Photo: LightSpectral
Do you suffer from perfectionism? As a ‘recovering’ perfectionist, I want to share some thoughts on how to free yourself from this thought pattern. Are you a perfectionist? To find out, answer these five questions:

1. If you get better and better at something, do you hope to finally be perfect?
2. Is it important to you to produce something that is flawless?
3. If you could be perfect at something, would you feel worth more?
4. Do you think that it’s best not to start something if it won’t end up perfect?
5. If you end up second-best, do you see the effort as a waste of time?

Did you answer all or most of the questions with ‘yes’? If so, join the club!

Every perfectionist is trained in childhood. I remember moments when I rushed home after school, bursting with pride because I had won a second prize at the 100m sprints , only to have my mother say, “Oh, what went wrong? Why didn’t you get the first prize?” Have you had similar experiences?

If you listen carefully to your internal chatter, you’ll find a stock phrase that relates to your perfectionism. It may be something like “You’re just not good enough” or something similar. The way out of perfectionism is to notice your habitual inner message and to let it go each time when you become aware of it. Here is what happened to me:

My pet message was: “You should have done better.” But one day, everything changed:

I was sitting on a hillside, lazing in the evening sun. I closed my eyes for a moment and went into a daydream. Then I saw myself standing in a cemetery. In front of me was a gravestone. To my surprise I saw that it was my own grave. It said: ‘Here lies Mary Jaksch’. Then I saw a line underneath in small lettering. I bent down to read it. It said: ‘She should have done better’!

Well, I roared with laughter! That was the turning point for me. Since then I’ve learned to make mistakes with confidence. I still enjoy excelling at the things I do. But my feeling of self-worth isn’t tied up in the quality of my results. Zen practice has helped me to let go of the pressure of my own expectations - little by little.

Look at the dewdrop on the leaf. Does the dewdrop have to improve itself in order to be perfect?