Low self-esteem can leads to isolation because the confidence to seek out the company of others gets eroded.
• Activity that divert the mind from a sense of loneliness, such as TV, surfing the Web, or Internet games drive people deeper into isolation.

Solitude is the sense of intimate connection with all beings.

Have you experienced that?

It can happen at odd moments. For some people it can be triggered when they are in nature or in moments with loved ones. For others, such moments can happen in the context of meditation. In fact, meditation is a way to cultivate interconnection. Meditators are like plants growing in a pool - their roots intertwine under water. That’s why meditation can lead to a happier life. But only if we bring it off the cushion into daily life. Here are five ways to escape loneliness:

• Practise kindness: complete one act of kindness for another being each day.
• Take up voluntary work: join Amnesty International, the Red Cross, or a community group.
• Do something productive: clean your home, weed the garden, or tidy your cupboards.
• Have fun: learn to dance, go to a pottery class, or go surfing.
• Practise daily meditation.

Please try out these five ways to escape loneliness and let us know what you experience.

© Mary Jaksch 2007